Work Text:
He Xuan was sick of Hua Cheng. He was sick of his bright red clothes, sick of his smug face, sick of his power over him and the debt he owed him, sick of his whiny scimitar, and most of all he was sick of Hua Chengs (literally) undying love for his highness the long lost crown prince of Xianle.
Even though He Xuan was sick of Hua Cheng, they were the only two calamities in existence and Hua Cheng was the only being in all theee realms who could truly know He Xuan.
Which is why after spending a day in a meeting strategizing with Hua Cheng and his waning moon officer, He Xuan suggested they leave paradise manor for dinner in the mortal realm.
Hua Cheng stared at He Xuan for a moment and then laughed. He paused for a moment after He Xuan’s silence. “Oh you’re serious”
“I’m sick of the slop you call food in ghost city let’s go somewhere with real food”
“Hmm well considering you just insulted my city I’m less inclined to grant you’re request. Why would you want me to go with you anyway? Neither one of us needs to eat”
He Xuan was prepared for this though “why does one want to eat good food? Why does one paint? Why does one sculpt?”
Hua Cheng frowned at him then grinned “fine I’ll go. But then you’ll need to assist me with reorganizing the studio”
He Xuan rolled his eyes.
“Fine. Except I’m only going to offer advice on the Feng Shui of the room, I’m not helping you hang any portraits. Last time you made me re-hang a portrait 187 times until you had it perfect”
Hua Cheng laughed as he shifted his form to something more appropriate for the mortal realm. “You lead the way” pointing at a door for He Xuan to draw an array
-
Later on, He Xuan found himself seated at a private room in a lavish tea house.
This had turned out to be the worst idea he’d had in recent history.
He Xuan had just wanted to eat some decent food without having to deal with anyone in heaven or go back to his manor (which he mostly used for sleeping not eating) and Hua Cheng (and his pocket book) seemed like the best solution.
While He Xuan was busy trying every dish on the menu, Hua Cheng had decided to try every type of wine on the menu.
He Xuan was now stuck with a mopey, depressed, self hating Hua Cheng who would NOT SHUT UP about the light of his life, reason for existence, most beautiful being to have ever existed Xia Lian. He Xuan had never encountered a drunk Hua Cheng before. Being a calamity, Hua Cheng had more than enough spiritual energy to avoid being drunk on alcohol. Which meant… Hua Cheng wanted to be drunk.
He Xuan sighed as Hua Cheng launched into another story about the time he met his highness on a bridge and they fed some fish together. He had heard this story how many times? Oh wait.. Hua Cheng had just insulted his bone fish and comparing them unflatteringly to the fish he fed with his highness. Should I take the bait? He Xuan thought …. Then moved passed it to begin working his way through another plate of noodles.
“Maybe you should try something” He Xuan suggested “Steamed fish?” He offered the plate to Hua Cheng.
“Why should I eat when his highness had no food to eat after being banished?” Hua Cheng sighed dramatically before slumping over his chair pouring himself another glass of wine.
He Xuan pulled the platter of fish back towards himself and began devouring it.
He listened to three additional stories of Xie Lians light and kindness and perseverance without interrupting Hua Cheng.
Three more hours passed with three more plates of roasted meat and three more pitchers of wine and after three hints from the waiter that the kitchen was closing soon He Xuan decided he had had enough. He wasn’t full. He never was full. But he was satisfied with this endeavor and a drunken Hua Cheng had provided the distraction he desired.
-
He Xuan cajoled a drunken Hua Cheng to produce payment for the meal and then further cajoled him to actually get up and leave the premises. Why Hua Cheng didn’t just sober up with his spiritual energy was beyond He Xuan. He was probably too drunk to even realize he was drunk at this point.
Upon leaving the establishment, He Xuan lost his tenuous hold on the calamity in red as he immediately bolted away from He Xuan. He Xuan debated just leaving him to sober up on the streets of the city but decided if anything happened Hua Cheng would probably just add it to his debt.
He sighed and resigned himself to baby sitting a drunken ghost king for the rest of the evening. When he finally caught up to Hua Cheng he was startled to see him draping himself over a cultivator dressed in white sobbing and calling the man “Gege?”
He Xuan approached bowing apologetically to the man “Daozheng, please excuse my companion, he can’t hold his wine tonight and I must apologize on his be…..” he Xuan stopped, his words caught in his throat as the young cultivator turned to look at him.
It can’t be.
He Xuan would know that face anywhere. After all he had to hang a portrait of this person dozens of times in Hua Chengs studio and had faught side by side with his statue in the furnace of mount tonglu. The face and form burned into his memory as much as the pain and horror of being reforged into a supreme.
“Your highness” he blurted out incredulously.
Shit.
The cultivator blinked at He Xuan for a moment and then laughed nervously babbling “umm I think … hahaha… wrong person… haha I’m just a humble wandering cultivator… umm”
Shit.
He Xuan needed to find a way to turn this around. Even a drunken Hua Cheng had kept his wits about him enough to not refer to Xie Lian by his title.
“There must be a mistake” He Xuan continued agreeably. “My friend seems to have you confused with someone else” he kicked Hua Cheng in the shin sober up will you! he hissed into Hua Chengs communication array no because Gege will disappear came Hua Chengs stubborn reply.
Shit.
Hua Cheng was too far gone to realize this person really was his highness.
“Thank you for assisting my friend” He Xuan addressed Xie Lian. “He’s not my friend” slurred Hua Cheng to Xie Lian.
