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It never came around the same time. If it had, Red Jessica would have prepared for it.
The feeling wasn’t quite the same as loneliness, but it felt just as hollow. It wasn’t sadness, but it still settled just as deep. And it was a slippery thing, too. It could be one of those days where the memories were easy to forget, or those nights where sleep was dreamless enough to stop certain thoughts from seeping through. In them, she could almost feel whole.
Then it would return. Sometimes a marigold blossoms perfect for little fingers to clasp as if they were the most beautiful thing in the world. Other times it was the stairs, perfect for tiny hands and knees to scale off of no matter how many times they were guided away. The bottom of burnt scones, the tip of ruby lipstick that covered everything but the lips of miniscule perpetuator in question, the sound of milk bubbling over the fire, a scribble on the wall she couldn’t bother to remove.
(All these little things. It was a wonder that Jessica could even remember beyond them. First-Made-Molly once said that it was better to remember small; that way you didn’t get caught up when it was time to say goodbye. She dismissed it at the time; holding onto things was all she could do.
She wouldn’t admit that all those things she held onto were starting to fade.)
And then there were mornings like this, where there was nothing but the rustle of leaves against the windows to fill the silence. Sitting in the parlor usually gave the curly-haired woman peace of mind. Every detail of it had been crafted by her hand, from the rose-embroidered table cloth to the sketches that rested on the mantle. Her feet nestled into the soft stitches of the carpet, feeling the clumsy errors of her first attempt. The little clock kept a steady beat, piercing the quiet with a steady tick, tick, tick.
There should have been something else. After all, she’d built this house for two.
Two.
The sting of tears was brimming at her eyes, but she blinked them away.
If she could just get through the week . . . just one week and then everything would go back to normal.
Whatever that normal was.
Something brushed against her feet. Jessica looked down at Rosie's green eyes blinking up at her. The kitten jumped up on the couch, settling against her owner’s thigh.
“Hello, there, Rosie-wosie,” Jessica said, fingers gently caressing snow-white fur. “Come to settle with ye Mommy?”
From her corner, Sasha, the bengal tiger, arose from her resting spot. She trotted over from her corner, stopping just at Jessica’s feet, and curled up against them.
The shadow of a smile traced Jessica’s lips. “Not you too. I’ll be fine, girls. Really.”
(When had she gotten so good at lying?)
It wasn’t the grief that was swallowing her whole now, but the quiet. Normally, during times like this, when the quiet stretched down every hall, she would fill it with friends. But the years weren’t kind to her company. Her last encounter with Beatrice nearly cost her her ruby necklace.
The very one she would dangle over her baby, who would coo as she reached for the pearls in the sunlight,
(“Aren’t they beautiful? Look at that shine. Ye daddy’s coming soon, aye?”)
She couldn’t count on James. Kind as he was, he would settle beside her, letting his words stumble and the compliments spill out before the calm washed over. He knew as well as she that words couldn't make up for it, and Jessica didn’t want that silence. Not that of James, or his crew, or Molly.
It had to be someone who didn’t hold the remnants, and who didn’t know enough to ask.
Jessica’s gaze soon fell on a sketch that hung by the bay windows. Its slightly lopsided traces depicted the petals of The Neverbloom dancing under the moonlight. Izzy had such a light in her eye when she presented her gift to her, that Jessica couldn’t help but put it up.
Izzy . . .
Come to think of it, it had been a while since the children had called on her, flowers or otherwise. The house had always seemed full during their visits, chattering up about some new treasure they found or bickering over who lacked dancing skills. So many echoes of her own time on Pirate Island.
She reached over to the drawer of the table and procured a paper and some ink.
_______________________________________
“Izzy . . . this isn’t gonna work.”
“You were the one who said you’d do anything if you lost.”
“Couldn’t you just make me do your chores or get you breakfast in bed, or . . . something?”
“You gave your word, Jake,”
“You didn’t say dancing was part of it!”
“And miss out on this?”
“Izzy . . . “
“Look, you’ll be fine! Just keep your eyes on me and follow my lead. I need to get this down for my party.”
“You’ve said that the last 37 times! And you didn’t use Cubby because?“
“He wouldn’t be able to hold me longer than one second. Alright, let’s try again. From the top . . . one, two, ow!”
“Sorry! Sorry, Izz!”
“Coconuts, what happened to you two?”
“Dancing. That’s what happened. Can’t I just get you some more seashells?”
