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It was here. Its enormous, never-ending black body consumed the entire sky. Any stars that should have been visible were replaced by glowing purple eyes, the ultimate sign of destruction. Death. It was death.
A roar filled the air, almost deafening, hitting Jesse like a shockwave. Her entire body was shaking, as did the ground below her. She was holding something, what was it? There was no time to check. Tears were streaming from her eyes, but her sobs were inaudible in comparison to the sound of the world around her being torn from where it sat into the air.
Purple beams of light swept all around her, and Jesse knew it was closing in. She tightened her hold on the thing in her arms, curling inwards. Whatever it was that she was holding, she knew it was important. It took both her arms to support it, this thing she held. It was cool and smooth, with four legs and a head. An animal, but it was too cold to be something alive. Why was this important? Why could she not let go?
Finally, a beam locked onto Jesse, as she knew it would. She felt her feet leave the ground, but she didn’t dare open her eyes. She felt the wind rushing past her as she ascended, but she ignored it. She heard the Witherstorm release another cry, but she refused to listen. All of her attention was on this thing in her arms, whatever it may be.
It was too late for her, she knew that. She had failed, not just herself but everyone. They were going to die just like her.
The thing she had been so desperately clinging to began to rise out of her grip, despite her attempts to keep it close. Her eyes were still screwed shut as she blindly fumbled to retrieve it, but all her attempts were met with failure. In a last attempt to keep this thing, this thing that she knew was so incredibly important, Jesse opened her eyes.
They met Ruben’s glassy, dead eyes.
“NO!” Jesse sat up quickly, drenched in sweat but no longer in the grasp of the Witherstorm. She was in her house, on her own couch. Safe and peaceful.
“Jesse?” Romeo ran into the room, presumably coming from their bedroom. His face was full of concern as he quickly knelt beside her. He didn’t touch her, but it was clear he wanted to make sure she was ok. After many nightmares like this, he had more or less gotten the routine.
“I- I’m fine, I’m all good.” She shifted to sit upright, wiping the tears she had cried in her sleep away from her eyes. “Just another one.”
“I’m sorry, my love. I should have woken you, but when you feel asleep you looked so peaceful and I know you’ve been tired lately so-”
“It’s fine, Romeo.” Jesse cut him off. She knew it was coming from a place of love, but her mind was still panicking and her heart was still racing.
“Right, sorry.” He backed away, sitting in a chair opposite her.
Jesse allowed herself a moment, just a second before she got up and dealt with herself. Her mind shot back to Ruben. Dead. He was dead, and it was her fault. He had trusted her, and she led him to die. Painfully.
He had loved her, and she killed him.
“I’ll be right back,” Jesse said as she stood and went immediately to the bathroom, not even waiting for a reply. She knew Romeo would be concerned, but she just needed a minute to herself.
“Alright,” Romeo responded as she went upstairs, into the bathroom, and locked the door behind her.
Tears immediately began to fall from her eyes, and she choked back ugly sobs so strong they physically hurt to keep in. She turned on the faucet to let water through, giving her some noise to hide behind. One of the towels severed well to muffle her cries while simultaneously drying her tears. It was very efficient.
She sunk onto the bathroom floor, curling in upon herself. Her head was pounding so badly she could have sworn that the room was moving. Each sob shook her entire body shook, and she cried relentlessly. Her arms felt tired and sore, as if she had been holding up the heaviest weight she could muster all day. It felt like no matter how hard or long she cried, there was still more grief in the pit of her stomach. The grief that crawled its way up her throat and forced its way out through her eyes. Grief so bad it felt all encompassing, as if it was physically in her.
She stayed like this until her legs were numb and she had truly run out of tears. With a great amount of effort, she hauled herself up to stand in front of the mirror. Bloodshot eyes stared back at her, almost as glossy as the dead eyes she’d been thinking about since she woke up.
“Stop it,” she muttered to herself, “This isn’t helping. Just stop.”
Nothing but the gentle stream of water from her faucet replied.
Jesse took a deep, shaky breath, trying to remember how regular breathing felt again. She splashed the cold water onto her face, wiping away all the grime and snot and other side effects of crying for who knows how long. Her hands felt like they had a layer of filth on them that no amount of scrubbing could remove, even when they were raw and sensitive to the touch.
