Chapter Text
In a green field beneath an orange sky, no one saw an old drunk lying among the big clover plants. No one except the huge two-headed cows, which grazed freely, giving him and his empty bottle a wide berth.
The animals looked like ordinary earthly cows, but unlike those born with two heads who do not survive a summer night by their mother’s side, these would live on through many evenings. Within their bodies, two souls eternally bound together would gaze upon the ever-visible moon in the field or among the trees of the nearby orchards.
Today, especially there, where most had passed by in unison, bypassing the lone soul who had fallen headfirst into the vegetation and spilled the last drops of sweet liquid around himself. Only one young cow approached curiously and sniffed the head of the unfamiliar newcomer with its nose. He turned his head toward it, and his sleepy green eyes met the first curious pair, and then an equally curious second. He mumbled something incomprehensible, and the cow lost interest and walked away toward the orchard.
Rick rolled onto his back, ignoring the nausea and cursing his bad luck. Not only had he stumbled upon beings who were physically connected to their soulmates, but he’d also stumbled upon what were literally mindless cattle. At this time of year, on this day on the planet, they were grazing right next to the spot where he was searching for something specific he’d decided to obtain just a moment ago. After more than half a century of loneliness, he took the last bottle of jekand, having finished the previous last bottles, and, driven by his thoughts, teleported himself to a field of poisonous clovers.
Or at least they should be poisonous to him, even if he was biologically very different from the planet’s inhabitants, who sought them out to consume as a direct, theatrical suicide poison. But he was a damn scientist; he had to see for himself if it would work.
He tripped over his own feet on the slight slope with his first step and fell on his face, dropping the bottle from his hand. He rolled a few yards down and lay there for a while, until a curious cow approached him.
Rick turned toward the starry sky and, counting the stars, began to grope with his heavy hand, searching for the missing liquor. He identified individual types of spices among the blades of grass and tried to recall their taste. Or at least those that looked and felt similar to the ones beneath his hands. Memories of the taste of anything were more fleeting than the thoughts he was trying to construct. Everything, including the alcohol, tasted like wet paper. Except maybe the pancakes from Linda’s diner on the nearby minor planet, but he didn’t eat there very much because he was afraid they, too, would lose their flavor.
He didn’t find the missing bottle, but the tips of his calloused fingers brushed against the characteristic shape of clover leaves. He plucked one and held it up before him against the orange sky. The clover was larger than the ones on Earth, and its green color was almost mesmerizing. Rick struggled to sit up, straightening his legs, and began looking around for more. It wasn’t difficult, as they practically grew all around him, untouched by cattle. It was harder to stay upright while reaching for the clovers, as his body felt heavy and the fluids of the past few days tried to escape through his throat. They tasted like paper.
Nearly automatically, he gathered more leaves, feeling nothing that might stop him. He wasn’t sure if it would work. Anything would be more effective than a random remembrance of hearing that the inhabitants of this planet leave their communities to find clover fields. They gathered as much as they could, lay down, chewed it thoroughly, and fell asleep, waiting for a slow death. Their bodies weren’t searched for or collected, and the local wildlife ate their remains, not even leaving clothes or bones. At least that’s what he’d heard years ago in a bar and remembered just a few minutes ago in another similar bar. It was so poetically stupid that he had to try it. And if it didn’t work, he’d just shoot himself, and those damn cows would eat him. His empty mind filled with determination, because nothing could stop him because nothing got through it anyway. No thoughts, no emotions.
He had gotten used to the fact that he would never feel another person. It was simple. He wasn’t the only one in this dimension. He could even have escaped to another one at the first opportunity and not thought about it. Don’t think. Don't think. Don't think. Bury that information deep and never dive in to search for it. It could have been so simple, but he chose otherwise. He stayed because he was young, foolish, and full of hope, and then he knew that no matter where he ran, he needed to feel others. Not connection, but closeness, understanding, and care, which he desired to feel from those who were close to him, or at least whom he felt, against his will, were close to him. But it burned out faster than the constant desire he hated could ignite. He knew he could have been different, not needing this. To be independent of others, to look down on it all and be above everyone, but he was broken.
And everyone knew it. Everyone, except him.
