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Sakura had a problem. A big problem. He was sick. He was sure of that. Though he didn't know why he was sick. Everything was normal but then… He didn't even know what had happened. One moment he was perfectly fine, the next his palms were sweating, he was stuttering and he couldn't look anyone in the eye. He was also aware that this was a regular occurrence ever since he came to Makochi but this one was different. He could feel that it was different. He just didn't know why. Why would he start sweating all of a sudden when nothing serious or dangerous was going on? Why couldn't he look into his friends' eyes when he did tons of times before? Something was definitely wrong with him. And he was starting to get worried and annoyed and irritated. So he did what anyone would do.
He asked his friends.
"Let's see if I got this correct," Suo started. They were sitting at the back corner of Cafe Pothos, away from other customers. Sakura had insisted they go to Pothos because he was hungry and he wasn’t going to utter a single word before eating food. He didn't even give them a chance to protest before leaving the class and marching to the cafe. He was finished eating by the time the others got their orders placed on the table. "You start sweating, stuttering and avoiding eye contact out of nowhere. Is that right?"
"That's what I just said."
"And you have no idea what's triggering all of this?"
"I wouldn't ask any of you if I had!" Sakura couldn’t stop his voice from rising. He was aware his friends were there to hear him out and help him if necessary but it felt like Suo was trying to mess with him again.
"Be quiet!" Kotoha yelled from behind the counter. "Seriously, I should just ban all of you from coming to the café if this is how you're always going to behave." She mumbled, annoyed that the new Furin students didn’t know how to be quiet in public.
"You can't do that!" Sakura yelled back. He was not going to lose his dining spot because of some nonsense.
"I'll do whatever I want, try me." Kotoha’s eyes narrowed dangerously.
"OI-" Sakura jumped to his feet but was stopped by Nirei’s hand on his arm.
"Okay, calm down Sakura-san,” Nirei pulled Sakura down. “If we don't know what's causing it, all we have to do is look for answers, right? We'll keep a close eye on you to see what's going on. Is that okay?"
"Do you think that'll work, Nire-kun?" Tsugeura asked with his mouth full of omurice. Suo looked at him with a slight disgust on his face.
"It's our best shot right now, isn't it? We'll watch Sakura-san and try to find out what's causing those reactions." Nirei patted Sakura’s hand, a soft smile on his face. His smile got bigger when he saw the tiny bit of smile on his friend’s face.
"What about when he's at home? Do we need to keep watching him when he's at home?" Tsugeura wondered. It would be a real hassle if they were to keep watching Sakura when he’s at home too.
"Oh. Did it ever happen when you were at home, Sakura-san?"
"N-no."
"Then we should only do it when we're together. I'm sure it'll be fine, Sakura-chan. We'll help you." Kiryu smiled softly at his friend.
"Thanks." Sakura said quietly. He was really grateful to his friends. He knew it was a rough road getting used to opening up to them but he was glad it was much easier now. Sakura silently kept watching his friends eat and talk about what they were going to do with him.
—————
The next few days were spent just like it was any other day. Sakura woke up, went to school, went to patrol if it was their day, when they didn't have any patrol he went to the rooftop or to Pothos. Everything was the exact same. But Sakura kept sweating and stuttering sometimes. He was kind of glad that at least one of his friends was always with him but it was also starting to annoy him. They didn't tell him anything despite his countless questions and kept saying they needed more time. It had been almost a week since their talk at Pothos and Sakura thought that it was enough to find out the reason. But his friends kept telling him that it wasn't enough, that they needed more time. Sakura would grumble and let them know that he was starting to get irritated only to meet with knowing smiles.
It wasn't until almost two weeks later his friends decided that they had enough information and were ready to share it with him. Sakura had looked at them weird when they suggested they talk about it in Sakura's house instead of Pothos. They went to Pothos for everything, why were they changing locations all of a sudden? He asked about it when they sat down in his room and the only answer he got was a quiet "You'll find out soon." with a hand on his shoulder. That only made Sakura more confused. He looked at Nirei when he cleared his throat.
"Okay, Sakura-san. We have the answer to why you're feeling all those weird stuff."
"And? Is it something serious?" Sakura asked nervously. He hoped it wasn’t anything serious, he didn’t want to deal with hospitals for who knows how long. He looked at Nirei with expectation, waiting for him to explain why he was constantly uncomfortable.
"Sakura-kun. You're in love." It was Suo who answered Sakura’s question. They all looked at Suo with shock. Nirei’s hand flew to Suo’s arm whispering about why he would say it like that. Suo only shrugged with a smile.
"L-Lov—" Sakura tried to speak, his face red with embarrassment. He jumped to his feet, pointing at Suo’s face with a shaky finger. "Don't mess with me, Suo! What do you mean I'm in lo— WHATEVER IT IS!"
"Sakura-chan. Calm down and listen to us till the very end, got it?" Kiryu tried to calm him down and pull him back down to no avail. Sakura was standing still, his body shaking with shock, his eyes couldn’t leave Suo’s face.
"Sakura-san,” Nirei joined Kiryu to help him calm Sakura and fix the way Suo decided to drop the news. “The reason why you're sweating, stuttering and avoiding eye contact… Those are all the signs of liking someone."
"What..?" Sakura’s shoulders slumped, he looked at Nirei with wide eyes.
"None of those happen when you're with any of us,” Nirei continued, hoping to calm his friend and make him understand what was happening with his body. “Alone or together with a group. And that's because we're your friends. Yes, you like us too but it's not the same type as the one that's making you feel 'weird'." Nirei waited a few seconds to see if Sakura was following him. Just when he was about to keep explaining and break the news to him softly, Suo’s voice filled the room.
"You like Momijikawa-kun, Sakura-kun."
"WHAT!" Sakura shrieked, whipping around to face Suo again.
"Suo-san!" Nirei yelled and slapped Suo’s arm. Suo kept looking at him with a knowing smile.
"It's better to rip off the bandaid, trust me." He said, eyes going back to Sakura. Nirei looked at him with bewilderment.
"Oh great, you made him short-circuit, Suo-chan!" Kiryu exclaimed, getting up to help Sakura sit down and process everything.
"Me…? Momijikawa…?" Sakura was mumbling to himself, unaware of the chaos around him. He couldn’t even notice Kiryu’s hand on his arm. Nirei also walked up to him and waved his hand in front of Sakura’s face.
"Sakura-san? Can you hear me?"
"Pinch me." Sakura pushed Kiryu and Nirei away and hurried next to Tsugeura, pulled up his sleeve, showing his arm in front of Tsugeura.
"What?" Tsugeura looked at him, bewildered.
"Pinch me, Tsugeura!” Sakura yelled, showing his arm into Tsugeura's face. “This is a dream. I'll wake up once you pinch me. So come on." The slight desperation in his voice made his friends flinch.
"Sakura-chan, this is not a dream." Kiryu tried one more time. He held Sakura’s arm and pulled his sleeve down. Sakura looked at Kiryu. His eyes were wide open, his face red and his breathing weak.
"Shut up! There's no way I would like— feel that way for Momijikawa!"
"Then why else do you think you're going through all of that? Do you have any other reasonable explanation?" Suo asked quietly. But it was loud enough to make Sakura focus. He stared at Suo, racking his brain as to why he was going through this.
"…No,” He said in the end, defeated. “But I'll find one! I'll go to the hospital and they'll tell me what's actually wrong with me." He quickly added, not accepting whatever his friends thought was happening.
"There's nothing wrong with you, Sakura-san. You're just in love. It's normal." Nirei came close to him. He waited until Sakura was looking at him to hold his hand and make him sit down.
