Chapter Text
Dazai considered telling Oda everything from the moment he felt his gaze upon what he had become. The resentment and caution were expected, but didn't mean he felt mentally prepared, with all the good memories... His voice breaked and it took time to recover. Perhaps if he told him everything, he would understand. Perhaps they wouldn't act as before, but... at least something beyond strangers. Maybe he wouldn't resent him so much, after all, after everything, he could still be his... right?
The hope of thinking about his version of the man Odasaku treated like a son made everything he had planned in his mind for years disappear long enough for him to want to tell everything, everything he had done, everything he had sacrificed for him, enough to let out a sigh, but... a phone call pulled him out of that trance.
He tried to talk to Odasaku, or rather, Oda, but he didn't have much to say, he didn't know what to say to the one who was watching him. It wasn't Odasaku, maybe his mind was playing tricks on him because of the feeling of belonging that... wasn't even his...
In silence they said goodbye without any kind of understanding, and he finally saw the man alive, for the first and last time. His efforts would work, he was sure of it.
Ranpo couldn't say he expected a message from an unknown number, not after discovering it was Osamu Dazai – the head of the port mafia, a man who was a complete mystery even to his intelligence, a man who followed nothing but a confused and strategic mind. He expected nothing, much less a request to meet.
To Ranpo, Dazai was a mystery. He didn't reach Ranpo's level of intelligence, but he had something Ranpo couldn't quite put his finger on, something that kept him one step ahead of everything and on everything. The strangest thing about the mafia boss was that, even though he did so many things, the agency was never directly affected, unlike many things done by the former boss, Mori, a man who was also mysterious, but who Edogawa could at least read. And knowing at least how Dazai operated, he knew he was trustworthy enough.
As strange as it may seem, he had something to tell Ranpo, and any information about that man was worth having. Fukuzawa would probably be disappointed that he would go alone without any prior warning, but he knew, he knew he wouldn't be in danger, it wouldn't be a trap.
Well, as mysterious as the man was, his strategic way of thinking about attacks with all the information received from the agency about Fyodor – Another man totally unknown until they found out about his defeat against Dazai, even though he never knew how the demon Fyodor was actually dealt with, he knew the strategy used to finish him off, all he had were assumptions about how he really died – And well, another reason to know that Dazai wouldn't set a trap for him, meeting in a public cat candy store didn't give the impression of a super secret location for a trap.
Chuuya wasn't stupid, he knew his boss was up to something new. His patience was running down, and even though he and Osamu had gotten over their long-standing quarrel — the reason is because Dazai is a jerk. — at least all those bottled-up feelings, not just his but surprisingly Dazai's as well, which he hadn't even expected, finally came to an explosion of feeling but not in an aggressive, physical fight as expected… it was silent, which made them both uncomfortable for the rest of the day. Everyone noticed the tension between them, but in the end, they went back to normal, and in Chuuya's view, much better than before. He felt like a teenager again next to Osamu, not like before, but better.
And all this happened when Dazai returned one night, not much different from his usual depressive self, but… also different. The air between them felt heavy, and not for a reason Chuuya knew — after all, he hadn't done anything! He had drunk a few glasses of wine, but not enough for anything, but seeing Dazai acting that way made him... feel bad. Chuuya was good at reading his partner after years side by side, even though Dazai didn't seem to or didn't want to realize it.
— What's with that face? — He muttered angry, placing his wine glass on the coffee table, turning to look at Osamu. Dazai didn't exactly have a place to live, and refused to stay in Mori's place, so the bastard decided to adopt his house as his own, not that Chuuya minded, since they slept in the same house, sometimes even sharing rooms, ever since they were teenagers. — So, are you going to tell me what happened?
— I didn't think my dog would care so much~ But I have nothing to say— Osamu retorted, his voice as empty as always. — Don't forget who you are.
