Archive of Our Own

In the McKinley High cafeteria, Marley, Jake, and Ryder are sitting at a table during lunch, but one of them is distracted.

"What do you think, Ryder?"

"Huh?" Ryder comes out of his haze to find Marley looking at him expectantly.

"I asked if you wanted to go to Breadstix with us after Glee Club tonight," she reiterates.

"Isn't that more like a date place?" he asks.

"We just wanna hang out with you. You've been so busy lately, we hardly ever see you anymore."

"You know me, I have to study twice as much just to pass," he says in what he hopes comes off as light-hearted.

"Yeah, but you've been working so hard, I'm sure you can take one night off," Jake pushes back.

"Please," Marley pleads with doe eyes.

Ryder looks hesitant. Unable to find an excuse, he sighs.

"Fine," he finally concedes.

Marley and Jake cheer, and she gives him a hug.

"I have to go see my English teacher about something before lunch ends." He gets up from the table they were sitting at. "See you in Glee Club."

Marley looks at him as he walks away until he turns the corner and disappears from view. She turns back to Jake.

"You're right, he's totally been avoiding us," she says, worry now on her face.

"See, I told you. Something's off with him. He's been acting weird for a bit. I'd ask what, but I don't want to press him."

"Good call on the hang tonight. Maybe if it's just the three of us, he'll feel more relaxed and talk to us?"

"Hopefully."

Since Ryder had kissed Marley after Valentine's Day, despite his apology, things had been weird between the trio. Ryder had been avoiding them more and more. He tried to be subtle about it, but Jake could feel the tension. He assumed his friend was still feeling guilty about the betrayal and was hoping that this evening would show him that he and Marley had long forgiven him and that they missed him.

He thought things had been going well. The three of them had dinner, and for a while, it was like nothing had happened. They were talking and laughing like they always did. Things were easy; they seemed natural. But without warning, the mood changed.

"Sorry, guys, I just remembered," Ryder suddenly says, getting up. "I have this thing tomorrow I have to wake up early for. I should go."

"Wait, what?" Marley and Jake look confused. Where was this coming from all of a sudden? Ryder takes out $30 and puts it next to his unfinished pasta plate.

"Wait, Ryder, don't—" Marley doesn't get to finish; he's already up and walking out.

"Alright, this is getting ridiculous," Jake says, following suit. "I'm going after him."

When he gets to the parking lot, Ryder is already a few paces away, near the bus stop.

"Ryder, wait!" Jake lets out. No reaction from his friend, who keeps walking. "Come on, don't make me run after you, man."

Ryder stops, allowing Jake to catch up to him, but doesn't turn around. Standing a few feet behind him, he starts.

"Can you just talk to me? Look, we know something's been bothering you. We didn't say anything because we figured you'd come to us when you felt like it, but we're starting to get worried. Are you okay?"

He can see Ryder tense up, but he doesn't answer him. Doesn't look back at him either. Jake tries to think of what could possibly be causing his friend to act this way. Then something occurs to him.

"Shit, dude, is it me and Marley? Man, I'm sorry. I thought that because the three of us could hang out before, even though you had feelings for her, that it would be fine still. I should've known it would be different after you kissed her. It must suck to see us together and be with us all the time. No wonder you've been avoiding us. God, we've been awful friends."

At this, Ryder turns to face him.

“No, you haven't. You guys have been more than great. It's me," he says, looking distraught. "I thought I could do it. That I could pretend things were the same, that I could just keep being your friend, and it would pass, but they just won’t go away,” Ryder says.

"What won’t go away?” Jake asks.

“My feelings,” Ryder replies.

Jake sighs. “For Marley… I get it. Look, can we just talk and try to figure it out? I don’t want to lose you, and I don’t want you to be hurting either. It’ll be okay.” He puts a hand on Ryder’s shoulder. Ryder looks at it, unable to meet Jake's eyes.

“It’s not just that,” Ryder lets out.

“What do you mean?” Jake asks.

“I don’t just have feelings for Marley,” Ryder says, looking up at him.

“What?”

Before Jake can fully internalize what he just heard, Ryder is leaning towards him. Jake has enough time to react and move away, but he's too stunned to do anything, and before he knows it, Ryder is kissing him. Jake's body naturally responds by kissing him back, his mind having not yet caught up with the reality of the situation. He doesn't know how much time passes before Ryder finally pulls back. Seconds or hours, it could've been either; his mind had gone blank.