Even if he were to leave the realm of soulmates, he would find nowhere the seed of what he was looking for. And he could neither stop nor accept failure. And the deeper he delved into it, the more failures he faced, the more disappointment he felt, and the more failed ideas he had about how to end it all. It seemed child’s play, but whenever he decided on drastic measures, he was too drunk and high, and the method was overcomplicated, and then something would distract him. Once, it was even overcooked pasta. Most of the time, his body just couldn’t take it anymore, and he’d simply fall asleep, and the next day or a few later, he’d just go back to his normal routine. And again, he didn’t think about it for a while.
All that smoldered within him was blind determination. To gather as many clovers as possible. So he wouldn’t faint in the process. So nothing would disrupt the determination within him that disrupted everything around him. There was no longer any trace of the multiverse, nor of the only person who still mattered to him. There was only him, a field full of poison, an orange starry sky, and two-headed cows.
Rick looked at the clover leaves he was holding in his hands, which weren’t even trembling. He lifted individual leaves to his mouth and began chewing a few as if they were a snack. They had a sticky texture but still tasted like paper. He swallowed the chewed pulp and, feeling no immediate new symptoms, shoved the whole handful into his mouth.
He chewed slowly, swallowing larger and larger pieces, letting his increasingly heavy eyelids close for longer and longer. The steady movement of his jaw and the intake of food that wasn’t liquid lulled him to sleep. So he ate more, hoping that he, too, would fall asleep before the delayed symptoms caught up with him. He didn’t want to lie down yet, even though he could barely sit up and was starting to feel nauseous again.
The minutes dragged on endlessly; the clover in his hands had run out, so he tore up clumps of plants without thinking and began chewing them. He’d already eaten so much grass that a little more wouldn’t hurt him, and besides, there was clover mixed in with it. Probably. Eventually, he no longer had the strength to pull anymore, so he leaned on his hands and shifted his gaze from the stars to the field below him.
The landscape looked almost like a dream painted by a child. Under different circumstances, he might have thought it was beautiful. That the two-headed cows passing by him were charming. That he’d like to share this scene with someone.
He shook his head a little too quickly.
He burned himself, extinguishing the match that ignited thoughts and feelings before it could even light him.
He’d had enough.
He wanted it to end.
To stop feeling this emptiness.
If he was to fall asleep alone forever on a distant, forgotten planet, then so be it.
He closed his eyes.
No thoughts haunted him about the distant planet Earth, whether he’d turned off the cloning safety feature or the pasta boiling on the stove.
Just him, a field of clover, stars, and the moon in an orange sky, and two-headed cows. In near-complete silence, through which drifted the sound of mooing and a child’s melody.
As soon as he heard the distinctive ringtone meant for only one person, he lost his balance and fell onto his back. His stomach finally gave out, and Rick instinctively rolled onto his side to vomit up a mixture of crushed clover, sweet yellow alcohol, and bile. Without wasting any time, he began searching for his phone in his pocket, but he couldn’t feel it, just like several of his other belongings. It wasn’t until he finally coughed up the last few incompletely chewed leaves that he realized the sound was coming from above him. His things must have fallen out of his pockets when he rolled down the hillside.
The determination shifted its course. Rick got to his feet and suddenly found himself right next to the source of the melody. It was lying among a few other odds, like a portal gun, pills, and pistol, and luckily the cattle hadn’t taken an interest in eating them yet. As soon as Rick approached them, he threw himself onto the grass and reached for the phone.
Still dizzy, he turned on his side and tried to put on his most sober voice. Getting poisoned could wait a few minutes.
What were seconds seemed like an eternity.
“Beth.”
“Dad? I didn’t think you’d pick up...” He heard on the other end of the line. Rick just smiled sleepily at the sound of her voice.
“You know I’ll always make time for you,” he said, not adding that he wasn’t her, so he wouldn’t answer for months. Rick tried to remember the last time they’d managed to have a calm conversation before he’d tried calling her several times with no success. It had been about seven weeks ago before he’d given up. “So, what’s up, sweetie?”
“Um, fine... It can wait...” Rick didn’t respond to Beth’s hesitation and didn’t press her. He knew that if he did, there would be silence between them again. “How are you? You sound like shit. Did you sleep?”
Rick laughed heartily and rolled over onto his other side. “No, I was, um, doing some research. You know, something, something, the food the local cows eat... But I don’t know when I last slept,” he said. All his fatigue was slowly fading away. He looked up at the sky, as if seeing it for the first time. “It's nighttime now, and... Wow, you can see so many stars here, more than you can count.”