“Nope. Sorry, Jake. But we found out that coconut milk can, in fact, make cheese. So now you’ll have to suck it up.”
“This is gonna be a lon- hey! Look at that!”
“It’s a message in a bottle! From Red Jessica! “Ahoy, little mateys. I’ll be doing my Spring cleaning of the Crimson Isle. With such a big place, it’ll take me a few days to get things straightened out. I’ll be needing some extra hands to get things done. If you be willing, could you join me on Crimson and give me a hand? Yo-ho, Red Jessica.””
“Cleaning? Aw, coconuts.”
“Cheer up, Cubby. It’ll only be for a couple of days.”
“Speak for yourselves. And I just got my good feathers in!”
_______________________________________
Bucky arrived on Crimson Isle just at the drowning of the sun. And just as quickly, the silence disappeared.
“And then, there’s going to be music and dancing - “ Izzy went on, as Red Jessica poured her another cup of tea.
“I don’t know about that last part,” Jake countered, taking a bite of jam pastry. He shifted towards Cubby. “Listen, Cubs, please, I’ll do the cooking for the next week - “
“Which means burnt potatoes for everyone,” Cubby smirked.
“What? No, I . . . “
“Well, not for me,” Skully countered. “Good ol’ crackers save me once again.”
“Sorry, Jake. But you took the bet this time. Not me. So have fun!”
“-and Marina’s going to bring some seashells, so we can all make necklaces!”
“Well, that sounds like a wonderful party,” Red Jessica said, taking her seat on her big scarlet chair. She beckoned at Rosie, laying at her feet, and the cat climbed up to settle on her lap.
“It will be,” Izzy agreed, a big smile on her face, revealing a gap where a newly-lost tooth had been. “Especially because Peter will be there. He promised to do the Neversea waltz with me.”
“So, Izz, since Peter is . . . “
Izzy smirked. “Not. A. Chance. Jake.”
The laughter rang so clear through the morning air, that, to Red Jessica, the once spacious room seemed closer together.
_______________________________________
It was the hallways they started with in the evening. Truth be told, Red Jessica had simply assumed that this was the simpler task. But the hallways were long things with corners had forgotten about and paintings she didn’t remember making. Luckily, it was Cubby’s simple proposal that got the hallways clean in record time.
“Hockey?”
“Cubby made it up,” Jake explained. “So we could swab Bucky a lot faster.”
“See?” Cubby said, attaching two bars of soap to the bottom of his feet. He wobbled to stand with the help of a mop handle, then grabbed the water bucket and spilled it over. “You just skate over it. You get a clean floor and fun game. The first team with five goals wins!”
“Only five, Cubster?” Izzy asked. “That’s too easy. Watch this. Gangway!
She raised her broom and whacked a bar of soap, sending soapy water flying towards Red Jessica. Izzy, covered her mouth, about to begin a string of apologies.
Until a smirk danced across Red Jessica’s face. “How about ye make it fifteen? Because you’ll need a whole lot more to keep up with me.”
All that night, the pucks crossed and slid across the marble halls, leaving behind suds, laughter, and an unbeaten record for a lady in curls. And all that time, she could almost see Touss at the goalpost, smiling in the same way that always brought something out of her. Something that made her dance under the moonlight, in spite of all the eyes on them; that lied in the air that surrounded their swordfights; that had traces in Maelis’ smile . . .
“Red Jessica?”
A little pair of green eyes looked up at her, concern dancing across them. “Are you okay?”
And though she was quick to assure and let the thrill of the game - fifteen to three on her side, an impressive score if she did say so herself - and the whirlwind of deciding which sleeping quarters would work best for for three children - no, she had to assure an insistent Jake, there would be no need for him to give his position on the bed; there would be enough for everyone - swallow her up, the question lingered in her mind as she watched three little pirates, tangled together in sleep.
Was she okay? The notion balanced in the moonlight, illuminating three little peaceful faces and a parrot perched just above them.
Somewhere, there should have been a fourth.
_______________________________________
Izzy’s fingers traced the surfaces of a blue perfume bottle. The sunlight was coming through the glass, casting a lovely blue glow.
“Mmm!” Izzy took in the scent, letting the rich sweetness linger as long as it could. “I think that’s your best perfume yet.”
“Aye,” Red Jessica agreed, folding the last of her dresses. “‘Think the troubled sails to get the Firefly flower was worth what I got in the end.”
“Is it true that there are a thousand ship wrecks there? With ghosts in them?” Jake asked. “Peter said that he saw them all when he went there.”