He looks up at Ryder, who still has a hand on his waist, but his friend is no longer looking at him. His eyes lock onto something behind him and go wide. His hand quickly leaves Jake's side as he blurts out, "I'm sorry." He backs away from Jake, like the realization of what he just did hit him suddenly, and fear creeps into his eyes as he looks back at Jake. "I'm really sorry," he says again before running out of there.

Jake knows he should say something, yell at him to wait, but he's too stunned by what just happened to do anything and just watches his friend leave. Then, he looks behind, at what made Ryder react so strongly, and sees Marley standing there, mirroring the shock on his face. He hadn't heard her approach. As she walks to him, all he can muster is, "What just happened?"

“I think he just confessed his feelings for you.”

“What?”

“And kissed you too!”

“Yeah, no, I got that part.” Jake then remembers that this is his girlfriend standing there, and she just saw him kiss someone else. “Oh shit, sorry, are you okay?” he asks, reaching for her hand.

“Yeah. I saw what happened. I’m no stranger to a surprise Ryder love confession/kiss combo,” she jokes, squeezing his hand back, a smile tugging at her lips.

“Yeah. Sorry, I gave you so much shit for it. It really did come out of nowhere," he says, looking back in the direction of where Ryder disappeared, still in disbelief. "Now what are we supposed to do?"

There are only a couple of people on the bus when Jake and Marley get on. The couple sits at the very back, away from prying ears, to continue their conversation. They don't know anyone, but still, they lower their voices, just in case.

"Have you ever considered it?" Marley asks her boyfriend. "You know…guys?"

"No? I mean, I've only ever been attracted to girls, so it never really crossed my mind," he says. "I didn't think Ryder…"

"Well, maybe he hasn't either; maybe you're the first guy he ever liked."

"I'm just surprised. Like, did I do something to encourage him, or…"

"That's silly," Marley cuts him off. "Do you like girls because they do something?" He raises his eyebrows, as if to say "Well, actually…," but she playfully shoves him. "No, you just like someone or you don't; you can't control it. What, you think I chose to like you?" she jokes.

"Hey, anyone would choose me," he says, flexing his arms to accentuate the point. She laughs.

"Right. Well, it's not about why he likes you, he just does. The question is what do you want to do about it?"

"I have to do something about it?"

"Your best friend just told you he has feelings for you. Don't you think that warrants some reflection?"

"I mean, to what end? I'm with you. What would thinking about it accomplish? Is this your way of breaking up with me?" he asks with mock offense.

"Ha ha. Obviously I love you and I want to be with you. I'm not telling you to start dating him. I'm telling you to consider our friends' feelings, because we don't want to make this weird or hurt or lose each other."

"Did you consider it when you found out about his feelings for you? Is that why you're pushing me?"

"I don't know. Maybe? I know how it feels to like two people at the same time. It's…I think he's probably very confused right now."

She looks down. He grabs her hand and interlaces their fingers. She looks up at him with a small smile and leans on his shoulder. They stay like that for a bit, each lost in thought. One passenger gets off the bus; the other follows a few stops later. They're the only ones left under the cool blue light. There are only a few stops left before Marley has to get off. Jake breaks the silence.

"How do you feel about it? Ryder having feelings for me," he says, looking at her.

"I get it. What's not to like?"

"I'm serious. I mean, I love you, and you love me. But I know you liked him, and maybe you still like him." Marley looks like she wants to say something about that, but he continues, "And we know he likes you, and apparently now he likes me. Me liking him would kind of be perfect for both of you. It would make things easier, probably. Part of you has to want it, no?"

"I don't know. I don't know anything right now except that I love you. Ryder is our friend, and he just made a huge confession that's probably got him terrified, and since it affects you the most right now, you need to figure out how you feel about it so we can get through this and keep our friendship intact. How I feel, we can figure out after."

She reaches up and pulls on the yellow cord, signaling for the bus to stop. She looks back at her boyfriend and rests her palm on his cheek.

