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It’s always three.
You, me, officiant.
“By the authority vested in me, I now pronounce you husband and wife”
The kiss was short and it barely touched our lips. There was no smile on our lips. People cheered but we didn’t even thank them, and we were holding hands but it was cold.
Our marriage was arranged, planned by our parents just to favor their business connections. To bring fortune, they said. What could an 18 year old say when they were suffocated by the pressure?
Seungmin walked into their bedroom, and the first thing he saw was Minho hugging her knees on the bed, sobbing quietly. She didn’t even bother about his presence, just drowned in her own misery that made her cry even worse whenever she thought about it. The husband almost walked towards the bed, only to notice the things on the ground.
Pillow, blanket, quilt.
It was our first night as husband and wife.
He said nothing at first. He just heaved a sigh through his nose and lifted up the stuff on the floor lazily. Too annoyed to even shout.
“I don’t even want to touch you. We’re both forced into this,” he said quietly. He didn’t expect her to answer, so he just walked away towards the bedroom door.
“You have no idea how scary it is for a girl to live in the same house with a stranger.” The wife spoke up with her trembling, shaky voice. Seungmin turned around.
It was the first time their eyes ever met since they spoke the vow this morning. Her eyes were glassy, wet with tears that spilled off from the corner of her eyes effortlessly. Meanwhile his eyes were empty, there was no spark in his pupil that looked like a black hole, twice as dense.
“I will book a hotel and sleep there. Better?” He put the beddings on the floor again, next to the door and left without waiting for an answer.
It’s always three.
Three days later, when Minho finally could hold herself together, she invited Seungmin to talk. They were sitting on the dining table of their house, facing each other. The wife looked at the husband with hatred, as if he was the worst human being she had ever met in her life.
“They already got us married, there’s nothing else we can do. So, let’s make a deal” she stated. Her eyes were swollen from crying every night but Seungmin couldn’t care less.
“You know we were married because my father is sick and your father wanted the share of my father’s company, right? So, we’ll get a divorce right after my father passes away” she continued. She crossed her arms, just a natural instinct to defend herself from whatever argument resurfaced in the next second.
Seungmin nodded, unconsciously three times.
“Good. Now, we need to set up a few rules if we want to make this works” she added. Finally, she stopped acting so defensive and leaned forward to rest her forearms on the table.
“You cannot kiss me on the lips ever again.” Her first rule.
“Stop treating me like a piece of shit and start treating me like a friend,” he stated. The rule made Minho slightly taken aback, she guessed her behavior must be so bad that he set up that rule as the first one. It didn’t make her feel any guilt, though.
“We’ll sleep in a different room unless our relatives come over or we don’t have any other choice” she added and he nodded.
“Since I can’t kiss you on the lips, allow me to kiss you on your cheeks, hands…. and neck.”
He was contemplating the last part. This rule got her glare at him like she could plan a murder, but every second passed, the tears in her eyes were visible. Seungmin rolled his eyes away, feeling too much of a predator over something he didn’t even want.
“Just for the sake of pretence. Neck is the easiest spot to show our intimacy to our family. We are already stuck in this mess, we shouldn’t make it worse and make our sacrifices a waste”
She looked down, sniffled softly. She must hate this marriage a lot. Seungmin hated this marriage just as much.
“Fine. No lick, no bite, nothing. Just touch your lips on my cheeks, my hands and my neck and that’s that,” she made it clear as she looked up straight to his eyes with a dead glare.
“I have a final rule,” Seungmin stated. Her glare did nothing on him. Or maybe it did, but he didn’t show it on his expression because after that, he continued.
“Stop crying. I don’t want people to think I abuse you when I don’t even touch you in the first place.” His voice sounded softer.
It’s always three.
Three rules from you. Three rules from me. Our marriage’s fundamentals were the rules we set for each other.
Things got better, thanks to the rules they set. Minho looked more at ease now that she knew Seungmin was on the same page as hers. They began to live normally, like housemates that tend to rent a room in the same house.
It’s always three.
Three days later, before Seungmin went to work, he kissed Minho for the first time. Cheek, neck, hand. It became his daily habit and she argued none about it.
Three weeks later, Minho cooked for both of them for the first time because she just learnt a recipe online. Seungmin praised her cook and she smiled, too slight no one could ever notice. The dinner was quiet, but really calming.
Three months later, they laughed together over a silly movie they watched on the tv. They even shared the same bowl of popcorn. They talked about the movie when they walked up the stairs to sleep.
Three hundred days later, they went to Jeju for a holiday. It was spring. Seungmin took photos of Minho in the beautiful yellow field full of canola flowers.
And three years later,
Seungmin fell in love with Minho.
It was just a small thing on a random Tuesday evening, when Minho was literally celebrating her win against Seungmin in a PS4 game and he was just staring at her. She made a silly dance out of excitement. The view created an instant thought in his head.
