Chapter Text
April 24th 1:10 pm
connie added 11 people to the diddy party.
sasha: CONNIE NO
sasha changed the group chat name to skibidi ohio sigma.
jean changed the group chat name to paradis university.
jean: we are NOT naming it tjat either
eren: tjat
jean: FUCK OFF
sasha: that names so bjoring 💔💔
Marco: I thought the gc name was funny, Sasha!
sasha: YOUR A ANGEL
armin: you're* an*
sasha: sybau
Mikasa: How did you get my number?
armin: I gave it to Sasha, I thought you wouldn't mind. Sorry if you do, Mikasa
Mikasa: Oh.
Mikasa: It's okay, I was just wondering.
ymir changed the group chat named to scrunchy chunks secret lair.
jean: ???
jean: who is scrunchy chunks
eren: your mom
jean: stfu
historia: he's something beyond us
ymir: something all powerful
historia: lurking somewhere
ymir: watching us
historia: watching this whole world
sasha: trll mj more
ymir: trll
historia: mj
sasha: STIP
ymir: stip
historia: stip
Annie: I'm muting this.
reiner: there goes annie...
Bertholdt: Who knows when she's gonna talk in this gc again...maybe in 13 years?
armin: That's a oddly specific number
ymir: who's idea was it to put 12 gay and autistic people in one gc
connie: HEY
connie: I'm aroace
jean: yeah and I'm straight
connie: stop lying to yourself
sasha: yeah you're obvs bi
jean: NO I'M NOT
connie: oouhh hit a nerve
sasha: shhh connie he's deep in denial
sasha: don't worry jean im bi my bidar and gaydar is immaculate
connie: your bi cause your always hungry
Mikasa: You're*
eren: ive only seen him once and only talked to him in the gc and even i can see the closet is glass
eren: accept it horseface
sasha: HORSEFACE
eren: he looks like a horse
jean: NO I FUCKING DONT
sasha changed jean's name to horseface.
horseface: FUCK YOU
horseface changed horseface's name to NOT a horse.
armin: I can already tell this beef is going to last years
connie: who said its going to end??
armin: You're right you're right
connie: im always right
sasha: eeehhhhhh....
NOT a horse: who's going to tell him
ymir: i didnt know we could change names
ymir changed ymir's name to GOD.
GOD changed historia's name to MOST BEAUTIFUL PERSON TO EVER EXIST.
GOD: MWAHAAHAAAAA
armin: let's not 😭😭
armin changed GOD's name to ymir.
armin changed MOST BEAUTIFUL PERSON TO EVER EXIST's name to historia.
ymir: boooooring
ymir changed historia's name to historia <3
historia <3: AWWWW
historia <3 changed ymir's name to ymir <3
historia <3: im crine this gc was just made we met today and we bonded immediately
ymir <3: we're js tuff like that
ymir <3: esp me
historia <3: yes you are <3
Marco: Are you guys dating?
ymir <3: ofc
armin: Oh did y'all know eachother before college?
ymir <3: no we met today
connie: WHAT
connie: love at first sight type shit
historia <3: that pretty much sums it up
ymir <3 : we just vibed instantly ✌️
Marco: I'm so happy for you two!
ymir <3: connie you added a literal angel
ymir <3: not more angelic than my historia tho
Mikasa: I'm going to the cafeteria.
sasha: OMGOMG GST MW SOME FOOD PPEADWPLWASE
Mikasa: ...Okay. What do you want?
sasha: POTATOES
Mikasa: Okay.
NOT a horse: can i get a bag of chips?
Mikasa: Yes, but pay me back.
NOT a horse: WHAT
NOT a horse: WHY DOES SASHA NOT HAVE TO PAY BUT I DO???
ymir <3: my gaydar is going crazy rn
Mikasa: It's not like that, drop it.
Marco: I agree with Mikasa, they could just be very good friends!
Mikasa: Thank you. I'm going now.
connie: sonion 😭😭😭 they met today and mikasa is the scariest person ever she does NOT look like the social type so i doubt she would become really close with someone like sasha in a day
sasha: i really doubt its like that connie 🥹🥹
sasha: lwk she and annie would lowk fit as a couple
Bertholdt: do NOT let annie see that
reiner: sasha she'd hunt you down for saying things like that you're lucky she muted the gc
reiner: her ass is prolly sleeping rn
ymir <3: i lowk see sasha's point
ymir <3: mikannie sounds peak
eren: MIKANNIE
ymir >3: but mikasasha sounds peaker
armin: LMFAOOO NOT THE SHIP NAMES
ymir <3: mikasa and sasha are the most mentally stable and capable characters to be paired together trust
Bertholdt: eeehhhhh...
Marco: Why does that feel like a reference to something?
connie: YIWMFKWKEGM
connie: TADC MENTIONED
ymir <3: oh you know ball connie
ymir <3: WE ALL NEED TO SEE THE MOVIE WHO WATCHES IT
armin: I watch tadc
ymir <3: ARMIN YOURE PEAK
connie: sasha watches it too, jean refuses to watch it
historia <3: @NOT a horse watch the show rn if you dont the God my parents serve will strike you down and i will join him to reduce you to ashes
NOT a horse: WHAT
eren: DO IT HISTORIA
NOT a horse: im not watching a kids show
sasha: jean im going to join historia ITS NOT A KIDS SHOW
ymir <3: im also joining my beautiful gorgeous gf
eren: i don't watch tadc either but im joining y'all too
NOT a horseface: WHAT DID I DO TO YOU
historia <3: eren you too.
historia <3: WATCH IT OR WE'LL STRIKE YOU DOWN TOO
armin: I agree w historia, watch it, you have time before the sales start for the tickets
eren: FINE
ymir <3: WHAT IF TONIGHT WE ALL COME TO ME AND HISTORIA'S DORM AND WE WATCH IT TOGETHER
Annie: I'm not doing that.