"No matter what happens," she tells him, caressing the soft skin with her thumb, "I love you, okay?" Her eyes are asking a question, and he nods in answer, leaning into her touch. She kisses him, trying with one gesture to convey all the love and reassurance she possibly can. 'Don't worry about us; we'll be fine.' He holds on to her, brings her closer, and kisses her more deeply. 'I'm terrified of losing you; please don't go.' he seems to answer back. They can feel the bus slowing down. It's her stop. She breaks their lips apart and gives him one last nudge with her nose and a reassuring smile before finally getting up and leaving. His eyes don't leave her until she's a dot in the distance. Then Jake is left alone, more confused than he's ever been.

Ryder had run non-stop for 10 minutes before he finally felt calm enough to slow down. He had taken off in the direction to his house, but his mind had been overtaken by what he'd just done, the only thought he was able to muster being to get as far away from Breadstix as possible. So he wasn't quite sure where he was anymore. In the dark, the houses all looked the same. He turns on his phone light, and a street sign reflects back at him. Alright, only a few blocks away, so he wasn't lost; that was something. Although he thought, as he started walking home, maybe it'd be better if he got lost and was never found. That way, he wouldn't have to face the consequences of what had happened.

God, how could he have been so stupid? Kissing Jake? For weeks, he'd managed to keep his feelings in check, but now it was all ruined. He can feel the panic rising in his chest. He calls the only person he knows he can talk to about this. After three rings that feel like an eternity, he finally hears a voice, "Hello?"

"I majorly fucked up, I ruined everything, I feel like my heart is stuck in my throat, and I'm going to die! Oh God, what did I do?"

"Okay, whoa, let's take a deep breath, alright?" Unique says. "In…" she inhales and waits for him to do so as well. He follows her example. "And out…" she continues when she hears him. "In…" They keep breathing like this until she thinks he's calmed down enough. "Alright, what happened?"

"I kissed Jake," he blurts out.

"What?! When? Where?"

"Like, 20 minutes ago? I just—Argh, I don't know what happened. The three of us were at Breadstix, and it was fun, you know, it felt like it used to. But then, they were holding hands, and I just wanted to reach over and touch them, be part of them. I just—the feelings overtook me. Being in the restaurant, it felt like a date or something. I was just reminded of how impossible it was. It just got to be too much, always being with the two of them but never being with them, you know! I just had to get out of there."

"And then what?"

"And then, Jake followed me out, and he was being so nice and understanding, and I just couldn't keep it bottled up anymore. The same way I couldn't with Marley, I just kissed him."

"Well, how did he react?"

"He didn't push me away? But I didn't stay there long enough to find out. Suddenly, Marley was right there, and I was overwhelmed with guilt. I just booked it out of there as fast as I could. God, how is it the second time in two months that I kiss someone in a couple? And they're in the same couple! What is wrong with me?"

"There's nothing wrong with you," Unique reassures him. "You just…don't do things halfway!" He makes a whining noise. "Alright, look, positive: you told him how you felt. At least now it's out in the open."

"It's not like it'll do any good. I probably just ruined my relationship with my best friends. God, it's gonna be so awkward!"

"It'll only be weird if you make it weird," his friend reassures him. Ryder doesn't seem convinced.

"We don't know what'll happen. Maybe you're right; you ruined it all, it's over and you'll lose them forever." Another whine from Ryder. "Or maybe," Unique continues, "it's the best thing you've ever done, and it will be great! Or maybe nothing changes. The point is, you can't control what will happen. So there's no point agonizing over it now."

"Maybe I should call and apologize? Say it was a prank or something?"

"Definitely don't do that. I've been listening to you agonize over your feelings for Jake and Marley for ages; it's getting to be almost annoying. At least now you'll finally have answers!"

Ryder isn't convinced. Unique can tell he's still spiraling.

"I think you should leave it alone for now. Take the weekend, let them think about it, and focus on something else. Don't you have an exam or something this week?"

"Yeah, there's no way I'll be able to focus on that. I'm definitely failing."

"You'll be fine. I have a feeling things will work out."

"Mmh, maybe. Thanks for talking me off the ledge."

"Sure, anytime."

"So, anything going on with you?" he asks, hoping that a change of subject will distract him.

"Nothing as interesting as you. But I have been talking to this guy online…"

"As yourself?" he jokes.

"Shut up! So—"

He listens as she tells him about her Internet affair, her excitement distracting him from everything that had happened that night, and the uncertain future that now lay in front of him.

