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The day had long and hard thanks to your training but you were looking forward to dinner in the mess hall.
With your bowl filled with soup and your bread perched on the plate beside it, you walked over to your friends Eren, Mikasa and Armin.
You had been friends with them for many many years now, having known them since you were children. You had been there for Mikasa when she lost her parents as you were for Eren and Armin. You understood the feeling as you were an orphan and had been since birth. You shared Armins love for books which brought you both very close.
Your eyes met his as you sat down opposite him and remembered when you told him that you would join the military with him.
---------------flashback-----------------
“No, [y/n]! You cant. Its too dangerous!” He begged you, pulling you off the streets and taking your hands in his. Even as young adults, your relationship with him felt like it was more than just friendship. Although it wasn’t a romantic one, your bond with him was strong.
“And what about you guys? You’ll run off and join and leave me alone? I want to come with you.” You pulled your hands away from his, stomping your foot like a child as tears brewed in your eyes. You had seen the titans and you seen what they can do. The thought of them breaking through the wall terrified you but you were more afraid of losing your friends.
“Please, stay here and be safe.” Armin had begged you but you just shook your head and folded your arms. Armin knew you were stubborn and there was no way to change your mind. He sighed and, to your surprise, he hugged you.
“I promise, I will never leave you.” He whispered in your ear, making you break down in tears in his arms.
--------------------------------present time ---------------------
Even back then, you had known you had feeling for Armin. You loved him deeply and always had but never wanted to say anything in case it spoiled your friendship with him or with Eren or Mikasa.
Smile fondly at Armin, he returned the smile but it quickly dropped when his eyes fell on someone behind you.
Glancing over your shoulder, you saw Jean towards you with a smirk on his lips. You smiled at him as he took the seat next to you while Sasha sat at your other side.
“So, [y/n]. You fought really well today.” His compliment made you beam at him. He had a very high standard for stuff like that so it was nice to hear someone like that telling you that you did well.
“Thank you.” You turned to your soup and picked up the spoon. Just as you were about to take your first mouthful, Jean cleared his throat.
“Can I talk to you outside?” He asked.
You glanced from his pleading eyes to your hot soup and back, pouting your lip out.
“Fine.” You sigh, placing your spoon in your bowl and getting to your feet, followed by an eager Jean.
“Sasha, you can have my bread but if you touch my soup, I’ll kill you in your sleep!” You pointed at her and narrowed your eyes while backing away. She laughed which made you laugh.
You looked at Armin before leaving and frowned. He looked rather upset and disheartened but why? You didn’t know.
Thinking you would speak to him after you had dealt with Jean, you turned around and nearly bumped straight into a pillar. But an arm wrapped around your waist and pulled you away from the pillar and the pain. You smiled at Jean as his hand left your side and the two of you walked out of the messhall.
As you walked out into the grounds, the sun setting over the green rolling hills, you looked at Jean who had stopped, his hand on the back of his neck.
“Whats wrong, Jean?” You ask, walking up to him and placing a hand on his arm, rubbing it realising.
“I-I was wondering if you-“ He trailed off, glancing over his shoulder as if to check there was no one around.
“Take deep breaths.” You giggle, mimicking your advise and taking a long deep breath, placing your hands on your sides.
“Can you help me with theory side of training?” Jean asked, talking rather fast but you caught it. Knowing Jean for a while now, you could tell he was amazing with the practical side but struggled with theory work. Smile at him, you knew it must have taken a massive toll on his pride to ask for help.
“Of course, Jean. We can start tonight if you want?” You smiled sweetly at Jean, who beamed at you.
“You’re the best, [y/n].” He then wrapped his arms around you and lifted you off the ground, spinning you around.
Little did you see the timid blonde watching you both from the window of the corridor. He hadn’t heard anything that had been said, but had seen Jean shyly ask you something then you agree and him hug you. Sighing, he turned and trudged back to the mess hall, his head hanging and his heart hurting.
--------------------------time skip -------------
You had been working with Jean every night for a little over 4 weeks. He was improving drastically after you explained how you did the theory side. But something else was bothering you.
Armin had stopped talking to you. You had no idea why and when you had tried to talk to him, he walked away from you.
It was getting to you. You weren’t used to him acting like this with you. After everything you had been through together, you would have thought your friendship was worth more to him.
He would refuse to look at you at all when you were in the same room and would ignore you. Not even Mikasa or Eren knew what was going on with Armin but had both said that he had been acting strangely. At first, you thought it was because you were spending more time with Jean but if he had had a problem, surly he would have come to you and spoke to you. It hurt you so much how easy it was for him to walk away from you.
