Work Text:
Dear Lara,
I forgive you.
Of course, I know your mind was not your own when you perpetrated your crime and thus forgiveness is unnecessary. Your body was only the instrument used by its usurper. The real Lara has gone somewhere I cannot. Well, I suppose that isn’t entirely true, but it is most assuredly a one-way street despite all my research over the years.
My sisters and Shelly are quite riled up over your actions. I can tell they all feel the same confusion and loss I hold in my heart. Robbed of both our god and our friend in one fell swoop- it’s natural to be a little lost. I don’t think any of us have yet to even understand the implications of what happened, both for our own lives and for the world at large.
Pamela and Shelly are really very angry with you. It’s understandable. I envy the purpose they’ve found in the midst of this, even if I know it will come to naught. Please trust that their hatred is born of grief and fear. Deep in their hearts, I hope they one day admit to themselves that none of this was your fault. I already have. I must say, it has done rather little to dull the pain.
Soleil and I have always been more reserved, and that has not changed even now. My sister has sequestered herself in her chambers after she decided nothing could be done. The sound of harpstrings echoes softly through the palace at all hours of the day and night, every song one Felice had loved in her life. Perhaps it is selfish of me to want Soleil to play that folk song you hummed so often.
Speaking of selfishness, I am angry with you too. This letter of mine which you will not ever read is measured, but I promise there is a rage like nothing I have ever felt boiling in my chest. I am truly sorry for that. Even if rationally I can recognize the situation for its reality, my fury at all I have lost must be directed somewhere. You are the unfortunate recipient.
Because I am so upset that you have left me. If you had been able to wait longer, I could have found a way to resolve your problem! In all her power, Felice could do nothing! Only I, who studied and researched, who delved the depths of everything under heaven’s purview and then went deeper still, could have saved you! I could have you with me right now if your soul had been stronger! Nothing in any of our lives would be changed so terribly if you had just-
It is my hubris to believe I could have altered anything. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Lara. I have always hoped this result was only a possibility. That your destruction was not inevitable. Perhaps I was wrong. It doesn’t matter now. Nothing does. My knowledge gathering was all useless. You are gone. And I am the only one to grieve for you.
Pamela and Shelly are preparing to set out on a journey to search for you and take revenge. Soleil wishes only to play music for her dead god. And I… I just want you back.
I could never make anyone happy with my research. Not you, not our god, not any of the other disciples. I must confide that a thought has been growing in your absence though. One you would shut down were you still here. One Felice would too. But both you and her cannot stop me. My research will at least serve to offer me a perilous road which might hold personal happiness at its end. If I cannot reach it, then the consequences are hardly worse than the abyss I find myself in right now.
A soul can never truly be destroyed, even if consumed by a divine dragon. You are still there, somewhere, fragments of your being floating aimlessly on the Lethe. If I find you, I will have you back in this life. If I fail, my broken soul will float side by side with yours. Either will suffice. I merely want to feel your presence next to me again.
Please let me find you. I would sacrifice every god in this universe just to have you back. Wait for me, Lara, wherever you are. I will be there soon.
Yours always,
Mizerka