Marley lies in her bed, unable to fall asleep, the events of the night playing over and over in her mind.

Something must've been wrong with her. When she'd heard Ryder confess his feelings for Jake, she knew she probably should've felt upset. At the very least, when she'd seen them kiss, she should've gotten mad or something. But nothing. There was no anger; nothing about it felt wrong to her.

If she were being honest, she mostly felt relief. Some part of her had been feeling guilty that she was still harboring feelings for Ryder as well as for her boyfriend. Especially since when they started dating, she was the one who put a condition that Jake only be with her, so her being the one to fall for someone else made her feel like a hypocrite.

Seeing that Ryder felt the same, it made her feel a bit better. Like maybe she wasn't a horrible, selfish, greedy person. Jake was right. Things would be a lot easier for her if he also had feelings for Ryder. Because if they were all on an equal playing field, maybe they could go somewhere from there.

The thought makes her laugh. Something must truly be wrong with her if she was hoping her boyfriend would be in love with someone else just so she wouldn't feel bad. But all she knew was that she loved them both and didn't want to lose either of them, no matter what that might look like.

Jake couldn't focus during his dance class. He couldn't keep up with the rest of the group when they were learning the new choreography and kept getting reprimanded by his teacher. Now, he's standing on the side while a smaller group is practicing. He's supposed to look at them and try to learn the movements, but thoughts of last night keep flooding his brain, and he wasn't paying attention.

He didn't care that Ryder liked guys. He'd spent his life in dance classes. A lot of the people there were gay; that kind of thing didn't bother him. He'd been attracted to girls since he could remember, so he'd never really questioned it about himself, though. Now, standing there, he looks around at the guys. He'd never really been attracted to any of them. He liked to watch good dancers, and he admired an athletic physique, but that always had more to do with appreciation than anything. Surely, if he had been attracted to guys, it would've been obvious by now, wouldn't it? At least he thinks so. But now, he forces himself to think about that kiss with Ryder. It had been brief, but it hadn't been… unpleasant? Jake had reacted on instinct when he kissed him back, but had Ryder not stopped and run away, would he have been the one to pull them apart? He honestly couldn't answer that question.

Alright, let's say he puts aside general attraction for a moment. This wasn't about any guy; this was about his best friend. How did he feel about Ryder specifically? He thought back to when they met. Immediately, there had been tension. They both liked Marley, so it did start antagonistically, but after they'd shared their fears, they became quick friends. They had a lot in common, and Jake liked spending time with him. Ryder had been nothing but a solid guy. Despite having feelings for Marley, he'd been cool about Jake pursuing her. He'd been super supportive, always there for him to talk things out, and even helped him come up with gifts on Valentine's Day. And yes, he had kissed Marley behind his back, which was really not cool, but he'd apologized and seemed sincere about it, and Jake hadn't been able to stay mad for very long.

He never really had many friends growing up. He got along with people fine, but he'd never let anyone in. Wherever he was, he always felt like an outsider: too black, too white, too Jewish. Girls didn't want to be friends, they wanted to date, and guys didn't like having him as competition. Now that he thinks about it, despite having not known each other very long, Ryder was the only guy he'd ever gotten this close to ever, and he didn't want to lose that. There was something inviting about him. He was just so genuinely sweet. When he smiled at you, you just couldn't help feeling warmth in your chest. Whoa. Jake shakes his head. Where had that thought come from? Since when did he think about Ryder's smile? Sure, it was a really nice smile that came with a really nice face and a not unattractive body, but that had never meant anything before. Was he seriously thinking about this? I mean, this was the guy who gets excited over a Spice Girls number, who can't change the oil in his car, who plays with his food to try to make people laugh; he was a total dork! But he was also the guy who always took the time to make you feel seen, who put everyone's feelings before his own, and who was always there when you needed him. He'd never thought of Ryder that way before, but now it was impossible not to think about. He had to figure this out.

On Monday morning, Marley meets Jake at his locker.

"So, how was your weekend…" She tries to be nonchalant, but they both know they need to address the elephant in the room.

"I thought about it," he says.

"And…?"

"And I'm more confused than ever! I've got all these feelings that weren't there before, and I can't shut them down!" He looks at her, overwhelmed. She reaches out for a hug, and he melts into her arms with a sigh. "What do I do?"