She sighed, finally resigning to the fact that the feeling would fade eventually. All she hoped was that one day she would be able to accept the loss of Ruben without letting him go. Still, it felt like the grief would never truly be gone. She shook those thoughts away and opened the bathroom door, heading back to the living room.
The couch was much more comfortable than the bathroom floor, and she practically fell onto it. The kitchen was connected to the living room, separated by a counter currently covered in burnt food. Romeo quickly tried to hide the evidence of his failed cooking endeavors when she entered the room, but he hadn’t been quick enough.
“I- This is- How do you do this? It is ridiculously frustrating!” He gestured at the furnace with intense disdain, eyebrows furrowed and his mouth twisted into a frown. “I tried cooking like a regular person, but no! The furnace refuses to work! And I know- I know you said that summoning food will ‘ruin the economy’ or whatever but I give up! And it’s time for dinner!”
Jesse couldn’t stop the small smile that spread across her face, even if it didn’t last long. “It’s alright, Romeo. As long as we don’t do it a lot, I guess.”
He sighed as he sat on the couch next to her, making the evidence of his cooking mishaps disappear with a snap.
“Why didn’t you do that in the first place?” Jesse raised an eyebrow at him.
“Hm?”
“Just make it disappear. You could do that the whole time, why didn’t you do that when I walked in?”
“I…oh. To be honest, my love, you scared me and I may or may not have forgotten I could do that.” He muttered in embarrassment, avoiding Jesse’s eyes. Jesse couldn’t help but let out a small laugh, though it was nothing too boisterous. “Anyways,” Romeo continued, trying to change the topic, “What stock market do you want to topple tonight? Steak? Mutton? Pork?”
Her minuscule smile fell. “I…I’m actually not that hungry.” She shifted where she sat, leaning away from Romeo and no longer facing him.
“Wha- no! Not allowed!” Romeo stood in an attempt to re-enter her line of sight.
“Romeo, really I-” Jesse began, but gave a quiet yelp as she turned to see…herself? A perfect copy of her was standing where Romeo had been moments before. It had his eyes, vivid red and yellow.
“Food,” it said in her voice, “is important. You need to eat.” A statement she had told Romeo a thousand times before as he readjusted to regular life despite his Admin abilities.
The Jesse-copy melted back into Romeo, who looked slightly too smug for Jesse’s liking. “You need to eat,” he said in his own voice.
“First, that was creepy. Don’t do that again.” Jesse narrowed her eyes at him in annoyance, but quickly relented. “Second, fine, you win. I don’t…don’t really want meat right now, though. Just- I don’t know, I'll just have bread or something.”
“If that’s all you want, but tell me if you’re hungry for more.” He shrugged and snapped, summoning a few loaves of bread onto their kitchen counter.
Jesse ate in silence, breaking off small pieces of the loaf and popping them in her mouth. She couldn’t even taste it, not really. Romeo was right, she needed to eat, but it felt wrong. He ate alongside her even though he didn’t need to. Jesse was pretty sure he just wanted to feel included.
Finally, after Jesse had mostly finished eating, Romeo spoke. “I can tell something is on your mind, Jesse, and you know I hate to see you like this. What’s going on?”
“It’s…Can I be honest?” Jesse bit back the tears that began to prickle at the edges of her eyes.
“Of course.” Romeo’s voice was so soft, almost a whisper.
“It’s Ruben. I-”
“The pig?” Romeo asked, sounding genuinely confused.
Jesse shot him a glare that must have been strong enough to deal damage, if the way he recoiled was any indication. He tried to recover from his obvious blunder, “Right, of course, sorry.”
Jesse continued, “I- I really miss him. And it’s my fault he’s gone, if I’d just- maybe if I had been more careful or- or paid more attention, maybe then he’d still be alive. It doesn’t matter, though, because I didn't. He’s dead.”
Romeo was silent for a moment, placing his hand on Jesse’s knee and moving closer. She knew he just wanted to make her feel better, but there was nothing he could do about this.
“I’m sorry, my love. I…I can understand that feeling. Being responsible for the death of someone you care about. I hate to see you so distraught, I just want to make you happy. I would change the whole world for you if you so wished. You’re too kind.”