"I'M NOT! I can't be. I—" Sakura started once again. He did not want to believe that he was in love. He couldn’t be. How could someone like him be in love with another person? Someone he considered a friend?
"It's okay." Nirei said softly. His hand was holding onto Sakura’s hand tightly. Sakura looked at him with fearful eyes.
"…Is it?" Sakura asked quietly. He barely noticed Kiryu sitting next to him and wrapping his arm around his shoulders.
"Of course."
"Then…" Sakura started. There were thousands of thoughts running around in his mind. What did this mean for him? What was going to happen now? How could someone even understand what liking another person is like? "What am I going to do now? Will it pass?" He looked at Nirei hopefully. Expecting a positive answer, expecting him to say ‘Yes, it will pass’.
"That, we don't know,” Nirei said instead. Sakura's hopeful expression crumbled. “Sometimes it's up to you, sometimes it's not. Sometimes it passes, sometimes it doesn't." It was safe to say Nirei’s answer crushed Sakura’s hopes. He didn’t know anything about liking someone, how was he going to deal with it? Does he really… like someone? What was he supposed to do for it to pass?
"Crap." He mumbled.
"What do you want to do?" Sakura flinched when he heard Nirei’s question. He slowly turned to face him.
"What?"
"Do you want to tell Momijikawa-kun?" Sakura stared at Suo’s face, turning his question around in his head. Does he? All this time he saw Momijikawa as a friend. Would telling him even change anything? He would be ruining everything if he tells him, would he not?
"I… don't know?"
"That's okay too. You just found out that you like Momijikawa-san. It's normal not knowing what to do." Nirei patted his hand. He watched as Sakura stared at the table blankly. Nirei tried squeezing his hand to see if it’ll help him snap out of it. Sakura blinked slowly once but kept staring at the table.
"I… I like Momijikawa." Sakura mumbled to himself. He kept repeating the same sentence over and over in his mind, trying to make sense of it.
"You do." Nirei replied but he doubted Sakura actually heard him.
"I wonder why? When?"
"That's something you'll have to figure out yourself, Sakura-chan. But we'll always be here to help you out." Sakura snapped out of his trance when Kiryu squeezed his shoulder. He clenched his hands and looked at his friends.
"Thank you… All of you, for doing this,” He said with a quiet voice, a barely noticeable smile on his lips. “I… I need some time to think."
"Of course. We'll leave you to yourself, Sakura-kun." Suo squeezed Sakura’s shoulder before leaving. He gave Nirei a small nod and left the room, followed by Kiryu and Tsugeura.
"Call me if something happens or if there's something you want to ask. Okay, Sakura-san?" Nirei said sternly, his hands gripping Sakura’s tightly. Sakura was only able to give him a short nod.
"Hm."
"Good night." Nirei said softly before leaving and closing the door behind him. Sakura stared at the now closed door for a minute. His mind was still full of everything his friends told him tonight. He wasn’t even aware that he was capable of liking someone. And that someone was the guy who he knew only for a few months. He decided to tidy up around and go to sleep early tonight. He really needed to sleep on it and think everything through again tomorrow. By the time he was done and ready to turn off the lights there was only one thought on his mind.
"Momijikawa, huh..? Of all people…"
—————
The next day Sakura found himself in front of another classroom. He stared at the guy in front of him trying to figure out which one it was. "Oh, it's Sakura! What brings you here?" Seiryu chirped, his eyes shining with excitement. He was so close to Sakura’s face that Sakura wanted to run away from being his only focus. Or punch him. He was used to his friends being close to him all the time but this guy wasn’t his friend. And he was standing much closer than his friends.
"Is Tsubakino here?" Sakura asked quietly. But because Seiryu was so close to him he was able to hear Sakura without any issue. Maybe Sakura should really punch him. He doubted he could land a hit, he was one of the vices of Tsubakino after all and he saw how he fought. But he still wanted to try just to see the smile on his face falter.
"Yeah."
"Can I talk to him?" He muttered, trying to keep his annoyance in check.
"Sure! Let me—" Seiryu turned around to see the classroom when a breeze passed right by him and slammed into Sakura.
"Sakuraaaaa!!!" Tsubakino screamed, his arms wrapping around Sakura’s whole body.
"And there he is! Tsubaki, you're squeezing the poor boy again." Seiryu patted Tsubaki’s shoulder to get him to let go of Sakura.
"Oh my. I'm sorry,” Tsubaki let go of Sakura and fixed his uniform with a sorry smile on his face. Sakura was starting to regret coming here. Everyone in the classroom was watching them! “You're just so adorable I can't help but hug you whenever I see you!"
"Oi!"
"So? What brings you here?" Tsubaki ignored Sakura’s protest. Sakura stared at him with shock. It was fascinating to see how fast he switched between being laid back and being one of the four kings of Bofurin. Sakura gasped quietly when he noticed Tsubakino looking at him with an air of expectancy.
"Oh. I have something I need to talk with you about. Do you have time?"
"Of course! What did you want to talk about?" Sakura suddenly remembered the talk he had with Kaji months ago. His whole body shuddered when he also remembered how Umemiya and Hiiragi heard everything they were talking about.
"Can we not… do it here? And not on the rooftop too!” He quickly added when he saw that familiar look in Tsubakino’s eyes. “I don't want Umemiya or Hiiragi to hear me talk about my emotions again." Tsubakino looked at him with a knowing, sad smile. Sakura ignored it.
"Okay. We'll go to the gym, is that okay?" Tsubakino offered. Sakura weighed his options. It was still warm despite winter being so close so most of the classes had their P.E. outside. So there was a high possibility of it being completely empty. He thought about an empty classroom inside of the main building for a split second but the possibility of someone hearing them talk about it while passing by made Sakura discard it immediately. Gym was good.
"Yeah."
"Good. Then let's go!” Tsubakino draped his arm over Sakura’s shoulder and started to walk towards the exit. “Seiryu, Uryu! Take care of the class while I'm gone!" He yelled over his shoulder.
"Will do!" Was the last thing Sakura heard before he got lost in his thoughts. He decided to talk to Tsubakino but he didn’t have any idea how to explain everything. He himself still wasn’t sure what was happening. It hasn’t even been 24 hours since his friends dropped the bomb on him. He stayed silent the whole way to the gym, not hearing Tsubakino’s ramblings. He also didn’t notice Tsubakino looking at him with worry in his features.
Sakura was glad Tsubakino didn’t try to pry what was happening and what he wanted to talk about until they were at the gym. He was waiting for Sakura to approach the topic, Sakura knew that. He knew but he couldn’t find a way to how to do it the whole time they were walking here. And now they were sitting on the tip of the stage, Sakura’s legs hanging from the edge without his feet touching the ground. He stared at his feet for a moment before deciding to just go for it and say everything how it is.
"I have… a situation."
"What situation? Are you okay? Is anyone giving you trouble?" Tsubakino held his shoulders, turning him from right to left, trying to see if there were any scars. Sakura grabbed his hands to pull them off of his shoulders. Maybe starting with that was the wrong move.
"No, not like that. Everything is fine. It's- I-" Sakura sighed deeply before dropping Tsubakino’s hands and clenching his own hands together. It was the first time he was going to say it to someone else and he still wasn’t sure if this was really happening. He closed his eyes before letting go of the words that was hunting his whole body. "I like Momijikawa."
The silence stretched between them. Sakura opened one of his eyes to look over at Tsubakino. He watched as Tsubakino slowly registered what he had said. He watched as Tsubakino’s eyes and mouth went wide. "WHAT?! YOU LIKE WHO??" This was not what Sakura was expecting but at least there was no one around to hear him. He hoped there wasn’t. He couldn't risk being heard talking about his feelings again. Especially about something like this.