“You can see plenty of stars here too, you know? Like never before. But seriously, Dad, cows? Are they like Earth cows that somehow ended up there, or do they just look cow-like?”
Rick sat up, feeling like he could sit on his butt. He rested his arm and ear against the phone he’d built himself, modeled after the ones he’d seen in a slightly futuristic dimension. In about 20 years, almost everyone would have one. Beth already had one just like his. Thanks to that, he could always, as long as she answered, contact her or find out where she was. If she were to get into trouble with local law again or be planning another interplanetary revolution, he’d know about that too.
“Do you remember that cow from the local paper when you were little? The one with two heads,” he asked, and heard a grunt of acknowledgment. “It died a few hours later, and some weirdo stuffed it. For a museum or something. So here they’re born and live, even longer, like a few decades. T-t-they’re like big birds here. They don’t have natural predators, and the locals don’t eat them. So... So they just live their lives and eat grass their whole lives.”
“Aaand you study grass?”
“Nooo... I mean... More precisely, the clover they’re actually eating, for your information! There’s plenty of it here...” He looked around for the bottle, but it wasn’t there. He stuffed the rest of his things, which were lying nearby, into his pockets. Once he’d put everything away, his gaze met two heads turned toward him. A cow stood a few meters away from him, chewing on clumps of grass and staring straight at him. He could have sworn it was the same cow that had sniffed him earlier. “And they’re creepy, I mean, really creepy.”
“You’re exaggerating. I’m sure they’re adorable, Dad. Next time you come across a planet full of animals, I don’t know, let me know and I’ll judge them for myself,” she said in a judgmental tone, waiting for her father’s reaction. Instead, she heard only a single, brief moo from the distance.
Her father was staring at the cow and finally adopted his silly, cartoonish voice.
“III think they'reee going to eat meee,” he whispered into the receiver and heard the most beautiful giggle in the entire universe.
“They'reee going to eat youuu?” she asked, sounding like a cartoon character.
“They'reee going to eat meee!” he shouted, and they both laughed at the inside joke that only they understood.
But the laughter turned into crying, which was the worst sound in the entire universe.
“No, no, no, Beth, sweetheart. Darling. Please, don’t cry.” He decided it was time to ask the question he didn’t want to ask. “Um... Beth, why did you call? D-don’t cry... Please tell me why you’re crying. I promise, I won’t be mad.”
“B-but y-you'll... You'll be disappointed in me!”
Another loud sob tore from Beth's throat. Rick wasn't making things any better, and he didn't know what else to say. If he denied it, she wouldn't believe him. No matter what happened, he would never be disappointed in her. She won’t do well in school? Fuck education. Summer vacation should have just started, and after that she’d have one year of high school left, but if she wanted to, she could drop out. She won’t get into her dream university to become a horse surgeon? Rick could get her the best education in the entire universe and other dimensions with a single phone call. Does she say she wants to be a space rebel instead of living a quiet life on Earth? He’ll give her everything she wants. And he’ll never, ever be disappointed in her.
“Y-you know that’s not true,” he began. He could have sworn that, through her tears, he could hear her nodding, holding her hair. She always tugged and pulled at it when she was upset. “C-can you at least tell me where you are?”
“At-at... Mrs. and Mr. Smith’s house...” she said, swallowing her snot. Rick blinked a few times because he hadn’t expected that answer. He’d suspected she wouldn’t be at their place, but she’d rather go to her friend’s than to them. Not that he didn’t trust them, in fact, they were the only people he knew well and could trust. Their only flaw was that they were parents... He shook his head and continued listening to his daughter’s despair. “They said I could always come to them, but I want you to come to me, not be out there in that stupid space!”
Rick froze for a moment. Ever since Beth started high school, their interactions had ended with her yelling at him to leave her alone and smashing dishes against the walls. This year in particular, he’d spent more time on alien planets than on Earth since Beth was born.
“Lizbeth...” he whispered her full name for the first time in a very long time. Beth began to calm down and finally blew her nose. “I want that too. I-I want that more than anything, to be with you rather than millions of light-years away from you... I just... I-I don’t know what to say. I know I screwed up big time, and if you want, I can come over or something, and if you’re ready, you can tell me what’s bothering you or not...”
“Dad,” she interrupted his tirade with a calm voice and sighed loudly. Rick fell silent. He felt his throat was dry and remembered he must still have a flask in the inside pocket of his lab coat. He reached out to feel for it, but his hand didn’t make it to his chest.
