Chapter Text
He was young when he realized that life was quite a delicate thing, and any simple action could take it away as if it was nothing– seeing his father dead on the ground had been the beginning of it all, and Kakashi was only a small child by then. He was smart and knew what was going on when Sakumo wouldn't react to his calls, to his futile attempts at hugging him somehow; his heart was torn apart yet his face remained expressionless, a numb mask covering it all. He had cried in silence yet said nothing between sobs, knowing well that there was no way for Sakumo to return to life.
His father was gone, and there was nothing to do about it. His eyes were too dry to continue crying– that wouldn't solve a thing, anyway. That kind of news reached the Hokage in less than a day, and soon the traces of his guardian's body and blood disappeared as quickly as they had appeared. Sarutobi didn't even look at him while he supervised that the anbu disposed of Sakumo as if he was trash, leaving the boy on his own without a single word. Just a quiet, dismissing wave as they left, and that was everything.
Living alone in the same house that carried a death on it wasn't something he was comfortable with– there was no other person willing to take care of him anyways, no more family. Kakashi was ready to live on the forest on his own, completely able to fish and cook without any help by the time he was six; the first days after his father's suicide had been spent like that, sleeping on a little tent near a river, walking kilometers to and from the academy without a single complaint on his mind. Ninjas had to be adaptable and self-sufficient, and so he considered it some sort of training. He didn't mind it, really.
But as soon as Dai heard about the news, he waited for the boy at the entrance of the academy and held him in his arms, tears in his eyes as he spoke. Gai joined the hug without wasting a second, saying nothing at all– that was odd. His rival was usually very chatty through everything, so that was weird for Kakashi. Something was up.
“I'll take care of you, Kakashi. We don't have much… but where two can eat, three can also share a meal,” the man exclaimed, and something akin to joy started to bloom on his chest once more. He hadn't smiled or been happy at all since Sakumo had passed. And for a child, even a couple of days were like an eternity– it'd be nice to be in a warm household again, to be hugged... “Tell me, where are your things? We'll go get them before going home. Nobody's been at the Hatake compound for a while, that I can tell at least. We went looking for you there and you weren't home.”
“... I've been living in the forest,” was all Kakashi said, looking at the ground as he spoke. Not ashamed, just… knowing well that perhaps there had been someone willing to help, and the boy had rather decided to seclude himself from the world instead. Dai’s gaze softened and he hugged him again, his ribs aching in the process but for once he didn't care for the pain. He hugged him back, yearning to be loved again, to stop being an annoyance to those passing by.
“Oh, boy… well, it's true you had no more family. But you're safe now, Kakashi– you won't need to live in the forest any longer.”
To hear those words was like relief; a wave of peace crossed his body and for the first time in some days, Kakashi could relax, knowing well that there was a person there to protect him. Or well, two, even if Gai was just as young as he was– his friend would give everything up if it meant the boy would be safe, knowing him. He blinked slowly as Dai picked up both boys on his arms, trotting towards the forest as if it was no issue at all, easily tracking his tent even with no clues given. He was admirable, even if other ninjas tended to look down at him.
“We'll have lots of challenges, Kakashi! We need to spend our youth to the fullest!” Gai chirped in with a bright grin as he grabbed his blankets, trying to help somehow. “Don't worry about a single thing, my rival!”
Kakashi was quiet, unsure of what to say as he folded his sleeping bag and dismantled his tent– he had never been as talkative as his companions, and being taken under Dai’s wing was a welcomed surprise nonetheless. He didn't want them to feel like the gesture wasn't appreciated… but judging by the warm smiles he received with every glance, the Maito family understood him without the need of words as they walked towards his new home.
The house was small and humble, barely big enough for two and much less for three, but he was content to stop sleeping on the forest after a while– although the three had to share a bed due to a lack of space, Kakashi was happy again, even if his face remained devoid of expression. He had a safe place to study and grow, and he knew that would be important for his development. Whatever that meant…
He could hang out with Gai every day and train (play), doing challenges more often than before and chasing him around with Pakkun and the rest of the pack whenever they trained their camouflage techniques (hide and seek) while Dai focused on his Genin assignments, knowing well that the two would watch out for each other.
Time went by, and the boys graduated early from the academy thanks to their outstanding performances, and with thee Genin in the household instead of one they could allow themselves better food, even building another room for the home after a couple of months– the grief for his father was still on his heart through it all, never going away but at least fading a little bit, allowing Kakashi to continue with life as possible, sometimes still missing Sakumo but not crying upon remembering him anymore. His dad had been a hero, and nobody would ever convince him otherwise.
Though soon after entering Minato’s team, the boy had been reminded of the fragility of life with war blooming around them– Gai and his teammates were ambushed by enemies while their teacher was away, and Dai… he was close and heard, and– he protected them at the cost of his own life. But being a Genin, nobody but the two boys cried for him, his grave becoming nothing but a name on a forgotten stone for all the ninjas that had died at such a low rank, his body buried and forgotten by the world after opening the Eight Gate to protect who he'd loved the most.
“Hey… I– I know it hurts. But I'm here for you,” Kakashi muttered as he held Gai in his arms at their room back home, a place they refused to abandon despite everything, Dai’s things still untouched in his room. At some point they'd do something about it, but for now his rival needed comfort. (And he did as well, attached to who had taken him in when he needed it the most. His own sadness wasn't his priority at that moment).
His rival just sobbed and held him tighter, making it hard to breathe– yet the silver haired boy said nothing about it nor did anything to break apart the embrace, gently caressing his friend's back as he cried, resting his chin on his bowl cut. Being a ninja had its risks and death was one, but that didn't mean they wouldn't be hurt by the absences of the people they loved. Of those who had raised them to their best of their capabilities, those who loved them.
Love was a dangerous thing in their field, something that could be used against them– so Kakashi decided to stop loving, to stop getting attached to others, knowing well they'd just lose them anyways. Still he didn't leave Gai’s side at any moment, the only weakness he had now; his rival, who had stayed with him when Sakumo passed, now needed him. It would be too selfish to abandon his friend in such a vulnerable state after everything they'd gone through together.
The war was just starting, and the losses were beginning – they had to stay together to not die, Kakashi thought in silence, closing his eyes as Gai finally fell asleep on top of him, exhaustion showing up after hours of tears. Minato would understand if he was late for training the following day…