"DON'T YELL!" Tsubakino’s hands flew to his mouth. Sakura covered his face to hide his embarrassment, even though he knew it was useless and that his ears were already giving him away.
"I'm sorry. I apologize. But Sakura…Are you sure?" Tsubakino asked with a calculating expression. Sakura looked at him questioningly. Was he? What his friends said yesterday made sense despite taking Sakura a while to digest. And his friends were right, weren’t they? They watched his every move for two weeks straight. They couldn’t be wrong.
"I guess?” He said slowly. “Nirei and the others said that when I sweat and stutter and avoid eye contact, Momijikawa would always be there. And they said that those are the signs of liking someone." Tsubaki noticed he couldn't do anything other than sighing. Who knew his underclassmen were this naive when it comes to romantic feelings and relationships.
"Okay, they're not entirely wrong. But Sakura, it's not just that."
"It's not?"
"No,” Tsubakino said. He crossed his legs, his hand instinctively going to his hair to brush through the strands. “Remember the first day you had omurice? Sometimes, for some people, it feels just like that. Out of nowhere but welcome and pleasant feeling. When you like someone you'll feel comfortable around them. You'll know that whatever you do or say they won't judge you for any of it. You'll look for their presence wherever you go because knowing they're also there will make you feel safe," Sakura wanted to protest, saying he did just fine on his own all these years and he didn’t need someone else to feel safe. Everything he wanted to say died in his throat when Tsubakino raised his hand as if he knew what was going through Sakura’s head. "Even though you can take care of it yourself. Liking someone isn't always being on edge. Sometimes it's just sitting with them silently and not pushing yourself to start a conversation with them. Sometimes it's just talking about nonsense but still having the time of your life. It’s never just sweating and feeling anxious. It’s wanting to spend more time with them even if you already do, it’s thinking about them whenever you see something beautiful, it’s wanting them to only look at you when you’re in a room full of people. So I want you to think very carefully about it. Of course, if you really like Momijikawa then I'll support you till the end. But I want you to be sure first. I don't want an 'I guess' for an answer. I want you to confidently and proudly say that you like Momijikawa. Got it?"
All Sakura could do at the time was nod with a blank face. He didn’t have time to think about everything Momijikawa made him feel. He was too shocked to think about anything other than the fact that the sickness he thought he had was just an emotion he never knew before. But now Tsubakino was telling him how comfortable he should feel if he really likes Momijikawa and that made Sakura question every moment he spent with Momijikawa.
Of course he was comfortable around Momijikawa, he was his friend. And he also knew Momijikawa would never judge him for anything. But everyone in Furin was like that. They were the ones who supported him and cuddled him when he told them everything about his past. None of them were judgemental people so that made no sense to Sakura either. One thing that made perfect sense to Sakura was the thing with wanting them to look at him when they're in a room full of people. He remembered feeling annoyed a few weeks ago while they were gathered on the rooftop. He had brushed it off back then, thinking it was about how they needed to draft a new patrol schedule but now he could see it more clearly. He remembered how Momijikawa was there too but was so busy with his own team that he didn’t even have time to greet Sakura. He remembered how his eyes kept following Momijikawa, waiting for him to turn around, come close to Sakura and greet him with the biggest smile on his face like he always did. When everyone left the rooftop without Momijikawa coming close to him Sakura started cursing everyone who kept Momijikawa busy. His friends had tried to calm him down back then but they also didn’t know why he was so mad. Now that he knew what he knew, it made perfect sense. He was annoyed because he didn’t have Momijikawa’s attention even for a second. Sakura was in awe of how jealous and possessive he was without even realizing his feelings.
The next few days passed by in a blur for Sakura. His mind was on auto-pilot thinking through every single moment with Momijikawa. The first meeting on the rooftop, the time he stopped Momijikawa from going overboard, the time they helped him get to his grandma in time, their talk on the bridge, eating the food he made, wearing his clothes, him calling Sakura by his first name, them talking more at school with each passing day, going out of their ways to greet each other, Sakura slowly getting used to going over to his house for dinner, him opening up to Momijikawa more and more, him complaining to Momijikawa about whatever his classmates were up to and Momijikawa listening to him with a soft smile on his face.
He could vaguely remember his friends asking him questions throughout the day about what he's going to do, if he thought everything through, if he still had troubles with his emotions but Sakura was too deep in his thoughts about Momijikawa he couldn't answer any of them. Luckily for Sakura (or unluckily) he wasn’t able to see Momijikawa at school. The boy in question must’ve been busy because he didn’t come over to their classroom or send him any messages to ask Sakura if he wanted to eat dinner together. And Sakura… well Sakura was busy trying to decide if he really liked Momijikawa or not. Not being able to see him made it easier for Sakura to notice his feelings regarding the boy he couldn’t see for days.
The night he completely understood what his friends and Tsubakino were trying to tell him, he reached for his phone and dialed Tsubakino’s number. He laid on his bed, staring at the ceiling while waiting for Tsubakino to pick up. He wondered what Momijikawa was doing now. Was he also laying on his bed, staring at the ceiling? Or was he tidying around, trying to keep his mind off of things? Sakura wanted to know if he could help Momijikawa somehow. Because between fighting and tidying around restlessly, Momijikawa was sure to go to an early grave if he kept it up. The cheerful voice coming from the other side of the line snapped Sakura out of his daze.
"Sakura! It's surprising getting a call from you! Did something—"
"I like Momijikawa,” Sakura announced without wasting any second. “No. I'm pretty sure I love him." He said with confidence, just like Tsubakino wanted. He was sure of his feelings now. There was no way he wouldn’t be after everything.
"Then you have my full support,” Tsubakino said softly. Sakura could hear the smile in his voice. “Are you going to tell him?"
"Should I?" Sakura thought out loud. He really didn’t give confessing any thought but he assumed that was the usual next step in these types of situations. But what would he even achieve if he did tell Momijikawa? Yes the people in Furin weren’t judgemental but knowing the person you considered friend likes you would make everyone a little bit uncomfortable, wouldn’t it?
"If you want to."
"But what if…" Sakura started. Before he could even finish his question Tsubakino’s sharp voice cut him off.
"It's really a pity your love radar doesn't work on yourself,” Sakura wanted to ask what he meant by that. His love radar only worked with people who were acting like couples. Him and Momijikawa were just friends so of course his love radar wasn’t going to work on himself. “I might not have a love radar like you do but I know love when I see it. Go for it, Sakura. You'll be the happiest you've ever been." Sakura didn’t know what to say to that. By the time he opened his mouth to ask Tsubakino what he meant he noticed that Tsubakino had ended the call. He threw his phone aside, annoyed about being face to face with another question. He didn’t even remember when was the last time he thought this much about something and now he needed to think more? His hands went to his hair, grabbing it as tightly as he can. When he let go of his hair he decided he was just going to go for it. He was going to meet Momijikawa, tell him everything and disappear from the face of earth. He wasn’t going to dwell on this matter any more. He’d feel sad that he wouldn’t be able to eat the food Momijikawa makes after tomorrow but he was sure he could find something better in its stead.
In the morning Sakura was standing in front of yet another different classroom than his. He was glad that at least Momijikawa was in the classroom and immediately came out once he saw Sakura at the door. "Hey, Momijikawa. Can I come over to your place tonight?" He asked, trying to keep his voice normal. Now that he was aware of everything he could feel his hands getting sweaty and his heart beating like he was facing 50 opponents at once. He noticed he would prefer facing 50 opponents at once than doing this. But he was already here and he wasn’t going to chicken out now. He already gathered his stuff back at the apartment, he was ready to disappear after today.