"I think you should talk to somebody."

He looks at her confused. "Who?"

"Somebody…gay?"

Jake finds Blaine in Glee Club, practicing a song on the piano. It was likely something he wanted to propose for sectionals. He waits for him to be done, enjoying listening to his voice. He really was a great singer. Once Blaine finishes playing the final notes, he turns sideways.

"Any thoughts?" he asks.

"It's great, like everything else you sing," Jake says.

"Ha. Funny," Blaine replies.

"No, I'm serious. You're like, probably the best singer I've ever met."

"That's sweet. Not true, but sweet. And you're an amazing dancer, so we're both great," he laughs. Jake smiles. He doesn't say anything else, so Blaine prompts. "Sorry, did you want to use the choir room? I'm done, so I can…"

"No," Jake interjects, remembering why he's there. "I was looking for you actually. I wanted to ask you something."

"Well, you found me!"

"It's— it's a bit personal. You don't have to answer me. I'm just—"

"Just ask your question, Jake," Blaine laughs.

"I was wondering…When did you know you were gay?" Jake feels silly getting flustered, but he didn't really know Blaine that much, and it was an invasive question, but Blaine was smiling at him.

"Ah, the question. Well," he says, getting up from the piano bench and walking to the chairs so that they both could sit down, "I've never not known."

"Really?" Blaine nods. "You always knew?"

"Yeah. My mom always tells me how apparently, when I was a toddler, we used to have a Mrs. Doubtfire VHS, and whenever Matthew Lawrence's character showed up, I would run up to kiss the screen."

Jake chuckles. "The guy from Boy Meets World?"

"Yeah, apparently I was obsessed," Blaine continues. I would ask to rewatch it all the time. It drove them crazy. I think I singlehandedly made my parents hate Robin Williams," he laughs.

"Your parents didn't care?"

"No. When I was in first grade, I got a crush on this boy in my class. I would come home and tell them all about it. They treated it like you would any other crush. I didn't know I was different from most people. Until Valentine's Day."

"Oh no," Jake says, guessing where this probably went.

"Yeah. The teacher was making us write Valentines, and of course, I decided I would give him one. I put glitter on it and everything," he chuckles at the memory. "It wasn't so bad. When I handed it to him, he just said, 'I don't want it' and gave it back. I was still heartbroken. I got home crying and told my mom what happened. She comforted me. I remember exactly what she said: "Oh sweetheart, it's gonna be okay. You know, some people like just girls, like your daddy, and some people like just boys, and some people like both, like me! And that's okay. Maybe this boy just likes girls, and that’s not your fault. One day you’ll find someone who likes you back." That was the first I heard anything about different sexualities. It had never even occurred to me before that anyone felt differently from me."

"Whoa. It's awesome that your mom was so cool with it."

"Yeah, she did kind of say the perfect thing. Of course, it didn't help when I got rejected by my first gay guy," he laughs.

"But…" Jake continues, "Didn't you ever have a moment of doubt, where you wondered if you liked girls?"

"I have actually," Blaine says.

"Really? Did something happen?"

"I kissed a girl. Well, actually, a girl kissed me."

"Seriously?" Jake couldn't believe it. What were the odds Blaine went through the exact same thing he was going through right now? "What happened?" he asks.

"The Glee Club was having a party. This was before I came to McKinley, when I met Kurt. I was still at an all-boys school, so I never really hung out with girls much. Anyway, we were drinking and playing spin the bottle, and when Rachel spun, it landed on me!"

"And…?"

"And it wasn't bad. I'd never kissed a girl before, and I didn't dislike it, so I wondered. Maybe I wasn't gay; maybe I was bi, you know. Kurt did not like the idea, let me tell you," he laughs.

"So, how did you figure it out?" Jake asks. He was praying Blaine would offer a solution that would clear up all the confusion he was feeling.

"I kissed her again," Blaine says simply, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. "Well, again, she kissed me, but still. I knew for sure then. I was most definitely gay."

"Huh. Yeah, that makes sense." He probably should've thought about it before. The kiss had been very short, and he had been too shocked to do anything. Maybe he needed to kiss Ryder again to know for sure if he had any feelings for him or if this was just heightened emotions.