“I know, Romeo. I appreciate you being here for me. There’s nothing we can do, I just miss-”
“Well. There is something.” He gave Jesse a small smile. “Something that I can do that may bring that joy back.”
Jesse, for as much as she loved Romeo, did not believe him. Ruben was dead, she had killed him. He wasn’t coming back. Still, a small ember of her hope lit up. She could hardly even speak, just managing to whisper, “What?”
“I am still the Admin, Jesse. I can do things you can barely even imagine. So, with your help, it shouldn’t be too hard to…bring him back. In a sense. Or! We could even bring him back better! However you want, I can make it happen. He was just a pig, so after some minor alterations he should be indistinguishable from the original!” Romeo grabbed Jesse’s hands in his own, giving them a small squeeze. “Please, let me do this for you. I want to make you happy.”
Jesse couldn’t move. Her eyes were still open, looking at Romeo in front of her, but they were slightly hazy. His hands were warm around hers, which were pale and cold, beginning to feel numb. She didn’t even realize she was crying again until a tear slowly crept down her cheek.
“My love…” Romeo gently brushed the tear away, awaiting her reply.
“If-” Jesse’s brain felt like it had short circuited, and her mouth was fighting the words she formed. “If I died, would you replace me?”
“What?” Romeo sounded appalled.
Jesse stood up, making Romeo back up with a concerned expression still on his face. She sighed, shook the fog from her consciousness, and began to walk away. “That would not make me happy. Not in the slightest. I’m going to our room. I’ll come back when I’m ready.”
“Jesse, wait- I- I don’t understand!” Romeo called after her as she turned her back to him.
Jesse let a moment pass before she replied. “Maybe you will.” And with that, she walked away.
When she got to their bedroom, she didn’t slam the door. She shut it gently, almost soundlessly, even. She walked over to her side of the bed, took a pillow in both hands, and screamed into it. Over and over, until her voice felt raw and ragged, and then once more for good measure.
As she threw the pillow back onto the bed, she caught sight of her armor stand in the corner. It was devoid of any actual armor since she mostly used it for training when she was bored. Or when she was angry, like she was right now.
The stand scraped across the floor as she dragged it to the center of the room. She found the wooden sword she used for training sitting below the windowsill. Outside, Beacontown went about its day without missing a beat. Jesse turned and hit the stand as hard as she could.
She swiped and stabbed and slashed and practically tackled it, taking out all of her anger. Every hit took out small chunks of wood both on the sword and the stand, sending shrapnel all over the room. By the time her anger was starting to run low, both the stand and the sword were covered in chips. In one last blow, she raised the blade as high as she could and brought it down on the arm of the stand.
It snapped clean off.
“Great,” Jesse muttered to herself as she picked it up and threw it away.
“Fresh air,” she decided, walking over to the window, “that’s what I need. I just need to calm down.”
When she opened the window, the song of her town entered. People talking, their chatter drifting all across. Clinking and clanking of metal, machines and armor and tools and coins, all of them. Under all of this, animals of all types sung along in their own ways.
In the distance, beyond the town, mountains stood. Proud and tall, and most importantly, in solitude. They seemed so calm, with their snow capped peaks reaching into the sky. Jesse hadn’t been to the mountains in a while. When was the last time she had been in the snow? She should really go visit them. It would be nice.
They seemed so peaceful.
The first board in the hallway was squeaky, so Jesse always avoided it, but Romeo always forgot. That’s how she knew he entered the hallway. She tuned out the noises of the town, listening to see if he was coming. Silence, only for a moment, before the board squeaked again, indicating his retreat.
She just needed a break. A nice, calm retreat for a day, that’s all. Maybe she could leave now. Maybe she should leave now. Jesse was at her wits end, if there was any time for her to disappear for a minute, it was now.
Besides, a small part of her wanted to teach Romeo a lesson. He needed to understand that life wasn’t replaceable.
The window let a breeze in, beckoning her to leave, but she needed to prepare first. She gathered up her tools, warm clothes, and rummaged through her chests to find a tent and blankets. As she gathered a spare set of clothes, she was stuck with an idea.
Jesse had multiple pairs of the same outfits. Olivia had always teased her about that, but Jesse just knew what she wanted. This meant that she had an exact copy of the outfit she was wearing that day in her closet, which she got out and adorned to the armor stand. It wasn’t a perfect copy, but the message was clear.
