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Nick Cassidy was heartbroken.
His title career was over, Pascal Wehrlein won, Da Costa hit him, the title was Pascal's. All that effort, worth nothing, nothing.
—Nick, we are sorry, this was our chance… We won construct–
Nick turned his radio off, he just couldn't believe it, he did so much, yet so little.
Now it was too late.
Nick climbed off his car like if he was dead, Mitch was waiting for him… his Mitch…
The blond hugged his teammate as soon as he could, trying not to break into tears just there, he didn't care about constructors, he just wanted to achieve his dream.
Their dream.
Sobs cut through his body, clinging closer to his teammate, his face buried in his neck.
Neither of them dared to take their helmets off.
Mitch's heart hurt, for him, the guy he met so long ago, breaking in his arms like there was no tomorrow.
—Nick… —He mumbled— You did so great… you'll make it next year, I swear to God–
Both New Zealanders were interrupted by their team, it was such a bittersweet feeling, constructors but not drivers one.
Some mechanics noticed, but not a lot.
They thought he was crying out of happiness, for the constructors.
After “celebrating” the constructors, Cassidy was left in his driver's room, he couldn't stop crying, not before, not after.
—Nick? —a voice, soft.
The blond looked up, Evans was there.
—Hey… —Mitch mumbled, walking in, sitting in front of him on his knees. —You did so ok… —He pulled him into another hug, more like a cuddle.
The silence was there. Looming over them, heavy.
Nick looked at him, hugging tighter.
—This is so stupid… —He said sighing.— We still won something, yet I'm here, crying like a–...
Fucking ungrateful bitch.
Mitch's eyes widened, his hands slightly tightening more, he could just pull him impossibly closer, clearly so affected.
The championship would have been… Theirs.
They were so close. Mitch's breath turned ragged.
He looked at Nick, his teary eyes and that expression like if the whole world was against him, he felt so weird.
He didn't notice he was also crying.
Nick did.
—I… I don't know how to feel… —He confessed— I-I feel happy f-for the team but– —a sob— I feel like I don't deserve any of this… almost as if you're the only one who- who did something.
Nick didn't know what to say.
He just stood up, when Mitch thought he was going to leave, he offered to stand up, which he accepted.
They left the paddock, heading to Mitch's hotel room, like always.
The trip was quiet, not like Mitch's chest and Nick's head.
—You know… I feel less alone when I'm with you. —Nick said, his voice shaky, not completely secure.
Mitch nodded. —Me too, Nick.
—And…
Nick swallowed, God, why was this so hard?
—You know we've been friends for so long…
Mitch nod again.
Before even opening his mouth, Mitch spoke.
—It feels so weird, right…? I- I never accepted myself, Cassidy, and now you're here and telling me that you–
He chuckled, like if this was a funny joke and not him uncapable of accepting himself and that he was gay.
Nick didn't say anything, but he was still shaky.
—When did you notice? —Mitch asked— That you loved me…
—After we started to be teammates here —He answered— I just noticed, that I can't really be away from you, that I miss you more than words can explain or more than drinking while thinking of you, I guess.
Mitch laughed. —That sounds so casual…
—Because it's casual now, almost every month by now —He confessed— Don't think I'm an alcoholic.
—More than Dan? I don't think so. —He laughed.
Nick chuckled, not fully a laugh.
—But… seriously —Mitch said— I feel so fucking disgusted of myself. I can't accept it, I don't know why– I feel so sick thinking of it, it's… gross.
His voice broke at the “gross”
Nick didn't try to say that he understood it, because he didn't.
He just kept driving, listening to his doubts and answering what he could.
Both of them soon stopped by the hotel, it wasn't fancy, but it was very comfortable.
When they arrived at Mitch's hotel room, both of them were drained.
Mitch sat on the sofa, Nick was standing in front of him.
—I feel weird. —He said, playing with the hem of his shirt. —I love you, but… I can't shake the feeling that I'm doing so wrong, you love me and you accept it and I just can't–
Mitch sobbed.
—You never told anyone of this, did you?
Mitch nod, tears running through his face.
