Chapter Text
PS: this is the past... more at the end note thingy
I look at everyone else. They are in different cages, all different.
Mines short, makes me unable to stand.
I feel sad… maybe we shouldn't have trusted him?
Everyone's asleep, except me. I should sleep.
Pierrot looks to be healing well, Jester too… I hope Columbina does too, she seems to have gotten shocked a few times and also whipped.
I'm yawning, I guess that means I should sleep. But I may get a, what's it called? nightmare.. I think.
I lay down, fully, closing my eyes and waiting for sleep.
……
It's another night where everyone but me is asleep…
I had to play ‘the game’ that the Ringmaster makes me play. I don't really understand why it's only me who plays it, but many others can play with me.
Maybe I should ask why it's a secret? And why only I play. Since I don't get why me being ‘pretty’ makes it a secret.
I should sleep…
……
Ow… That hurt more than usual.
They tried to threaten the others, though. The others don't deserve this… We don't deserve this…
All we wanted was food, how did it turn to this?
I hear them talking, but I can't hear the words… what?... why?.. Why can't I hear the words?
Pierrot is upset, same as all the others here… Jester is harmed, harmed more than I… more than Columbina.
Why is the Ringmaster so mean to the others? Beating them up, especially Pierrot… Just because he protects Columbina.
There are a ton of scars on Jester that are bleeding, poor mama… what? Mama? Where’d that come from?
I shake my head, which gets Doctor’s attention. As he is now staring at me.
I stare back, when DID he start staring at me? I think it was when I shook my head, but maybe not? It probably was.
I don't wanna talk, that hurts… I’ll just sleep.. Jester will be fine… I hope… no he WILL be fine!- He’s.. He’s strong, He’ll be fine… We always are.
……
The day starts, not really, it's night time..
Only I am awake… again..
I’ve been sleeping a lot? I guess the games take a lot of my energy…
I feel… gross… like pulling my skin off, jeez i'm a bit dramatic. Pierrot has it worse, Jester has it worse, they all have it worse.. They get beaten while I get games.
Though the last game left more of those marks… I think Doctor noticed, since he was staring at me for a little bit when I was awake..
Or at least I think it was only when I was awake.
A hand lands on my shoulder, so I look up and see Columbina, Pierrot’s girl.
I like to tease Pierrot by doing things that's sorta romantic to Columbina, well, only if she allows, which most things she does.
We find it funny how jealous he can get. She calls it cute, I find it silly.
I notice her lips are moving… wait her lips are moving?- OH SHES SPEAKING?!-
“H-huh?- I'm sorry- I wasn't paying attention”
She chuckles and shakes her head, “Thats alright Harlequin”
I tilt my head, confused, why is she talking to me? And why is she up?
I mean- yes we are friends and would talk before ending up in these cages, but she is the most human, so I expect her to be asleep, or cuddled to Pierrot… That would be cute to look at, such love birds!
“I… Me and the others noticed the marks… May I ask how you get them? Since they are different from Jester’s.. Different from all of ours”
“Oh- uhm- yea, it's just the game!”
“..the… game?..”
I nod and explain the game. She looks concerned, placing a hand on my face and wiping the tears that are streaming down my cheeks… When’d I start crying?
She shushes me.
Her hands move to my back to pull me as close as we can get through the bars.
Why am I crying? I just explained the game… it's not even that bad… right?
I just let her hold me, she’s always been good at comfort.
“I understand… They also touch me… they never went that far though…”
She said after I stopped the silent tears from dripping down my face, to the floor, or her.
“You're too young to experience this…”
I blink… Too.. young? Is that why they chose me… because… I don't understand.?
Columbina sighs, putting her hands on my face to move me away, so we can look at each other.
“It's okay, my dear. Are you hungry?”
Am I hungry? That’s random, but of course I'm hungry! How could I not be when we BARELY eat!
“Yea.?... why?”
She wipes the area under my eyes, even though the tears are gone… I think.. Maybe there were still some?
The smile on her face grows. Her smile… wait was she smiling this whole time or did she just start?
“I have a suggestion”
I tilt my head… a suggestion? What does she mean?
……
I am so shaky… Why would she tell me that? I get that she wants to be safe, and for everyone to be safe… but… I just… I cant…
I think Jester noticed, he seems to be talking to me… what?
I shake my head, I can't talk right now… I cant… I just cant… not after she tells me to sacrifice her for the others… W-we WILL be fine… We WILL ALL be fine and ALIVE.
I look towards Columbina. She's speaking to Pierrot as if last night never happened, like she didn't tell me to… No, don't think about it…
The Ringmaster is here… oh no Pierrot don't…
Pierrot is protecting Columbina. I would say it's cute but… He’s gonna get hurt and I can't do anything about it… None of us can.
He’s getting dragged… He’s gonna get hurt badly. Please be fine.. He-he’s strong, yea, super strong…
Just curl in a corner and wait.
Wait. Wait. Wait and wait.
Hours pass before they finally toss Pierrot back to us.
He is bleeding badly. Blood is covering him and it smells so bad I got to cover my nose. I was never good when it came to seeing blood on my friends.
Columbina looks at me with a sad look, asking me to help with just her eyes. Her sad smile makes my heart hurt.
I look away… but those eyes are on my mind… and Pierrot might actually die… We NEED food…
……
He wont make it… I-I have to… The others will understand… and she suggested it first, plus she keeps looking at me, asking me without saying it.
I wrap my hands and tendrils around the bars of my cage and pull with all my strength, breaking it.
There she is… No… I-I cant… but……… gosh what do I say?!?!
A hand on mine, her hand. She nods at me… I think I know what to say.
“You're the weakest one…”
Holding her close I whisper “I'll make this as painless as I can…”
“Thank you… for doing this…”
The last words she says before I… I bite her… Full on in her neck, blood dripping down her body, dripping onto me.
Her face stuck in this peaceful smile, even though I just killed her… Oh my gosh… I just… I killed her… I actually- I ACTUALLY KILLED HER OH NO- I DIDN'T MEAN- I SHOULDN'T HAVE- NO- NO- NONONONONO!- NO PLEASE NO-
I look down at her chest, and rip it open, getting her heart out, the blood all over me making the air smell metallic-y.
Pierrot should get her heart… Actually Pierrot’s yelling? I can't hear anything except a ringing and my voice as I laugh…
I go up to Pierrot and give the heart to him, but he just stares, pushing it away. No- he needs to eat!
I hear the others munching on her body… huh? I hear that over the ringing but not voices? Weird.
When did I start shoving her heart down his throat? Gently!- of course!- I couldn't be rough to my best friend who is dying.
Now he’s eating, but he’s also crying… I am sorry… I did just… But at least he got her heart! He is the only one who deserves it!
The way he is looking with so much hate… My heart hurts in a way… a different way then seeing Columbina’s sad smile.
You know…..
It kinda feels like I'm not really controlling myself right now? Huh? Fun! Haha-hah-hehehe-ha…
We can leave now…