“Ghosts?” Cubby stammered, halfway listening and attempting to drag a stubborn piece of cloth out of a box. He quivered slightly at the mention.
“No. Not one ghost, I'm afraid. “ Red Jessica replied. “But the pirates in those tide pools could sure as well be, the way they walk with their pearls.”
“Pearls?”
“Pirates live there?”
And two little pirates drew nearer, as Red Jessica unspooled the little details of her travels. There were some little tidbits here and there that never rolled past her lips, but she reasoned that there were some things in piracy that were best left to be discovered.
A clatter brought the story to a pause, and all three of them turned to culprit. A series of boxes and discarded clothes were scattered around Cubby, no doubt from the slightly tipped over drawer
A little spark of annoyance crossed Red Jessica’s mind, but the thought went just as quickly when she saw Cubby’s terrified expression. It was her own fault, anyway. She should’ve put that old dresser away a long time ago, when Maelis trapped her little fingers in it.
Immediately, she rushed over to him, and her heart caught on a wave and nearly sank when she saw the youngest pirate’s hands rise up to shield his face. A past of many faces mirrored that very expression, and made Red Jessica vow that her own daughter would never bear the same expression.
(And what a great job she did. A daughter who only lived a little more than a year, and who never even got to sail the seas she’d try to crawl to. A mighty good mother)
“I’m sorry!” Cubby pleaded. “I was reaching to . . . put your dress . . . and then it came . . . I’m sorry! I’m sorry!”
“Nevermind,” Red Jessica reassured. “This old thing’s as slippery as a serpent.”
“I’m -”
“Hold on there,” She pulled the boy’s apologies to a stop. “It was nothing but an accident. No harm done. None of my treasures or perfumes were there, anyway.”
“Yeah, Cubby! Nothing’s broken.” Jake added, beginning to shift through the debris below.
Soon, they were all gathering and folding, and before long the little drawer was nearly full.
“Ow!” Everyone turned to Izzy, who was sucking at the tip of her index finger.
“You alright there, Izzy?” Skully asked, fluttering around her with concern.
“Yeah! I think so,” she replied. “I think something just got me out of nowhere . . . hold on, I think it was this.”
She fumbled her fingers under the fabric of a shirt, then pulled out two little earrings, holding them high for everyone to see. The white diamonds twinkled and glistened, dancing and spinning around in the air.
Red Jessica’s breath hitched, taking the earrings in the palms of her hands. So that’s where they were. “By Neptune’s tail, I never thought I’d ever see these diamonds again.”
“They’re a beauty, all right!” Skully said.
“Diamonds?” Izzy asked, intrigued. She settled nearer to get a closer look, followed by the boys. “Those are really, real diamonds? Real ones?”
“Aye. That they be.” Red Jessica explained. “Touss’ had a good treasure when he saw one.”
“I don’t think we’ve met a Touss out on Neverland,” Jake said.
“Well, you three weren’t the first pirates to protect Neverland. He left the island long ago, and these little earrings were his parting present for me.”
Well, part of the present. First came the earrings on that clear sunset, loading up The Sparrow’s Eye. They were sure it would only be a few weeks' trip, long enough to leave the Pirates of the Red Triangle crawling back to their waters.
It was the words that came next. Even in her worry and his, Touss had a way with them. “And what’s this? A faded flower? Won’t be seeing such a sad face on a beautiful English Rose.”
“Touss, you’ve got raise that sail higher.” Red Jessica had said.
“Any higher than this, and we be sailing to the clouds!” He laughed. Normally his teasing would be a comfort, but to a pirate girl of eighteen, it was the greatest insult.
“You’ve got to listen to me! Make sure that sail is raised, and that anchor. Ye haven’t gotten the seaweed off. And Koko’s ought to have the helm, because you can’t . . . you can’t get caught in those rocks again . . . “
He held the sides of her face, looking at her. “You don’t have faith in my sailing? I’ve braved every corner of the Neversea, ‘nd I know it like the back of my hand. I’ll be back, English Rose.”
She had told him he’d better, because all the ruby necklaces and pearl earrings wouldn’t suffice if he didn’t. He held her grounded in his words, both of them talking long after the drowning of the sun and till the stars came up. With Touss, it was easy to escape time.
And there came the second part of the present: a baby he never got to meet.
A baby who should’ve been amongst them now, sitting right beside Izzy, laughing alongside Cubby, asking the questions about the little bits of her story instead of Jake.