You were lonely. Even when you were in the crowded mess hall or sitting with Mikasa and Sasha in the dorms, you felt lonely and lost without Armin.
Today, you had planned to confront your old friend and had cancelled your lesson with Jean to do it.
Eren had told you than Armin spend a lot of his free time sitting on the back steps outside the boys dorms. You warned Eren to keep the boys away from the back steps, mainly because you didn’t need anyone interrupting you.
Walking around the dorms (being unable to go through them) you turned the corner and saw Armin. He was, as you thought, sitting on the step and staring out at the long meadows and fields. His big blue eyes were filled with sadness which you hadn’t seen before. Taking a deep breath, you walk over to him, keep close to the walls and stop about 5 feet away from him.
“Armin.” You call out, alerting him of your presents. He jumped a little and turned to look at you with those big, blue eyes. You couldn’t help but smile at you looked into them. Even though he had matured over the years, his eyes had never changed. But you saw something else apparent from sadness as he looked at you, but you couldn’t put your finger on what it was.
For a moment, you just started into each others eyes. Then Armins head snaps away as he stood up and started to walk back up the stairs and into the dorm, knowing full well you couldn’t follow him.
“Armin.” You call out again, running over and darting up the steps to grab his sleeve. He paused for only a second to glance at your hand clutching the sleeve and let out a shudder before pulling away from you and storming towards the door.
“You promised!” You cried out, tears welling in your eyes at you saw him freeze once again but this time, he didn’t turn to face you.
“I never promised you anything.” His voice cracked, his fists clenching slightly.
“Yes, you did. When I first told you I wanted to join with you, you promised you would never leave me.” Your tears cascaded down your cheek as you stared at his back, silently begging for him to turn to you. Your voice broke in several places and each time Armin would flinch.
“Im sorry.” HE whispered before walking into the dorms, leaving you standing on the steps.
Once he was inside, you collapsed on the step, spinning around so you were sitting with your legs pulled up to your chest and wrapped your arms around yourself. The sobs shook your body as you tried to stifle the sounds. After all, the dorm was filled with boys who may lose respect for you if they see you in such a mess.
Pulling yourself together, you pushed yourself up and walk back to your dorm, wiped away your tears with your sleeves.
-------------time skip ----------------------
It had been a little over 3 weeks since you had confronted Armin and neither of you had spoken since then. You both avoided each other like you were the plague which put both Mikasa and Eren in an awkward position but you weren’t thinking of them. You had continued to keep tutoring with Jean but even he seemed to have realised your sudden change.
You were sitting out the back of the training grounds as the sun set over the rolling green hills. You couldn’t bring yourself to appreciate the glowing beauty of the sunset as the loneliness set in once again.
You jumped when you heard shouting coming from the other side of the training ground by the huts. The voice sounded like it belonged to Jean and you couldn’t help but roll your eyes as you knew Eren would be close by.
Pushing yourself up off the ground, you jogged over to the hut, expecting to see Jean and Eren with one pinned to the ground. As you jogged closer to the hut, you realised they were just around the corner.
“Don’t try to hid it, Jean. I’m not stupid!” Armins voice made you freeze.
Why was he fighting with Jean? While the two didn’t always see eye to eye, Armin always tried to keep the peace. And he never was one for confirmation.
stepping closer to the corner, you pressed yourself against the wall as you listened.
“There’s nothing going on between us. For someone with a high intelligence, you sure can be dumb.” Jean spat, obviously annoyed. It seemed Armin and him had been talking for a little while as Jean had lost his patients with the situation.
“oh please. I saw you asking her out.” Armin spat at Jean who just laughed. You peaked around the corner to see Armin staring at Jean with clenched hands.
“I was asking her to help me with studies.” Jean chuckled, more to himself than at Armin. You saw the anger and hate seep away as his mouth fell open.
“Wait, is that why you don’t speak to her anymore? Because you thought we were dating. Wow, Armin, I might have expected something like this from Eren but not from you. Some friend you are.” Jeans humorous tone dropped as he because serious. That was one thing you liked about Jean. He said what he thought.
“I-I just. I thought… I am a good friend-“ Armin trailed off, running one hand through his golden hair.
“You thought wrong. You made her cry and you think that’s what friends do. You think that’s how you act to someone you care for?” Jeans voice dropped lower. You wondered how he knew you had cried but then remembered that you probably weren’t that quiet when you had been on the steps at the boys dorms.
Armin didn’t respond as he turned his body away from Jean, his eyes brimming with tears as the impact of his actions sunk in. whatever he was thinking, it was easy to tell it was about you.
“I just wanted her.” Armin spoke, his voice barley audible but you could just hear it.
