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Ah sat and ah watched. Scott and Jean ran around the sandy beach chasing each other so innocently and with such ease.
Ah watched as Scott caught Jean around the middle, lifted her up and spun her around making her laugh before letting her go and pulling her close ta himself ta kiss her.
Ah quickly moved my gaze ta the other end of the beach where ah saw Logan and Ororo sitting on a beach blanket side by side, conversing deeply about something. Though they weren't trying ta hide it, ah could see them with their fingers intertwined between them.
Ah blinked my eyes furiously and once again looked elsewhere.
In the water Jubilee, Kitty, Kurt, and Bobby were playing chicken.
Not far from the waves sat Piotyr with Ilyana eating ice cream.
Ah ran a hand down my face and got up. Ah needed ta be elsewhere. Ah flew up ta the cliff side overlooking the beach and sat there dangling my legs over the edge. Ah looked out over the sea, and finally let the tears fall where no one could see.
“There you are ‘chere. Gambit's been lookin’ for you.” Remy said taking a seat beside me.
“Not now swamp rat.” Ah sighed, wiping my eyes and cheeks.
“Why are you all by your lonesome?” He asked with a raised eyebrow.
“Ah need some time alone.” Ah emphasized.
“I understand.” He said not moving a muscle.
“Alone Remy.” Ah told him again.
“Yes. Remy heard you. I'll make sure no one bothers you.”
Ah glared at him. “You're bothering me.”
He laughed. Then he scooted closer so our hands were almost touching.
“Remy.” Ah warned.
“What? I'm not doin anyt’ing.” He said.
“Remy, please. Not today. Please. Ah need a few moments ta myself.” Ah looked him straight in the eyes.
He studied me for a moment, then let out a depressed sigh.
“Alrigh ‘chere. But I won' be far now if you need me.” He told me leaning forward and barely kissed my hair and left me alone.
Once he had left, Ah let the tears fall again and watched. Watched as all my friends, my family interacted with each other, how they touched without fear, and Ah wished I could do the same.
How much Ah would love ta be able ta sit and do makeup and hair with Kitty and Jubilee. How Ah wished Ah could hug and talk with Kurt as we shared our despair over our family. How wonderful it would be ta be able ta play games with my friends without concern. But most of all, how much Ah would give ta be able ta kiss Remy without any fears of harming him.
My friends don't truly know how lucky they are. Because as they're all out there playing and having fun, here Ah am doing the only thing Ah can ever do.
Watch.