Rick Sanchez Β-368α was the most awake and most sober man in the universe.
“YOU ARE WHAT?!”
∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞
“YOU ARE WHAT?!”
Rick repeated this from time to time as he wandered around the Smiths’ living room. He could say a few good things about them. First, that they were nice people, the kind you genuinely liked, not the kind you pretended to tolerate. Second, that they had good taste in interior design.
Beth opened her mouth to say something but closed it again. Her face was no longer red, tear-stained, and snot-covered. Discarded tissues lay scattered around her on the couch. She just sat there with her arms wrapped around herself. To Rick, she looked like a five-year-old in acid-eaten overalls, with radioactive ointment on her scraped knees and hair cut short like a doll’s, after he’d caught her rummaging through his garage yet again. It wasn’t until a few days later that he found out why she’d cut her hair.
Today, a teenager sat in front of him in an oversized sweatshirt, her hair pulled back into a high ponytail with a single blue streak on the side.
“Daaad, you said you wouldn’t be mad at me...” she said, starting this conversation for the umpteenth time.
“I SAID I’M NOT MAD AT YOU! I’M MAD AT HIM!” Rick finally stood up and pointed at the boy with the broken nose sitting in the kitchen. Like Beth, he had blue streaks in his hair, but three on each side, thinking it looked cool.
The first thing Rick did after arriving at the Smiths’ house was punch Jerry in the face.
But before coming, he’d visited the dimension of the shower, the hair dryer dimension, and finally one of the hotel rooms, where he kept only clean clothes. He still had to remember to have his stomach pumped tomorrow, just in case.
“You can’t be mad only at Jerry! He’s just as responsible as I am!”
“He’s got a point,” Leonard interjected from the kitchen, handing Jerry a new bag of frozen peas from the freezer. “Anyway, I’d have hit you too in that situation.”
Joyce just nodded from the kitchen, checking to see if the blueberry pie had cooled yet. Another food Rick could add to the list of things he could taste. Beth whispered a silent thank you to Leonard.
“I don’t want to hear about it at all. Ever. No details, no information, no suggestions,” he said, running his hand through his hair. “Besides, I thought you were dating... Who was it? Kevin? Chris? Or Sarah? How-how long have you two been together?”
“Six months,” Jerry said from the kitchen, saying something other than “ow”, “that hurts”, and “I think I’m going to pass out” for the first time.
“Three months,” Beth said at the same time.
The two teenagers looked at each other for the first time in over a dozen minutes.
“You were dating Sarah?”
“We were dating Sarah at the same time. And anyway, Jerry, WE’VE BEEN DATING FOR THREE MONTHS! NOT LONGER! THAT OUTING MEANT NOTHING!” she shouted.
Jerry instinctively curled up in his chair.
“AND YOU!” she turned to her father. “WHAT WERE YOU THINKING, LETTING ME LIVE ON MY OWN WITHOUT SUPERVISION?!”
“I... I don’t know. Independence? Responsibility?” he said. These were better answers than telling the truth, that everything would be worse with him around. That she’d come out worse for it. That it wasn’t that he didn’t want to see her, but that he didn’t want her to see him. He wanted to explode, clutching his hair, which he’d never done before. It was Beth who always pulled hard on her hair when she got angry.
Now she looked as if she were about to burst into sudden tears, but instead she screamed with her mouth closed.
“Beth... Please, don’t get mad...” Jerry whispered from the kitchen.
“Don’t get mad yourself, Jerry, I’m the one who’s pregnant, not you! Get used to it! You should have gotten used to it a long time ago!” She finally burst out in resignation. “And we need to talk, Dad.”
She stood up suddenly and walked over to her father. Unexpectedly, she grabbed him by the collar of his sweater, and before he could react, she began dragging him across the room to the kitchen and out the back door onto the terrace.
“We’ll be outside,” she declared, opening the door.
“But the neighbors...”
“They’re not mine, Jerry. I don’t care,” she said, stepping out and slamming the door shut. She walked over to the railing and only then let go of her father, who relied on a wooden pillar. He released the breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding.
For the first time, Rick and Beth looked at each other calmly on a warm, cloudless night. It was quiet, as if life had come to a standstill outside the Smiths’ home.
Beth was the first to look away with her green eyes, slightly lighter than her father’s. Suddenly, she couldn’t find the words she’d been sorting through in her head for the past few hours, words she’d been putting off saying, weeks of silence on the phone, and months of things she’d wanted to say to her father, who was barely ever home.
