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When does time really starts, where does it ends? Even I don't know the answers to that question; I think I'm just a constant loop and what makes everyday different is the moments and the points in it.
Time is a loop, a river that goes on and on and on; it's a concept made up by someone just for them not to feel like all this is nothing but isn't it? Be it if you're an immortal warlock, or an archer, a shadowhunter, a vampire or even a mundane; you wake up and it's the same, same sun, same night.
Now I'm- I don't actually know what I am; I just exist. My job? Well my job is to slow or speed time up; you know that feeling when things seems to be in slow motion, gives you time to react or appreciate something? That's what I am, call me a remote. I just appear and disappear when I'm needed, from one place to another and like time, I don't really know where I began- how many wears- just how It is.
But I'm not here to discuss the concept of time or my job or apologize - no I'm here to tell a story that's close to my heart, I wanted to stop myself from doing my job, I wanted the world to be still for a couple of moments and couple of times on the life of Alexander Lightwood.
Alec was never special to my eyes, everything was the same for me, he was just there; along with the billion people inhabiting the earth. Didn't even pay any attention to him up until the first time. The first time I slowed time for him.
I remember the first time I slowed time for him, oh it was special; he just looked at this boy and I could feel the sense of protection he felt and I wanted him to cherish the moment. The moment you've met someone, you'd claim yours in one look. The moment he looked at Jace.
Jace Wayland, now that's one messed up kid; all I wanted for him was speed things up, because no one deserved that much pain in their life. That's how I saw Jace's life up until I saw him with Alec that day, and I thought well; maybe just maybe I wouldn't have to skip his life over.
The moment they shook hands? I was a goner.
I've spent most my time watching Alec though, people paid a whole lot of attention to Jace but I'm like Jace- I seem to only pay attention to Alec. The moment Alec realized though? About his feelings for Jace- now that was a dilemma for me.
It was just another day and Alec was busy reading, He looked so peaceful; he was fifteen. You can see the light reflect on his raven hair and there was no sound except for the turn of the pages, that is until Jace came running in, holding a present from Idris; one he got for Alec because it remind it of Alec. It was a book, an old one; one they probably have in the library but Alec's heart speed up and it was the most beautiful thing in the world for him. "Got the first day I was there, really cool stuffs in there." You see, Jace didn't buy it to be polite- Jace was not polite, no; the blonde bought it because he couldn't really say how much he missed Alec during time he was gone, that he bought the first book he'd seen the first day he was there cause he wanted Alec to be there. It was Jace making him feel special without even trying, because Alec was special in his eyes.
Then when he looked up at Jace? Alec's life changed in more ways than one, love was a concept all beings think they understand, even at a young age it's been instilled on their DNA. Now, what Alec feels for Jace is more than what he feels for Izzy in a different way; sure he'd gladly lay his life on the line for both but this was just different and it confused him.
He started acting guarded, always watching his moves cause he didn't want anyone to find out. It was not right to have feelings for another male, that's what the teachings say. It help that no one really expected anything from him, everyone thinks Jace is the best; and it made him proud but bitter at the same time. Every time he could see the disappointment on his parents eyes. Always the weak one.
Then came the day Jace asked him to be his parabatai, it made him fall even harder; something he didn't think possible. You see, he rationalized his feelings for Jace a couple of times, more than he could count. The thought that maybe he wasn't in love with Jace, maybe he was just in love at the concept of being in love. That maybe Jace is the only one that made him feel special that's why he likes Jace, that make sense right? And for a long time, it's the defense he's gonna use; even Jace was gonna use it but I'm way ahead of the story. Lets get back to that day, Jace was a wrecked because he's not one for asking things for himself. Jace is broken and no one really notices cause he's arrogant and narcissistic on the outside that no one pays attention to the broken boy inside.
I slowed time because this was something both of them should have forever, Alec realises that there is one person that doesn't look at him the way everyone does, he was not weak in Jace's eyes because there's no way Jace was gonna ask him to be if he did think that way. On Jace's part? Well he was raised to think that loving is being weak, to care for something is weakness; but trusting someone with your life, isn't it the same thing? It was the moment he vocally implied that he cared and loved Alec, that Alec is everything to him.
After that? It was mostly blurs, fast forwards to the times they would fight and slow down the moment Alec would walk away. I don't want to torture Jace, heavens no but it was a feeling, whenever Alec would turn to leave and he feels like part of his world was crashing down that's pushes him to fix things between them. God knows Alec's pride is much higher than Jace, when the matter is between the two of them. Whenever they would fight? Trust Jace to be the one who's insecure enough about their bond to just want and talk it out.
And as much as I've want to make things like that for them, faith has different plans in the from of a red head mundane turned shadow hunter and a 400 year old warlock.
Clary, lets talk about how she managed to capture Jace's attention that he actually came to find her. If I'd know what I know Now I wouldn't have stayed and watched the heart break this two would give me. In such a short period of time (three weeks top) - she managed to turn everything upside down. Alec didn't like her one bit, but Jace was adamant about it. What happened next is a blur of bad decisions that made me stop believing on Jace and Alec.
I wanted to hang myself and I don't even have a body to do so. I was not invested in a romantic relationship, no! (Maybe a little) but that's not my point. Jace and Alec were good friends, they compliment each other well. And I saw it fall apart in such a small period of time and I can't blame anyone.
There's a lot of demons, finding out that your father is the Hitler of the supernatural world, then almost falling for someone and then finding out she's your sister ( spoiler she's not) and to top that get kidnapped? Three weeks Jace, how the hell have you manage to do that?
In the end, Jace and Clary didn't work out. Maybe it's because they're both too stubborn and impulsive and they're too alike that it was exhausting; they remain friends though.