— Osamu, don't think you can fool me with those little tricks. We're not teenagers anymore, I'm not the kind of teen who would let go of questions with a simple provocation — Standing up and pulling Dazai to the sofa, the drink having been forgotten on the table
— We're adults, Dazai, we should deal with this like adults, I'm tired of seeing you reduce our time to mere work, you know we never were or will be just 'colleagues' or 'boss and worker', I'm tired of you throwing everything into a box as if that would solve any shit between us, and I'm tired of you hiding yourself from others — With each word Chuuya clenched his hand tighter, anger bubbling in his eyes, but above all he was tired of this endless game of cat and mouse that they keep playing endlessly
— You act like an untouchable man, Osamu, a man who never makes mistakes and who feels nothing, treating yourself like a machine, driven by desires I never knew what they were, — Chuuya looked into Dazai's eyes, a rage Chuuya had known for a long time, not the one that had filled his days before, one he had learned and understood over time.
— But I still followed you, because you know, or at least knew, which path you were taking over the years, but I don't feel like you're still the one who knew what you were doing. I know you, I know, even if you don't — I knew when we were teenagers too
— I know when you decide to sink. I pulled you out of it once, and I don't mind pulling you out again by force. Either you go and I go with you, or we'll never go, I told you that, and I've never taken that phrase back, Osamu. —
Dazai hadn't imagined it, in fact, he never expected it. He had just returned from seeing Odasaku, hoping and dreaming of memories that could never happen in this universe, perhaps they would never be close, but he clung to this thought. He tightened his grip, looking at Chuuya, who seemed to be losing patience as he watched him withdraw into his own mind.
— I don't know what kind of nonsense is in your head, Osamu. I don't know what you're planning. I never asked because I expected you, of all people, to know what to do, but you only destroy yourself and everyone around you who tries!
— You act tough, but nothing goes your way you seem like a child! I've seen you countless times trying to diminish everything we've done, and don't come with any nonsense that might come out of your mouth. I know you, Osamu… please, just stop it! — The anger in his voice seemed to fade into a whisper, maybe he had given up alcohol for the best, maybe it was what he needed to let out, they had been together for 6 years, they were about to turn 22, and lately he knew what was coming.
Chuuya wasn't an idiot, he was far more perceptive and intelligent. Living on the streets among many children, many of whom needed his help, and stealing far more than the average person for various other reasons, Osamu loved to tease him about his intelligence.
But of course, compared to him, Chuuya was no match. Even acting like an idiot, he couldn't deny how intelligent Osamu was. Dazai was the brains between the two when it came to battles… but Chuuya seemed to be the heart, since Dazai didn't bother to show it, or at least didn't seem to… even though he knew Osamu felt much more than he said.
The silence that followed made the tension in the place seem palpable. Chuuya had said everything, and Dazai couldn't seem to get the words out of his own mouth, even though his eyes showed far more emotion than he could express.
— I never asked to enter your life, Osamu, but now I'm here. Can you, for once in your life, realize that?.. You're not alone, damn it! I'm tired of you dealing with everything alone like I don't exist!
Dazai seemed to be fidgeting with his bandages, he looked towards Chuuya and… perhaps for the first time in years, he realized something — Chuuya… — His voice broke, shouldn't he even be like this? He wasn't like this in the memories… but… those memories were never his, he should have expected to be different… maybe he clung too tightly to that false vision of himself.
— I… knew what I had to do, Chuuya, but my objective was fulfilled — Maybe it wasn't what he wanted to take away from himself, but… he tried.
Chuuya frowned — Fulfilled? What exactly? And what's so important? What do you want to do, Dazai? Tell me damn it! — he said, sitting on the sofa, he was overwhelmed with so many feelings that he didn't know exactly what to feel…
— It's crazy, a kind of madness I don't want to involve you in, Chuuya, I can't stay alive when it's all over, or everything I've built will be gone! —
— Then let it be gone! You're the only person I have left, Osamu, don't you understand?! Why do you have to die? I KNOW this madness isn't one of those silly jokes you use to hide everything! I know you, I know your ways! And I know you'll find a way that I wouldn't be able to help, but I will! If you don't want to tell me? GREAT, but I'll go with you if you even try to die!
