Archive of Our Own

She sighed, her breath seen like the smoke of a dragon. Her chest felt tight, her core ached. With a small shift of her hips, she turned her grief riddled body to face a wooden cross planted deeply in the frost bitten grass. A constant reminder of her departed loved one and childhood friend. She never did get a proper funeral, and J hated that fact. Though she did try her best to honor what little remains were left, carefully burying them in the permafrost. J felt it was the least she could do for her. She tried her best to find a good enough stone to place on her grave, but none were really up to her high standards. Broken pieces of concrete debris would have been a sorry excuse for a tombstone.

However she did end up stumbling upon some heavy grade wood left behind in the snow. It wasn't much, but at least it could be made into something more presentable. Regardless, a wooden cross made of the best wood she could find was all she could do. It was a enough. At least she hoped it was. Knowing Tessa though, J was sure she wouldn't have minded either way. Still, she wished there was more she could have given the grave. A digital tear dripped across her visor. Just thinking of Tessa made her body sore. She stared as the cross became covered in freshly fallen snow. Tiny icicles hung from the arms of the cross.

Tessa never was a religious girl. Hell, neither was J, but even still, she always hoped that Tessa was in some sort of paradise. Whether it was Heaven or something else J didn't care. As long as it was a place she could finally be happy. Finally be free from the pain of their pasts. She slowly closed her optics, letting go of a breath she didn't know she was holding. She tried to picture Tessa's sweet face, but it all came back blank. She could only see a dark short shadow in Tessa's place in her mind. Though Tessa and J were close, because of Cyn's treatment of the drones as her own personal toys, her memory of her was foggy at best. She could remember Tessa's voice clearly, but her face, her hair color, her eyes, all nothing but shadows. And that's all she could see whenever she closed her LED lights for eyes. She couldn't even remember her smile. Her favorite thing. Just gone in an instant.

Replaced by no more then a silhouette of her former friend. That is what hurt her the most. Slowly, J began to drift into sleep mode, her arms growing limp, and the helmet rolled from her grasp. The helmet slowly rolled to the cross, it's round form leaning gently against it causing a small icicle to break off the cross, and fall into the powdered snow below.

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All J could see was a curtain of ones and zeros in her vision. Her senses felt overloaded, she could feel the sweat droplets on her visor. Her form felt tense, her breathing shallow. She felt as if she was going to explode. Yet, amongst the chaos, she felt a gentle breeze against her face. She reopened her eyes and soon the ones and zeros began to slowly fade. A sea of bright green grass replaced them. J's senses slowed to a calm. Her vision cleared completely to see the ocean of green. She could feel her peg like feet on the ground of this field.

The Earth was warm like it was kissed by the sun. The blades of grass brushing lightly against her metal ankles as she walked. The breeze blew through the grass, sending a wave of light green through out the field before returning to it's normal color. The sky was blue, not a cloud to be seen, and a bright yellow sun shined down on the field. Yet despite being in direct sunlight, she didn't feel her metal hide burn. She stretched her arm out, the sunlight bounced and reflected off of her. No sinking black holes of burnt metal and flesh to be seen. Just warmth.

At the edge of her vision, she could see a tall English Oak tree in full bloom in the middle of the field. Crisp green leaves filled it's branches. On one stray branch hung a swing made of old wood and rope. J slowly walked over to the tree, her pegged feet crunching against the ground below her with each step she took. J reached out her hand and gently touched the tree. It's rough bark danced across her jointed fingers. It's ridged texture felt alive, but sharp. She retracted her hand after what felt like a stab met her finger. She hadn't touched a tree in so long, she had forgotten how sharp they can feel. Even still, feeling something so lush and alive was a nice change of pace from the normal snowy and dead environment of Copper-9. It was almost comforting to say the least.

"Hiya!" J jumped back at the sudden voice. Her options hollowed, and her sword drawn from the cuff of her wrist.

"No need to be so jumpy, mate! It's only me!" That voice. It can't be. Could it? Slowly, J looked up only to see a girl in a black dress sitting comfortably in one of the oak's branches. Her core sank. Her breath hitched. It couldn't be her.

"T-Tessa?" The girl only smiled.

"Who else would it be, mate? Santa?" She replied in her normal cheerful voice that J was so accustomed to. Tessa looked down at her beloved drone, a bright smile across her face that could make even the sun jealous.

"Wow, look at you! So grown up! Even got some upgrades I see!" She stood up from the branch, and front flipped down to the ground feet first in a graceful motion.

"Woah..."

"Impressed? I've been practicin'!" J quickly retrected her sword, and grabbed hold of Tessa's soft cheeks, making mental notes as she examined every inch of Tessa's face. Tessa grunted slightly before placing her hands on J's wrists.