—Can you believe it? The “great” Mitch Evans, crying because he can't fucking accept that he's gay and also can't accept he loves his teammate back.
He laughed.
—it’s so fucking funny, Nick-
—It’s not…
Mitch sighed, he was tired of this. Why couldn't he just feel comfortable with himself and accept it?
Accept that he loved Nick, not keep it a secret.
—I know I can just admit that, yes, I love you… But… I feel gross.
He stood up, walked closer to him, wrapped his hands around his face, pulled Nick closer…
—I want this so much, Nick… Why am I so afraid…?
Nick sighed, leaning into his touch, not really sure if to pull away, sure, Mitch wanted him and he wanted Mitch, but he didn't know if he would like it
Mitch looked like he could break just there, he got closer, backed at the last moment, and it was killing him.
Then, finally…
—Kiss me. —He begged— Please– I can't take this anymore, Nick, kiss me…
Nick did so, Mitch was so tense but also he wanted this so much.
The black haired man sobbed into the kiss. Relief? Yes. Disgust? Also, let's not lie.
But in this moment he was being the most sincere he had been in years, full years of youth and looking in the mirror and begging to feel "normal"
He didn't notice when Nick stopped kissing him.
Nor when he himself started chasing his mouth.
It surprised him, it surprised Nick.
Because Mitch was still crying and feeling like in his years of youth when he just realized that he was gay.
Nick let him, with tears or not, Mitch was still the Mitch he always knew.
He would have felt the same disappointment that followed him his whole life with many people he met.
He didn't want to hurt Mitch more than he always was.
...
Mitch pulled away from the kiss as soon Nick started to actually kiss back.
He looked so ashamed…
—I– I'm so sorry– —Mitch mumbled, wiping more tears away.
Nick didn't say anything, just pulled him a bit closer, a hug.
—We don't have to do anything, Mitch. —His voice was a bit broken. —Besides, it's not the perfect day for doing so, you know? —He chuckled, sadly.
Oh, right.
—Oh, God, I'm–
—Don’t apologize, Mitch, please.
—But–
—Don’t…
Silence.
Mitch sighed, sitting again on the couch.
Nick soon followed.
—I think we should do something else, like… I don't know, together.
—We always do it together, Evans.
A chuckle.
—I know, but we should do more together.
Nick raised an eyebrow.
—And that would be…?
Mitch whispered in his ear, softly.
—What about cooking? Or going for a small trip around the city…
Nick sighed, of course Mitch would have this idea for everything.
—What about going for a walk? —He questioned back
Mitch seemed more than happy.
Now, both men were going around the dark streets, they bought one coffee for them both, passing it around.
Mitch was the one to finish it, he gave Nick the empty cardboard cup, chuckling at his confused “huh?”
This didn't look like hours ago with Mitch crying about his sexuality, or Nick crying about his championship loss.
They ended up at the same café in which they bought the coffee.
Mitch was a bit indecisive about buying a strawberry cake slice or a chocolate one.
Nick looked at him, he was so cute.
—It’s ok, mate —the blond said, deciding for the strawberry one, the café was about to close— Bring it home.
Mitch looked relieved, he sighed.
Now while walking and eating the cake slices, Mitch was a lot closer to Nick.
Walking closer to his side, smiling more than he did, at some point grabbing his free hand and walking hand in hand.
—Is this what you want? —Nick asked, sensing a bit of tension in his hand, Mitch was gripping too strong and too tense.
His response was softening the grip.
—This is what I've always wanted, Nick…
Nick looked profusely into his eyes.
Now they were face to face.
—I… —Mitch mumbled
—I love you, Nick Cassidy. —he ended up mumbling.
Nick was so happy to hear that.
—I love you too, Mitch Evans.
They didn't kiss, that was too much for Mitch.
But they did hug, they shared the longest hug both of them had ever experienced.
And, luckily the streets were empty.
They walked back to the hotel room laughing, wipping away the remains of whipped cream on the corner of their mouths
If this was the only moment in which they would be together and happy…
Let them live it one hundred times more.
Cake could wait.