Osamu bit his cheek, trying to stay in the present. He didn't understand, how could he? Why wasn't Chuuya part of his plans? Because he knew how Chuuya would act, even when distancing himself, the other always knew. They were always fine, even when they seemed to hate each other; after all, they lived together. Chuuya always found a way to know.
His grand plan to die, relying solely on the memories of his other self, would never work with his Chuuya… perhaps this was proof that they weren't the same, they never were… but he didn't want to dwell on that now, when everything was so close.
Chuuya, giving up on conversation, returned to his glass. The two remained silent. Dazai didn't want to move either; for Osamu, their shouting at each other was better than Chuuya's silence.
Deciding that perhaps it would be best for both of them to calm down and for Chuuya to be sober, or at least without any alcohol… and he needed to think, even though none of the plans he had even considered to kill himself when it was all over seemed like they wouldn't work because of Chuuya…
The day passed in silence. Dazai focused on the final touches of work. He was an excellent boss and, much better than Mori's command, he truly had everything under control; even systemic flaws had been addressed. Chuuya helped him with some of them, but with everything he did, almost none fell on his shoulders. Each sector had its own way of taking care of people it trusted.
Side by side, Dazai decided he was tired of the silence, he hated seeing Chuuya like this... even though his plan didn't work, with Ranpo knowing everything he was sure Akutagawa didn't need to know, Chuuya was more important than that, not that it would affect him that much, none of the next dangers were as bad as Fyodor.
Even though both deserved explanations… Chuuya was more important than either of them in his opinion. Akutagawa would hate him anyway, whether he explained or not, perhaps he already hated him even before changing his history.
With a sigh, he bit his cheek — I… I shouldn't exist in this universe, Chuuya, but specifically, my memories shouldn't exist. I think, with my power, I created some kind of singularity that affected this universe, or at least myself. I remembered things that weren't mine — Sitting on the sofa, Dazai seemed smaller, hugging his legs with his head resting on his knees. His voice was silent, almost a whisper that only Chuuya could hear.
— From that moment on, I changed many things in this world. I don't know exactly what, but If I don't die, this place won't live either, Chuuya. I'm a mistake that the universe wants to get rid of but can't because of the 'no longer human', so they're going to end everything to end me, even if you don't want to, my time is up, It's over. — He says, looking directly into Chuuya's eyes, which seemed unable to open further in surprise.
Chuuya expected everything, everything but this. He wanted to yell at Dazai and tell him it was a lie, but he knew Dazai; he would never lie like that, even if it helped him end everything! He could list 100,000 reasons to show that dying was the best option, not invent a fairy tale about universes to say that if he didn't die, the world would end!
— So, Chuuya? It's destiny, strings that force the path in a certain way. I changed that, I changed the future by knowing the future of another universe, and by knowing it, it wasn't the same anymore, so I would never act the same way as if I hadn't remembered. It was a predestined future. In the end, I could never act the same way… and now the universe wants my end. I did everything I could to leave this place with everyone safe and sound.
Chuuya didn't know what to say about everything he'd heard. He hadn't even noticed when his eyes blurred, or when his fingers trembled, or when he decided it was a great time to jump on Dazai and hug him, ignoring the clear, angry grumbles of the man in his arms.
— HELP! I'M BEING CRUSHED BY A DOG– — he yells between his dramatic outbursts. Chuuya laughs with a wild grin. — YOU–! YOU MACKEREL! — he says when Osamu bites his arm. — OW! WHO'S THE DOG NOW? YOU BASTARD! —
Even through tears, Chuuya looks at Dazai. — Osamu, even if you're going to die, or not, we're going with you! —
— Are you planning a double suicide? That’s a calling to your deepest feelings?
— WTF!? You idiot!
— >:]
— HOW DID YOU DO THAT?
— secret~