Work Text:
Days pass by leisurely, winter thawing into spring.
The flowers begin to blossom around the pier, giving Lan Xichen scope to paint.
He joins in the main halls for the meals, but of late, clan affairs are picking up ahead of the summer.
As a result, more and more of their meals are taken together in Jiang Cheng's study.
The sound of a spoon scraping the bowl echoes through the room and Lan Xichen winces.
“Sorry about that.”
Jiang Cheng shrugs.
“It’s a bowl. There are others.”
“I mean, the noise.”
“Doesn’t bother me. I grew up with Wei Wuxian. It’s a miracle I am still able to hear.” He huffs. “You Lan must have sensitive ears, though, if that noise bothers you.”
“It hurts.”
“What hurts?”
“The noise. It hurts our ears.”
Jiang Cheng looks at him for a moment, then grins:
“So, the secret of the Lan sect is you’re all dog-people?”
Lan Xichen laughs. To his own shock and the other man’s.
“I…guess we are. Sensitive ears, obeying blindly, following devotedly…” he tapers off.
“Well…that explains why your brother and my brother hit it off, then. Wei Wuxian never stopped being the human equivalent of a puppy.”
“…and Wangji loves the companionship.”
“Is that what we call it now?”
“What would you suggest instead?”
“Marriage, surely. I know I caught them bowing at least twice before the tablets in our family hall.”
Lan Xichen is quiet.
“…you’re alright with that?”
Jiang Cheng shrugs.
“At first, honestly no. It felt like an additional insult to show off being a cut-sleeve before my parents’ and sister’s tablets.”
There is a pause.
“Then…I realized they probably had known already, in the same way I had figured it out, that those two had something going on…and…as much as I wanted to hate him…I couldn’t. I know he didn’t …actually cause their deaths. I just…I had to believe that.”
“Why?”
Jiang Wanyin is quiet.
“You don’t need to tell me anything you’d rather not.” Gentle fingers touch the man’s purple robe.
“You’ve always had your brother…you don’t understand.”
“My ability to understand won’t prevent me from listening.”
“He appeared, out of nowhere one day. And then he was my elder brother somehow…even though I was the heir. He always got in trouble, but I knew he had my back…and suddenly one day…I lost everything: my parents, my people…my core…and then he left! Just as I got better, he left me. He left me, and Yanli, and caused chaos and chose a new family over us when I…when we…and then he was gone gone. And so were the Wens and all that sacrifice. Casting his promise aside, leaving Yanli and me…losing both Jin Ling’s parents, and he was gone.”
Lan Xichen’s hand covers the other man’s.
“Nobody had your back, so hatred was how you moved through your grief.”
“Told you it was stupid. And it turned out, that he’d never actually broken his promise to me. This whole time. He’d literally…sacrificed the chance he had…to pay me back for a sacrifice he had no idea I had made to give him a chance in the first place.”
Lan Xichen's eyes widen. Jiang Cheng nods miserably:
“I lost my core because I let myself be captured, to distract the Wens and allow him to escape.”
“Oh, Wanyin.”
“It’s stupid, and it didn’t matter in the end anyway. And now it is what it is.”
Lan Xichen moves and wraps his arms around Jiang Cheng’s shoulders.
“I’m so sorry.”
No response.
“Does he know?”
A snort.
“He deserves to know.”
“Why? So he can feel bad? So I can make the one person in the world who chose me feel guilty for having chosen me? What kind of idiot cuts out his core?! And doesn’t say anything?”
“Wanyin…you’re not to blame in this, you know?”
“Of course, I’m to blame. I saved his life because I knew…I’ve always known how much better than me he was at everything. With him leading Lotus Pier, we had a fighting chance. I couldn’t let him get captured. He was the one who always embodied our motto, even as a kid. Heck, my own father preferred him to me. Why should I be bitter now, when that’s just what the reality has always been?”
“Wanyin, you single handedly brought the Jiang sect back from the brink of destruction, while raising a child, while weathering unspeakable grief alone. You are the embodiment of your clan motto.”
“It doesn’t matter, does it? Everyone likes Wei Wuxian better. He’s funny and smart, and a hero who fights for justice. He’s not an angry, resentful, violent man who scares everyone into obedience because he has no clue what he’s doing, and can’t handle people.”
“Wei Wuxian is likeable in a different way to you.”
Jiang Cheng’s snort is accompanied by an eye-roll.
“You don’t believe me?”
“Oh I believe you. I believe you’re the only person in the world who’s ever found me ‘likeable’.”
