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Susie chuckled as she leaned backward in her chair, the front two legs hovering above the ground as she did. Ralsei smirked, the darkener's previous efforts to ensure she was able to safely lean in this fashion seemed to have been worthwhile. “So, Kris…is your name like short for something or?”
The knight tilted their head, confused by the question for a moment before slowly shaking their head.
“Huh…usually short names like that are like short for something, like Mike and Michal, or Sam and Samantha or some crap like that,” Susie explained, which seemed to satisfy Kris as their face went back to their more neutral expression.
The conversation the pair were having was pretty clearly meaningless…banter between two friends as they had little more to do all while the prince sat in their own chair…lost in thought
What would the two of them think of h…think of Ralsei if the prince revealed what they had been considering the last few days. Logically they wouldn't mind right? I mean the dresses the makeup, enjoying being called pretty, all the ribbons, what would the pair’s problem with it really be? And at the same time, Susie was not exactly conforming to her expected behavior…and Kris well…Kris wouldn't mind, Ralsei knew that for a fact.
Or at least…they wouldn't mind someone being that, they might care if Ralsei was. Ralsei bit their lip, what if they were not enough? I mean Ralsei’s voice was soft but it was clearly that of a man…not like theirs…Kris’s voice was…so soft and…Ralsei couldn’t help but blush at the very thought if it bouncing around the prince’s ears. The prince’s voice on the other hand…it felt harsh against their own ears, it felt like…like the prince would be better off not speaking at all because maybe then they wouldn't have to hear this incessant god damn…
Stop
The prince’s eyes closed, don't be so hard on yourself, it's just a voice…just a stupid little voice
Ralsei’s eyes opened, their friends were still chatting, they didn't manage to ruin that for them. It would be better just to keep their feelings to themselves, Ralsei didn’t want to burden their friends with some stupid little idea about who they were…especially not to Kris, not to someone who really had those thoughts about their identity and didn’t just have a weird problem with their voice.
Still, in the back of their mind they couldn't let go of the thought of how it would feel to tell the pair. If they accepted Ralsei’s confession warmly…Ralsei smiled at the thought, it was silly and selfish but…
“…would you two mind referring to me a girl from now on …” Ralsei asked softly, hunching over a bit and avoiding looking over at them so she was as small as possible. The room was dead silent after the Princess spoke, making her fur stand on its end. Why did she do this, why did she ask that! If Ralsei had just left well enough alone then may-
“Oh uh…yeah sure dude I don't mind,” Susie broke the silence in her usual casual manner, not identifying the statement as anything extraordinary, as if Ralsei had asked to use the bathroom or something. Ralsei smiled to herself at the reaction, Susie didn't care one bit, it wasn't a bother it wasn't even something to really acknowledge. Ralsei was so caught up in Susie’s non-reaction that when she looked to the left and saw a pair of piercing red eyes staring at her. Ralsei’s eyes widened a bit, had she upset them? The princess's ears fell down and her arms slumped downwards, she felt…almost a fear of her friend for a brief moment before that wonderful voice met her ears.
“You've got homework to do right?” Kris said, red eyes locked with Ralsei. The princess tilted her head, her lips parted before Susie spoke up.
“I mean…thats due for another like two weeks what ar-” Susie started to say before Kris looked over at her. Her friend’s face was out of view, but Ralsei could see susie’s reaction to the look Kris gave. Susie’s eye’s narrowed, and then slowly widened. A snicker escaped from her throat “yeah yeah no your right lots of homework,” Susie pointed two fingers at Ralsei, her thumbs facing upwards “Cya later nerd,” *Susie said before, quite rapidly, pushing herself in the direction of the door.
“U-uh…b-bye then! See you later,” Ralsei waved as her friend left, her lips curved into a smile before slowly fading “I’m sorry…I know I was being selfish and I-”
“What?” That wonderful voice met her ears again, Ralsei looked back at them, their head was tilted “Your…” Kris stopped themself’s they shook their head “so… you're a girl then,” Kris said in their usual blunt way, trying to, somewhat brusquely, take the reins of the conversation now that Susie was gone
“Um…y-yeah I guess…i’m really just trying to see how it feels before I make a real decision about it…” Ralsei said, her voice quiet, she made sure to give herself an out of the situation if she needed one.
