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Tiso stands on a mosscreep and dies

Summary:

Tiso fights Massive Moss Charger at 3am (GONE WRONG!)?!?!??!!!!!!?!??!?!!11!!!?!?! (REVIVED!!!!!!!)

Notes:

There is a copious amount of singlish in this like a lot a lot of it you have been warned. But don't worry my non-singlish understanding readers, there are translations (like this!) in places me and my betas felt were needed.

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

After a grueling battle with the Massive Moss Charger, and by grueling, it means more like getting knocked around like a volleyball being used as a soccerball in PE class, he decided to continue straight into a smallish nook instead of moving into the next area. He didn't want to move on, not so soon after getting his ass handed to him by a giant moving bush.

 

He crawled over the ledge separating the small hideaway from the main arena, double, even triple checking that the massive beast was truly dead and gone, constantly glancing over his shoulder in case it creeped up on him. After confirming it was as dead as a student who has math as their first period on a Monday, he moved forward a few paces and bent over, resting his hands on his knees as he caught his breath

 

Little did he know, however, was that he was catching his breath right atop a mosscreep's sleeping spot, causing it to suddenly rustle itself out of the ground. Maybe it was the fact that he was standing directly above it akin to a a giant Jenga tower being supported by one brick, maybe it was the fact that he was still slightly shaken from the battle, but he got knocked over by the mosscreep, falling ass first on the ground and scattering the leaves around him upon impact.

 

He took one look at the ambling mosscreep, and in his delirious state thought the Massive Moss Charger was back to get him.

 

"EH FUCK, I THOUGHT I ALREADY KILLED IT SIA!" Tiso exclaimed upon seeing the mosscreep, he got scared so badly he had a heart attack and promptly died on the spot. The Mosscreep had no reaction to this, continuing to amble about before opting to rebury itself underground to have a hopefully undisturbed sleep.

 

A while later, two other bugs came walking through. A larger bug, seeking enemies to fight just because, a smaller companion just there as company, though the latter felt a 'calling' back to the kingdom.

 

"Walao eh, someone already kill this one sia... We too slow already" the former said, throwing up her arms in frustration. She stared at the empty arena, save for the mass amount of leaves that fell off the Massive Moss Charger during the ‘fight’, and the holes left behind from the weird moss creatures that hid under the moss layer of the large charger, whatever they're called.

 

"Eh Quirrel, you know any other places with, I dunno, things that are actually alive or not?" the larger bug nudged the smaller one with more force than intended, now identified as Quirrel. Quirrel was startled by the sudden action, and dropped the textbook he was reading.

 

Quirrel threw his arms up in annoyance as he never bookmarked it and had to start over from the content page.

 

"Chau chibai…(curses) have to restart from first page again" Quirrel dejectedly picked the book back up and dusted the leaves off it, not even bothering to look for the page he was at. "Eh Cloth, can be careful next time or not ah, and maybe, I dunno, not do that?"

 

"My bad, bro" Cloth replied, throwing her hands up while somehow keeping her club balanced, a major glob of sarcasm in her voice.

 

Quirrel sighed. "Whatever lah... eh wait what's that?" Quirrel pointed to a dark blue lump in the crevice at ground level with the rest of the arena, slowly walking over to it to inspect. Cloth followed close behind, her club at ready in case it was a danger of sorts even though an unmoving blue lump can't be much of a threat. Worst case scenario it's probably Lifeblood.

 

"Eh wait, that's a body. That's a dead fucking body. Poor dude died here..." Quirrel muttered, noting the dead body that was Tiso.

 

"I have an idea... we should LOOT THAT BODY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's basically free real estate!" Cloth excitedly exclaimed after hearing what Quirrel said, and seeing that the body was truly dead. Quirrel slowly turned his head towards Cloth, hand clutching the knot on his bandanna like the pearl clutcher he is, appalled that she would even consider that.