All those years, and all she got with Maelis was a shadow at what could’ve been.
Some mother she was.
_______________________________________
Red Jessica and Jake were gliding on a steady beat.
Though it took a few stubbed toes and trips, by the end of the song, she had managed to get the boy to think of dancing as something to lose yourself in, like the tide, rather than think about.
It had been a strange thing to find the boy sitting on her gallery chair, so late in the night. The young woman had just returned from surveying the house when she caught the eldest of the little pirates, making a needle weave in and out of a piece of fabric. It was a marvel he could even do that much, given the darkness of the room.
“What have we here?” Red Jessica teased. Jake’s eyes rose to meet her for a brief moment, before falling on his task again. “Ye picked a strange time to be making a blanket.”
“It’s not a blanket,” Jake countered, not even glancing at the woman before him this time.
“Oh?”
“It’s a table cloth. Tic Tock ate Mama Hook’s last one.”
Red Jessica settled beside him. “That’s kind of you, Jake. But maybe the morning would be a better time?”
“No!” Jake shouted, then settled again. It seemed as though he were trying to hold on to something, anything, that could make him stay longer. “I . . . I can’t get any of this done when everyone’s awake. It’s easier when there’s no one.”
“I see,” Red Jessica said, settling on the chair opposite him. “Well, I doubt I’ll be getting to sleep for a while. Mind if I join you? Maybe some tea will help us both.”
“. . . okay. Sure.”
Red Jessica didn’t know how long they settled there, sipping tea with the occasional sound of Jake’s needle navigating the waves of fabric, and the gentle breeze of the sea rising to meet the window. Though the boy’s face occasionally disappeared behind his work, there were traces of many of many words left unsaid. It mirrored Maelis’ little face when she set eyes on the sea, trying to bury away the worry but drawing close to Red Jessica when the waves came for her little toes.
Still, she let the silence linger on as long as Jake welcomed it. In children, there was always a reason, deep as it was buried.
“Are you . . . are you good at dancing?” Jake inquired, splitting the quiet.
Red Jessica had to number her thoughts. Touss’ dances provided ample practice, and even further back where those nights on Pirate Island. The nights where she felt whole, where the sea didn’t seem so vast with mates at her right and left, and laughing too hard and dancing until dawn were the worst pains she could think of.
“Well, I can carry a good jig,” she said at last.
“Do you . . . can you teach me?”
“Teach you?”
The pull of the breeze filled the room, until everything spilled out. “I just can’t do it! I can’t dance! And Izzy’s counting on me to do the dance with her, but I keep messing up. I’m just . . just not good enough! I -”
Red Jessica’s voice cut through his words with a gentle current. “Jake, dancing comes with practice. I’m sure Izzy understands that.”
“But I promised her!”
“And she knows you're doing your best. I’m sure that all she asks for is a good time with you.”
The worry of Jake’s face had mollified slightly, but the storm hadn't quelled just yet. Red Jessica set her tea cup on the table. “My old record should be somewhere around here. Perhaps we could go over your dance?”
A hopeful light rose across little green eyes.
Over and over, round and round they circled. There were a few near misses with the table, and a vase toppled sideways, but Red Jessica kept his focus on the music only. And soon, Jake’s unintentional stumbles turned to steps.
“Crackers! Look at him go!”
Both of the dancers halted, gazing towards the door. Izzy and Cubby stood in the doorway, applauding, with Skully perched on his shoulders.
“You did it Jake!” Izzy exclaimed, running up to him. She took her hands in his, and slowly sailed across the room, Jake’s feet never tripping over a single step. “See? I knew you could do it!”
Red Jessica caught up a laughing Cubby in a jig, while Skully flew around overhead. “Well, young man! We can’t let them have all the fun!”
The once quiet room, still from years of emptiness, filled up with laughter, stamping feet, and the sound of the Sea Shuffle.
(What Red Jessica wouldn't give for Touss' harmonica to accompany them.)
_______________________________________
There was never an end to Red Jessica’s garden, as far as Izzy could see.
It stretched further out towards the western wing of her house, like an endless carpet of petals in every color of the rainbow. There seemed to be every kind of flower gathered there, from lilacs, to marigolds, to every kind of rose, and Izzy was certain that it could be seen from the Neverstars. She would have to get Red Jessica’s secret for bugs at some point, because in struggling against the stubborn weeds unwilling to to give up their spot in the earth, there wasn’t a single bite mark in any of the leaves.