"Sure,” Momijikawa said cheerfully, his smile getting bigger. Noticing his smile only made Sakura more nervous about this. Maybe he shouldn’t rush it? He didn’t even know what would happen to their friendship if he did. No. He knew what would happen. Momijikawa would put a distance between them. He would stop coming to see Sakura just because. He would stop inviting him over. He would go back to how he was when they first met. The only difference would be that he’d act like that with only Sakura. Everyone else would still get to see his smile, they would watch him joke around. They would even eat the food he makes. Everyone but Sakura. Yeah, maybe he shouldn’t rush it. “What do you want for dinner? Omurice?" Momijikawa’s question snapped Sakura out of his thoughts. Sakura stared at his face for a while, trying to memorize his smiling face. He dropped his shoulders, eyes not leaving Momijikawa’s face. He could see Momijikawa’s smile getting smaller the longer it took for Sakura to answer. He took a deep breath.
"No." He said quietly and watched as Momijikawa’s smile fully dropped and his brows furrowed.
"There's definitely something wrong with you,” He said, getting closer to Sakura. “You never rejected omurice. What's wrong? Do you not like the food I make? But I thought you liked it? Were you lying when you said you liked it?" Sakura decided he wanted to strangle Momijikawa before telling him anything. How could one person use that word so easily and this much? Sakura cursed at himself for blushing all over. He hoped Momijikawa was idiot enough to not put two and two together.
"No, it's not that. I do like your— Can you just—” Sakura tried to explain himself, he really did. But he never imagined it would be this hard to use a single word to a specific person. At the end all he could do was facepalming himself. And he was so confident about telling him everything. “You know what. Do whatever you want! I'm leaving!" He turned around without even looking at Momijikawa and strode towards the bathroom. He needed water to wash away his embarrassment.
"Will you really come over?!" Momijikawa yelled after him, uneasy because something was definitely wrong with Haruka. Sakura answered without turning back.
"I will! Shut up!" He really needed to wash his face.
That evening Sakura found himself sitting across Momijikawa, pushing his food around. Thanks to what happened in the morning he was back at thinking about what to do. He thought he was ready to say everything and leave but he didn’t understand what that would mean until he saw Momijikawa’s smiling face. He noticed he wasn’t quite ready to let go of Momijikawa. Sakura could feel Momijikawa’s stares on his face but couldn’t bring himself to say something or take a bite of the food Momijikawa made. He saw Momijikawa slowly placing his cutlery down and stopped pushing his food around.
“Haruka,” Sakura raised his head to look at him. The worry in his expression made Sakura’s palm sweaty again. “What’s wrong? Did something happen that you can’t tell anyone? Is it your father?”
“No. It’s not him.” Sakura quickly shot him down. He stopped letting what that man said and did bother him the moment he decided to talk about his past. Momijikawa leaned forward, his arm flinched like he was going to reach for Sakura’s hand.
“Then what is it? Why are you not eating your food? You didn’t take a single bite for the past half an hour.” Sakura looked at the clock reflexively. Has it really been that long since he sat down? His eyes traveled back to Momijikawa. The fear and worry in his face made Sakura’s chest hurt. He let go of his spoon and pulled his hands back to his lap.
“It’s complicated,” He heard himself say after a few seconds. Momijikawa didn’t move a muscle.
“Okay, tell me! We’ll uncomplicate it together!” Sakura smiled bitterly. He wished he could, he really did. But he doubted it’d end up well.
“It’s not something you can help with.”
“What..? Why?” Sakura could see sadness seeping over Momijikawa’s face. Was he ruining things again?
“It’s-” It’s because of you. Sakura really wanted to say it. Let the words go and wipe the sadness off of Momijikawa’s face. But he couldn’t risk it. He couldn’t risk not being able to spend time with Momijikawa. So he stopped himself. He pushed his chair back and got up. Food long forgotten and cold.
“Forget it,” Sakura said in the end. “I’m not in my right mind today, sorry. I’ll make it up to you somehow. So. Good night.”
“Haru-” Sakura didn’t wait to hear what Momijikawa was going to say. He left the house, slamming the door shut on his way out. He hoped he didn’t make things worse today. He was trying to keep everything how it was so if he ended up ruining everything either way because of today he wouldn’t be able to forgive himself.
He dragged his feet, kicking away the rocks on this path. He was ready to head home when the lights of the shopping street caught his attention. He thought having company, even an annoying one, was better than being alone right now. So he started walking towards Pothos, silently praying that it was empty and Umemiya wasn’t there.
When he reached the cafe he checked from outside first to see if Umemiya or someone else from the school was there. Before he could do anything he saw Kotoha looking at him weirdly. He sighed and pulled his phone out. A simple 'Can you come over to Pothos?' text was sent before he entered the café, getting ready to face Kotoha. Sakura was sure she was going to find a way to know about what was going on with him.
Sakura sat at the back table for what felt like hours, staring blankly at the wall. He knew Kotoha tried to make him talk and maybe get him to eat something but he wasn’t sure if he wanted to do anything other than waiting for Tsubakino to arrive.
"Sakura! What happened?" Tsubakino hurried next to Sakura a few minutes later. That kind of message from Sakura without any explanations and this late at night made Tsubakino fear for the worst. He was glad to see Sakura was at least physically fine. Sakura kept staring at the wall even with Tsubakino across from him.
"I chickened out." He said, eyes finally meeting Tsubakino's. Tsubakino looked at him questioningly. That didn’t explain much.
"What?"
"I couldn't tell him,” Sakura dropped his head to the table. He wanted to disappear. “Haaahhh. It sucks."
"It's okay. You can tell him some other time." Tsubakino tried to console him, rubbing his arm. He pulled his hand away when Sakura suddenly lifted his head back up.
"When? How? I don't even know how to approach the topic. Do I just go up to him and say it? Do I wait for a specific moment? Do I do it over text? Maybe a letter? I don't know anything, Tsubakino."
"Hey, calm down,” Tsubakino held Sakura’s hand this time. Sakura looked at him weakly. “Why do you think I'm here? I'll help you come up with a plan. Okay?"
"Okay…" Sakura let out a deep sigh. Tsubakino’s grip on his hand was surprisingly relaxing for Sakura.
"First of, what do you do when you're together? Is there anything specific you two do or talk about?" Tsubakino asked, leaning over the table, an excited look in his eyes. Like he was going to hear some top secret stuff. Sakura thought about it for a few moments before answering.
"Well we usually talk about the people in the town. About patrol schedules and which shop needs what kind of help. What our classmates are doing. Sometimes I go over to his house to eat dinner with him. Usual stuff."
Sakura was surprised to see how fast Tsubakino’s expression changed from excited to disappointed. "Oh my god you two are so boring." He groaned, letting his head hit the table.
"Hey!" Sakura didn’t understand what was wrong with how they were spending their time. It was all important stuff to both of them, so it was only natural to talk about it whenever they were together.
"What else? Do you ever talk about something other than town or school?" Tsubakino tried again. There was no way all these two talked about were town and school. Sakura pondered Tsubakino’s question, going through their interactions.
"He sometimes talks about the coupons he collects and what his plan with those are." Tsubakino was stunned. He was simply too stunned to think about anything.
"They're already acting like an old married couple…” He mumbled to himself. This wasn’t going to work. He didn’t know they were this ordinary. “Kotoha-chan! A little help here, please." So he decided to get some help. Even if Sakura was going to be against it.
"Oi— Why are you calling Kotoha?! She doesn't know anything!" And against it Sakura was. But Tsubakino didn’t care. He was going to make this boy even more happy and he wasn’t going to let his insecurities and overthinking ruin it for him.
