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“Hey Silver!”
The voice of Yuu snapped Silver out of his almost sleep state. Silver blinked a few times, trying to regain his bearings before looking over at the prefect. “Yes Yuu?” Silver asked.
“What do you think of Lilia?” Yuu asked.
The question caught Silver off guard, enough so that he didn’t have an immediate response. “Pardon?” Silver asked, confused by the question.
Yuu rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. “Oh, well you two always seem so close, and he’s always hugging or draped around you. You never seem to push him away or say anything, but you also never return the affection or reach out first. I was just a bit curious.” Yuu explained.
“Oh.” Silver muttered, dumbfounded.
It was true, Lilia did often drape himself over to cling to Silver. Lilia was always affectionate with those he was close to or protective of. It was Lilia’s way of saying ‘this person is mine and I’ll protect them so don’t even think of hurting them’ to the ones around.
Silver was and had always been honored to be one of those people that Lilia deemed worthy of his outward protection. But Lilia was also so much higher than Silver, in power and in status. So, Silver never actively reciprocated or initiated touch or affection with Lilia, especially in public. He didn’t want to push too hard.
Was that the wrong choice? Perhaps he had caused issues, if Yuu had begun to question what Silver thought of his mentor and father. Though, Silver supposed Yuu was unaware of Lilia being Silver’s father.
“I-…” Silver hesitated. He had never been too good at describing people or what he thought of them. He was able to recognize how he viewed them, but he’d never been too good at putting those views into words. How did he view Lilia? How was he supposed to put those feelings into words clearly.
Silver thought for a moment, and one description quickly popped into his mind.
“He’s like glass.” Silver said, only half thinking through his words before they came tumbling out of his mouth.
Yuu blinked in surprise at the description, before confusion etched its way onto his face.
Silver, realizing what he had said, couldn’t blame him. What kind of description was that!? Silver himself understood the reasoning and thought process behind it, but Yuu likely didn’t.
Yuu probably saw Lilia as a cheerful, playful person who took very little seriously. He didn’t have the same experiences with Lilia that Silver did, didn’t grow up with Lilia like Silver did. Sure, Lilia had let loose a lot more as time went on when he was raising Silver, but he hadn’t always been that carefree person that he is now.
“Is it okay if I ask for context…? I mean, I know you’ve known him longer than I have, but I don’t quite understand.” Yuu said, tilting his head to side.
It kind of reminded Silver of how Malleus would tilt his head to one side when he was interested in a conversation or confused. Perhaps Yuu had picked that habit up from Malleus, after all the two had been spending quite a bit of time together recently.
No, Silver, focus.
Silver hesitated for a moment to explain, unsure if Yuu would even believe him. Sometimes it was hard for Silver to even believe his own memories of what had happened in his childhood to make him view Lilia like he did now. Especially given how Lilia acted now.
Yuu, seeming to notice his conflicted expression, and almost as if he could read his fellow human’s thoughts – perhaps Silver might actually be that see through with those who are close to him – his expression softened. “You can tell me. I’ll believe you, and I won’t say anything against it, you’ve known Lilia longer than I have after all.” Yuu said, putting on a comforting smile.
Silver hesitated, he wanted to keep his lips sealed tightly. Keep Yuu’s view of Lilia the way it currently was, as a carefree playful and friendly but strangely parental fae that enjoyed jump scaring people at any given opportunity. But something about that comforting smile reminded him of Malleus, of those gentler moments between Silver and Sebek, of the times that Lilia would wrap Silver in a layer of warmth during cold or stormy nights. And it made Silver trust Yuu more than he probably should.
“Fa- Lilia… He’s sometimes cold and brittle.” Silver said softly, choosing his words carefully. He didn’t want to say the wrong thing or imply that Lilia was purposely cold to him. Because Lilia wasn’t, a part of Silver believed that Lilia had never meant or even realized when he had hurt Silver in the past. And the way Lilia treated him with such warmth now was proof in Silver’s mind.
“Lilia? Cold?” Yuu asked, shocked.
Silver couldn’t blame him, it sounded outlandish. Lilia? the current Lilia? acting cold towards anyone? Especially someone he cared about like Silver?
But Silver could remember those times so clearly.
“Papa?” Silver had asked one day when he was around four, looking up at his father who was hunched over the dining room table, holding his head in his hands.
“What.” Lilia replied coldly, the ice in his voice enough to make Silver shiver.
But the young child, so foolish and naïve, pressed on, ever hopeful. “Play…?” Silver asked, holding up one of the two toys in his hands up to his father. The one in his outstretched hand a brave knight, while the one in his hand against his chest a wooden dragon.
Lilia looked over, and even though Silver was young, he could see a flash of annoyance pass in Lilia’s eyes. “Not now Silver, go play in your room.” Lilia said. He put his hand on Silver’s outstretched one, shoving it back against the child’s chest.