‘How lonely my life will be if I lose her later’
He wondered if she felt the same but he never dared to ask. He rather enjoyed the moment they had together as much as possible. She looked happy, and that was what mattered.
Three.
It’s always three.
You, me, our child.
The happiness felt like a warning to a bigger pain. Minho’s father wished to have a grandchild from them. His health was getting worse, so he wanted to hold his first grandchild before he died.
Drove home from the family gathering and the couple was quiet. Deafening. Minho didn’t even let Seungmin kiss her on the lips and now they might have to have sex.
She cried that night on her bed. He was sitting on the floor, looking at her with worries. Maybe it was clear from that moment that she still hated this marriage, unlike Seungmin who was in fear at the thought of divorce.
“Minho-ya, stop crying. We can use surrogacy or adoption. We don’t have to-”
“We can’t!” She interrupted, frustrated. She was pressing her lower palms on her eyes as an attempt to stop the overflowing tears.
“My father is the VVIP in a hospital and all of our medical related businesses will refer there. Everyone knows my father, so if we get caught doing surrogacy, all of our effort for the past three years will be such a waste.” There were hiccups and heavy sobs between her words.
It’s always three.
She took three days to finally give up and agreed to make love.
It took three times before she finally got pregnant.
None of them were enjoying it. Seungmin tried to make it as quick as possible by working himself up first, and he only pushed the tip in. Yet Minho cried while holding onto him for dear life.
Three weeks pregnant and Minho did nothing but cry. It must be terrifying. Pregnancy is not an easy thing.
Seungmin took care of her really well. He bought takeouts instead of letting her cook. He was there during every check up.
Three months pregnant, and she fell in love with her baby. She started to get excited decorating the baby’s cradle that Seungmin had already bought beforehand. She even got so excited over every baby outfit she saw in the shopping mall.
Things got better eventually. Both of them were so happy and excited as they waited for their baby to greet them in September.
“Papa, I heard you sing before and you sound amazing. You should sing for our baby.” Minho requested one day when Seungmin tucked her to sleep.
He wished this could last forever. If they have a child together in the future, would she reconsider the divorce? Won’t she miss all these beautiful moments together?
It’s always three.
After Seungmin finished singing a song while caressing Minho’s baby bump, she would ask for one more. He would cover a second song and she would ask for a third. Only then, she agreed to sleep and he would kiss her good night.
Cheek, neck, hand.
They still sleep separately. It was a part of the rules and Seungmin would never ask for more. It was the beauty of the presence that he preferred to appreciate rather than wishing for a better.
On 15 September, it only took three hours for Minho to give birth to their beautiful daughter. When Seungmin walked into her ward, they burst into tears the moment they saw each other.
Cry, hug, kisses on top of your head.
That night was the first night Seungmin ever cried in front of Minho. That night was the very first night they actually hugged each other so tightly, their warmth embraced one another. That night was the first and only night Seungmin kissed Minho away from the cheek, neck and hand.
He kissed her on the top of her head. Over and over again. Three times between beautiful words about how he appreciated the moment so much.
Maybe things would change from then. Maybe their sweet daughter would help them realise that divorce was not compulsory. They were arranged to get married by their family, or perhaps it was arranged by fate after all.
Minho wanted the baby to have her last name. Seungmin didn’t argue about it. The baby was named Lee Yongbok.
Seungmin’s birthday was on 22nd September, a week after their child's birthday. Maybe Yongbok brought happiness to their lives. It was the first time Seungmin celebrated his birthday with Minho because she ordered his favorite kimchi jjigae for his birthday.
“I’m still too weak to cook it myself. So, I just bought it for you. Happy birthday, Seungmin”
Seungmin never asked for a celebration. He was already so grateful for whatever he confronted now. So when Minho took a step further to make their bond closer, he felt like he could cry in love.
Since then, he promised to make Minho’s birthday a special one for as long as he was still with her. He planned earlier on what to do on her birthday, which was a month after his. He got excited just by the thought of it.
Yongbok was three weeks old when they finally got to take a family photo. Seungmin and Minho wore matching wedding hanbok for the first time, since they only wore suits and a dress back when they were married. The pink hanbok looked beautiful on them both.
They looked happy in the photos. The smiles looked genuine. Seungmin wanted to cherish the images forever.
Minho's birthday came three weeks after the photoshoot. Seungmin was too scared to make her uncomfortable if he did too much. So, he brought her to one café after another, letting her have her little pudding-tasting adventures because she loved pudding a lot.
She was beyond happy. She didn’t want that day to end. She kept suggesting they go to this café and that bakery, and Seungmin didn’t even argue about it.
“Thank you, Seungmin-ah!”