Blaine could see that something was troubling Jake. He was familiar with people questioning their sexuality, so he knew not to pry, but he thought he knew what could help him.

"You know," he says, taking Jake out of his internal spiral, "I'm gay, and this is just my personal experience. Maybe you should talk to Brittany. She's bi. She probably has a different story than me."

"Yeah, maybe. Thanks. For being so open with me."

"Of course! Anytime."

Jake leaves, a bit less apprehensive than he had been that morning.

The next time Jake and Brittany were scheduled to have a dance rehearsal for sectionals was in two days, but Jake couldn't wait that long to talk to her alone. He knew that she had a free period— Cheerios didn't take gym—so he texted her that he needed her help for a number and to meet him in the dance room. When she got there, he didn't get a chance to say anything, because she immediately started talking, telling him how he really did need her help, because he had been terrible in practice last week, which he didn't think he had, but he knew Brittany was a perfectionist, so he let her take the lead. They ran drills for half an hour before Brittany finally allowed them to take a break.

He grabs his water bottle and sits on the floor, legs stretched out, and takes a big sip. Brittany sits in front of him and lightly pushes his legs with her feet. She doesn't have to tell him what to do; he spreads his legs apart and allows her to stretch them with hers. She was always on him about how much more flexible he could be, and he stopped arguing with her that he was pretty sure this was as good as it would get for him and did whatever stretching exercises she wanted.

The familiarity of the movements that they'd so often done together puts him at ease. He didn't have much in common with Brittany outside of dance, but it was probably the most important part of him, so he thought it was enough. He felt a kinship with her that he only felt with other dancers, and when the two of them were in that dance room, he felt at peace. So, he doesn't feel as apprehensive as he had been with Blaine when he asks her when she knew she was bi. Brittany thinks about it for a second before she says, "Santana."

He expects her to go on and chuckles when he realizes that to her, it's a clear response. "Can you maybe elaborate?" he asks. She shrugs.

"I don't know. I don't remember a moment I knew. Santana's always been my best friend. We did everything together, and I just loved her."

"But were you in love with her?" he asks, desperate for answers. His friend tilts her head, trying to remember.

"The first time she kissed me," she says, "we were just lying in bed in my room, nothing special. She just kissed me, and it felt right. It was like, I already love her so much, so this is just an extension of that love. No big deal."

Jake wants to ask how. How is not a big deal? How was your world not turned upside down when you kissed your best friend, and why has mine? But he doesn't say anything and just looks at her. At his non response, she stretches his legs further apart, getting a small yelp out of him. She giggles.

"Is she the only girl you’ve been with?" he asks.

"So far. I haven’t met another one I’ve liked yet."

"And what's your relationship like now? I mean, you broke up, didn't you? I remember when she came to school with her new girlfriend. You looked hurt."

"It's a bit different. She's still my best friend. We don't see each other much because of school, but we still try to talk often. We tell each other everything. Except…"

"…who you're dating," Jake finishes for her. She nods.

"She doesn't like to know who I'm dating. I think it hurts her too much. And I don't really like to hear about hers either. But we still try to make it work."

"Even if it hurts you? Why?"

"Because we care about each other too much to lose our relationship. She's my best friend before anything else. I love her."

"Simple as that, huh?"

"Yep."

With that, she gets up, seemingly satisfied with the stretching. Now standing in front of him, she reaches down to help him get to his feet. When he's up, she puts a hand on his shoulder and pats it.

"So, if you're worried about ruining things with Ryder, don't. As long as you care, you'll work it out," she says with a smile. His mouth falls.

"How did you—I mean, I don't—What?!"

She laughs and playfully pats his cheek. As she grabs her bag to leave, she tells him, "Everyone always forgets that I'm a genius."

"So if you knew I didn't actually call you here for dance practice, why'd you make me do it?"

"Because you really did need help with your isolations." She laughs. As she backs away through the door, she whispers in a conspiratorial way, "I know everything!"

And just like that, she was gone.

Ryder was at the library, both because he had a test he had to study for and because he was still avoiding Jake and Marley and figured that this was a better place to be during lunch than the cafeteria. He tries to focus on his book, but to no avail; every time he tried to focus on something, his mind wondered back to the very people he was avoiding.

