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They found me again today.
I don't know how they still haven't gotten the message by now. First it was the apartment the old man booked out for me, then it was my usual haunt over at Jezebel's, then, hell, they even found me down at the sewer tunnels. I've been stayin’ at this beat-up abandoned hotel for barely a week, but today they've found me all the same. Ol’ Baxter's supposed to keep an eye out for me in case these kinds of things happen, but I'm a bit of a “special case” to them. Wouldn't be surprised if the boys over at whatever department's in charge of that have been sitting on their asses regardin’ my business specifically.
Sometimes I'm real sick of my reputation precedin’ me.
It's the same tired talk. Barely payin’ attention anymore, this is a song and dance I could parrot in my sleep. “Oh, Shiv, come back! You're the only man out there with that kinda skill! We can pay!”. Like they got anything left to give me.
There I am, slumped up in a chair that creaks at every muscle I move, throwin’ knives into the poor, poor board on the wall I haven't gifted the mercy of switching out yet. I don't make the effort to hide my yawn right in front of the sucker's face. An’ get this, right? This guy's rockin’ a trenchcoat and metal mask and he's got a beige folder on hand.
In this weather. Could ya believe it? They sent this guy to try an’ collect me?
Nah, I couldn't believe it neither. ‘Suppose my little messenger finally caught onto my attitude though, 'cause he shut up and reached into that beige folder of his.
I damn near dropped my knife right into my thigh. God dammit. They actually managed to wake my ass up.
I knew being out in the open here would be an invitation for, hm, old friends from work to stop by. Hank knew that too, and always worried for the worst. Not that I could blame ‘em. But hey, whatever comes with the job description.
For what it's worth, I love tendin’ bar here. If New York's a melting pot, being behind the counter's like grabbin’ a spoonful out of it every day. And yeah, every so often someone from that old chapter of my story comes back to spout some bullshit. Nothing I'm not prepared to deal with. Being your own bouncer's a neat little perk of a man of my talents.
Barely raised my head when one of those old friends walked into the bar today. Didn't even bother hiding it this time, like the others had tried before. The shades, the tux, the mean mug? God damn, they got me the whole package, man. Even said no to my offer to make a drink. Look, if you're not here for my sidecar, you're asking for something you're not gettin’, right? Was barely straightenin’ my back to kick the bastard out before he went and said it.
“Have you heard of the patrons?”
“‘Course I have, jackass.”
The grip I've got on this knife's hard enough to be seen from downtown. Trenchcoat here's obviously got a read on the situation, so fine. No point in lyin’. Was never good at hidin’ tells, anyhow. Wraith can tell ya that much.
It's all in the folder on my lap right now. The Hidden King. The Archmother. Wesley's whereabouts. Other bounty hunters they've apparently already convinced.
I'm pissed. But I can't look away.
“We know you're going, Shiv. You need help. Help we both know the Baxter Society's not going to give you.”
“Hard to miss news like that where I'm standin’,” is the most I'm willing to give. I don't want to grace him with anything more than I have to. Unfortunately, “what I have to” right now is something more than my preferred value of nothing.
“Your numbers here are only going to continue going down, Fern. Especially with the public war the Alchemy Bureau's been waging on this joint.”
“So what, you want me to help you summon a god for it?”
He scoffs. He scoffs. Him. In this scenario. Right here, right now. I can't believe I have to deal with this shit.
“We know you're going, Fern. You're stupid if you think you can do this alone. Just join us. Like old times.”
The worst part is he's right, ain't it?
God. It'd be so easy.
You have any idea how much of this I take every day? It's like people just need to bring up the shit I've done. Like it don’t matter how far I’ve come. Got cursed out by someone down at the goddamn circus the other day. Completely unprompted. That's not to mention business at Baxter's. Even with Wesley's efforts. Oh, god forbid.
I'd be good at it, too. And I'd enjoy myself. I'd get that wish and then some. I know for a fact Wraith'll be there too. Oh, she'd get a kick out of that. I'd be right back at it like nothing happened. Like the guy on the other side of the counter just said. Like old times.
You wouldn't guess it between my killer smirk and my attitude. I'm tired. And I know these guys know what they're doing. It'd be quick work. Just another job. And what if all that talk is right? What if this is the only choice I've got?
What if Hank was wrong? What if I'm destined to go back? So many people have tried to rope me back into this life. Evidently, they're not gonna stop trying. They won't let up until I'm back there. Like nothing changed. Like I never changed.
I'd be lying if I said I never think about it.
Every now and then the thought pops back up into that thick skull'a mine.
“You're beyond savin’, Shiv.”
But lately? Every time I do…
Though, whenever it happens nowadays?
I think of ya.
There you are, the pretty boy in front of the counter. The guy who seems to always show up whenever the bar's feelin’ lonely. That stupid pompadour sticking out in my face.
The cute bartender over at my favorite stomping grounds. Knows just what to get me ‘fore the thought even crosses my mind. The biggest, shit-eating grin I know facin’ me.
You've been so strong. You keep fighting even when it looks like the world wants your head. Hell, you can't help but smile as you do it. You smile as they come after you.
You’re the bravest guy I know. Every day the past calls your name, but you don't let it get to you. You make it look so easy. Like you don’t care about what the world has to say.
I stretch my shoulders. “You've got 30 seconds to get the hell out of my bar.”
I throw a knife right at the side of his head. Warning shot, of course. He ducks out of the way and pulls a gun on me.
“Ever the stubborn bastard, aren't you? Let me warn you. I’m not going down like the last three.”
The mook in the sunglasses stands up, still frownin’ at me. “I was told not to take no for an answer,” he growls. A purple glyph begins to form around his fingertips.
The toothpick in my mouth catches a light as a smug grin begins to form.
“Well then here I am, asshole.”
I finally get up. Firearm's pointed at my head right now, but hey, I can afford to stretch the neck a little. “Sorry pal, but ya should've went lookin’ for some other bounty hunter. This one’s fully booked.”
So fine. Let them come to me.
Let the voices hit my head.
I'll keep on fightin’. Just like you do.
I'll keep bravin’ all of this. I'm gonna make it, just like you have.
Let me see a brighter future…
Let me walk the path to redemption. If not for me, then…
…for your sake.