"J! Easy there, mate! You look like you've seen a ghost!" J quickly realized she was handling her abit rougher than she intended. Taking a few steps back, J covered her gaping mouth. Her optics filled with yellow digital tears. Tessa only smiled at her, running her fingers through J's pigtail.

"It has been awhile, hasn't it?" J didn't reply, her legs felt like jelly.

"Beautiful though, ain't it, Jaybird?" Tessa turned to face the wide openness of the grassy plain. The wind blowing through her chestnut locks. J only stared at Tessa, completely ignoring their surroundings. J could see her clearly now. No shadow or silhouette to be seen. Just Tessa. Her tan skin looked like it was glowing with how the sunshine kissed it. Her hair shinned a glossy brown as if it was made from the finest copper. And each freckle felt like a reminder to J of the years she lost not being able to remember such a face.

"No, it's more beautiful than I could have ever remembered," Tessa turned to her beloved drone, her cheeks flushed a bright pink.

"I meant the field, silly!" J shook her head, snapping out of her trance.

"Uh! I knew that! Just stating the obvious, Boss!" J stood tall, her arms crossed behind her back. Tessa only giggled at J's seriousness.

"You haven't changed a bit, Jaybird," J's visor flashed a bright yellow blush as Tessa giggled again.

"You haven't either," J turned away from Tessa, her optics staring out in the field of grass, as another wave of light green washed over it.

"What is this place, anyway?" Tessa's smile fell, replaced by a look of tension on her freckled cheeks.

"I'm not really sure, it's wonderful though. It's peaceful, and quiet, and it's always warm," Tessa turned to J who was still looking around the landscape.

"Abit plain though,"

"Well, it is a plain! A plain of grass!" J rolled her optics at the terrible pun. Though she couldn't hide the smile it gave her. She always did enjoy Tessa's silliness.

"You know what I meant," Tessa giggled again.

"I know, I know. I'm just teasing ya," Tessa turned back to the oak tree, resting her palm gently against its rough bark.

"Is this, Heaven?" J asked, unsure. Tessa, without turning to face her replied softly.

"I don't know. It feels like it though! Although, I imagined more white than green," Tessa joked.

"How long have you been here?" Tessa twirled around to face J, her eyes softened abit.

"I don't really remember. After sometime the years all bleed together," J frowned and lowered her head. She knew that feeling all too well. The feeling of not remembering anything. It ate at her core. Tessa only smiled though, placing her hand under J's chin, forcing her to look up.

"Hey now, don't give me that sour face, Jaybird!" J blushed slightly again still frowning.

"Sorry, just thinking about things," Tessa placed her hand under her chin in thought before smiling again.

"Well, maybe a change of scenery can help? I can take us somewhere else!" Tessa giggled before twirling away from J in the grass. She only could raised a brow at her human companion confused at the statement.

"You can do that?" Tessa whipped back around with a large cheerful smile on her freckled face.

"Of course! It's as easy as snapping my fingers!" With that, Tessa snapped her fingers loudly, sending a blinding light over J's optics.

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J opened her eyes slowly to see a bunch of tiny flapping wings surrounding her being. Small and large butterflies alike landed on J's visor and arms. Their tiny legs crawling quickly around her metal, synthetic skin. Their hook like feet felt like tiny fingers tickling her metal husk. Tessa stood still in front of J, her hand outstretched as a tiny blue butterfly landed on her finger. She smiled at the small creature. Her touch gently cradling the flying beauty. It's wings slowly flapping as it rested on its perch.

"Do you remember this place, J?"

J scanned the area around them. They were inside of a large structure completely made of glass. The building looked like a dome, but it was filled with lush green plants and brightly colored tropical flowers. Cracks in the windows housed vines of stray plants branching out of the dome. The two girls stood on a wooden bridge inside of the dome, a waterfall streamed down behind them into the small stream below them.

"The butterfly house," The butterfly from Tessa's finger took flight, leaving the two girls behind. Tessa only smiled.

"You do remember! Wonderful! I was worried your memory was too foggy!" Tessa walked carefully over to J, trying her best not to frighten the butterflies surrounding her.

"I remember how much you hated this place," Tessa reached out, and gently let the butterflies from J's arms crawl to her.

"I did, did I? Well, seeing how those little bugs like to crawl on me, I can see why," Tessa only smirked amused.

"I remember everytime we had to come here for a charity event, you would always be runnin' around this place tryin' to get away from them! You would always shout, "Why do they only go after me?!"" Tessa laughed, making the butterflies on her arms launch into flight. J's skin crawled seeing that many insects suddenly be in flight.