"I don't know what?” Kotoha asked, drying her hands on a towel. She sat next to Tsubakino and looked at Sakura with a sly smirk on her face. “ If you're talking about you liking Momijikawa then I knew that before anyone else."
"Wha- HOW?!" Sakura felt his whole face go red. If she knew then… Then who else knew?! He hoped Umemiya didn’t know. If he did he would’ve announced it to the whole school!
"I can always see right through you Sakura-kun." Sakura wanted to disappear. All he wanted to know was why he was sick. But now here he was thinking about how to confess to Momijikawa with Tsubakino and Kotoha in front of him. Sakura buried his face in his hands. What happened to his life…
"Am I that obvious..?" Sakura asked quietly, afraid of the answer. If Kotoha could figure it out, maybe someone else could too. No wonder his friends were acting secretive while they were watching him. They probably noticed on the first day.
"To me? Yes. To others, especially Momijikawa? No."
"Shit…"
"It's okay. I'm not going to tell anyone."
"That's not the problem!” Sakura yelled. Enough people knew about it anyways. “I do come here with Momijikawa sometimes. What if you say something by mistake!? What if he finds out before I could even tell him!? What then?!"
"Hey, calm down. I swear I'm not going to say anything about this topic to anyone,” Kotoha looked into Sakura’s eyes. Sakura stared back, still not believing that Kotoha didn’t let it slip while talking to Umemiya. When Kotoha didn’t avert her eyes, Sakura bowed his head. This whole thing was starting to tire him out. “You know I would never do that to you. And I have a plan." Kotoha continued and Sakura could swear that he heard the smile in her voice.
"Kotoha-chann!" Tsubakino perked up, his energy Sakura drained with how basic they were coming back tenfold. He threw his arms around Kotoha as she giggled. Sakura could only watch them with tired eyes. He didn’t even want to know what her plan was. But it’s not like they were listening to him so he didn’t try to protest.
"Sakura, when was the last time you made omurice?" Kotoha leaned forward and looked at Sakura with excitement. Was it over finding out if Sakura ever made food for himself or knowing something to do with him and Momijikawa that no one else did, Sakura wasn’t sure.
"What's that have to do with-" Sakura tried to question when Kotoha interrupted him.
"Just answer me."
Sakura just stared at her blankly before sighing and answering her oh so important question. "The day you thought me was the first and the last."
"Oh boy." He saw Tsubakino facepalming. That made him a little bit better for a second. It was good to know that he wasn’t the only one getting a headache about this situation. When he noticed Kotoha also looking at him disappointed he shrugged and continued to explain himself.
"You know I suck at cooking and I always eat here anyways. I don't need to learn how to make stuff." He said with a calm expression. His kitchen wasn’t even good enough to make proper food. He really didn’t understand why Kotoha was asking this when she knew his house situation.
"Well, now you have to." Kotoha said, like she was giving an order Sakura can’t refuse. Sakura looked at her like she was growing a second head.
"Why?!"
"Because you're going to make omurice for Momijikawa." The way Kotoha shrugged and laid back made Sakura think that she was believing her plan to be the easiest and most amazing thing. Well, it wasn’t! Why the hell would he make food for Momijikawa? That guy could easily make a feast for himself! And Sakura of all people making the food for Momijikawa?With the way how inexperienced he was he would definitely send the poor guy to the ER.
"WHAT?! I CAN'T!"
"I'll help you." Sakura wanted to rip his hair off. This plan was the most ridiculous thing he ever heard. And it didn’t look like Kotoha was going to back down. But Sakura wasn’t going to either.
"No. Plan something else. I'm not going to try making stuff I can already eat here." Sakura crossed his arms and glared at Kotoha. She was not going to make him enter the kitchen.
"You're not going to make it for yourself, you idiot! You're going to make it for Momijikawa."
"That's even more ridiculous! He can do it for himself just fine!"
Tsubakino watched them bickering back and forth like it was a tennis match, getting more and more confused about what was going on. He grabbed Kotoha’s arm before she could reply to Sakura. "Kotoha-chan, I'm not sure I'm following you. Why do you want Sakura to make omurice?" Kotoha whipped around with her eyes gleaming with excitement as he answered Tsubakino’s question.
"Because it's their thing! Did you know Momijikawa came to me to learn how to make omurice?" Kotoha leaned closer to Tsubakino, like she was sharing something no one knew. And she was right. Sakura didn’t know Momijikawa came to Kotoha to learn how to make omurice. It was weird for Sakura because he could remember Momijikawa saying he knew how to make omurice. He also remembered Momijikawa insisting that he would never make Sakura omurice because he believed Sakura would compare it to Kotoha’s.
"Doesn't he already know how to make one?" Tsubakino’s question made Sakura perk up. He looked at Kotoha, waiting for her to answer.
"He does!" She said excitedly. She could see Tsubakino slowly understanding what she was talking about. Sakura on the other hand… still couldn’t see what to issue with that was.
"Maybe he wanted to get better at it, what's so weird about that?" Sakura shrugged. It was normal for someone like Momijikawa to want to get better at making food. He didn’t understand what the conclusion these two were getting at.
"Sakura, you dumbass!” Kotoha whipped around, pointing a finger to Sakura’s face. Sakura flinched because of how fast she moved. She was a real beast sometimes. “What's your favorite food?" She asked, slamming her other hand to the table.
"Omurice?"
"Where did you first had it when you came to town?"
"Here."
"Who made that omurice?"
"You did? What's with all these questions?!" Sakura was officially annoyed now. He had enough of Kotoha and Tsubakino’s ridiculous plans and complaints. All he wanted was to kill some time before going home and passing out, hopefully forgetting everything that happened tonight. Why was he being interrogated about his favorite food and whatnot.
"The reason why Momijikawa came to me to learn it is because it's your favorite!" Yeah, Sakura was sure something was up with Kotoha. Maybe it was a busy day in the cafe today and she couldn’t get enough rest before Tsubakino dragged her into this? Or maybe she was sick and this was the side effects of the medicine she took to be able to work?
"Don't be an idiot."
"I'm not!” Kotoha insisted. “He knew the omurice I make is your favorite. That's why he wanted me to teach him. So that the one he makes can taste the same as the ones I make." The look in her eyes was so sincere that Sakura almost caved in and believed her. Almost. That was the most ridiculous thing he had ever heard ever since coming into the cafe tonight and he heard a lot of ridiculous stuff today.
"No."
"Yes. That's why we're going to have you make an omurice to him and confess your feelings!"
"I'd rather die."
"Sakura!"
Sakura rolled his eyes. Coming in here and asking Tsubakino to come too was a huge mistake. He didn’t know Kotoha could be this pushy. "Where am I even going to make the omurice?" He asked and hoped that this would make Kotoha give up because obviously he didn’t have a proper kitchen.
"What about here?" His hopes were futile. Was this because she grew up with Umemiya? Did she also need a Hiiragi to keep her in check? He slammed his hand to the table with annoyance. She didn’t know when to give up!
"DEFINITELY NOT! Do you want the whole town to know about it!?"
"I'm not telling you to meet here! You'll make the omurice here, then take it with you."
"I'm not making omurice! And weren’t you the one who said you don't do takeouts!"
"Ohhhh, I see what's going on here."
"What? What are you talking about?"
"You want to eat the omurice he makes. I see. Even though I was the one who introduced you to it."
"THAT'S NOT IT!" Sakura jumped to his feet. He couldn't catch up with how fast Kotoha was changing the topics and how annoying she was while doing it.
“Are you better now?” Tsubakino’s voice stopped Sakura in his tracks. He ripped his eyes away from smiling Kotoha to look at Tsubakino. He was looking at Sakura with a softness Sakura rarely saw before.
“What?”