Seungmin wondered if that was the very first time he heard a voice so sweet coming from her. She sounded like a little kid who was finally free to express herself. He would make a thousand surprises if that's what it took to make her happy just like that.
Yongbok was a bit over three months old when they celebrated her 100th day celebration. The whole family was celebrating it grandly. She looked so much like Minho now that her face was getting more defined.
Minho didn’t go to work and just took care of the baby during the day. Seungmin already promised her one thing, he would take care of the baby during the night. He never asked her to wake up in the early morning when Yongbok cried.
Seungmin would sing her to sleep. Every night there would be three different songs, just like how he used to do when she was in Minho’s tummy. It worked like a chant, because after the third song, the baby would be sound asleep in his hand.
At first, he just sang to her near her cradle in his room. But one day, Minho requested him to sing in her room. She wanted to hear it too.
So, Seungmin sang both of the beautiful girls in his life to sleep. Minho fell asleep after the third song too. Seungmin never missed a kiss on her cheek, neck and hand which made her smile with her eyes closed.
Things were so beautiful.
It’s always three.
You, me, our daughter.
I made plans for your next three birthdays.
When Yongbok was one year old, Seungmin left her to her grandparents and took Minho to a nice fine dining restaurant. It was the first time they danced together and talked all night. They finally got to know each other a lot.
“I like…. something handmade, actually.” Minho made a statement when they were talking between each bite of their dinner. Seungmin raised his eyebrows in surprise, causing her to chuckle and rolled her eyes.
“Just because I don’t act like a girl, it doesn’t mean I don’t love romantic things, Kim Seungmin. I love it when someone gives me something they created. It’s thoughtful,” she explained, shrugging slightly.
He took a mental note on that. His plan for the next year onwards changed instantly. He decided to make a gift for Minho.
When Yongbok was two years old, Seungmin cooked for Minho. He was not the best cook but the effort helped a lot. His fried eggs looked a bit ugly, and it made Minho laugh.
She looked so delighted with the gift. She acted like she complained a lot, but that was just because she loved to annoy Seungmin to his core. Seungmin let her eat a full course of Korean dishes, cooked by him while he fed their kid at the side.
It’s always three.
I made plans for your three birthdays.
Brought you to dinner, cooked for you, and I will handpick the flowers for a bouquet for you this year.
I make plans for your next three birthdays, too.
Song, painting, letter.
I’ll write you a song, I’ll paint you a piece. I’ll write you a love letter.
It’s always three.
Yongbok is three years old now. The dream is over. Seungmin needs to wake up.
Minho’s father passes away on her birthday.
There is no celebration. The flower bouquet drops to the ground when Seungmin gets a phone call regarding the news. His heart shatters along with the petals when they hit the road.
The fear is too intangible to express. The words Minho said three days after they got married lingers in his head again. He can’t breathe.
“We’ll get a divorce right after my father passes away”
That won’t be true. They are in love. They have a kid together.
Things have changed.
Seungmin swallows all the fear in his head because this is not the right time for it. He drives as fast as he can to the funeral home. Minho needs him.
When he arrives, he takes Yongbok from his mother first. Then, he walks to the funeral room. There he sees Minho sits at the side, tears running down her cheeks.
He wants to come closer and gives her a hug. He wants to reassure her. But, before he can walk closer, Minho already lifts her head and looks at him.
And she smiles. Not the smile Seungmin adores. It is a smile of relief.
It’s over.
It’s always three.
You, me, officiant.
Pillow, blanket, quilt.
Cheek, neck, hand.
Cry, hug, head kisses.
You, me, our daughter.
Restaurant, homecooked meals, handpicked bouquet.
Song, painting, letter.
Unfinished song, unfinished painting, unfinished letter.
…You, me, divorce.
All the beautiful moments they spent together keep repeating in Seungmin’s head like a broken tape although right now he is sitting in front of his wife, with the divorce documents on the table. Three weeks later, they are not even at home, because apparently Minho’s lawyer has arranged everything. Minho already planned this divorce thoroughly.
“I’m sorry, Seungmin-ah. I…I’m tired of pretending. Don’t you?”
Seungmin stopped pretending three years after they got married. There has never been a tiring day for him from that day onwards. Although he has to work shift hours during the day and stay up late to take care of Yongbok during the night, he is never tired.
He is too heartbroken to reply. He just stares at the documents. Even his name is already pre-written on the document and all he has to do is sign it.
“Just… return it to me when you sign it. You know where to find me. I’m sorry, Seungmin-ah”
Minho gets up to leave. Seungmin’s tears appear at the corner of his eyes. He is so close to breaking apart.
It’s always three.
Even when you walks away.
One step, two steps, three steps.
Seungmin grabs her wrist to stop her from leaving. She turns around, only to see his tears falling. He feels pathetic, but it doesn’t feel that bad compared to the anxiety of losing Minho.
