Chapter Text
Haru had always despised Shion.
Shion, who was perfect. He was handsome, stylish, and taller… He was sweet, smart and energetic. Sometimes, Haru would spend hours and hours staring at their old photos as he wondered how he could be him. But the only response his mind could ever echo was that it would never be possible.
He could never even be close to perfect. He was weak, disgusting and impossible to like.
It is why this week came as a shock to him.
Haru attempted to conceal an eyeroll, looking from afar as his old friend got multiple cards and chocolates. It was Valentine's Day, and the girls in their office could barely hide their affection for him. A part of him wanted to do the same in hopes of reconnecting, but he knew he’d be lying to himself if he said that’s what he truly wanted. It’d only confirm Shion was wanted by everybody, and he wasn’t.
However, when he went outside the office to catch some air in the balcony area, a shadow caught his eye. He tried to ignore it, basking in the terrible smell of smoke as many would come around often to waste their breaths. But this was also the only place where he could relax away from everyone’s eyes, to reflect on himself as his self-hatred grew stronger each day.
Haru looks below the balcony, how easy would it be if he just jumped. He could end his suffering, and stop tormenting everyone by his actions. He was sure his manager would be the happiest, yet the guilt of already betraying Aoi’s words would stop him. If only he could–
He hears a noise, he looks back, startled. It was Shion.
“Ah! Senpai! I didn’t know you’d be here, we haven’t talked in a while,” Shion noticed shyly. He smelt like strawberries and cigarettes, an odd combination that brought him home to the earlier days.
He awkwardly smiles, a tinge of guilt seeping in, “True… I’ve been busy, sorry. How have you been?”
“I’ve been good!” Shion responded enthusiastically, another intent present in the corner of his eye as it darkened. “Actually, I’ve been meaning to talk to you about something.”
He gulps, there’s no way Haru failed to hide his secret hatred for him. Would he finally confront him about their teared up photos in his apartment? Would he tell everyone so they’d hate him more? Would he tell the manager so she could finally fire him?
He waits and waits as the younger man squirms, pulling out something from his cardigan.
It was… A letter and a box of chocolates.
Haru tries to brainstorm the reasons he could be giving this. Maybe it was out of pity, maybe he noticed the glances. He accepts them, with an intent to throw them away, already feeling sick at the idea of Shion looking even downer at him due to this.
“I like you.”
What?
“I like you a lot. I have for a while,” Shion confesses, “I thought these feelings would disappear once we stopped talking but I want to be with you, and I was hoping you’d feel the same way.”
Haru blinks in disbelief. No way this perfect being could ever love somebody like him. But at the same time, maybe he was just being a tease, maybe he was trying to be condescending or maybe he was trying to provide him with these things out of pity. The longer he stares at the gifts being provided, the more he realises these weren’t the same gifts that were given to him. They were new, they were for him.
“Um, senpai…” Shion breaks him out of his self-deprecating thoughts as his face gets a few shades darker in red, “I understand if you want to say no. I was just hoping you could eat the chocolates since I especially made them for you.”
He feels himself getting warmer. Not even his own pitiful thoughts could break this objective truth, this was real. Shion liked him, wanted to be with him. It provided him with a superiority complex like never before.
Maybe this is what he needed all along.
A perfect being at his mercy, waiting to be rejected or accepted, all that was now in his power to do. If he was capable of liking him for whatever reason, maybe it could be a pathway to him not being inferior anymore.
He takes the gifts gently and forces a sweet smile, thoughts in his head telling him to stop doing this as he does the first selfish thing he has done for himself. “Ofcourse I like you too, Tatsunami-kun.”
Shion stands up straight in glee, grasping Haru in a tight hug as he struggles to breathe.
“Really? I’m so happy, senpai!”
As he lets go, Haru finally genuinely smiles back at Shion’s joy. A part of him had always enjoyed his company. Shion continues to say, “We’ll be together, forever and ever. I promise to look after you.”
Haru looks away embarrassed, that was shockingly too quick to be this genuine. “O-Ofcourse…”
He attempts to distract himself, opening the box as he sees his favourite foods that he had mentioned long ago in the shapes of chocolates, perfectly made. Perfect like him.
Shion’s face darkens as he swiftly takes away the box, “That can be for later. They look melted, I’ll make them perfect for you again.”
“They look fine to me–” Haru attempts to comfort but he gets interrupted.
“I never knew how to cook, so I messed up the recipe, I realise this now,” Shion covers up. “Now don’t start reading the letter… It’s embarrassing.”
Haru smirks at Shion’s new side, a little less perfect, a little more shy and gentle. It makes him feel better about himself. Maybe he could ruin him, too. Make him like himself. That would help the poison ivies that choke Shion in Haru’s sleep lessen, it could help his jealousy and insecurities lessen.
As they return, they are caught by the manager.
“Akinashi!” She catches him. “What have you been doing outside, wasting time? Your work is still pending, I need it done by today or you stay all night and finish it.”
“Y-yes ma’am… I’m sorry,” He bows in apology, awkward now that he’s caught in front of everyone and his new boyfriend.
“Useless as always…” She tuts, now looking at Shion. “Ah, Tatsunami-kun. I’m sorry this useless man distracted you, have you finished all your work?”
“Yes ma’am, I have!” He replies enthusiastically, not offering Haru any defense, “I went to have a break.”
“Well that’s alright, you deserved it.” She smiles, leaving them behind, giving Haru a dawning realisation.
Things could never change. Things would never change.
Shion will always be better. Haru will always be the worst.
He feels a hand pat his back, “Hey, are you alright, senpai? Man, she truly is the worst.”
He doesn’t reply, his hatred grows. His actions reflect the opposite, he reaches out and holds Shion’s hand as the other blushes in response.
“S-senpai… We’re in the office.” He tries to stop him, trying to remain perfect.
Haru smiles as this imperfection provides him comfort, “It’s okay. I prefer you like this.”
A black string tugs at them both, strengthening as he feels himself attached to Shion, forever and ever, stuck in his self-made sinking pool of the hatred and love he feels for him.
Shion pouts stubbornly at Haru’s new side, his heart pounds faster in excitement as he attempts to hide it. It was a new way of self-deprecation that he could feel himself seeing.
If Haru needed him like this to stay this pathetic, it’s all Shion would ever be.