Work Text:
The midday sun shone bleakly through a cloudy sky. My joints ached, and bad. But despite that, I still managed to get up, head out, and grab lunch with Shamble.
He smiled at me from across the table as I unwrapped the dumb little sandwich from the stupid coffee shop I always lurked around when I wasn't working. They'd keep food in packages, showcase them, I'd always stare knowing I couldn't go buying a tiny sandwich for seven bucks, no matter how good it was. No matter how hungry I was. I'd never get out of here if I kept treating myself to whatever the hell I wanted.
And there I was, spiraling instead of enjoying the rare moments of joy I got. Moments I could spend with him.
Our relationship was complicated, as many relationships are. But this was definitely different. I wouldn't have bothered for anyone else. But he was kind. He was considerate. He was Shamble. And most important of all, he was paying for my food! I swear I've never spent a dollar around this man. What's wrong with him? Was he just born to throw his every penny away on anybody?
"Primrose?"
I heard Shamble's soft voice, but I didn't respond. I didn't deserve him. I needed to go home before it rained.
"Buddy?"
His sweet tone only made me feel more guilty.
"You haven't taken a bite of your sandwich, Primrose. C'mon, dude. I know you love those things, get to it-"
"Shut up."
I instantly regretted saying it. It wasn't what I meant at all. But if it got him away from me, then maybe it was worth it. Some temporary pain to save him from somebody who'd slowly rot him from the inside out.
"Huh..? I.."
Shamble stumbled over his words, and I could tell he was trying not to break down.
Damn it.
"I'm sorry, I... That isn't what I meant at all," I begun. "But I think, for your sake, we... We should stop being friends. "
"Not again, buddy..."
Hold on, had I done this before? I really, really hope not. I know I tend to black out at times, but could I really have-
"Listen. I don't know what you think you're doing, but you aren't getting rid of me." Shamble informed me firmly, stretching his legs gently before slowly standing from his seat. "We've been friends for years, Primrose. I know you, and you'd never hurt me on purpose. I don't care what you're goin' through. I'm gonna be here."
I felt that anticipatory sting. I was going to cry in public. All I could do to try and stop it was inhale. I felt pathetic. I knew I looked pathetic too. I must absolutely disgust Shamble. How the hell has he been my friend all these years?
He stood there waiting. Waiting for me to process my feelings, to give him some sort of sign I was alright. I just let out a breathy sigh like a kid who'd just seen their parent die. I was a grown person. What the hell was I doing? I planted my face in both my hands, only for one to be torn away.
Shamble sat there, holding me. With every little shiver, every shaky breath, he just squeezed me tighter. Until all I could do was collapse in his arms and sob. By everything, by God himself, I didn't deserve Shamble.
Fuck.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Shamble, I-"
"You're at no fault, Primrose. But I need you to know somethin'."
"...yeah..?"
"You're worthy of love, no matter how bad you screw up. I'll always be here. I know there's no malice behind your actions. You've gotten yourself out of your worries in the past, in one way or another."
...And here comes the lecture. The 'you need to try.' The explanation of why I'm not perfect, and exactly how that's my fault. I don't like it, but I deserve it. I deserve his hatred-
"And you aren't to blame. You know you're here, but you can't stop reacting like you're there. You've adapted, like everyone does. You'll go back to 'normal' when you're ready. Even if it takes a really long time. And I'll be here until you are, buddy."
I let go of my sandwich. I let go of my burdens I'd carried for so, so long. And I forgot them. Even if just for a moment.
I wrapped my arms around him and cried. Ugly cried. And he just didn't care about that. He embraced me regardless. And I didn't even notice the rain until both our shirts were drenched by more than just our tears.
As soon as Shamble noticed that, he just lifted me onto his shoulder. Put his hat on my head to shield my eyes from the rain. And carried me to my apartment, like all of my weight was nothing to him.
He could bear all of it. He could bear me. And he wanted to. He chose to. And yet, all he expected in return was my company. Well, I guess that sort of reliability was to be expected from a construction worker.
"Why?" I managed to choke out.
"Why what?"
"Why haven't you given up on me?"
"Because that isn't how friendships work. You don't just abandon another person for something they can't control."
"But I could have controlled it! I could've just shut my mouth, and-"
"If you shut your mouth, you wouldn't be you, Primrose. Don't hide yourself from me. I want to know you. All of you. You're interesting. You're dynamic. You're you, and goodness, I love that."
I smiled weakly at Shamble, who then grabbed a blanket from my closet and bundled me up.
He grabbed the TV remote.
I yawned, leaning into him.
That night, I'd be safe. That night, I knew someone loved me.
And I loved him back.
I loved him so, so, so much.
If only I'd been a better person.
If only I'd stayed.