Within a few minutes, Jesse had everything she needed. Her plan was to swing by the New Order’s headquarters to grab a map, and then head out. She leaned out the window, searching for a landing on the ground from her second story bedroom. A pile of hay bales was awaiting her, willing to cushion her fall.
Before she leaped, Jesse glanced behind her. Romeo was still downstairs, most likely waiting for her to come back. A small part of her felt bad for disappearing on him, but the majority of her was just angry. He would understand when she came back. Still, she gave in and found paper to leave a note.
I’ll be back when I’m ready. I love you, but I need some alone time. -Jesse
“Good enough,” she sighed to herself, turning back to the window.
She leaned out once again, and committed to the fall this time. As she knew they would, the hay bales absorbed her impact. She managed to escape them, trying her best to fix the stack before she just left. Jesse took old streets with less people to the New Order’s base, entering from the back door.
It was silent inside, as it should have been. Still, she crept into their storage room, trying to be as quiet as possible. Unfortunately, their chests were loud as they opened, creaking and shattering the silence. She had to dig through four different chests before she found the map she was looking for.
“Finally,” she whispered to it, “let’s go.”
In the same manner she had before, Jesse snuck out of Beacontown. The sun was half sunk below the horizon, casting long shadows all across the ground. She pulled out a torch as it dipped all the way down, leaving the moon to rise and the stars to come out. Not wanting to be out too late, Jesse made her way quickly towards the mountain.
She started to scale the mountain without stopping when she reached the base. She put on her leather boots to avoid the powdered snow and kept an eye out for some of the more resilient berry bushes with sharp thorns that had managed to grow despite the cold. A cool breeze blew through the air, taking her worries with it. Jesse felt light as a feather, smiling despite the freezing environment around her.
The view from the top of the mountain was gorgeous. The moon had fully risen now, casting the world in its cool glow. Countless stars dotted the sky, making up the constellations Jesse had admired all her life. Below it all, Beacontown stood. It was quiet now, with few and fewer lights remaining on in the houses and stands trying to sell the last of their goods. That was her town, her town that she loved so much.
As she scanned the town, she caught sight of Ruben’s altar. The prismarine it was made of shimmered in the moonlight, reflecting the sky back onto itself. Jesse had made sure to keep it pristine, but she felt like it was never quite enough.
“I miss you, buddy,” she whispered.
Nothing but the wind replied, sending a chill down her spine. She sighed and turned her back to the town, deciding that she should set up her tent. The torch she had placed when got to the top had melted some of the snow away, giving her a good place to camp. It didn’t take her long to set it up, pinning the corners of the tent down and zipping up the front after she crawled inside.
Jesse bundled up in her blanket and laid down, listening to the sounds of the world around her. Crickets chirped, something rustled in the bushes not too far from her, and in the distance a pack of wolves could be heard barking as they ran through the forest. She’d been thinking about getting a dog, but she wasn’t sure yet. Part of her wanted a new pet, and she wanted Romeo to experience that same type of love for a pet. Yet, it still felt like moving on from Ruben. Maybe she should talk to him about it, though that had clearly gone wonderfully today.
Whatever she decided, it was a decision for tomorrow. She shut her eyes and pulled her blanket closer. No matter how upset she was with Romeo, she did miss him. Especially now, alone and cold. Jesse pushed those thoughts out of her mind, and before long she fell asleep.
…
Jesse woke up to something walking outside her tent. The sun was fully risen, causing whatever was outside to cast a long shadow along her tent. She scrambled to grab her sword, just to be safe. The thing outside took another step closer, crunching snow under it.
“Jesse?” They whispered.
“Petra?” Jesse set her sword aside and opened her tent to see her friend smiling at her. “Petra!”
Petra tried and failed to stifle a laugh. “Did you, uh, just wake up? ‘Cause your hair- it’s just a little-” She gestured all around her head with one hand, using the other to try and hide her smile.
“Yes I just woke up,” Jesse said as she glared at her, rapidly trying to brush through her hair with her hands. It was, admittedly, a mess. After she had done her best for the moment, she fully exited the tent, blanket still wrapped around her. “What are you doing here?”