Bertholdt: Rare Annie appearance
Bertholdt: You should though, it sounds fun!
reiner: i agree with bert, you should!
ymir <3: BERT IS THE DUMBEST NICKNAME EVER IM CRINE
Annie: Give me one good reason on why I should.
reiner: I'll buy you ramen
Annie: ...
Annie: Fine.
Mikasa: I suppose I'll come too.
connie: oooo mikannie crumbs
Annie: Excuse me?
reiner: run
connie: SHIT
sasha: LMFAOOO
Marco: I'll join the movie night too, it sounds fun!
eren: same
connie: ME AND SASHA ARE COMING TOO
sasha: YES WE ARE TWIN
armin: i guess i'll come too, jean, you too?
NOT a horse: ...fine.
ymir <3: HELL YEAH ILL SEE Y'ALL TONIGHT
ymir <3: IM GETTING SOME POPCORN
connie: GET SWEET POPCORN
sasha: YES
ymir <3: ofc sweet is the best
NOT a horse: caramel better
eren: no salt's better
Mikasa: I agree with Eren, salt popcorn is better.
historia <3: FUH NAW sweet on top
Marco: Personally I'm a caramel fan
reiner: me and bert are caramel fans, annie is a salt fan
armin: Caramel is the best
ymir <3: idgaf im getting sweet popcorn
ymir <3: get your own if you dont want sweet
historia <3: BRING BLANKETS GUYS
-
April 24 2:30 pm
armin: cold take yaoi>yuri
sasha: OBJECTION ⁉️
connie: objection overruled. the defense has no evidence to yuri being better
ymir <3: omg ace attorney
sasha: but does the prosecution have evidence to yaoi being better??
armin: Simple. It has many more fans, and it's in so many more shows than yuri is.
sasha: HOLD IT! just because it's more popular and its in more shows doesnt always mean its better! yes, lesbians have less representation than gay men, but most yuri ships are better written than yaoi ships! alot of yaoi is just straight up smut, while i almost never see that with yuri!!!
connie: the defense has a point
historia <3: this is so peak
eren: wtf is this lmaoo
armin: Objection! While it's true that alot of yaoi media is just straight up smut for fetishizers that make the community look bad, there's still alot of well written yaoi ships. Better written than yuri.
sasha: name one!!
armin: ivantill
ymir <3: YOU GUYS ACTUALLY KNOW BALL HOLY
sasha: mizisua is better!!
armin: Slimeknight
sasha: not even canon!
armin: Narumitsu
sasha: i cant argue against that thats litt the best ace attorney ship
connie: how about we let the others decide??
sasha: BET
sasha started a poll: yaoi or yuri?
armin voted yaoi.
connie voted yaoi.
sasha voted yuri.
Mikasa voted yuri.
Annie voted yuri.
ymir <3 voted yuri.
historia <3 voted yuri.
NOT a horse voted yaoi.
reiner voted yaoi.
Bertholdt voted yaoi.
Marco voted yaoi.
eren voted yuri.
sasha: its tied 🥀
armin: EREN I THOUGHT YOU WOULD VOTE YAOI
eren: sorry lowk like yuri more
connie: hmmmm....since we cant reach a verdict yet, court is adjourned!
Mikasa: What did I just witness.
sasha: smth peak
armin: I'd ask Mikasa to play ace attorney w us but she'd prolly break the screen
Mikasa: It can't be that bad.
eren: IT IS.
reiner: yeah never let annie and mikasa touch this game
Bertholdt. Agreed..
Annie: Try me. Mikasa, let's play it together.
Mikasa: Sure.
Marco: We're doomed.
NOT a horse: this was so dumb
-
April 24 6:49 pm
connie: EREN YOUR MII JS FELL INLOVE W MARCO ON ME AND SASHA'S TOMODACHI LIFE ISLAND
NOT a horse: YOU MADE US ON TOMODACHI LIFE???
eren: i fell inlove w marco?? thats so random
armin: It reminds me of the aggressive guy x nice guy who keeps the aggressive guy in check trope
eren: IM NOT AGGRESSIVE???
Mikasa: Eren...
eren: MIKASA YOURE SUPPOSED TO BE ON MY SIDE
Marco: Has my mii fallen in love with Eren too?
connie: NOT YET IM TRYING TO
sasha: ANY OTHER SHIPS ON THE ISLAND??
connie: REINER AND BERTHOLDT ARE DATING
ymir <3: okay yeah cause they give me MAJOR gay vibes
reiner: we're just friends
Bertholdt: Yeah, we don't have any feelings for eachother
historia <3: me when i lie
ymir <3: WHAT ABT ME AND HISTORIA ARE WE DATING
connie: no
connie: YALL ARE MARRIED
ymir <3: HELL YEAHHHHHH
NOT a horse: what abt me?
connie: youre inlove w charlie kirk
NOT a horse: WHAT
ymir <3: LMFAOOO