What wouldn’t she give for a garden that hadn’t been someone’s afternoon snack.
“And Hook just fell right into his own stone traps!” Izzy giggled. She had come to the tail end of a story, hoping it would make the weeding somewhat more bearable. “His own traps! We asked if he wanted any help, but he said that captains never ask for help. And all for a puzzle box with no treasure.”
“That be James, alright,” Red Jessica smiled. “Stubborn as he always was.”
“Stubborn?” Skully asked. “I can think of a better word.”
“Always?” Jake looked up from shoveling, a hand just beneath his forehead to avoid the glint of the sun. “You mean, even little Captain Hook was like that?”
“Aye. Known him since we were little buccaneers. He could get himself caught in a net and still insist on swimming to the Lands Beyond and back. But James is a fine man, and there’s more good in him than you think.”
“What’s good about ol’ Feather Hat?” Cubby said, attempting to drag a full water can behind him. Red Jessica lifted it up.
“Lots of things. You just have to know where to look. I know many things Hook has done, but he has a heart with more gold than a pirate’s chest.”
A heart? Inside Captain Hook? Combining through the memories of her encounters with him, Izzy guessed that the Bottomless Pit would’ve been nearer right. She reached for the watering can just beside her, and found it light.
“Looks like I’m out of water,” she said, peering inside the opening, finding nothing.
“There’s a water pump just up yonder,” Red Jessica pointed towards a clearing by the trees. “Right there.”
Circulating through the garden was an easy task that didn’t need much time, but Izzy found herself slowing down to what was around her. It was the kind of day she could have painted if she had her sketchbook beside her. Bees were gathering in the marigolds, buzzing away; the branches of the trees swayed in the breeze; and there was the smell of leftover springtime rain from the night before.
These were the days on Neverland that were too perfect not to soak up, and Izzy did her best to keep the sights in her head until she could gather her brushes.
At last, there was the water pump, warm with sunshine. She placed the can just beneath the spout, pushed the rod down as hard as she could, and watched as a tiny stream of water trickle down. At least this pump was generous, she thought. The one on pirate island required at least twelve tries and a little pleading to Neptune before giving a single drop.
When the water had reached the rim of the opening, Izzy ran over to lift the can back when a sight caught the corner of her eye. To her right, there was a strange slab of stone too small to be a boulder but still big enough to sprout over the weeds, with vines choking out its grey color. Carefully, she maneuvered through the grass, which was slowly rising above her knees and nearly caught her boots, towards the little clearing.
There were no flowers to be found near the stone, and although Izzy could still feel the warmth of the sun on her back, there was another sensation. Almost cold. Not the kind she found playing in Ch-Ch-Chilly Canyon or in the evening of Winter Treasure Day, but the kind that made her feel . . . watched. As though someone was lingering just in the shadows. But there couldn’t be anyone but her here, because the chattering of the boys faintly echoed from the fields.
No, it was just her, the trees, and the stone . . .
Carefully, she knelt beside the stone, peeling away the vines. There were letters just beneath, so worn she had to tilt her head just to make them out.
“Ma . . Ma-el-lis?” She whispered, her tongue rolling over to utter the last part? What was a Maelis?
“Izzy!”
She turned. There was Red Jessica coming down the slant towards the clearing, pausing just before her. Izzy couldn’t make out the expression on her face. It had some traces of horror, but was too still to say for certain. Then, before Izzy could realize, a hand grabbed her wrist, pulling her back towards the garden.
They had just gone past the water pump when the surprise wore off of Izzy, “Red Jessica?”
The only thing that met her was the call of a lark and the bristling of the leaves overhead.
“What a Ma-”
“It’s nothing that concerns you,” was the sharp reply.
A growing, angry knot expanded in Izzy’s throat. She wasn’t sure where her sudden fury had come from, but there was no holding it back, now. There wasn’t a reason she could see, as far as she was concerned, to be led by the hand. She hadn’t done anything more than ask a question. Fighting the woman’s grip, she managed to release herself from the tight hold of her wrist “Yo-ho, let go of me!”
There were words behind her, something was uttered. But Izzy didn’t stay to hear what it was. She took off, as far as her boots would carry her. The “where” wasn’t a concern. The only thing that mattered was the distance.
_______________________________________
“Jake, move over.”
“Hmm?”
“You’re in my space.”
“Izz, I’m nowhere near you. You have so much space.”