“I’m asking if you’re feeling any better.” Sakura could only stare at him. What was he talking about? Was him freaking out over Kotoha forcing him to make omurice was a situation he would feel better? His eyes went back and forth between Kotoha and Tsubakino trying to make sense of what was going on.
“Did you really believe that I’d let you in the kitchen again? My kitchen?” Kotoha said her expression was the same as Tsubakino’s. Sakura felt himself turn red under their stares and slowly sat back down.
“Then why..?” Tsubakino took both of Sakura’s hands and held them tightly.
“You’ve been out of it ever since our conversation at the gym, Sakura. Your friends are worried about you, we’re worried about you. I know I told you to go for it but it’s barely been a week since you found out about your feelings for Momijikawa. You told me just yesterday that you were sure of your feelings. You don’t need to push yourself if you’re not comfortable yet. You don’t need to tell Momijikawa anything if you’re not ready. Give yourself some time, maybe enjoy having a crush first before jumping straight to confessing. And don’t forget that you’re only 16 and it won’t be the end of the world if this crush doesn’t work out in the end. Do whatever you want as long as you don’t force yourself to do it. Like I said before you have my full support, whatever you want to do I’ll support you. Okay?”
Sakura nodded. Tsubakino was right. He was rushing things, making himself do things he wasn’t ready to do. He was so busy thinking about his feelings, trying to make sense of them that he couldn’t find time to stop and ask himself what he wanted to do. He did everything by how he thought should happen and not by what he wanted to happen. He was determined to take his time now. He didn’t need to hurry to do anything. They were still only first years, they were both probably going to stay in this town even after graduation. He could confess whenever he wanted.
The next week Sakura spent most of his time with his friends. They were so relieved to hear that Sakura was alright and that they had no fault in what was going on. Sakura had told them everything after that night. He had laughed loudly when Nirei almost fainted after hearing Sakura was going to confess just a few days after finding out about his feelings. It was nice to spend time with them without worrying about anything. And because he was so busy spending time with his friends, he wasn’t able to see Momijikawa as much as he used to. He also believed that the other boy was giving him some space and time after that disaster of a night. And he was glad. He was glad to be spending time with his friends of course, but he was also glad that he didn’t have to see Momijikawa and force himself to act like everything was normal.
The new school week found Sakura with Momijikawa waiting in front of his class. Sakura wondered what he was doing outside of the class. He was close enough with others to chat while he was waiting for Sakura. Sakura stepped in front of him without saying anything and watched as Momijikawa’s head snapped up and as his face lit up.
"Haruka!"
Sakura balled his hands to stop them from sweating. Damn this guy and his smile. "What do you want?" Sakura flinched when he heard his voice coming out harsher than he intended to. But it looked like Momijikawa was unfazed by his sudden ‘coldness’. Momijikawa closed the space between them and kept smiling at Sakura. Sakura would’ve been weirded out if he didn't like what he was seeing.
"Can you come over today?" He asked excitedly. Sakura wasn’t sure what to say to that. The last time he was there he had ruined the mood and wasted the food Momijikawa worked so hard to make.
"…Why?" He asked quietly.
"There's something I want to talk to you about." Momijikawa said without tearing his eyes away from Sakura’s face. His smile was protecting its shine.
"Can't you do it here?" Sakura was avoiding giving a definite answer, he knew but he didn’t feel ready to be alone with Momijikawa yet.
"If you want, I can. But I don't think you'll like it if I do it here." Sakura watched Momijikawa’s smile turn into a confident smirk. He wanted to kick him on the shin. Like his smile wasn’t enough now Sakura also had to deal with his arrogant smirk.
"What the hell are you talking about?" He asked between his clenched teeth. Momijikawa stopped smirking and took a step back. Sakura wanted to take a step forward to stand like how they were standing a second ago. It was dangerous to want something like that while they were in front of the classroom but damn it Sakura really missed him, okay? He wanted to stay close to him for a few more minutes.
"Just come over, okay? Please." Momijikawa looked at Sakura with anticipation, his head slightly tilted to the side. Sakura didn’t know a big guy like him could look this cute. He sighed and let go of his balled fists. He was still going to act at his own pace but there wasn’t any reason to refuse Momijikawa’s offer of free dinner.
"Fine. I will."
Momijikawa’s smile got bigger than it was before. "See you later, Haruka!" He said cheerfully and turned around to go back to his own class. Sakura could see the lightness in his steps as he disappeared down the corridor.
"See you." He mumbled, knowing Momijikawa wasn’t going to hear him. He was about to go into the classroom when the door suddenly slammed open and Nirei jumped in front of him, holding his shoulders and shaking him.
“Sakura-san! What was that!? What did Momijikawa-san want?!”
“Nire-kun. Let’s allow Sakura-kun to breathe first before shaking him literally and figuratively.” Sakura thanked Suo in his mind. Nirei let go of Sakura’s shoulders and slightly pulled back. His eyes were still full of questions and it was clear if Sakura didn’t give him a satisfying answer he was going to get shaken again.
“He invited me over after school to talk, it’s no big deal.”
“It IS a big deal!” Nirei’s yell surprised Sakura. It was not a big deal, it was something he did hundreds of times before. It was normal for Momijikawa to invite him over or for Sakura to ask him if he could come over.
“Why the hell!?”
“Do you know what he wants to talk about?” Nirei tried his luck again. He didn’t want Sakura to go in blind but he also didn’t want to step over his boundaries and meddle in his business.
“How the hell would I know? I’ll find out when I go over, I guess.” Sakura shrugged and went inside, leaving Nirei tightly grabbing his notebook and trying to calm himself down. Suo laughed silently as he rubbed Nirei’s back and waved at Sakura.
Sakura put his head on his desk after he greeted the others. He was also curious about what Momijikawa wanted to talk about. And if he had to take a guess he would say it was going to be about what happened last week. He didn’t know how to explain himself if Momijikawa were to ask about it. So he hoped it wasn’t that and was something completely unrelated. But he wasn't going to dwell on it more than this. Like he told Nirei he was going to find out when he went over anyways so there was no point in thinking about it.
When Sakura arrived at Momijikawa’s house he saw Momijikawa standing in front of the door, waiting. Momijikawa’s smile got bigger when their eyes met. Sakura slowly walked up to him, Momijikawa moved away and let Sakura go inside first. The first thing Sakura noticed upon entering the main room was two plates of perfectly made omurice waiting for them. Sakura turned around with a smirk on his face and looked at Momijikawa.
“Look at you, Mr. ‘I’m never making you omurice’. What’s the occasion?”
“No occasion,” Momijikawa said, walking past Sakura into the kitchen. Despite what he said Sakura could see the slight blush on his cheeks. His smirk slowly turned into a smile. Seeing Momijikawa blush was something else. Everyone was used to him being the blushing one always but he bet no one knew about Momijikawa blushing. He followed Momijikawa and took his place across from him. Sakura thanked Momijikawa when he extended the cutlery while sitting down. He was about to dive into the omurice Momijikawa made when he noticed him staring at Sakura not touching his cutlery.
“Why are you not eating?” Sakura asked, feeling weird all of a sudden.
“I’m curious to see your reaction. I’ll eat after you give me your feedback.”
“Why?” Sakura squinted his eyes. He knew Momijikawa wasn’t the type to put something in the foods he makes but he was being suspicious.
“I didn’t put anything in it, I swear. I just wanna see your reaction.”
“You’re a weird one.” Sakura said in the end. Momijikawa shrugged and urged Sakura to take the first bite. Well, who was Sakura to refuse the chef and home owner’s request? So he took the first bite under Momijikawa’s careful gaze.