“Yeah that's pretty much what I did,” Kris said, backing up into the stone castle wall so they had something to lean on “what made you wanna be a girl?” Kris asked, there eyes locked on the princess’s face “it wasn't Susie teasing you about it right?”
“N-no no not at all,”Ralsei said quickly, “I've just…always liked being feminine, wearing makeup, wearing dresses…trying to look pretty for people…” Ralsei giggled “I mean…I think her teasing me about it kinda…made it click in my brain but that wasn't the start of it, nor was is the main contributor,” Ralsei explained “I-if that makes sense” The former prince nervously added, giving herself a way our in case her explanation was a bad one.
Thankfully for the princess, the explanation served to properly assuage their worries. They smiled at their friend “Well, I'm happy for you… princess,”
Princess
The word bounced around Ralsei’s brain for the next month, it made her face burn, and her lips curl up into the widest smile she had ever produced yet. Just a little bit of selfishness made her so much happier than the sad boy that hated his own voice could have hoped to be.
While she grew more comfortable In her skin as the months passed she found herself slipping into a familiar rhythm. The Princess’s friends would come over, go on adventures to close a dark fountain or just hang out, then they would leave and Ralsei would prepare for their next visit. Ocationally just Susie would visit, and Ralsei would feel the sting of disappointment, which surprised her every time. Ralsei always had a good time with Susie, she enjoyed her friends company, and one-on-one time was always nice. Still Ralsei found herself longing for her other friend in a way she didn't understand fully.
One night, the Princess had found herself in her usual sleepless routine, staring at the ceiling of her formerly barren room. Ralsei laid back on the couch cushion she had appropriated into a makeshift bed, her hands wandered around the floor of their room. Ralsei found some dust, a few pebbles from Susie’s boots…
Susie
Ralsei’s brow furrowed, neither her nor Kris visited today. Typically whenever they didn't it meant one of three things. A the school was inescapable for some reason, B they were sick or the most likely sinerio, they were hanging out together in the light world in a way Ralsei couldn't. Ralsei’s body felt cold at the idea. Of course the Princess was happy her friends were having a good time together, but it hurt her heart to think about all the things she couldn't do with them. Ralsei had always felt lesser whenever her mind wandered…
They shouldn't come back, I'm just keeping them from real fun
Ralsei felt the waterworks nearly break as the thought entered her mind. The princess knew it was a stupid thought, they clearly enjoyed themselves when they were here. Being here was no less of a good time than whatever the light world offered. Still the thought crept into her mind, that she was a burden more than she was a friend. Ralsei often found herself in this pit, thinking about how her friends would be so much better off if it were just Susie and…
And…
Ralsei turned over onto her side, cheeks a little red. Her face felt hot, her heartbeat increasedsed, Ralsei thought of how much better off they must be not hanging out with her. Kris and Susie were far better friends than she could ever hope to be with them
I wish…I was in her place
Ralsei thought, breathing increasing as she let the self doubt and hatred give way towards a more selfish feeling.
I wish it was me so close to them…I wish it was me just a short drive away
I could be there with her, hug her close, make her laugh and enjoy the way her face moved while she laughed
I wish I was in Susie’s place
Ralsei felt a strange…not quite anger…not quite…calm…an in between, a sort of small anger and pit in her stomach combined together into a feeling like…like she wanted her friend all to herself. Ralsei felt, in that moment, that she would give anything to be with Kris
Oh no…I love her don’t I
Oh angel…I…I love them don’t I
The thought hit the princess like a truck, a fast-moving wave of endorphins initially rewarding her for finally realizing what the scrambled feelings they had felt since the day they met her were trying to tell her. As the truck rolled over their happily flattened mind, a train coming the opposite way hit them just as fast, one that told them how stupid it was, how selfish it was
She doesn't love me
How could anyone love the princess, just a tool, just a plaything, not supposed to have selfish feelings of its own, just a thing…a stupid…stupid little thing, unlovable…now running around with this stupid desire for something more from her friend. It was bad enough to already want she already has, to add…to add this?