“Move over. Your legs are touching me!”
“I’m not even on your side . . ow!”
“You’re squishing me!”
“Look at the space you have! My legs are not even close to-”
“Look, Jake! You're squishing me, okay? Just leave me alone and stay on your side!”
“Okay! Sorry! At least we’ll be back in our beds tomorrow.”
“Good!”
“Good? Aren’t you going to miss - “
“I’ll be glad to get out of here.”
“You said you liked Red Jessica?”
“Well, things change?”
“What happened with you two?”
“Just . . . just go to sleep, Jake!”
“You go to sleep!”
“Noisy feathers! How about both of you, sleep?!”
_______________________________________
Red Jessica had never been more grateful for the sounds of the sea. Before, it was just something she admired in the back of her mind, thinking of treasures yet to be found and things she hoped to do. Now, the thrusting of the waves and gentle calls of passing seagulls gave her something to carry her away from her thinking too hard. She had set a course for Pirate Island to give Izzy her birthday present, and though the journey wasn’t longer than an hour’s time, there was still enough space in-between for the little things she didn’t want to remember.
From the garden, up until their departure, Izzy met Red Jessica with silence at best.
Blue. Think of the blue. Or perhaps the orange was better. The traces of sunset looked beautiful at this time of year, cooling into a strange shade of purple.
But she couldn’t.
The little conversation in the garden came and went in the tide of her mind, and Red Jessica couldn’t cling to any of the explanations she gave in her mind.
What could she have said? How could she make a young girl understand what was sleeping beneath that tombstone? What it took to bring a little girl into the world, who held every trace of a father she never got to see? How bitter the memories became, in the flowers given to her and the stairs Maelis insisted on climbing? How it felt to hold that still body, sweating with fever, while she took her last breaths?
How long she held on to her, just sitting in that darkness, while the world around her disappeared? She would’ve held her longer, stayed with that baby pressed to her side forever, if that was what it took to bring her back. She couldn’t bear to cremate her, as pirates often did, sending their remains floating into the sea. An anger had burned inside her when the suggestion came. As far back as she could remember, never had she let most of those words slip through her mouth.
(Thank all the seas and stars for James. The hours he held her, the distance he sailed to find the remnants of Touss’ ship. What he did for that tombstone . . . so many hours of labour for six letters.)
How could a seven-year-old have understood?
Red Jessica shifted the helm starboard, running an endless stream of possible apologies. She would have to find the words. She hoped they would come as easily to her as the present did.
At last, the green shape of Pirate Island was growing bigger on the horizon. It seemed as though the party was just winding down, as she could make out the figures of Jake and Cubby, carefully placing dishes in a large crate. All that remained of the table on the shore were a few scattered shell decorations, which Skully was removing one by one. The soft whispers and little tidbits of conversation could be heard a little more clearly, as the Crimson Dragon drew nearer.
But what puzzled Red Jessica was Izzy, who stood apart from them all. Her head was raised towards the sky, as though she was waiting for something, or someone, to appear. Red Jessica docked the boat as close as she could to the shoreline, and descended upon the sands below.
“Izz?” Jake approached his crewmate as though he were approaching a crocodile. If Izzy had heard him, she did not make it apparent. “Izzy? I think - “
Izzy’s voice cut through his sentence with the sharpness of a dagger. “He said he’d be here!”
“Izz, maybe . . .”
“He promised!”
“Well, maybe Peter got caught up by something?”
“Yeah,” Cubby supplemented, cradling a bowl against him. “Maybe it’s a big sea beast-“
“He said he’d be here!”
Red Jessica’s heart sank, but she couldn’t say it astounded her. In all the years she had known Peter - well, known of him; it was easier to remember him as an afterthought - she had come to understand that his word relied on what was easiest for him. Jake came up beside her, arm outstretched, but Izzy shifted away.
“Izzy, I understand -”
“No, you don’t!”
“Izzy, please, listen! Maybe with some pixie dust, we can go and - “
“Don’t! Just forget it, okay? He didn’t come, and he doesn’t care, and there’s nothing you can do to change that! Don’t touch me!”
Hands outreached towards her, but the Izzy slipped away from them all, vanishing into the island’s deepest hold. Jake had nearly gone right after her, but Red Jessica’s hand clasped around his shoulder. “Leave her be, Jake.”
“But-”
“She’s hurting, and sometimes hurting people like to be alone. Give her some time.”
“I guess.”