“You’ve gotten bigger.” Rick broke the silence. Beth snorted in surprise and finally smiled.
“Dad, you can’t see it yet...”
“No-no, I mean, what I meant was... You’ve grown.” Rick waved his hand, embarrassed.
“Really? I hadn’t noticed. I thought I stopped growing a year ago.”
“Me too. I guess this is the last chance to gain a few extra millimeters.”
“Apparently. And who’s this Kevin you mentioned?”
“I don’t know, I just made up a name for every idiot I’d prefer than... Him.” They both shrugged, having lost yet another topic of conversation. “Listen...”
“I wanted to call,” Beth said quickly, and their eyes met again. “I really did. Right after I found out and told Jerry. I was even ready to drop everything and travel through space to tell you.”
Rick knew she was capable of it. The first time, she’d been able to show up at a space diner and announce she was hungry at the age of five in several hours. Another time on the battlefield, because she was bored. Another time at his kidnapper’s estate on a mission for the Galactic Federation to show off her top grades in the year. He realized that if he hadn’t answered, after a few hours she would have found herself in a clover field, unable to find him, because his transmitter would have been inside one of the cows.
“But we decided not to tell anyone for now. Only yesterday was the last day of school, and this morning I went to see Jerry’s parents, and then I told them, and they spent the whole day urging me to get in touch with you.” Beth’s rapidfire speech slowed with every word. She turned to the railing and leaned against it, gazing at the stars. “And by the time they finally convinced me, it had gotten dark. You know the rest of the story. I did expect you to take it worse and murder Jerry, ha ha. He should be glad you only broke his nose.”
“How did they react? How did you react?” he asked, unable to think of anything better to say, and he also leaned against the railing, still looking at his daughter.
“Actually, everyone’s taking it pretty well. For a teenage pregnancy, of course... But... Honestly, I don’t know how I feel about it. For a moment, I even thought about not telling anyone and just getting it over with, like most teenagers. But then, before I decided to tell him during our conversation... I started to feel happy that it happened. Does that make any sense?” Rick just shrugged, able to answer countless questions but not the ones his daughter was asking. “And how do you feel?”
Another question he didn’t know the answer to.
“I'm... Disoriented... Angry, but not at you... Confused, which is probably another word for disoriented... And I think I feel... Joy?” He tried to find the right words, running his hands over his body as if there were hollowed-out letters on his skin, waiting for him to put them together. “Does this make any sense?”
Beth looked at him and burst out laughing. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d laughed like that. Her father looked terrified, disoriented, and on the verge of a nervous breakdown at the same time.
“Beth, sweetie, it’s not funny! You’re a teenager with a pregnancy... A teenage pregnancy... A pregnant teenager! I’m going to be a grandpa! I’m... I’m... Old... Oh no, I’m old!” He grabbed his hair, wanting to pull it out before he went completely bald.
To Beth, it was the funniest thing in the world. She crossed the distance between them and leaned against his chest. Rick froze for a brief moment before he registered what had just happened. He slowly raised his arms and slowly embraced her. All his worries suddenly vanished, and all he could think was that he was holding his daughter, whom he hadn’t held in a long time. She was warm and smelled like blueberry pie.
“Dad, it’s not that bad. Besides, you were more than twice my age when I was born, and well above the average age for men having their first child.” She laughed for a moment longer and lifted her face to look at him, pressing her cheek against his chest and giving him a gentle smile. He smiled shyly at her, wanting to kiss her on the forehead. “Now that we've got that out of the way, there's just one more thing to discuss.”
He nodded and unconsciously swallowed a lump in his throat.
“I’m not going to give up on my dreams just because I’m pregnant,” she declared, and Rick could only manage another nod. “I’m going to finish school and move away to become a horse surgeon. That’s why... I need you for this.”
She stepped back from him, taking his hands and looking him in the eyes. Rick slowly shifted his gaze from their hands to her eyes.
“I know Jerry will be a good father and raise our child well, but honestly? I wouldn’t even trust him to look after an egg. He’d break it at the first opportunity and buy a new one at the supermarket. And before I got back, he’d break a few more and start a fire. I don’t know how, but I know he’s capable of it.”
“I know, but... What exactly is your plan?” he asked, not taking his eyes off her. Beth let go of his hands and took a step back. She began listing everything on her fingers, as if she were talking about her plans at the mall.