As if reading his mind, his phone suddenly buzzes with a notification. His breath catches in his chest when he looks at the screen; Jake had texted him. 'Meet me in the auditorium?'. Ryder debates: Should he go? What if this was it, the end of his friendship with Jake and Marley as he knew it? But what if it wasn't? Either way, he has to know. Something that his body seemed to know before he did, because he was already packing up his stuff and leaving.

When he gets to the auditorium, Jake is sitting at the piano. He is randomly pushing on keys, playing whatever notes sound good to him together. Ryder stops for a second to look at him. It had been hard avoiding him and Marley, purposefully sitting away from them during Glee practice, and looking away from them as much as he could. But he knew that if he let himself do it, he wouldn't be able to hold back whatever he was feeling, so avoidance was necessary. But now, he lets himself look at Jake for the first time since he'd kissed him last Friday. God, he was so beautiful; Ryder thought his heart would explode. He almost doesn't want to reveal himself. He just wants to look at Jake for a while. But he forces himself to walk towards the stage and interrupt the bad playing.

"Wow. Can't believe you never had lessons. You're a natural," he jokes.

Jake smiles at this and turns towards the voice. "Yeah, I'm thinking with me on piano, we're a shoo-in for sectionals," he retorts.

Ryder has walked up the stairs of the stage and is standing at the piano's tail, not sure what to say. Jake does the work for him.

"So, are we done with the avoidance thing, or…?"

"Yeah, sorry," Ryder says, "I was trying to give you guys space."

"Thanks, that's sweet."

They look at each other for a beat. They're unsure but not uncomfortable. Jake finally speaks up.

"I have been thinking about things. A lot."

Ryder braces himself. That's it; it's over.

"First off, I want to make it clear that no matter what happens, you, Marley and I will be okay. We’re all friends, and I care about each of you too much to let anything break us. So whatever anxiety spiral you put yourself in about that, get out of it, alright?"

Ryder nods as relief washes over him. Jake continues.

"Second, is it okay if we talk about it? Like, can I ask you questions?"

"Yeah, sure. I mean, of course, obviously, we can talk about anything," Ryder says, leaning against the piano, feeling a bit more comfortable now.

"So like, how long have you had feelings for me?" Jake asks, in a voice that comes out a bit shy, which makes Ryder melt a little.

"I'm not sure exactly when it started," he starts. "At first, I thought I was probably just jealous of you and Marley because I liked her, but the more time we spent together, the more things started to blur. I think Valentine's Day is probably when it became undeniable. When you said you wanted to sleep together, I just—I wasn't sure of anything anymore, so I kissed Marley, and things became more obvious. Which, by the way," he adds apologetically, "I'm still really sorry about."

"It's okay," Jake says, but Ryder insists.

"It's a bad habit. I can't just go around kissing people when I'm feeling confused or overwhelmed."

"Hey, I get it. I've impulsively kissed my fair share of people. At least you didn't accidentally steal a car or something," Jake teases, which makes Ryder laugh. Jake moves to the side of the bench, silently inviting Ryder to sit next to him before he continues, "Am I the first guy you've liked?"

"You're the first I've made a move on," Ryder confesses. "I've known I liked guys since I hit puberty, but it's not something I actively pursued. Not that I've pursued many people. I just, yeah, I know I'm bi, I just don't really tell people. Outside of my parents, there are like…3 people maybe that know, and most of them are online. I'm not ashamed or anything. It's just—people assume you're straight, and so far, it's just been easier to not correct anyone. I guess when I say it like that, it does sound a bit like I'm afraid."

"No, I get it. Lima sucks," Jake says. He continues.

"I guess, I'd like to know—How do you feel about Marley and me?"

"The movie? Good! Sad ending though." Ryder can't help himself and gets a sarcastic 'Ha' from Jake in response, which makes him giggle.

"I mean, as a couple?" Jake clarifies. "If nothing changes, and we just carry on how it was, how bad would it be for you?"

Ryder sighs. "A lot probably. I don't really know. I've never liked two people before who not only are my friends but are also dating each other. I've been agonizing over it for weeks, so just having it out in the open feels a bit better. But I don't know. I'd be relieved that we're still friends. Maybe I'd get over it eventually."

Jake hums. They stay silent for a bit, just sitting next to each other, thinking. Then Ryder speaks.