She set her present down on the table. “Come on. I’ll help you clean this lot up. Shouldn’t take us too long with six pairs of hands.”
“Thanks.”
It was just then that Cubby glanced around overhead. “Hey, where’d Skully go?”
_______________________________________
The secrets of Pirate Island were still sweet.
Strolling through the moonlight, with the present tucked under her arm, the memories were walking alongside Red Jessica. She had set out to settle the worry in Jake that lingered long after the beach had been cleared, but right now, with a warm southbound gale rising up to meet her and the gentle lapping of waves rocking the edge of the sands to sleep, the golden-haired woman nearly lost herself in the past. Everything was just as it was, though everything seemed bigger now. The tiki statues Touss had carved were still smiling through chipped wood; the palm trees, perfect for climbing to spot incoming ships, were still hunched over in such a way that their shadows formed a perfect “X,”; and the storytelling rocks looked just as they did years ago, tall enough for great pirates to stand and tell of their adventures.
But it was the creek in the center of the island that held so much to her. Its surrounding stones and seashells had made for fine collections, and was that hollow in the tree still there, perfect for hiding surprises and the like? Red Jessica converged on the little pools of water, feeling as though she were a little pirate once more.
But there was a sniffing sound. There, on the shores of the creek was a pink-clad pirate girl. Her arms were drawn around her knees, hiding her face.
“Izzy?”
Only the murmur of the creek answered her. Red Jessica sat down a small distance from her, close enough to comfort but further enough to give the girl some space. She searched for her words.
“The creek be pretty at this time of year. Especially at night. I’m glad to know someone else enjoys it. We used to come here all the time when I was a little girl. Me, and all the other children. Pirate Island was a different thing, back then.”
Far off in the distance, a chorus of crickets began to sing.
“You know, Izzy . . . that stone you found, that’s where my daughter is resting.”
“Daughter?”
Red Jessica rearranged a stray curl. “Aye. Maelis. She was little when I lost her. Too young to know much. Not even her own name.”
Izzy’s eyes slowly rose to meet her. “What was she like?”
“Well, for one thing, she loved flowers, and the seashells. She was always crawling off somewhere or climbing someplace. Then get angry with me when she got stuck where she shouldn’t be. I’m sure she invented stubbornness, that girl.”
A tiny chuckle. It fluttered in the night air, hollow and empty, but it was there.
“Izzy, I’ve met many pirates and people out on the Neversea, but there be one thing that hold them together: doing things they don’t mean. Sometimes, people get so busy going on the way they do, or hurt so deeply, they don’t even realize what they do to other people.”
“Yeah? Well . . . Peter’s always too busy for me.”
“That can’t be true.”
Izzy rose to her feet, quick as lightning. She kicked at a pebble beside her boot, watching it land with a splash into the waters before them. “It is! He doesn’t like me the way he likes Jake and Cubby! He always comes to Jake’s parties and takes him places! He gave Cubby a compass last week! But he always forgets about me! Well, I don’t care! The dance doesn’t matter, anyway . . . ”
Tears trickled down Izzy’s cheeks, faster than the girl could wipe away. They came down faster and faster, until a choked sob followed. Izzy was doing her best to swallow them back, but on and on they trickled out, each one longer and deeper than the last, coming from deep inside. Red Jessica reached out, rubbing smooth circles on Izzy’s back, in just the same way that always quieted Maelis down.
Time was lost to the both of them, beneath the wails and the soft murmur of rushing water. They stayed there, one sobbing out everything buried and hidden away, the other silent in her comfort, until the crying softened into gentle sighs.
From beside her, Red Jessica procured the gift, sliding it closer to Izzy. “I don’t believe this will make everything all better, but maybe it might help.”
Tentatively, the paper was torn away and the wooden box opened, to reveal a slingshot. Its handle held the scratches from many years of play, and its old golden band had been hastily replaced with a steel one just that morning. Izzy turned it over in her hands. “What’s this for?”
“This be one of my greatest treasures. You see, boys can be-”
“The most frustrating things in all of Neverland?”
Red Jessica picked up a couple of pebbles. “Exactly! So, when I had enough of me own boys in my time, this was my secret weapon.”
Facing the coconut trees looming above, Red Jessica placed one pebble against the band, stretched it back as far as it could go, and sent it soaring. It sailed through the night, arching just above the cluster of coconuts, knocking them out of the trees with a swift slash.
Izzy beamed. “Whoa! Can I try?”
The slingshot was placed in her hands. “Go for it. It be yours, afterall.”
