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You think you get used to the quiet after a storm. That now that the clouds have parted and a simple calm has finally settled over the area that you can relax, breathe easier, let yourself simply be now that the pain is over. You'd think it easy, to finally have that pain taken off your shoulders and simply enjoy the feeling of having it finally be gone.
And yet... now that Moon could breathe, now that the pain of being attached to something that she could no longer feel anything but the broken pieces of was able to become a distant memory, it felt... odd. No pain of collapse, no sting of decaying and rusting parts, no bullet rain that flooded her chamber and forced her to drown cycle after cycle, day after day, sometimes hour after hour later on in Pebbles's life cycle. The pain was gone. Everything that was acquainted with it had been disconnected, leaving her the shell she had become accustomed with, but without the pain that burdened her.
So why did it feel wrong? Why did she feel as if she was waiting for the other shoe to drop? Why did it feel as if one step in the wrong direction would make this entire moment of calm and peace would fall apart around her, plunging her down down down into further despair and pain than she could ever imagine? That taking these steps forward, to finally have a chance at bettering herself, would mean that she could hurt herself further in the long run- or, Void Sea forbid, that she could possibly hurt the ones she cared about that had come to help free her from that pain to start with. She didn't want to think about that, about how taking these selfish steps forward could hurt the others around her who helped push her out of that spot to begin with.
It's... odd, how used you can get to the pain. The anguish, the agony, how much it can all just settle in your soul. Things like anger, hatred, burning hot emotions can fry deep in your chest but will find a way to sizzle out one day, at least it did with her. But the pain had been a constant, a permanent, and it was gone. It was completely gone, and she had not a clue what to do with that. She had to keep moving, she had not a choice, and yet it felt almost terrifying to do so.
She had not a choice but to move forward... but she worried what this trail she blazed for herself would also catch on fire in its wake. She could only hope that it wouldn't burn the ones beside her who had opted to walk this trail with her, even as she selfishly pulled them closer as to never lose sight of them again.
It was terrifying... but perhaps it was about time for local group senior Looks to the Moon to be just a little bit selfish, and choose herself first. Just this once.