On the other side Magnus Bane, oh I adored that warlock- I mean who doesn't? The moment he sets his eyes on Alec? Most exciting part of that day and that day was a mess. It was not love at first sight, I don't believe that crap but he had that effect on Alec that I enjoyed, so when he offered Alec his hand is can't help but slow things down. It meant something.
I wouldn't have expected Alec to go out the closet for anyone, anyone at all except Jace but when Magnus walked in that room the day of the wedding? Well that was one of my favorite slow mos- not the top of my lists but still mentionable, for a lot of time. And I'm not gonna gush about that kiss. Nope.
Everything was kind of looking up about Alec's personal decisions, all this while the whole world was going down and I couldn't care less about the world truth be told.
Then Jace got kidnapped? Hostage? Not really familiar with the words but Valentine got him and Alec's life's mission was to get him back. And they did, war everted-
World save. I'm skipping over it because it's not relevant to my story.
Lets skipped to the time Magnus and Alec realised that they were over. It was years down the line, Alec loved Magnus and the same goes for Magnus. I left them alone, because they were happy and I was happy for them. I don't actually remember what happened, one moment I was slowing things down for an elderly couple in manhattan, next thing I was there witnessing two of my favourite people's hearts break. It's about Jace, you see the problem with loving someone is that you can't really replace them, you just find someone else and hope that his one won't break your heart the way the other did. I don't really know what happened but when Alec walked out the doors, I slowed things down hoping it would changed his mind but alas, I'm not Cupid not fate nor I am god to influence their decisions.
Few weeks later, change was evident and Jace was confused about what's happening, he tried talking to Alec who just brushed him off. He tried talking to Magnus who just magic him out the door. It was frustrating to him and he was getting bitter.
Few more weeks later, Alec started doing better; Jace doesn't ask, figures Alec will talk to him when he's ready; they started spending more time and he realised how much he missed Alec, that this was one thing that was missing the past few years. He started hanging out Alec's room again without the fear of Catching Alec and Magnus is a make up session. They were happy again, back when they were kids but Jace is till worried about Alec and Magnus he's got to find a way - because he doubts Alec's happiness.
Then months passed, I watch Magnus talk to Jace, they argued like always but this time? This time they both have defeated faces unlike the others that Magnus ends up with a triumph face. He offered a sad smile when he walked away, leaving Jace to watch the warlock, now a part of his life, walk away.
It made Jace angry, he didn't like the feeling of being left and Magnus is a friend and Alec was way in out of his head. He tried to calm himself as he found his way to Alec's room and he went in without knocking.
"Magnus says you think you're hang up on me." He went in and started talking way before the door closed. Alec didn't look up from the book he was reading, rolling his eyes.
"Alec!" Jace raised his voice,crossed his arms and glared hard.
"I don't think I am." He answered closing the book and standing putting the book back in the shelf.
"Then why did he-"
"Did he say I think I'm hung up on you or did he say I'm
Hang up on you?" He threw Jace a flat look. I figured it would be the best time to slow things down, to let Jace's mind catch up with him.
Both their hearts started pounding, and Jace couldn't moved. "He-"
"He said I'm hang up on you, we both know I am. Now you know too."Alec was not shy anymore, he's always been brave but there are just certain things he couldn't do or admit back then and he was sure somehow Jace knows it too.
"That's stupid, you are not in love with me Alec."
"Okay." Alec rolled his eyes and crossed his arms too.
"Okay?" Jace's voice sounded indignant. "What does that even mean?"
"It means okay, I say I'm in love you you, say I'm not,
we're gonna argue and it's still gonna be that argument." He raised a brow. "Am I right?"
"Kiss me." Jace took a step forward, now if I had a face my face would probably resemble Alec's reaction, a combination of shock and complete utter confusion. "You think you love me that way, you don't. I mean get why you think you are but you don't. I'm familiar, safe and-"
"Right, caused you think I haven't made that argument myself. Don't be stupid Jace. I spent most my life denying my feeling for you and I argue better." Irritation was evident on Alec's voice.
"You don't-"
"Okay lets see, if your about to say I don't look at you like I'm gonna jump you, trust me. You don't want to do that."
"Just kiss me and you see-"
If I had eyes? I would roll it too. I would probably shake my head to if I had one. And if I had hands? I would slap Jace into understanding. Alec had grown up, he matured and he's made up his mind. When Alec's hands shoot out to Jace's neck, while that action was quite forceful; when his lips pressed on Jace's it was soft and gentle and Jace's hands dropped down from where it was crossed. I stopped time.
I didn't think it was possible, you see there's just certain seconds you can slow time and it depends on how important that thing is and I didn't get why this moment was important at first. Then I realised, how many years has it been since Alec wanted this? Imagined it over and over and over again he could feel jace's imaginary lips.
Then Jace, he wanted this too; I'll learned (way down the road) for as long as he could remember but he never really let himself wish for it. Alec was everything to him, and when he asked him to be his parabatai? With Alec being the good law abiding shadowhunter he is, he knew this was not possible. Alec was not gonna have feelings for him because it was against the law and he was happy watching Alec from the sidelines because Magnus was good for him. Alec is lucky to have Magnus and they were going to be happy. I spent too much time watching Alec I didn't really see Jace's feelings.
I watch as Jace's eyes closed, same as Alec and both of them moved in unison, like clockwork; it was beautiful and I'm glad I witnessed it. I don't know who pulled away first but Alec's forehead rested on Jace's and both their eyes were closed, Alec was smiling, a victorious one and Jace was breathing deeply as he opened his eyes and looked at Alec. Alec's hands were still cradling Jace's head and Jace as holding on to his wrist.
"I told you so."
"Shut up." Jace pressed his lips up Alec with a smile..