Upon their return to the beach, Red Jessica was certain they had cleared every tree of its fruits and leaves. She had forgotten the excitement that came with flight, just waiting to see what one could hit next and hoping to reach just a little further. They walked together, trading the slingshot between the two of them, pebble sailing.
Jake was leaning against the little orange tiki and ran to meet them upon their arrival.
Shifting his fingers through the end of his hair, he stammered. “Izzy, I . . . look, I’m sorry. I’ll go and look for . . . I don’t know . .”
Izzy held up her hand. “Jake, stop. You didn’t have anything to do with Peter.”
“I could’ve gotten him. I could’ve made sure he came.”
“Is your name Peter?”
“No, but . . .”
“But, nothing. You didn’t stop him from getting here. So you’ve got nothing to be sorry for."
“I guess . . .”
“Hey, look at this! Red Jessica gave me this slingshot!”
“Cool! How does it work?”
A sly grin spread across Izzy’s face. “I’ll show you. But you need to stand over there.”
“Okay, sure? Is this far enough?
“A little farther. Back up a bit more. Just a teensy bit more. Perfect, stay there! Don’t move!”
“Ow! Hey, Izzy!”
“Come back here, Jake! I need to practice on something!”
Red Jessica watched them run around, laughter ringing across the sands. Those years on Pirate Island weren’t so distant after all.
_______________________________________
A rooster call brought Izzy out of her sleep the following morning. She turned over in her bed, hoping to return to her mermaid dream that she wasn’t ready to relinquish, when she noticed a distinct green figure standing above her.
“Look alive, sleepy head. I hear we have a birthday girl in here?”
“Peter!”
He scooped her up in his arms. “You really didn’t think I’d miss out on your birthday, did you? I was flying as fast as I could to get here, but then a big monster came out near Mermaid Lagoon. You should have seen it! It got me all tangled up like this! But I got some help from ol’ Tick Toc and got him out. You know I tried to get here as soon as I could, didn't you?”
Didn’t she?
A nod came easier to her than anything else Izzy could have said, and there was far more she wanted to say. Far more that was near the edge of her lips, poking through with anger. But what good was it going to do, now?
“Good. I really did try.”
“Mm.”
“I did! You should have seen! Could’ve caught one of the stars on my way.”
“I know.” Izzy muttered. Something had changed. She couldn’t say she was unhappy, but she couldn’t say she was thrilled either.
“So, what do you say to a special surprise outside? A little fairy told me there might be something with your name on it. Let’s go!”
“Uh . . . I’ll be there in a minute.”
“Okay, birthday girl. You’re the boss. But don’t be too slow about it!”
Alone once more, it was then that she noticed Skully perched above her bed. He usually valued his beauty sleep, as he put it, but now, he was gazing ahead of him with a look that could pin a fly to the wall.
“There you are, Skully! When did you get back last night?”
“You don’t have to worry about it.”
She climbed up on her bed, peering over at the barrel that functioned as their parrot's resting place. “Skully?”
“Just some important birdy business that needed sorting out.”
_______________________________________
These pieces were part of Red Jessica. Maelis, Touss, and all the other ones scattered over the seas. All those places and people in seven little letters, from every bit of that little baby.
Sixteen years since sailing. Fifteen since a tiny bundle was pressed into her arms. Fourteen since she laid Maelis to sleep under the flowers. It always progressed that way with memories. First the years, then the time in between. Red Jessica wondered if it would ever get easier to love them from so far away, the pirate whose laugh the wind sometimes carried, and the daughter too little to know of the world.
(She couldn’t love small. No matter what First Mate Molly said.)
What kind of a smile would Maelis have?
What kind of a song would Touss have thought up for the moment?
Was he holding her now?
All of it was rushing back, as Red Jessica’s fingers traced over the writing between the vines. It was difficult to think, difficult to feel, so she decided to concern herself with what was.
She closed her eyes, and recalled what it felt like to hold one so small.
At Red Jessica’s left, a tigress edged her way through the grass, settling at her owner’s right.
It had been years since they wondered here, but what a sorry sight it had become.
Sasha gathered the vines that binded the stone for so long in her jaw, and tugged them away. When Red Jessica’s eyes welcomed the blue of the afternoon once more, she noticed how clear the granite appeared. Sasha prodded over, laid at Red Jessica’s knee, and settled.
Red Jessica caressed the stripes on Sasha’s head. “Thank you, Sasha."