“Do… Do we have to do this?,” he whispers. He is too weak to speak out loud, that is the loudest he can speak. But he holds onto her hand tightly.
Minho looks guilty. Minho looks like she hates the fact that she makes him cry. Minho looks like she can stay if she wants to.
“Kim Seungmin, this marriage has been the worst thing to ever happen to my entire life. This marriage took away my youth. I don’t want anything to do with this marriage.
…I’m sorry, Kim Seungmin”
It’s always three.
She apologizes three times before Seungmin gives up. He lets her go. She walks away.
It only takes three days for him to sign the documents. Three months to the final decree. Three minutes to make Minho realise that she is free, yet she loses everything.
Seungmin wins custody for Yongbok. Minho never thinks about such a possibility. She sees him walk away with their child, and he doesn’t even look at her.
For three days he has been avoiding her. Until one day, she waits for him in front of his house. A new house he bought for him and his daughter.
“This is not fair. That’s my daughter too,” Minho says with a trembling voice because she is crying. Sobbing and hiccuping heavily, it has been so long since Seungmin saw her in that state.
But his eyes are now back to hollow like black hole, twice as dense.
“You want nothing to do with our marriage, Minho. Yongbok was born because of that marriage. You have no right to take her from me after you throw away our marriage like it’s a piece of shit,” says Seungmin like sharp thorns that not only stab Minho’s heart, but they stab his too.
“Are you… are you punishing me for leaving you?” She whispers between her broken sobs. Seungmin is getting tired, he is afraid that he will break apart again.
“I don’t want you to punish our daughter for being the proof of our marriage. You want to be free, then be free. I let you go”
Seungmin breaks apart. The tears that drop off his eyes betray his solemn look. He tries to act like he doesn’t care but he fails.
“If this divorce is a punishment, then I am the one who suffer, not you”
It’s always three.
“Goodbye” says Seungmin as he is about to shut the door, but she holds it from closing.
“Seungmin, please…”
“Goodbye, Lee Minho”
“Please, Seungmin, let me see Yongbok. I’ll learn how to love you!”
Seungmin stops, and he looks at the desperate lady at his doorsteps. The last sentence hurts him in a way he cannot describe. Learn… to love?
“Please…” Minho whispers for one last time.
It’s always three.
You said ‘please’ three times to me.
“...Goodbye, Lee Minho”
I said ‘goodbye’ three times to you.
The door shut. Then, they cry at the different sides of the door. Minho falls to the ground because her knees fail to hold herself together, while Seungmin holds the knob so tightly he is afraid he will break it.
You, me, strangers.
Three years later…
“Papa, what is this?”
The father and the daughter are looking for a book. It is the book where Seungmin wrote down all of the songs he sang for Yongbok ever since she was in Minho’s stomach. But the little girl finds another book instead.
Inside the book, there are scribbles, notes on random pages, funny drawings, and handwriting practice. It looks like a random doodling book. Seungmin’s heart aches at the sight, because that is the book he used to make birthday gifts for Minho.
Unfinished song, unfinished painting, unfinished letter.
It’s always three, it’s ridiculous.
“That’s just a doodling notebook I had back then” he answers lightly, trying not to make it a big deal. Yongbok nods and keeps it back on the shelf without further questions. They keep on searching, until Seungmin gets off the ladder with a book in his hand.
“Found it! Here you go. You can choose which song I should sing for your birthday” he passes it to his daughter.
Instead of planning ahead for Yongbok’s birthday, Seungmin asks her what she would want on her birthday. This year, she requested him to sing her a song because he told her how he used to serenade her to sleep when she was little. She wants to relive the day again.
“These are all old-school songs” she comments with a pout on her face. Seungmin just laughs at the statement. Yongbok keeps on flipping the pages until she makes a decision.
“I want you to sing…this one! This one, and… this one!”
Seungmin stuns at his place. He doesn’t limit her to choose how many songs he has to sing, yet Yongbok still chooses three. It’s always three.
“Three?” He reconfirms. She looks at him with a smile on her face, the smile that reminds him so much of Minho, then she nods eagerly. Seungmin cannot help but to smile.
“Alright, princess, I’ll sing those three songs for you, okay?,” he agrees. Yongbok cheers a ‘thank you’ and she jumps on her father’s embrace. Then, like a habit, she gives him kisses.
Cheek, neck, hand.
“I love you, papa! I’ll meet you downstairs for dinner!” Yongbok runs out of the reading room, leaving Seungmin with a huge fatherly grin on his face.
Now that time has passed, he promised to make Yongbok’s birthday a special one for as long as he was still with her. It’s a promise he made for Minho, but fate had another plan. It is the beauty of the presence that he preferred to appreciate rather than wishing for a better.
The End.