Silver struggled to not stumble, but he managed to stay up right. Silver, recognizing that Lilia wasn’t in a good mood, quickly made his way back up to his room. He didn’t play, any previous joyful mood stifled by his father’s coldness. Instead, the young child curled up on the bed, hugging a bat plushie that his father had once given him close to his chest.
Another time, that Silver recalled with an equally drear emotion in his heart.
Silver, about ten, swung his practice sword. Despite his young age and inexperience, the swing remained true and straight. Silver felt his eyes light up with pride and he quickly looked over to where his father and Malleus was watching. “Did you see that father?” Silver asked giddily, hoping to get a pleasant reaction from his father.
“Hm? Yes, very good Silver.” Lilia said dismissively, barely taking his focus away from his conversation with Malleus.
Silver felt his expression fall in disheartenment, upset about his father’s easy dismissal. Malleus noticed the interaction and looked over to Silver. Malleus smiled, that soft smile that never failed to calm Silver even the throws of panic after a nightmare. “Very well done Silver. You did good.” Malleus said.
Silver felt his heart warm slightly. He was glad that Malleus thought he was doing well, but he also wished father would acknowledge his accomplishments.
Silver heard Lilia mutter something to Malleus, but he couldn’t hear it. However, whatever it was made Malleus’ expression darken before a clap of thunder was heard in the sky. Malleus said something, too quiet for Silver’s human hearing to pick up on.
Malleus turned to Silver with a forced smile again. “Continue training Silver, Lilia and I will be back in a moment.” With that Malleus practically grabbed Lilia and went into the cottage before Silver could respond.
Silver never learned what the two had discussed, but he could remember hearing their voices raise and mix in anger. It had started raining at some point then, but Silver had dutifully remained outside and training. At least until Lilia had come and gotten him with an expression softer than Silver had seen from him in a long time.
It was that day that Lilia had begun being nicer, softer with Silver. Though even now Silver didn’t know why, what Malleus had said to Lilia to make him basically do a complete 180.
Yuu’s expression softened at the no doubt melancholic expression on Silver’s face at the moment. “I suppose that there are always multiple sides to people.” Yuu said, clearly trying heard not to dismiss Silver. “Is that why you never return affection?”
Silver nods. “I care for him dearly, but he breaks from so little.” Silver said quietly.
Silver, only around six, snapped awake from his position on the couch when the door to the cottage opened. He had been waiting for his father to come home after he had went out with Sebek’s grandfather for the night.
Lilia stumbled into the living room, leaning against the wall.
“Papa…!” Silver called out, happy to see him again, but also a bit weary of the clouded expression his father wore. Even so, the child threw caution to the wind and quickly walked over to hug his father tightly. “You’re back!” Silver exclaimed happily.
Lilia tensed before Silver saw his nose wrinkle in disgust. “Get your filthy hands off me.” His father spat with venom in his voice, shoving Silver away from him.
Silver stumbled, hurt and confusion flashing through his mind. What did father mean filthy? Silver always made sure his hands were clean, father had taught him the importance of hygiene very quickly.
“Papa? What do you mean?” Silver asked, confused and hurt.
Anger flashed in Lilia’s eyes. “Don’t you dare call me that, disgusting iron-blood.” Lilia said.
Silver’s eyes widened. What was that supposed to mean? Why was father being so mean? He was normally cold but he wasn’t usually outright cruel.
“What-…” Silver tried to ask something more, ask why papa was being so mean, but he couldn’t force words from his throat.
Lilia rolled his eyes. “What? Cat got your tongue now? Whatever, I’m going to bed. Don’t bother me.” Lilia said. He didn’t wait for Silver to say anything more before he went upstairs, and Silver flinched at the sound of the door slamming.
Silver slept on the couch that night, not wanting to be upstairs near Lilia.
Silver felt his eyes water and his vision go blurry at the painful memory.
“Silver?” Yuu asked, worried. Yuu reached up to try and touch Silver’s face, likely to wipe the tear that Silver felt trailing down his face. Normally, Silver would let him, he trusted Yuu enough to touch him, unlike most. But this time Silver flinched away, wiping the tears in his eyes and on his face away forcefully.
“I apologize.” Silver said quickly.
“It’s okay, you don’t have to apologize.” Yuu said softly.
Silver nodded hesitantly. “I’ll… I’ll keep that in mind, but I must be getting back to Diasomnia, I need to train.” Silver said quickly, using the first excuse that came to mind.
Yuu nodded in understanding. “Okay, good luck!” Yuu said as Silver turned and walked away from him.
Silver thought back to what he had said as he walked, wondering if he’d said too much, been too honest.
But Lilia really was like glass in Silver’s eyes.
He was cold and brittle.
He broke so easily under the slightest thing.
Silver rubbed his wrist, hidden by gloves and a layer of bandages for good measure, where scars unknown to all but him marred his skin.
And Silver had cut himself on every shard.