“So we’ll move to Washington after I give birth and finish school. I haven’t decided exactly where I want to study yet, but they have the best programs in the country there. I’ll study there even if Jerry doesn’t get into... Um, I don’t know what he plans to study. It doesn't matter; what matters is that our child will be okay, and I'll be both a mother and a student, and later a surgeon, and you'll help me take care of the baby.”
They looked at each other for a few seconds before Rick had a chance to process her words and say anything.
“You want me to be a babysitter?” he finally managed to say.
“Not exactly. But kind of yes. You know, you’ve always had a way with kids. In a certain sense, you raised me well, and you often looked after the neighborhood kids. Sometimes because their parents wanted to sleep with you, but still.”
“Wait, what?” Rick felt something overheat in his brain.
“Don’t pretend you don’t know. Like, a quarter, if not more, of my friends’ parents... Never mind. The point is, you’re good at it, and I honestly want to be number one in your life.” She turned away from him and wrapped her arms around her stomach. Rick, confused, walked over to her.
“Beth, what are you talking about? You’re the most important person in my life,” he said, placing a hand on her shoulder, but she pushed him away and stepped back from him again.
“Don’t say that! Don’t lie to me! All you do is focus on your research, traveling, or fighting the Federation! You're acting like I’m... I’m... A failed experiment!” She began walking around, screaming and pulling at her ponytail and loose strands of hair. New tears welled up in her closed eyes. “Why? Why didn’t you visit me even once when I didn’t answer?”
She wanted to say how her greatest fear was coming true—that he would leave her alone in front of the house to set off on a journey. He would leave her for several months, sometimes calling, sometimes sending postcards from places she had never heard of before, signed by people she would never see. Every night, she would fall asleep crying, waiting for him to come back. But it would never happen. One day she would answer the phone and be told to call an adult because the woman on the other end was unable to give her the worst possible news a child could receive.
But she was too afraid.
He wanted to tell her that the whole family thing hadn’t worked out because he was responsible for it. No one taught him how to handle it or how hard it would be. That he made many mistakes, and some turned out for the best, but even more of his decisions turned out to be wrong. That he wanted to be a better father and deserve her. How proud he is of her and how much he loves her.
And if he doesn’t say this, he’ll regret it for the rest of his life.
“I wasn’t a good enough father to you, and I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have left you alone, and I shouldn’t have disappeared. I got overwhelmed and took things out on you and others in ways I’m not proud of. And it wasn’t your fault. It was my fault, and I’m sorry.”
She looked at him with her wary green eyes. She stared at him for three seconds before she was able to say anything.
“But?”
“But nothing. I’d like to think it’s someone else’s fault, but that just further proof that you got a terrible deal. You deserve a father who’s more patient and more caring... And it breaks my heart that you didn’t get that father.”
Another six seconds passed before she was able to speak again and approach him warily, like a frightened doe.
“Thank you. Wow. Wow.” Beth felt like her brain had frozen for eight seconds. “Wow. I’ve just waited so many years to hear you say that. I don’t know what to feel. I mean, I had a fantasy where you said that. Pretty much word for word. It’s spooky how close it is, but I just want to say... Thank you. And you’re the best parent I could ever have.”
There was something about that night that allowed them to open up and forgive themselves and each other. Maybe it was the cloudless sky, the bright stars, and the big moon. Maybe it was the warm breeze and the smell of pie.
Beth walked over to him and gently wiped his cheek with the sleeve of her sweatshirt.
“Oh, Dad. Don’t cry, being pregnant makes me emotional. I bet this isn’t the last time we’ll have a conversation like this.” Rick wanted to deny that he’d shed a tear or been touched, but he decided not to lie anymore. “Actually... Why didn’t we talk like this before? We could have sorted out our feelings a long time ago.”
“Beth, we don’t know how to talk without arguing.” He snorted, rolling his eyes. “Try to remember the last time we didn’t yell at each other or end an escalating conflict by slamming a door?”
“Um... Last year... During Christmas? No, wait! We didn’t spend it together... So that would be... On our last birthdays?”
They happened to share the same birthday, which was coming up. For years, he’d managed to hide it by distracting her with her own birthday, but one day she found his driver’s license, which wasn’t fake at all, with his real personal data.
“Exactly! That was the last day without arguments and silent treatments! We don’t know how to talk to each other!”
