Work Text:
"Izuku."
It's a pleasant afternoon outside, but of course they've spent the entire day studying english. Because for some reason the language doesn't seem to fit inside his brain despite his intelligence, so he has to ask the nerd who obviously knows the fucking language beacuse he's a nerd obsessed with everything related to All Might so he learned it to fucking- Whatever. He finished his homework and learned a word or two, so there's that until next Tuesday.
What matters now is that he needs to get this itch off his chest.
Izuku turns from where he is standing next to the end of the bed, where he'd already gotten up to leave. "Yeah?"
"I'm-" he sighs. "shit." Talking has never been easy to Bakugo, and they both know it, so he just stares at his books across his bed in hopes he can master up the words he needs.
They've grown closer lately and it's not surprising. Still, it's a lot closer than both of them had ever anticipated, and it's consuming him. He meant it when he said he was sorry for everything and he still is, but now that they're friends an apology doesn't seem like enough. He wants to reach out- to be closer than ever before. He wants that friendship at three years old to look like a joke compared to what they'll become. He wants it all with Izuku, and he...
"I just... I want to- Just- ugh. I want to give you everything."
The confused and nervous "Huh?" that followed made him want to explode his room and the whole building and perhaps the entire school grounds.
"I-" he clears his throat. Don't crack your voice now, shit-show. "I think now- that we're friends, you and I." still scared of admitting it? " You deserve everything. I can give you- You deserve everything I can give you." Fucking. way. to. go.
Izuku is still looking at him with that dumb expression like he can't believe that he's saying something nice. Asshole. He finally seems to realise he should probably respond something, because he eloquently answers with the following:
"erh..., I..., well- "
Bakugo's leg is bouncing at the side of the bed.
"Where is this coming from, Kacchan?" Izuku is just standing near the end of the bed awkwardly holding his backpack (which is open, dumbass.) and he doesn't seem really sure what to do with himself.
And now seems like an excellent opportunity to find out if he really is immune to his own explosions or not.
Most likely not, but you can never be too sure about something.
"I don't know."
"You don't have to do anything, Kacchan. You know I've forgiven you even before-"
"I know, but It- I want to."
"You want to?"
"Yes. I want to- fucking- give you everything or whatever. We're best friends again now, hear me? I'm not half-assing this shit." And somehow saying it with such rudeness makes it easier. "I'm not sure what everything exactly means but I feel like- yeah. I'm gonna fucking- give it to you." He doesn't even bother trying to explain, he's made a fool of himself today enough for at least this entire year.
Izuku just smiles at him like he made any sense, and walks closer. "Okay, Kacchan. So we're best friends now?" And he's panicking so he just nods, crossing his arms and leaning back against the wall. "Yeah."
And then he has the audacity to smile at him like he just gifted him a limited edition, bronze age All Might merchandise from thirty years ago.
He just told Izuku he wants to give him everything, but a punch in the face would also be included if he keeps that up because the feeling that smile provokes makes him want to throw up whatever funny thing is in his stomach.
...
He doesn't get to give him everything.
He offers it to him, the opportunity to be a hero again. To fight side by side, just like before. To push eachother again to be greater. Push and pull.
He just gets a no. Actually, Izuku was much nicer in his wording, which made his rejection hurt even more. His cheerful tone as he riped Bakugo's dream for the last 6 years to shreds was a bit like a torture machine designed especially for him.
He doesn't believe it one bit. The Izuku he knows wouldn't miss a second to get back, and yet... whatever.
The teacher thing has to be an excuse. All of their teachers were pro heroes on the side, at least once. How come Izuku denies it? Katsuki doesn't get it. Perhaps Izuku's changed and he doesn't want to admit he no longer knows his best friend. Can he even call him that?
His chest heavens with his love for Izuku. He can't say it's empty because he isn't by his side, that it's like a missing piece that only he can fill, because that wouldn't be true.
It's rather like it's too full of love with nowhere to go. A sink overflowing of the need to be with him, to talk, to be close.
And so he carries the burden with him in every battle, every mission, every meeting. He wants, wants and wants.
But what else could he do, really. Confess to the teacher who denied even being to his side? who denied to be his friend again? who seems happy enough with his job to not even come back to his biggest childhood dream?
Pro Hero Dynamight arrives at his apartment, and it's grim. Getting back home was his moment to relax after many extra shifts to achieve his goal. And all the exhaustion was going to be worth it because he'd be by Izuku's side once again.
Now it's just lonely. So grey and empty and the little work he's done was insufferable.
He pushed the Hero act, never daring to step into the top ten heroes, not without him.
It's been just a month since he was denied. Now being a hero doesn't feel like a dream anymore, but rather a task. It isn't fulfilling.
He really just wants Izuku back. He'd crawl across Japan just for one more hour as heroes together. He'd beg on his hands and knees to Izuku to be by his side again. He'd follow Izuku as stubborn as he once followed Katsuki.
But he doesn't have the bravery to actually do any of that. What a hero he turned out to be. Too emotionally constipated to even admit to his ex-best friend he wants to spend time togheter again.
Sounds about exactly what he deserves.