Great…already ruined this because I couldn't keep my thoughts down
Sitting with such feelings...especially for someone so close yet…so far at the same time. Such a thing ate away at the poor girl for months, every time their friend came over she had a mix of excitement and guilt. Every story they shared about having a good time with someone hit the princess with a searing jealousy, one that caused a wave of shame to crash into her after she realized it.
“HeHicy Ral’s,” Kris voice filled her ears once again as they nearly fell into the princess, wrapping their arms around her in the process
“Oh! Kris I was not expecting you…Are you okay? You smell…like you’ve had a few drinks,” *Ralsei said with a chuckle gently rubbing their back as they pulled her as close as possible, seemingly unable to get close enough to her.
“Yeaaaah had a bottle in my room,” Kris began to say, each word flowing slower than their usual tone, as if the words were swimming in thicker waters than usual. “It was getting searched figured that…I should get rid of it,” *
“Oh…that seems…um…” Ralsei chuckled at their friend “Responsible,”
“Wellllll yeah I couldn't not drink it…that would be evil…I don't wanna be evil that's yourrrrr job,” Kris, finally, pulled away from the hug, pointing at Ralsei and gently bopping her nose as they did
“But, I...what…” Ralsei tried to compose herself as a firestorm spread across their face “I’m…how am I evil?” is the sentence that the poor girl’s brain managed to latch onto
“Becauuuuuuse your so damn cute, and nice…and soft…it’s eviiiiiil,” *Kris said with a chuckle as they stumbled past Ralsei further into the castle as Ralsei scrambled to make sure she could catch the night if they were to fall.
“…W-well…” The Princess blinked a few times, her brain stunned and scrambling to find a response all at the same time. “Your…Really pretty,” Ralsei said, avoiding eye contact, while she was stimply matching her friend’s energy it still felt almost taboo to so openly flirt in such a way.
“Awww that's so sweet,”Kris buried their head into her shoulder, leaning on the princess a little for support. With Kris on top of her Ralsei struggled to even move, not out of literal weight on her but that of panic only a deer in headlights would understand. Thankfully no drunken fools with trucks were nearby, so Ralsei was able to somewhat enjoy the feeling of the situation. Ralsei could say whatever plesent things they wanted about Kris without fear of judgment, as the drunken Kris, even if they remembered the flirts, likely wouldn't mind them in this state. As Ralsei was thinking over the benifits of the situation, their friend giggled a little, and pulled away a little “I shouldn't ask that…” Kris said, more clarity in their voice than before, more of…well the normal, careful thinking Kris that Ralsei was always so spellbound by.
“You can ask whatever you want Kris, I will not judge you,” Ralsei said, a smile on her face and a politeness in her voice that usually she didn't show when it was just the two of them.
“Well…I meaaaan…” Kris looked up, staring at the ceiling for a bit before looking her in the eye and chuckling “Would it like, be cool if we dated,”
Ralsei’s eyes widened, her jaw fell to the floor. She could feel corus voices in her head, usually all of them committed a discord in her mind but now all of them were spoken in the same harmony. Ralsei’s stomach fell, and her legs wobbled under her own weight let alone under the weight of both of the heroes.”I...I’m…” Ralsei wanted to say so much, to scream out and profess how much they adored the person that had just asked something so personal, so tender as to ask for her to be their partner. But of course the princess knew better “I…am so…so happy to hear you say that…but I don't think you should ask that while you're drunk,” Ralsei needed Kris to be sober, to be aware, to be mentally clear to really ask that question. Ralsei stared at their face, at their drunken gaze which had just the greatest smile Ralsei had ever seen fitted snugly under it. Ralsei, without thinking, leaned in quickly, and pressed her lips against Kris’s own for a fraction of a second, a quick little peck. The adorable little drunkard made a little noise, it seemed like it was trying to be speech, but as if overwhelmed by the peck and the booze, the words came out only as little noises of panic as their brain tried to process it. Ralsei could only giggle, “lets get you to a warm bed…we’ll talk in the morning,” Ralsei said, gently grabbing Kris’s hand, and leading them towards their room.