“B-but how did it happen? I don’t understand.”
“Let me explain it to you. You realize that you can start screaming and you don’t care about any punishment, grounding, or whatever else I come up with. Then you discover that smashing plates and cups is more dramatic and loud, even pleasurable. Then you throw a plate at me, which is even cooler, and I discover that yelling at you doesn’t cause you to be terrified, cry, or get traumatized, which you’ll have to work through with a therapist in a few years, and you won’t call social services. This sometimes happens, sometimes you lock yourself in your room, sometimes we avoid each other and don’t talk for a few days, and sometimes you don’t answer the phone. Did I miss anything?”
She was stunned. She rested her hands on the railing, trying to process her behavior.
“No... This is... Exactly what’s going on. I think I have aggression issues.”
“Yeah, thanks to you, we don’t have any nice serving dishes.” He also leaned against the railing, just as Beth looked at him as if he’d insulted her in several languages.
“Excuse me? Let’s start with the fact that you have no taste. You buy them on sale, and none of them even come in a set.”
“I liked my nice tea set before a piece of porcelain got in my eye.” He pouted like a child.
“Come on, you got it from that channel that scams old people out of overpriced junk, and it wasn’t even real porcelain. And I was aiming near your head, not at it. You just had to stand still.”
“You’re lucky I managed to buy a whole new set. And sometimes they advertise something nice when I can’t sleep.” He convinced himself. “Is everything okay between us now? At least for now?”
“I guess so,” she sighed, trying to sort everything out in her head. It seemed to be okay, or at least better than it had been in a long time. “So. What’s next? Shall we agree to try not to fight for a while?”
She held out her hand, and he took it, pulling her close and wrapping his arm around her.
“Deal. And we need to add a few things to your to-do list,” he said, lightly stroking her arm. She smiled at him again. He was right. She had grown up a little.
“What exactly?”
“First off, tomorrow you’ll be examined by a doctor of my choice.” He turned her to face him and placed his hands on her shoulders. They looked deeply into each other’s eyes. “Trust me, he’s the best when it comes to humanoid pregnancy. He’ll guide you through everything. You’ll listen to him first and then me, and if I say something different, you’ll still listen to him. Including movies, magazines, and books. I’ve got a whole stack of books sorted into two piles. One is pretty good, the other will have social services knocking on your door when you've been sticking your head in the oven for a few hours. But you’ll listen to us, and I’ll monitor your parameters, what you eat, and your sleep schedule.”
He stared at her for a long time, hoping she’d at least listen to him a little.
“Can I have some of Joyce’s blueberry pie?
“Even with whipped cream. I love that pie, Beth. I’ll have at least a slice myself first. And tomorrow, after the visit, which Jerry might also attend as ‘Dad,’ we’ll take a little vacation. What do you say?”
Her eyes sparkled with excitement like stars tonight.
“Really?!”
“Sure. We’ll spend a few weeks or a month wherever you choose, or we’ll visit a few places. For example, at that hotel where we stayed two years ago. I heard it’s even better after the renovation. And you’ll fill me in on this year’s latest gossip. You know how much I love high school gossip. You’ll just have to remind me of a few things from last summer, especially what happened at the lake.”
“I’d love to.” She snuggled up to him again, and Rick returned the hug. “I have a few ideas, as long as we can visit another dimension or two.”
What a night.
“What a night,” Rick repeated. His gaze fell on a flowerpot sitting on the railing just behind Beth. “If we were arguing nonstop, I’d give you eight minutes before you’d throw that pot at me.”
She glanced at the pot without turning away from her father.
“Exactly, eight minutes max, and you’d literally be biting the dust.” She snuggled closer to him. “It feels like summer already,” she said, returning to her previous thought.
“Enjoy it while you can. This will be your last vacation like this for about 18 years.”
“Summer...” she repeated happily. “I like it.”
“Oh, no, no, no.” He let go of her and tried to sound convincing. “Don’t even think about it. You’ll definitely come up with something better.”
“I like it more now,” she said happily. She walked over to the back door. “Come on, the pie is probably cool by now. I’ll save you the biggest slice.”
“Okay,” he replied and followed her. “But you’re not going to distract me like that. You’ll have to try harder.”
She opened the door just as everyone returned to their places, as if they hadn’t heard the entire conversation clearly from where they were before. Beth and Rick walked in, leaving the bright stars behind them as they stepped into a new, better, and brighter future.