"I always just assumed they thought you were a flower," J shook her head.

"Whatever the reason, I'm glad they're off of me now," Tessa frowned disappointedly.

"I never really understood why you never liked butterflies, J. They're so fascinating! Going from a tiny egg no bigger then the tip of a pin, to a large legged worm full of leaves, to the beautiful yet delicate butterfly after its change. What's not the love about that?"

"Their legs, the fact they eat sweat, and how they will purposely get into other animals eyes to make them shed tears for them to lick off. And how the babies are, like you said, legged worms. What is there to like about them?" Tessa frowned again before a small grin started to form with a thought in mind.

"They help pollinate flowers," J's optics hollowed as she raised a brow.

"They do?"

"Sure! As they feed on nectar from flowers, they carry a small amount of pollin with them. Some of them are fuzzy, allowing the pollin to stay on. As they move on to another flower, they pollinate it," J stood there dumbfounded. She knew butterflies fed on nectar, but didn't actually think they helped flowers grow. If anything, she saw them as pests. She knew the baby caterpillars feed on leaves from plants, making some of them die. And now learning the parents actually helped flowers? Felt weird to say the least.

"Even still, I don't like the way they crawl on me," Tessa raised a brow with a smirk.

"You let spiders do it," J blushed embarrassed.

"Hey, spiders are another story!" Tessa only giggled with a smug look plastered on her freckled face.

"Whatever you say, Jaybird," J turned away with her arms crossed firmly against her chest, her visor still bright with yellow blush lines. Tessa only stood there, letting the waterfall fill the silence between them. J turned back to Tessa, her smile never fading. She cleared her throat.

"I have heard though they can be good pets," Tessa smiled brighter.

"I knew you'd come around, Jaybird," J's core skipped a beat seeing Tessa's excitement. She always did love seeing her so filled with happiness. Even if it was sometimes mistaken for smugness. Stretching her arms over her head, Tessa spoke again.

"Of course if this place doesn't tickle your fancy, we can go to a another place," With that, Tessa snapped her fingers again.

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J sat firmly on the grass covered ground, light flower petals brushing against her visor cheeks as they blew in the wind. J found herself outside again, but instead of a field of grass, she sat in a field of flowers. Gently, Tessa placed a flower crown on J's head, careful not to mess up her hair or hurt her many eyes.

"Flowers?" J quizzed confused, slightly adjusting the crown on her head.

"You always loved them. Thought you would like the change of scenery," Tessa sat next to J, careful not to squish any flowers below her. J smiled, the fresh floral scent filling her sensors.

"I remember I would tend to the garden at the manor in my free time," Tessa smiled again, her green eyes shining abit thanks to the sunshine above them.

"You would always come back with a new flower in your hand!" Tessa giggled, making J's core skip a beat once more. J leaned down slightly, her jointed fingers gently brushing against a tulip's petal. Tessa watched J careful movements. Though she was now a war machine, J still had a gentle, even cautious touch with things she deemed delicate or fragile.

"They're truly amazing, aren't they, Tessa?" J turned to Tessa, matching her smile.

"Being able to grow from such a tiny seed, to a beautiful plant. Giving so much beauty to the world in such a short amount of time," Tessa nodded happily listening to J's rants.

"It's why I always loved them. But they reminded me of you in a way. You always brought so much beauty to my world before you left," Tessa blushed slightly before gently pushing J's shoulder.

"You joker!"

"I mean it!" J giggled. For the first time in awhile, she giggled. Though it didn't last. J slowly turned to her human as a thought came to mind.

"Why did you bring me here anyway, Tessa?" She only smiled at her drone.

"You always loved flowers. Thought you'd like to be here after the butterfly thing," She giggled. J shook her head.

"No, no. I mean "here", all of this, what was the point?" Tessa's smile finally faded completely. Her face turned to that of seriousness. She looked down at the ground, her fingers gently playing with a flower's leaves as she searched for the right words. She sighed before finally speaking.

"J, I know you're still grieving over what happened that night," J's optics hollowed, digital sweat dripped down her visor.

"W-what do you mean?"

"J, I'm not stupid,"

"I never said you-"

"Let me finish," J nodded, closing her mouth. Letting Tessa go on.

"I brought you here for many reasons, but the main one was for you to let go,"

"Let go? What are you talking about?" Tessa sighed again.

"You always did have a habit of trying to hold on to things," Tessa giggled slightly.

"Well, you never know when you'll need something!"

"J, you held onto the silliest things! I swear, you even held into my old crayons! It was always something silly like that, that made everyday so fun with you," J blushed slightly.

