Chapter Text
“Hi there,
Great job on the game so far! I gotta say, it's super cool you’re doing this by yourself. I mean, I know you got someone else for the art, but still. The minigames are so fun, and the whole thing is HILARIOUS.
But I noticed a bug. When I clicked the 'Go Out' button, Osomatsu switched expressions just before it took me to the minigame menu. I think it was his 'shocked' pose. Where his pupils turn into empty white circles? This hasn’t happened before, which makes me think it isn’t supposed to.
Good luck with programming!”
----
You wish you could say that was the only bug you’ve ever spotted with this dating sim.
You get that it’s a work in progress. You get that it’s only a sixth of the way done. Hell, not even that; the programmer’s still putting the finishing touches on Osomatsu’s version.
But damn it, this is getting annoying!
First Osomatsu switched expressions. And it wasn’t just once. Every time you went to press the Go Out button, which took you to the game’s minigame menu, he’d get either a sad, a pouty, or a horrified look on his face. But that wasn’t the annoying part.
The annoying part was what happened after that. You started having to wait to access the minigame menu. One time, the game froze for a few seconds before taking you there. Another time, Osomatsu bombarded you with unskippable, uninterruptable questions until you grew impatient and closed the game.
And today? The Go Out button is gone entirely.
The menu panel on the right side of the main screen only has four buttons: “Talk,” “Date,” “Inventory,” and “Cuddle.” Between Date and Inventory, there’s only an empty space.
A text box appears onscreen. “Osomatsu is not home at the moment,” it reads.
Even though Osomatsu is standing right in front of you.
You click the text box away, wondering just what the hell happened to that button. It seems like for the past week, this game’s been doing everything in its power to keep you from pressing it. Which cannot be intentional, because why would a game try to keep you from playing such an important part of it? The part that gets you MONEY? Money that you can spend on GIFTS FOR YOUR VIRTUAL BOYFRIEND?
(Not that you play the games for that reason, but still.)
You stare at the face of Matsuno Osomatsu, technically the protagonist of the anime on which this game is based. He’s looking right back at you. Exasperated, you ask “What do you want, ya NEET?” You’re not quite sure what a NEET is. But they say it on the show a lot, and you think it sounds funny.
After a second, another text box appears. This time, the text is red and not black, so you know it’s Osomatsu speaking. “Well, a kiss or two’d be nice!” That cheeky grin of his is showing.
Normally, you’d laugh or roll your eyes at this, but right now, you really just want to play that pizza delivery game. You keep clicking the spot where the Go Out button used to be, in the hopes of accomplishing...something.
“Aw, come on, babe!” Osomatsu pouts. “It’s like ya never wanna play with me anymore!”
Hey, wait a second. Does the game... know when you haven’t been going on dates?
Is this supposed to happen?
You admit, you haven’t taken the time to see everything the game has to offer. Once you found PizzaQuest, you couldn’t go back. But you had no idea there’d be consequences if you didn’t spend enough time with the guy who is there specifically to spend time with!
Okay, maybe this isn’t as outrageous as you thought.
His mood meter is probably on the low side. Can you apologize to him? Is there an “Apologize to Osomatsu” button? That will make everything better so you can go back to your wacky pizza adventures?
You try pressing the “Talk” button, but all it has are some of the usual conversation topics. Like “How are you, Oso?” and “Are you hungry?”
“Come ON!” you shout, clicking aggressively. “Why can’t I just say I’m sorry?”
Oso’s grin immediately reappears on his face. “I don’t know…” You click. “I MIGHT accept your apology if ya gimme a kiss!”
Did he just hear you?
And also, is he serious?
It’s late. You’re tired. So you decide not to question it. “Fine,” you grumble, clicking on his face.
“Nope, that’s a poke!” his text says. “You just poked me!”
Oh, right. Left clicks are pokes. Right clicks are kisses. But you can’t kiss him here. You have to go to the “Cuddle” room to do that.
So with a sigh, you click Cuddle. Just before it moves you to that room, you see Osomatsu’s expression change again. Only this time, his pupils are replaced with hearts.
As soon as you’re on the new screen, Oso appears. His head would hit the pillow with a thump, but there aren’t any sound effects yet. And once he’s there, you right click his forehead. There. Now he should be satisfied.
But when you reach for the "back" arrow, it turns out he has something else to say. “Hey, that’s it? I was hopin’ for a little more here! Preferably on the lips!”
You glare at the screen.
“Or if ya don’t wanna cuddle, we can go do somethin’ fun! Like go to a horse race, or Chibita’s.” Click. “Ooh, yeah, let’s go to Chibita’s!”
Alright, that’s it. You can’t take it anymore. You press the F key, bringing the game from fullscreen to windowed mode, and you reach for the X in the corner.
As you close the game, you think you see a “Please don’t go!” down there.
But it’s late. You’re tired. You’ll just ignore that and give your body what it’s been asking for: sleep.
------
The next morning, you’re significantly less grouchy than you were last night. Both because you’re rested, and because it’s a Saturday. So now you’re calm enough to shoot the programmer another email.
“Hi again,
Sorry for the double email, but I want to ask you something about what happens when you spend too much time playing minigames. Is there some kind of cheat code for restoring Osomatsu to full happiness or something? This is really cool and all, but...I just want to keep playing the games.”
And you sign, send, and wait. You know, maybe you were a little too hard on Oso last night. The game wouldn’t make you spend THAT much effort making up for lost quality time. You probably just have to go on one more date with him, and then he’ll be happy again. Maybe you’ll go to a date location you haven’t seen yet.
Or even better, maybe he won’t even be there! Sometimes when you open the game, Osomatsu is at Chibita’s oden stand, or out playing pachinko. Or sleeping, if you open the game late at night or early in the morning (which, for Oso, is all morning).
But wait a second. The narration said he wasn’t home last night when he clearly was. What if…ah, it was probably another bug. It should be fine when you open the game again.
------
For the next few hours, you’re occupied with other things, so much so that you forget about that game. And when you’re free and finally remember it again, it still doesn’t seem so bad. You’re still ready to fix the problem you caused.
But first, you should check your email. And when you do, a familiar address sits at the top of the inbox.
Wow, already?
“Hello,
Thank you for the bug report. I wasn’t able to recreate what happened in order to cause it, so please let me know if you see it again!
But I’m mainly concerned with what you wrote about in your second email. What exactly do you mean? I’m just confused because this game was designed to be played however you want.
It doesn’t even recognize if you’ve spent a lot of time on the minigames.”