“It’s no problem” said Xie Lian as he looked at Hua Cheng (who was still holding onto Xie Lian) with pity. Hua Cheng looked very much the part of a rich young lord who had gone out to drink for the first time and overindulged due to his innocence in worldly things. Of course this would pull at Xie Lians heartstrings.
“Is there a home or sect nearby that where Daozheng is staying? My companion and I will need to offer our thanks to the kind Daozheng for assisting us once he has sobered up” He Xuan once again kicked Hua Chengs shin at the words Sober Up this is a good plan thought He Xuan. He’ll find out where Xie Lian lives and come back with a sober Hua Cheng at a later date.
“I’m afraid not” replied Xie Lian to He Xuan’s disappointment. “I’m merely passing through and was planning to travel through the night.”
He Xuan felt a shift in Xie Lians demeanor and realized he was being assessed by the banish god.
“Now that I’ve been brought into this .. ah ahem… situation I do feel obligated to see it through” He stated firmly. Xie Lian tapped Hua Cheng gently on the shoulder “Gongzi, where is you’re home? This one will assist you.”
“No home, just a residence, a home has a family and this one lives all alone” whined Hua Cheng pathetically into Xie lians shoulder. Xie Lian patiently continued “a residence is fine, where is Gongzi’s residence?” Hua Cheng pointed in a random direction and Xie Lian gripped Hua Chengs sleeve and started walking away from He Xuan with Hua Cheng in tow. He Xuan silently followed them. As long as he kept eyes on both Hua Cheng and his highness everything would be fine. He Xuan watched Xie Lian and Hua Cheng slowly make their way with Hua Cheng leaning into xie lians space whispering god knows what into Xie Lian’s ear making him giggle.
After walking down the street for several minutes, Hua Cheng whispered something to Xie Lian that caused Xie Lian to halt in his tracks and whip around to face He Xuan.
“Are you actually San Lang’s friend and companion or are you taking advantage of a young man who’s faculties have been impaired?” He pointed a steely glare at He Xuan.
“San Lang? Who’s San Lang?” It suddenly dawned on him “Really?” Sputtered He Xuan incredulously towards Hua Cheng who was looking quite smug standing behind Xie Lian. Xie Lian glanced over to Hua Cheng as well whose face immediately dropped to an innocent mien. “He doesn’t even know you’re name” said Xie Lian aghast. “Gege” said Hua Cheng in a low voice but loud enough for He Xuan to hear “I think he’s a ghost”
He Xuan was astonished “wait no he’s..” he couldn’t finish his sentence because Xie Lian he took a step forward and then hurled a talisman at He Xuan hitting He Xuan square in the forehead.
In the two seconds it took He Xuan to break the spell of the freeze talisman Hua Cheng and Xie Lian had disappeared.
What the FUCK! roared He Xuan into Hua Chengs communication array Are you enjoying this?!? but there was no answer.
He Xuan scaled the nearby buildings and was quickly able to locate Xie Lian and Hua Cheng making their escape on the streets below. He watched as Hua Cheng pulled Xie Lian to the side pointing to a large manor “this one is mine Gege” he said to Xie Lian who stopped their retreat and approached it. “Wait just a moment” Hua Cheng stumbled and fumbled through his clothes for a moment. He’s still drunk He Xuan couldn’t believe it.
Hua Cheng finally produced a pair of red dice and tossed them in the air catching them in his palm. He Xuan watched as Xie Lian leaned over peering at Hua Chengs palm “San Lang has good luck” Xie Lian said smiling at Hua Cheng.
“It’s not that hard. I’ll show Gege someday” said Hua Cheng who then opened the door to the manor leading Xie Lian into the court yard of paradise manor.
He Xuan watched the empty door way for a few minutes as the array closed. This was out of his hands now. If Hua Cheng fumbled it with Xie Lian after this he couldn’t blame He Xuan for it.
Shaking his head he prepared to return to nether water manor. He needed a nap after the nights events - in fact, he needed a very very very long nap.
-
One month later He Xuan woke up from his nap and returned to paradise manor.
He had thought about reaching out in the communication array but he’d prefer to see how things turned out in person. After all, he had promised Hua Cheng he would help rearrange his studio and could use this as a pretense to visit.
He Xuan emerged from the lake at paradise manor and made his way through the courtyard towards the receiving hall when he suddenly heard voices coming from the garden. Turning in the direction of the voices he came across a sight so strange He Xuan thought for sure he was still asleep and this was some strange dream sent by Hua Cheng to torture him.
Both Hua Cheng and Xie Lian sat next to each other surrounded by a patch of wildflowers Hua Chengs outer robe spread beneath them like a blanket. Xie Lian was giggling as Hua Cheng placed an uneven flower crown on Xie Lians head which, Xie Lian, in turn, began placing small white flowers along Hua Chengs braided hair. Both of them thoroughly absorbed in the other. He Xuan watched stunned for a moment as Hua Cheng gently took Xie Lians hand in his turning the palm around and kissing Xie Lians wrist.
Nope.
He Xuan wasn’t ready for this.
And Hua Cheng definitely didn’t want He Xuan’s help rearranging his art studio anymore.
He slunk back into the lake with the intention of returning to nether water manor to take another nap. He paused for a moment however and turned his communication array back on. As soon as he did a voice rang out “Mingxiong! Mingxiong! Mingxiong! Where have you been? I desperately need help! The mid autumn festival is approaching and I can’t decide which form is better…” Mingxiong felt the world twist around him as he shifted forms and realities leaving the ghost realm behind and appearing in the heavenly realm outside the wind master palace. He walked across the threshold calling out to the person in his array“Qingxuan I’m here”.