Maybe it was because he knew Momijikawa was the one who made it but this one was tons of times better than the ones he ate at Pothos. He wasn’t going to say that to anyone obviously. Who knew what would happen if he did tell someone that Momijikawa’s omurice was better than Pothos’. Sakura met Momijikawa’s eyes and saw him still watching and waiting for Sakura to say something.
"How is it?" He asked with a giddy voice. His excitement over this made Sakura almost roll his eyes fondly.
"Amazing, of course. Like you even had to ask.” Sakura softly smiled when Momijikawa let out a deep breath. And in a split second Momijikawa’s face turned serious. He stared at Sakura.
“How is it compared to Pothos?”
“Stop right there. Weren’t you the one who said you don’t want me to compare your food to a professional’s?”
“This is different.” Momijikawa averted his eyes. Sakura noticed he was blushing again.
“How so?”
“It just is! Now tell me.” Sakura leaned back and crossed his arms.
“Nope. I’m not going to compare your food to a professional’s. Unless you want to be a professional yourself?”
“I told you I don’t!” Momijikawa looked back at Sakura, hoping for him to answer his question. Sakura didn’t even flinch and stared down at Momijikawa. “Fine! Don’t answer! I guess it’s good enough that you like it.” Momijikawa pouted(he actually pouted!) and started to eat his own food. Sakura smiled to himself. Something was going on with Momijikawa, he was sure of it. But he wasn’t going to pry or anything like that. They were friends, and if he wanted he could talk to Sakura about anything.
“Are you really sure that you're not going to be a chef?" Sakura asked after a moment. Momijikawa didn’t even lift his head to look at him before answering.
"It's too early to think about that."
"We're almost done with our first year."
"Do you think about what you're going to do after high school?" Momijikawa looked at Sakura with a slight annoyance in his eyes. Sakura guessed it was because he didn’t answer his earlier question. He avoided Momijikawa’s stare.
"…No."
"See!” He said like he had won something. He put his spoon down before intertwining his fingers. Noticing the shift in his demeanor Sakura also put his spoon down. Whatever he was going to say must be really serious. “Also… I've been taking care of my family for years so I never had time to think about what I want to be. And I had something else on my mind lately. Not that I have any hurry. It's just… priorities, I guess."
"What's on your mind?" Sakura asked, trying not to sound too curious.
"You."
What.
"What." This was not what Sakura was expecting. He thought it would be about the bills, or classes or another outsider issue. Not himself. Momijikawa reached over the table to hold Sakura’s hand. Sakura was too shocked to react to it. He just stared at Momijikawa, trying to see something, anything, to prove that he was kidding. But there was nothing but sincerity on his face.
"You are on my mind. Every single second of every single day. When I go to sleep, when I open my eyes,when I prepare food, when I walk to school. I always find myself thinking about you. What you're doing, if you're eating well, if you're having any nightmares. And it's starting to drive me insane, Haruka."
"Wh-what are you-" Sakura tried to interrupt him, trying to escape this weird vibe surrounding them. But Momijikawa wouldn’t budge, he kept looking at Sakura with sincerity he never saw on his face before and he kept going.
"I like you. And I don't give a damn if you don't feel the same or if this ruins our friendship. You make me feel like I'm back at my grandpa's shop, helping him around. You make me feel like I'm whole again when I thought I could never feel human after losing everyone. You make me want to live this life with you rather than surviving through it. I just wanted you to know how important you are to me. I apologize if you don't feel the same. I needed to tell you."
Yeah, no. This wasn’t it. This wasn’t happening. After all the trouble Sakura went through to organize his thoughts and feelings, after all the headaches he had because of his anxiety about how to confess to Momijikawa, this was not happening. Momijikawa wasn’t confessing to him right now. He wasn’t going to be the first one to confess his feelings. Sakura wasn’t going to allow that. He pushed his chair back and walked over to Momijikawa. Sakura stood in front of him, his hands moving on their own to grab Momijikawa’s shirt.
Momijikawa looked at him with fear in his eyes. He wasn’t afraid of Haruka beating him, he knew he could fight back. He was afraid of losing Haruka completely. When Haruka pulled him up, Momijikawa quietly followed, not wanting to anger him even more.
"Haruka? Are you o-" He wanted to ask if Haruka was okay, if everything was alright, if he hated him now. But before the words could leave his mouth Haruka’s lips crashed into his. He expected anything when he decided to tell Haruka how he felt but this wasn’t one of them. Before he could react or even enjoy the moment, Haruka pulled back as quickly as he pushed.
Sakura looked at Momijikawa’s wide open eyes, his hands grabbing his shirt and the almost nonexistent distance between them. "Shit." He pulled his hands back like it burned, leaving the room and the house without stopping to get his stuff. He was an idiot.
"Wait! Haruka! Hold on one second! HARUKA!" He heard Momijikawa yelling after him, of course he did but he didn’t have the face to look at him after he did. He wasn’t going to do that. He didn’t even know he could do something like that. But because of some unseen force he had kissed Momijikawa when all he wanted to do was get mad at him for beating Sakura to confess. He had no idea what was going to happen now. All he knew was he wasn’t ready for any of it. He wasn’t ready to see Momijikawa again, he wasn’t ready to hear him out and he was not ready to confess to him. But he guessed he would have to because he was an idiot who couldn’t control his body and kissed Momijikawa.
He kissed Momijikawa.
Sakura screamed, ignoring the confused stares of the people in the street. He was an idiot. Idiot, idiot, idiot! He was going to take this to his grave. He wasn’t going to tell anyone what happened. Not Nirei, not Suo and definitely not Tsubakino. No one was going to know about how much of an idiot Sakura was. He wanted to hope that he could ignore Momijikawa for a few days. And maybe forget what happened tonight. He really would love to forget what happened tonight. He couldn’t leave with the shame. Not that what he did was something to be ashamed of, it was himself he was ashamed of. How could he react like that when Momijikawa was talking about how he felt?
When Sakura arrived at his house he didn’t even bother opening the lights. He didn’t want to see his red face and be reminded of that moment like he could ever forget it. He showered with lights closed. He changed and pulled out his futon with the lights closed. He laid down on his futon but couldn’t bring himself to close his eyes. He was sure he was going to see Momijikawa’s shocked face and his fearful eyes. Sakura rubbed his eyes roughly with a small hope of erasing Momijikawa’s expression from his mind. But it was futile, of course it was. That face was going to hunt Sakura for days, maybe even months. He was aware that he screwed up big this time, but he still hoped for things to get better when he woke up. That small hope was all Sakura had right now.
Nirei turned around with a big smile on his face when he heard the door to the classroom open. He thought it was Sakura, coming in late. But all he saw at the door was Momijikawa with disheveled hair and obvious bags under his eyes. Nirei jumped out of his chair to be closer to Momijikawa. Wasn’t he and Sakura together last night? Now Sakura was absent and Momijikawa was walking around like he had a night full of nightmares.
"Is Haruka here?" Momijikawa asked once Nirei reached close enough. He was dying to know what had happened between them but it looked like Momijikawa would crumble the moment Nirei asked about last night.
"No?" Nirei answered quietly. Momijikawa rubbed his face.
"Did he ever come to school today?"
"He didn't…" Nirei saw the others coming close to them, worry evident in their faces.
"We were on our way to check on him. Would you like to come along?" Suo took a step forward to stand next to Nirei and try to get Momijikawa to focus, even if it’s a little bit.
"Suo-chan…" Kiryu held his arm. Whatever happened last night didn’t look like it ended well so he wanted to wait and hear from Sakura first before letting Momijikawa see him again. Momijikawa looked at Suo, he looked embarrassed.
"Actually. Can I go alone?" He asked, and it felt like he was afraid of them saying no.