 

"What the actual fuck is your problem, ní siao ah (you crazy ah), isit?" Quirrel asked incredulously, slowly turning his head to face Cloth, trying to stare threateningly at her face. Unfortunately for him, she has a bag on her head, so he wasn't able to get much of a visible reaction out of her.

 

Cloth shrugged before charging forward and shoving Quirrel aside, rushing to see what she could snag from the dull, armoured body.

 

"Aiyoh... this guy a bit the poor ah, only got... two... four... six... ten... uhh... fifteen Geo on himself. And an old shield I guess." Cloth sighed, tossing the loose Geo behind her shoulder as she counted it. Fortunately for Quirrel, it landed on him. Unfortunately for Quirrel, it hit him square in between his eyes before landing in his hands, the pieces colliding with each other with a satisfying "clink". I don’t think “uhh” is a number, but sure, whatever I guess Quirrel thought to himself, questioning everything he knew as a scholar with this newly invented way of counting things.

 

"Walao, you really got problem sia..." Quirrel muttered, turning the Geo in his fingers, almost as if he were inspecting it.

 

"Woi, not my fault you damn paiseh (sheepish) sia!" Cloth retaliated, snapping her head back and giving Quirrel the dirtiest look she could manage with that bag on her head, all while in the midst of balancing Tiso's shield atop his head just because. Unfortunately for her and the lifeless body, the shield fell off Tiso's dead head and landed on his armour, lightly chipping the weapon and startling awake the Mosscreep that started this mess in the first place. The alive duo saw the ambling bush creature and merely stared at it before Quirrel decided it would make a good companion and scooped it up, carrying it under his arm like a bundle of logs. Unfortunately for him and the poor creature, all the moss fell off its body the moment it was picked up, so it could only sit there, cold, naked, and afraid. In fact it was so cold naked and afraid Cloth could feel it practically vibrating from where she was standing. They both stared at the de-mossed mosscreep, before Quirrel decided to just put it back down and leave it alone for the time being.

 

"So... what do we do with this guy ah? We can't just leave his dead ass here to be consumed by the powers of Unn!" Quirrel snapped his head up, looking at Cloth who was still crouched in front of the body. No response came from her, but before Quirrel could say anything else, she lifted her club, revealing that she had tied Tiso's body to her club.

 

"Fast, AND efficient! Hoho!! Beat that, scholar!" Cloth whooped, proud of her own thinking. She figured that neither of them would want to physically carry a body by hand, so she figured that she may as well strap it to the larger, wider end of her club like those luggages strapped on top of family cars in vacation movies. Quirrel could only sigh heavily before pulling out a map of the area, calculating the fastest route to the nearest bench.

 

Luckily for them, the nearest bench was in a secluded nook not too far off. When they arrived, however, they realised that unluckily for them, that bench was in a secluded nook. Quirrel was too tall, and there was no way Cloth could squeeze through that tiny gap.

 

"Eh fuck sia, cannot go this one. my calculations wrong some more leh, walao" Quirrel complained, pinching the space between his eyes in annoyance. The map made the tiny crawlspace look big enough for at least one of them, but reality said otherwise. "Well how are we supposed to get through now? Not like we can dig through or something either." Quirrel resumed his complaining like an old person on the bus when they see a younger person simply existing in their general direction.

 

"Kanina chibai (curses)... You already forgot I can dig holes meh? Hell, I even spend most of my time underground leh, you never notice isit? I swear, you scholars always open your big mouth say so much but never actually do anything eh." Cloth retaliated, questioning the scholar pillbug's intellect for the third time in this entire event.

 

"Yeah but not fast enough for this" Quirrel replied dejectedly.

 

"Faster than your mother lah!" Cloth snapped back, glaring as menacingly as she could with the sack covering her whole face except her eyes. Quirrel loudly scoffed, getting ready to snap back at her. Unfortunately for him, fortunately for her, she'd already dug halfway to the bench before Quirrel could say a thing. Defeated, he just sat on her abandoned club, but not before trying and failing to lift it up. Either I'm too weak, or it's the added weight from this body that's stopping me from lifting this weapon, he thought to himself before he plonked his pillbug ass onto it and almost fell backwards and lost aura.