"How about you?" Jake looks up at him. "You said you've been thinking. What exactly about? The nicest way to let me down?" He means it to sound like a joke, but his voice betrays the sincerity of the question.

"No, more like how I feel about you. You took me by surprise, and it's kind of been a lot of introspection since. If I'm being honest, the kiss, it wasn’t bad, but…"

Ryder is ready for the rejection. Part of him has known where this was headed from the start and is grateful that he got to know these people at all.

"…It was inconclusive." Ryder isn't sure what he just heard.

"What?"

"I know you're my best friend, and I care about you a lot, but to know if it's anything more than that, I think…We need to kiss again."

Ryder is too stunned to speak. Was this real? Was he still asleep, and was this a crazy dream? Or had his best friend really just asked to kiss him again? He must've looked out of it, because Jake waves a hand in front of his face.

"Hello, anyone there?" he asks with a slight chuckle.

"Sorry, I just…wasn't expecting this at all."

"What can I say? I'm full of surprises," Jake says.

"Yeah. Are you sure?" Ryder asks, needing to be certain this is what Jake wants.

"Yeah. I just—I can't know until I know, you know?" He accompanies his words with a small shoulder bump.

Ryder laughs at the repetition, which makes Jake smile as well.

"Alright," Ryder says, shifting his body sideways on the bench. Jake mirrors his movement so that they're facing each other.

Ryder makes a pointed choice not to move and let Jake take the lead; he needs to make sure everything is in his control. But he can't hide the way he softens when he looks at Jake, which makes his friend smile.

Jake had envied Ryder's height and his sharp jaw, but he'd never taken the time to really look at his face. Now, he tries to analyze every detail: the dark eyes, the bushy sideburns, and the small dip in his chin. He has the sudden urge to reach out and touch it and doesn't stop the instinct. His hand now cupping Ryder's cheek, he gently thumbs at his chin, a small smile on his lips.

Ryder's breath hitches at the touch, the hand rough but warm. He doesn't know how long they stay like this, just looking at each other. It was probably seconds, but it feels like an eternity until Jake finally closes the gap between them. It's soft and gentle, but Ryder's heart is bursting with joy. The overthinking part of his brain that has been torturing him all weekend rears its head, telling him that this was a fluke, that it would be taken away any second now, but Ryder pushes it away. Nothing could stop him from savoring every second of this moment. He leans into Jake, his hand falling on his hip for support. He doesn't dare move any more, but he's been craving the contact.

Jake tries to be analytical at first. What did this feel like, kissing a guy, kissing Ryder? But he's never been good at logic. He was always more of go-with-the-flow kind of person, so it doesn't take long for his thoughts to go from "Do I want this?" to "How do I get more?" His body quickly takes over, and his free hand reaches up to grab Ryder's hair. He gets pulled in closer by his friend with a moan in response. The soft and slow kissing gets deeper and more passionate as all worries or questions about his sexuality or feelings that have plagued Jake these last few days dissipate into thin air. Whatever this is, he wants it and bad.

When the boys finally slow down and come up for air, their foreheads stay connected. As he pants, Jake lets out a chuckle.

"Well, that answers that, I guess."

Still too overwhelmed by what happened to form any coherent words yet, Ryder just laughs and squeezes his hip.

"Now, we just need to figure out everything else," Jake says with a sigh. Ryder, in response, just pulls him closer and buries his face in the crook of his neck. Jake hugs him back, and they stay like that quietly for a beat. Then Jake breaks the silence.

"I have to go talk to Marley before lunch is over." He moves to get up. "I'll text you after, so the three of us can talk later? Figure out what's next."

Ryder nods. Jake gets up to go, but notices that Ryder doesn't move.

"Don't you have a test to get to?" he asks.

"Yep. I just need to sit down for a minute," Ryder says, glancing downward. Jake follows his gaze and laughs at the realization.

"Sorry about that," he says as he leans down to kiss him again, this time more of a quick peck. "I'll see you later," he says as he walks towards the stairs. When his back is to him, he hears Ryder yell back, "That really didn't help!" and he laughs.

As he walks out of the auditorium, Jake can't contain the smile that etches itself on his lips. He just kissed his best friend and is giddy at the prospect of telling his girlfriend about it. If someone had told him this would be his life, he never would've believed them. He has no idea what it means for the future, for the three of them. All he knows is that he's excited to find out.