“You’re incredible. The amount of strength you demonstrated as a clan leader at only seventeen years, is beyond impressive. You…were a titan. Even Mingjue was awed by you!”
“I did what had to be done. I couldn’t curl up in a ball and cry.”
“The inner strength it takes to not curl up and cry, Wanyin, I don’t think you understand. You put most people in the world to shame. You put me to shame.”
“I’d never attempt to measure up to the great Zewu-Jun.”
“You overshadow me without trying.”
“Be serious.”
“I am. Wei Wuxian was a terrible student, but his antics made my brother happy so I looked the other way. You, on the other hand, were studious, well-spoken, and mostly obedient. You were still young, though. You were quiet where he was loud. You were thoughtful where he was thoughtless. It would be a lie to say I didn’t appreciate your presence at our school. My uncle also admired your wit. He even told your father that, when he came to pick up Wei Wuxian. ‘Your son will make a fine clan leader, and with Wei Wuxian as his right hand, I foresee a bright future for your clan.’ I was there. Those were his words.”
“…and…did my father correct him to tell him I was going to be the right hand, because Wei Wuxian was better suited to lead the Jiang clan?”
“No. Your late father’s exact words were: ' He is young still, and I wouldn’t want him to take on the burden of sect leader just yet. I want him to be a kid a while longer.”
“…”
“I promised him that both Lan and Nie would aid the Jiang if the time should come.”
“…and what did he say?”
“He said he has full faith in his son as a leader. That with Wei Wuxian by your side, he wouldn’t have to worry that you’d lock all your feelings inside until you burst. That sometimes you’re too serious for a young man, and you don’t need to try so hard. He said all the things I wish my father had said to me. That he was proud. That he did not want to think of the coming battles, but he feared the increasing power of the Wen. My uncle agreed. It was why Mingjue and I had decided we would unite the Nie and the Lan. Your father thought the alliance with the Jin clan would be sufficient for protecting Lotus Pier, so he would not add to you the pressure of a political marriage. He talked about how he wanted you to have the opportunity to grow up freely and figure out what you wanted in a partner. That Wei Wuxian seemed already decided and spoken for.” Lan Xichen laughs softly.
Jiang Wanyin makes a noise, halfway between a sob and a whimper.
“So believe this, your father thought the world of you, and he was right: you are too serious for a young man. You were always serious. Sometimes I thought it funny how you didn’t get along with Wangji when you have such similar characters.”
“Your brother is…aloof.”
“You think your anger makes you approachable?”
Laughter bubbles forth.
“Guess not.”
“Your father…your parents, would be very proud of the man you are today. You deserve to feel that for yourself.”
Lan Xichen squeezes the man in his arms, ignoring the increasing wetness on his chest.
“Lotus Pier is lucky to have you. Your family is lucky to have you. I, too, am extremely lucky in that way. You are a good man, Wanyin. Please trust in that.”
Lan Xichen presses his cheek onto the man’s head, gently.
“It’s ok. You’ve been so so brave. I got you. I’m here.”
Jiang Wanyin burrows deeper into Lan Xichen’s arms.
“So brave. So strong. Such a good, honourable man.” Lan Xichen’s words flutter softly between them.
When the tears stop at last, Jiang Wanyin feels boneless. His eyes are red, his face is swollen, and he can’t really breathe.
Lan Xichen pulls him onto the bed, and takes out his handkerchief to dab gently at his face.
“Feeling better?”
Jiang Wanyin nods.
“Good.”
“I didn’t know…” he murmurs, eventually.
“You didn’t know your father’s feelings?”
“…no, those I think I was afraid to believe they were real. I knew they were there. I…guess I was a self-obsessed coward.”
“You were a child. I remember when Wangji was born. I used to have our mother all to myself, then suddenly this little thing comes in, and she’s not spending all her time with me. I sulked quite a bit, until she picked me up, that first day after Wangji’s birth. She nuzzled my hair and kissed my cheeks until I couldn’t stop grinning. I will never forget the words she said that day:
My heart holds both of you, today, and everyday, until I breathe my last. This I promise.
Jiang Cheng is still weeping silently. Lan XiChen holds him close.
“You have done well. You can be proud. Your father...your parents were proud of you. You made them proud. You make them proud. As you are. You are worthy. You are enough."
The man in his arms sniffles, and hides his face deeper in the material.
It makes Lan XiChen’s heart squeeze with a fondness the strength of which leaves him breathless.