“And 4 weeks ago I would have told you that she wanted you, too. God, she loved you. Anyone could tell you that.” Jean waved his hands in the air, getting a little tired of Armin not stepping up.
“She loves me?” Armin turned back to Jean, his eyes wide with disbelief.
“Well, she did. I couldn’t tell you how she feels now. Not after the way you acted to her. Hell, I wouldn’t be surprised if she hated you.” with this, Jean turned his head, his eyes catching you as you pocked your head around the corner. You quickly pulled back but you knew he had seen you.
You ran away from your spot, over to the training grounds, hoping Jean hadn’t told Armin that you had overheard.
You collapsed on a bench, your hands over your face. You didn’t know what to do or feel anymore. Jean was right, you had loved Armin with all you heart. You would have followed him to the ends of the earth and back if it would have made him happy. But after the way he had acted to you?
He had been hurting as well. Which did give you a little pleasure knowing he hadn’t just been able to cut you out. But at the same time, he should have never done that in the first place. You tried to sort your head out when you heard foot steps behind you. You assumed it was the person who had seen you last.
“Jean, can you leave me alone for a bit?” You tried not to make it seem horrible but you needed some time to think.
When the person didn’t leave, you stood up and spun around, ready to scold him. Only to come face to face with Armin.
The words you were going to say were lost when, for the first time in months, you looked into those beautiful blue eyes which were still brimming with tears. You open you mouth to say something but nothing came out. Unable to break the silence, you turned your back to Armin, your heart shattering.
You sat down on the bench for fear of your knees giving in and buckling below you. You saw Armin out of the corner of your eye walk around and sit next to you, his hand clasped together on his lap as he sighed.
“im sorry. For everything. Im so so sorry, please. You mean the world to me. ” He whispered, his voice break twice. You didn’t trust your voice to speak to you nodded your head although it wasn’t an acceptance of his apology. More of an acknowledgement. You could see Armin watching your carefully out the corner of your eyes.
You felt a tear cascade down your cheek.
“Why did you do it? I don’t understand why if i apparently mean so much to you, that you would find it so easy to cut me out.” You spoke, your own voice break more times that you could count but you sounded strong despite that. Your question took him by surprise as you saw him flinch a little.
“I-I don’t know. I didn’t know what else to do and you seemed so happy. And I hated it.” As Armin spoke your eyes widened as you look at him but he was looking straight ahead, his hands clenched into fists. You were more than surprised by his words. But you didn’t interrupt as Armin continued.
“I hated it that I couldn’t be the one to make you happy. And then I started to think. I couldn’t protect you like Jean could. I couldn’t offer you the life he will when he gets into the inner wall. And it broke me. I couldn’t look at you without hurting. All I ever wanted was to be with you but I could never say anything about it. I know im not good enough for you but seeing you with Jean was too much. I-I want you to be happy because- because I love you.” Armin kept his voice strong and slowly, you turned to him, seeing the pain in his eyes as he spoke.
Then he said the three words you had been dying to hear for years. He loved you.
Armin was looking at you, his blue eyes swimming in tears as he waited for you to get up and walk away from him.
“I-i love you too.” You whispered. There was no use hiding it any more.
The last few weeks, Armin had been thinking with his heart rather than his head and you knew that.
Armins eyes widened as his mouth fell open.
“You- you-?” Armin trailed off, obviously thinking that Jean was right and you wouldn’t care for him anymore.
“Yeah, have done since we were children.” You said with a sad smile as you looked at your lap. “Im not saying everything’s okay between us. But it’s a starting point.” You said, looking up at Armin who let out airy laugh before he wrapped his arms around your waist and pulled you closer to him. You gasped at the sudden action and he froze.
“[y/n], do-do you think I could kiss you?” Armins voice was low and shaking bu you could see the longing in his eyes. You couldn’t help but giggle at Armin asking permission to kiss you but you assumed it was because of the last few weeks.
“I think so.” You giggled and no sooner had you finished, Armins lips were on yours in a soft but timid kiss. You sighed contently and wrapped your arms around his neck, holding him close.
The lack of contact of the last while plus the confession made you crave him.
You heard Armin let out a soft moan which made your head spin.
You were first to break the kiss but kept your forehead against his.
“Its getting late.” You whispered as you looked at the setting sun.
All Armin said was a soft ‘mmmm’ but he still held you tight against him.
You had a feeling he wouldn’t be letting go of you any time soon. But this was a step in the right direction
Glancing over your shoulder, you saw Jean walk around the corner of one of the huts. He paused when he saw you two then smirked, offering you the thumbs up. You mouthed “Thank you” To him and he batted his hand at you.
You assumed this meant you were even for the tuition which made you giggle.