"It can still be like that! It doesn't have to end! We can still-" Tessa raised her hand to J's cheek, making her stop talking.

"J... it can't be,"

"B-but why? Can't I just stay here with you?" Tessa rested her forehead against J's as she spoke again.

"Life with you, it was like I was writin' a story I deeply loved. But the day I died, I started writin' it slower until the words were so far apart that the spaces between the words were almost infinite. But even then, I could still feel you, J. I could feel your pain, your grief, your shame, all of it. And every bit of it only broke my heart, knowing I couldn't comfort you," J listened on, her optics filling with digital tears.

"I can still feel the words of our story, but only in this endless space we find ourselves in right now. It's a place not of the physical world, it's where everything else is that I didn't even know existed,"

"It doesn't have to be like this, Tessa," J pleaded. Tessa only held J's cheeks, wiping away her tears.

"J, I love you so much. You were always such an amazing person, and I am so honored I got to spend that time with you. But this where I am now, and this is who I am now," J stared into Tessa eyes as they grew moist with tears as she finished.

"And I need you to let me go, as much as I want to, I can't live in your book anymore..." J growled, her core sinking, her sharp fangs poking through her lips as tears drip down her cheeks.

"I can't! You were everything to me, you ARE everything to me! How can I let that go?"

"You can. Because your story isn't over yet," J looked up at Tessa, tears streaming down her freckled cheeks, yet she was smiling.

"Your story is just beginning, J. Just because my part of the story is over doesn't mean the whole book is for you. You still have so much life left to live, don't waste it grieving on the life I lost. Because then, neither of us would be truly living,"

"But I can't just forget you!" Tessa wiped J's cheeks again, her gentle touch sending chills down J's spine.

"It's not about forgetting, it's about growing," J's optics hollowed again as realization hit her like a ton of bricks.

"That's why you brought me here..." Tessa rested her forehead against J's once again.

"You need to keep livin' your life, J. Even if I'm not in it. Promise me you'll try," Tessa grabbed hold on J's hands, holding them tightly in hers.

"Tessa..."

"Promise me?" J stared into Tessa's eyes, a spark of hope shines in them. J sighed, and nodded slowly.

"Okay, I'll try... for you,"

"Not for me, but for yourself, Jaybird," J nodded slowly.

"I-I'll try..." Tessa smiled through her tears, squeezing J's hands tighter.

"You've grown so much, J. I couldn't be prouder..." Without another word, Tessa gently kissed J's forehead, making a another beam of light blind J's optics.

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J awoke covered in freshly fallen snow. Her optics hollowed as her blurry vision began to clear. She was back on Copper-9, and once again, she was alone. She turned to the cross beside her, digital tears swelling up in her eyes.

"Tessa..." J got up from the frozen ground, dusting off all the snow from her form. She took a small step towards the cross, and got down on one knee. She placed her hand over the cross, her fingers gently resting against its wooden body. She lowered her head into her knee, finally releasing the tears she was holding.

"Thought we'd find you here," J looked up to the voice of her former co-worker, V. She got up from her spot and turned to see V, N, and Uzi standing there, with N holding what appeared to be flowers in his hands.

"What are you doing here?" J growled.

"Relax, Grumpy. We just thought we'd come by and check on you," V smirked slightly.

"And you brought these two, why?" N gulped before stepping forward, holding the flower stems in his hand tighter.

"N made snow flowers, thought we could bring them here for, Tessa," J raised a brow to the snowy plants.

"Snow flowers?"

"Yeah, N learned how to make roses out of snow, and seeing how no real flowers grow here. Thought it was be a nice idea to bring them," Uzi chirped back, standing behind N for support.

"Y-you know, so this way they can always be there. No worrying about them wilting or dying," N giggled nervously as J narrowed her eyes at them all. J took hold of the snow roses, careful not to ruin them. She looked over the pure white roses, unsure of how someone as stupid as N could possibly make such a thing. But without a word, she carefully placed the roses on Tessa's grave.

"Does that mean you approve of them?" Uzi asked sarcastically. Still without speaking, J turned back to them all. She walked over to N, and without warning hugged him tightly. The other two stood there in shock as N gladly hugged J back.

"Thank you..." She whispered to N. N only smiled a big goofy smile.

"Of course, J," V and Uzi stood in silence. Though admittedly, V couldn't help but smile as well at the sight. Uzi didn't bother, just crossed her arms annoyed by the display. She'd never admit, but she was actually happy to see J being something other than a bitch. But it was V who broke the long silence between them all.

"Damn, I guess you really have changed, J,"

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THE END