"Hm? And why is that?" Suo’s eyes narrowed. Momijikawa’s shoulders slumped as he let out a deep sigh.
"We have a conservation we need to continue."
"You're not going to fight Sakura-san, are you?" Nirei asked nervously. He knew they were closer now but he still didn’t want them to fight for any reason.
"What? No. I'm really just going to talk with him." Momijikawa looked like he was offended by the assumption that he was going to actually fight with Sakura after everything. Suo watched him for a while before smiling knowingly.
"Okay, then. Enjoy your conservation with him Momijikawa-kun! And say hi to Sakura-kun for us!"
"Suo-san! What are you doing?!" Nirei grabbed his arm. They didn’t know anything, they shouldn’t let him go on his own! Suo placed his hand over Nirei’s.
"Just trust me,” He said softly. This was going to be for the best. He was sure of it. Nirei must’ve felt it too, he slightly loosened his grip on Suo’s arm. Suo turned back to Momijikawa. “You know where his house is, yes?”
“Yeah,” Momijikawa replied with a breath. He was glad Haruka’s friends were understanding and didn’t try to stop him. “Thanks.” He said before turning around and leaving the corridor.
“Bye-bye Momijikawa-kun!" Suo said after him, waving his hands. Maybe he should ask Sakura for a return of the favor in the future.
Sakura was still laying in his futon, staring at the ceiling and going through every second of last night when his door cracked open. He thought it was Nirei and Suo coming to check on him again and kept laying down. Even if they came all the way over here he wasn’t going to tell them anything about last night. "Haruka? Are you in here?" The voice that reached his ears made him jump out of his futon. What was he doing here?! Before he could even try to hide himself with his blanket Momijikawa entered his room like it was the most natural thing to do.
"What the fuck are you doing here?" Sakura asked coldly, trying to hide his blush. Momijikawa stood in front of the futon and crossed his arms.
"Shouldn't I be the one to ask that?" He stared down at Sakura. Sakura, not wanting to back down or crumble under his stare, jumped to his feet and glared back at Momijikawa.
"What?" Some attitude this guy had. It was his house of course he was going to be here. Was he supposed to spend time on the streets? Momijikawa uncrossed his arms, his shoulders slumped and looked at Sakura tiredly. Sakura felt a little bit guilty when he noticed the dark circles under Momijikawa’s eyes. Though he was sure he wasn’t any different.
"What are you doing here? Why didn't you come to school? What was that yesterday? Why did you kiss me? Why did you run away?"
"One question at a time, asshole." Sakura shot back instead of answering his questions. He thought enough about what happened yesterday, he just wanted a small break from everything but it seemed like it wasn’t allowed. Momijikawa rolled his eyes.
"Fine. Why did you kiss me?" Sakura knew he was going to start with this. But it didn’t mean he was ready to explain why.
"Going straight for it, I see."
"Of course. Wouldn't want you to run away again." Despite being tired and not having enough sleep, Sakura could see his arrogant smirk was still as powerful. It was Sakura’s turn to cross his arms.
"Asshole." He said instead, but it looked like the way Sakura was currently acting was just flying over Momijikawa and wasn’t affecting him at all.
"Still waiting for your answer. Why did you kiss me?" Sakura mumbled something Momijikawa couldn't hear. "What?"
"I said it's because I was pissed!” Sakura yelled. If he wanted to know that bad then Sakura would give him what he wants. “I've been racking my damn brain for weeks to tell you that I like you! To find a proper way to confess. To do it in a way that doesn’t hurt our friendship if it doesn’t end well. But then you just blurt it out and beat me to it. I was so fucking pissed and shutting you up was the only thing on my mind at the time!" Momijikawa fought back a smile. It wasn’t over yet. He didn’t get everything out of Haruka yet.
"Then why did you run away..?" Sakura could feel himself getting redder the longer this conversation went on, but he also knew he couldn’t escape it anymore. So tried not minding the redness on his body and the hotness he felt.
"Because I was embarrassed! I've never done anything like that before. And you were talking about your feelings but I interrupted you like that and it was disrespectful and I thought 'there's no way he'd still like me after that disaster'." Sakura panted. Now everything was out in the open. Now Momijikawa knew what he was trying to hide and figure out this whole time. Sakura felt oddly light. Was this whole thing affecting Sakura more than he thought?
"Well, guess what?” Sakura resisted the urge to take a step back when Momijikawa came closer. Momijikawa bowed his head to close the distance between them and looked Sakura in the eyes. “I've never done anything like that before either and I still like you very much."
"You do?" Sakura asked, surprised. He was sure Momijikawa had at least a few crushes in the past.
"I do. Did you really think I'd stop liking you because of one small peck? I'm not that shallow."
"Oh." Sakura let out a relieved sigh. It was good to know that he hadn’t ruined anything. He allowed himself to smile for the first time since yesterday.
"So." Momijikawa said, suddenly pulling back. Sakura wanted to grab him and not let him go until he was satisfied.
"So?"
"You like me." Sakura’s blush deepened. The cat was out of the bag. So he did the only thing that was left to do. He confirmed it.
"I do."
"And I like you." That was something Sakura still couldn’t wrap his head around but it was coming from the object of his feelings so he couldn’t find any reason to not believe him.
"…You do."
"Does that mean… We're boyfriends now?" Momijikawa asked quietly. Sakura was sure he just heard his own head explode. He didn’t think about it this far! His whole focus was on how to confess to Momijikawa and how to keep their friendship, so he didn’t even consider the possibility of their relationship changing into something else.
"Boy-boyfriend?!" Momijikawa chuckled and held Sakura’s hand, pulling him down with himself to sit. He looked at their hands and smiled to himself after seeing how small Haruka’s hand was in his own.
"I mean, yeah. It's only natural, isn't it? And you already kissed me." Momijikawa looked at Haruka knowingly and watched him turn into a blushing mess.
Sakura looked back at Momijikawa. His eyes wandered around Momijikawa’s face. His soft smile, his eyes full of love and happiness despite the dark circles and bags under it, his lips Sakura tasted only for a split second. If being boyfriends meant he would get to have all of this whenever he wanted, then… "…Okay." Sakura intertwined their hands.
"Okay?"
"Yeah, you are my boyfriend now."
“And you’re mine.” Momikawa said cheerfully and pulled Sakura against his chest using their intertwined hands. He wrapped his arms around Sakura and slowly laid down, allowing Sakura to lay on top of him. “I’m so damn glad you don’t hate me.” Momijikawa mumbled. Sakura lifted his head from Momijikawa’s chest to look at him.
“Why would I even hate you? I never hated you, not even when we first met.”
“I don’t know. I thought you would hate me because of how I dumped everything on you.” Sakura couldn’t help the giggles escaping his mouth. Soon his giggles turned into full blown laughter as Momijikawa watched with wonder. He had heard Haruka giggle before but hearing him laugh like this, free and relaxed, was a first for Momijikawa. So he kept watching as Haruka laughed and laughed until his eyes got teary. Sakura buried his face into Momijikawa’s chest as he calmed down. Momijikawa tightened his hold on Haruka while he waited for him to talk.
“Dumping everything on me, you say…” He started, a smile still obvious in his voice. “Let me tell you about dumping everything on me and what I’ve been going through these past weeks.” So Sakura started telling Momijikawa everything, starting from how he thought he was sick when he was just in love.
And looking back at those moments with this new perspective he had was really interesting for Sakura. Because now he could easily see why Tsubakino and Kotoha and even Suo were acting the way they did. He wrapped his arms around Momijikawa, grateful for everyone who helped him. And he was especially grateful for the boy in his arms, for not letting him down and for proving to him that he, too, could be loved romantically by someone.