“A certain someone is freaking the fuck out. And that someone is your boyfriend. And he’s making my life a living hell.”
“Ah. Well. He deserved it,” Jesse huffed, but she did feel bad. “Sorry he bugged you about it.”
“Eh, it’s alright. I believe you about him deserving it, but if you don’t come back soon I think he might start sending actual search parties. He claimed that he can’t go look for you, or you’d be upset, but sending other people wasn’t against ‘the rules,’ whatever that means.”
Jesse laughed, her breath sending little clouds of mist into the air. “Alright, gimme just a second. How’d you find me?”
“Jesse, you took one of the Order’s maps, and you were the only source of light up here last night.” Petra scoffed, but it turned into a small laugh. “You weren’t exactly sneaky.”
“That’s…that’s fair.” Jesse couldn’t help but join in her laughter as she made her way back into the tent. “Just lemme get all my stuff together and then we can head back”
“Alright man, just hurry up, will you?” Petra shifted where she stood, sounding slightly uncomfortable.
“Are you really worried that Romeo’s gonna send a search party?” Jesse teased.
“What? No, it’s just…the goats. They’re weird, dude. I don’t like them.” She muttered, hardly even audible over the breeze rustling the trees and bushes around them.
“Seriously?” Jesse popped her head out of the tent to stare at Petra in bewilderment. “They’re just goats,” she said between fits of laughter.
“I dunno, man! They’re just weird!”
“I think they’re cute.” Jesse said as she returned to packing her things. “They kinda remind me of Romeo.”
There was a pause filled by an almost awkward silence before Petra said, “Because of the goatee?”
“Maybe?”
…
Romeo was pacing at the entrance to Beacontown. Jesse couldn’t tell if it was intentional or not, but blocks around him would randomly pop out of where they sat, spin rapidly, and then pop back into place. He seemed to be in his own mind since he didn’t notice the small, poorly hidden crowd that had gathered to watch The Admin panic.
“Hey dumbass!” Petra called, snapping him back to reality. “Can you chill out?”
“JESSE!” Romeo flew past Petra after he saw Jesse. “You scared me!”
“Mm, can’t say I’m too sorry.” Jesse crossed her arms.
“I-” He sighed deeply, taking one of Jesse’s hands into his own. “I am so sorry, my love. I had only wanted to make you happy, but now…I can’t believe how- how-”
“Insensitive?” Jesse offered.
“Yes, insensitive. I can’t believe how insensitive I was. I completely disregarded the way you felt. I’m sorry. And I understand if you’re…upset with me- just- please don’t do that again. If you need some time, or- or- anything, just tell me next time.”
Jesse was silent for a moment, processing his apology.
“I am sorry, my love,” he repeated.
Jesse sighed, but the smile that spread on her face betrayed any facade of anger. “I forgive you.”
“Can I leave now?” Petra, who was waiting just past Beacontown’s entrance, looked very bored with all of this.
“Oh.” Romeo’s eyes widened, as if he had forgotten she was even there. “I suppose I should apologize to you, as well. For bothering you. Thank you, Petra.”
“Whatever, man. I’ll see you guys later.”
“Bye Petra!” Jesse waved to her as she left. When she glanced over Romeo’s shoulder to do so, she saw that the small crowd had grown significantly.
“Thank you for forgiving me, Jesse. You- you really are too kind,” Romeo gave her a small smile.
“I’ll forgive you fully after I take a warm shower.” She laughed, and it must have been contagious because Romeo did too.
“Then I suppose I should get you home.”
“Sounds good to me.” Jesse gave his hand a small squeeze as she started to walk home.
Everyone who had been not-so-discreetly watching suddenly pretended to be doing something. Jesse couldn’t have cared less. About a block away from their house, she spoke again.
“You know, I’ve been thinking.”
“Be careful, I’ve heard that’s dangerous,” Romeo said with his typical sarcastic smirk.
She shot him a halfhearted look, but continued. “What do you think about getting a dog?”
“A dog?” He seemed surprised, asking as if he must have misheard her.
“Yeah! Maybe a puppy! They can be a bit energetic, but I think it could be fun.”
“A puppy.” He repeated again, as if it was a somewhat foreign concept. Before Jesse could interject, he continued. “Alright, my love. Whatever makes you happy.”