 

Meanwhile in the hole, Cloth was giggling to herself, proud that she was able to make that fast getaway so that Quirrel couldn't say anything to her. She kept digging, randomly digging upwards to check her progress until, finally, she hit something solid. She dug forward a little more and made a hole large enough for herself to go through, and lo and behold, there was the bench. She made a point to carve out a little more room in the room to make space for three bugs, before promptly diving back into the newly dug tunnel and rushing back to Quirrel.

 

While digging, she had gotten an idea. A mischievous one, but an idea's an idea, and she wanted to mess with Quirrel a bit after he'd selected the wrong bench as the target. She took a fistfull of the damp Greenpath dirt, and held it in her claws the rest of the way back to the entrance of the tunnel. She slowly poked her now-stained sack-hat covered head out of the hole, before wriggling a little more out of the hole, just enough for her to just...

 

Okay, Cloth, you can do this. Just aim... and...

 

The clump of dirt was briefly sent flying through the air before hitting Quirrel square at the back of his head, the dirt leaving a dark stain on his shell. Quirrel hurriedly spun around to see where the ambush could've possibly came from despite the fact that there were only two other bugs there and one of them was fucking dead just as Cloth was fully emerging from the hole.

 

"WHO- oh it’s just you. Why you keep doing that ah?" Quirrel was getting tired of her antics, and it showed. But she wasn't getting bored anytime soon, and nobody could do anything about it. Before Quirrel could do anything else, Cloth picked up the club with the body effectively still strapped to it, along with the poor, unfortunate scholar, who was still sitting on it. Quirrel was too stunned to speak, too focused on trying not to fall off her club, so he didn't.

 

"Eh? Where the fuck did he go... Ah, whatever lah." Cloth muttered, spinning around trying to locate Quirrel, before giving up and jumping down the hole, causing Quirrel to fall off her club and faceplant onto the damp soil underneath. Dead body still strapped to her weapon, the pair wordlessly continued on through the tunnel, Quirrel half glad she hadn't noticed him there. 

 

After a painfully long time of walking due to the thick silence in the air, the pair of them made it to the other end of the tunnel and hopped out of the hole. Cloth untied dead Tiso from her club before throwing him against the bench like a student throwing wet toilet paper onto the ceiling. Except, unlike wet toilet paper which just sits there and annoys the janitors, Tiso suddenly woke up with a jolt.

 

"GUH- WHO ARE YOU?? WHERE AM I??" Tiso exclaimed upon waking up, clearly in shock at the fact that he was alive.

 

"Damn, no "thank you for reviving me" or anything, just straight to "EH KIDNAPPERS" isit... tsk, tsk, tsk..." Quirrel tutted, half scolding him. "So," Quirrel began, "Your name is Tiso, correc-"

 

"Eh you damn broke sia, you need any extra money? Anything?" Quirrel was rudely interrupted by Cloth, who had taken that long to notice Tiso was, in fact, alive again. While nobody could see her full expression, her voice was quivering, badly stifling a laugh, which ended up in her earning a proper slap from Quirrel. Before Quirrel could do anything else, though, Tiso grabbed his shield from Cloth's grasp and promptly ran off, supposedly to find a new enemy to challenge.

 

"Walao, never thank us, just run off liddat..." Quirrel shook his head in disappointment, standing like the teacher after discovering that half the class didn't do the homework. 

 

"Welp, we did what we could, let's get a move on." Cloth blankly stated, before grabbing her club and Quirrel's arm and digging a new tunnel out with one arm just because.

 

Notes:

If you, for some reason, sat through and read this entire thing, I applaud you. Thank you, dearest reader!
and thanks to my betas: Galaxymoonlight5680 and plt (no account)