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It was warm outside, which was weird because Ozo could’ve sworn it was winter just moments ago.
He didn’t think about it any further, might as well indulge in the warm weather while it’s still here.
Atop the hill, the view was beautiful. Everything felt perfect, too perfect. It was almost surreal, the way the sun hit his best friend’s face.
The light buzzing from bees nearby and wind gently hitting the grass were the only sounds, other than that it was silent.
It wasn’t a bad silent. Ozo kinda preferred it to be silent anyways. In a way, the lack of conversation between Brandon and him was comforting. They could both just enjoy each other’s presence without needing to speak.
Ozo really liked moments like this.
He looked over to Brandon again, his best friend’s eyes were unfocused. Brandon wasn’t exactly looking at anything, but he wasn’t looking at nothing.
He looked as if he was lost in thought, after recent events Ozo didn’t blame him. Brandon had been through a lot, he was probably only processing everything now.
It’d been one event after another, the two boys haven’t found peace. Not yet at least.
Ozo had hope, he had a lot of it.
Things would calm down soon, Brandon and him could talk over everything then. Right now he’d rather pretend there was nothing wrong. It felt like nothing was wrong, it was all perfect. Ozo wanted to spend more moments with Brandon like this.
Ozo lent back on the grass, it was soft. It wasn’t sharp or pokey, just slightly ticklish as it brushed against his bare arms.
There were some flowers beside Brandon and him, he made sure not to crush them when he lent back.
The flowers around them were of all colours, blue, red, yellow, purple, any colour you could think of was here.
There were some yellow and purple flowers near each other, the colours reminded Ozo of Brandon and him.
Yellow was for sure Brandon’s colour. He’d like to think purple was his colour.
Ozo thought about their other friends.
He hoped they were still doing okay.
When Brandon first disappeared, he pushed them all away. He was so determined to find Brandon, he isolated himself away everyone away out of fear. He didn’t want to ever feel that way again. The feeling when you know someone’s in trouble, but can’t do anything about it. He knew they were all worried about him during that time, he hoped he didn’t cause them too much grief.
It wasn’t like he fully unfriended any of them, but he just slowly distanced.
It felt awkward to try and face any of them again.
He was an asshole for pushing away their attempts to help him, he wouldn’t be surprised if any of them hated him.
He’d face them sometime soon, hopefully.
Brandon and him both could.
He was sure Bkinger would be happy to see Brandon again, everyone would. They were all worried when Brandon disappeared. No one knew what to do or how to help. In that situation, what can you really do? Not much, that’s for sure. They could only hope he’d be okay.
And then, in the end he was.
Ozo was really thankful he caught Brandon online that day.
He would’ve never been able to sleep at night, not knowing what happened to his best friend.
His eyes faded back to Brandon, the other boy was still zoned out.
Ozo wanted to speak up, ask him if he was okay.
”Brandon?”
The brown haired boy jerked his head to Ozo as soon as he said his name. It was like he just woke up from a bad dream. Brandon’s eyes were wide for a moment, like he was expecting someone else to appear in Ozo’s place. Once the boy realized it was Ozo, he seemed to calm down.
”Yeah?” His voice was quiet, quieter than usual. Brandon was usually soft spoken, but this time it felt different to Ozo.
”Sorry did I scare you? I really didn’t mean it, uhm-“
Brandon quickly cut off Ozo.
”It’s alright Ozo!”
”You sure? Because you seemed so-“
Brandon cut off him again, Ozo took the hint and shut up.
“Really, Ozo, it’s fine. You only startled me a tiny bit anyways.. A-and that’s completely okay! I was just zoned out.” Brandon reassured Ozo with a small smile, it helped a bit.
”Are you okay, Brandon?”
”Yeah, I’m fine. Just thinking.”
”Thinking ‘bout what?”
”Home.”
Ah, that made sense.
Of course Brandon was thinking about home! Stupid, stupid Ozo! It was clear as day he was still thinking about home, it’s not everyday a 12 year old runs away from a cult!
”D-do you wanna talk about it? It’s completely fine if you don’t wanna! Sorry if I’m prying.”
”No, no it’s okay!” Brandon reassured Ozo again, it didn’t work as well as the first time. Brandon’s smile was long gone, he was staring down at the grass again.
”I’m just kinda scared still, Ozo. Even after running away, I feel like my dad’s gonna find me somehow. I-I know it’s probably unlikely, but the thought lingers in the back of my mind.” Brandon’s hands were fidgeting with his sweater’s sleeve.
”He won’t find you, I’ll make sure of that. And even if he does, which won’t happen, we’ll figure something out!”
Brandon looked up from the grass, eyes meeting Ozo’s. Ozo’s gaze immediately faltered back down to the ground. He stared at the grass for a bit, his eyes eventually falling onto Brandon’s hand.
Ozo’s hand inched close to the other boy’s, eventually Ozo was gripping Brandon’s hand tightly. When Ozo looked back up, Brandon looked shocked for a moment. Seeing his best friend’s confusion he was about to let go of his hand.
Then, Brandon squeezed Ozo’s hand tightly. Ozo smiled and Brandon smiled back.
”Thank you a lot Ozo. Really, I appreciate everything you’ve been doing for me..”
”It’s no big deal! I’d do anything if it means to help my best friend.”
“It kinda is a big deal.. Y’know not everyday you help your friend escape from a cult.. Unless that’s a regular occurrence for you?..”
Ozo let out a loud laugh.
”Pfft! Of course not! You’re the lucky first!”
”Dunno if I’d call it lucky..”
Dammit! Stupid, stupid, Ozo! Who even says “Lucky first” to your friend who’s been trapped in a cult his whole life!?
”Yeah, uh, sorry.”
”It’s okay! S-sorry if that seemed rude..”
”Don’t apologize! It’s not okay, I shouldn’t have said that..”
Silence followed behind Ozo’s words.
It wasn’t like the silence before, it wasn’t comforting. This silence was awkward, Ozo felt like if so much as breathed too loud he’d explode. Neither of them were looking at each other, their gazes elsewhere.
”Sorry if I made anything awkward.”
”It’s alright, things have been rough, that was bound to happen.”
Brandon was right, things really have been rough.
“Are you okay, Ozo?”
Ozo’s head turned to look at Brandon, eyes widened. Was he really asking him if he was okay? Compared to his best friend’s situation, he was doing perfect!
Ozo didn’t try to play it off that everything with him was okay this time though.
Brandon wasn’t just his friend, he was his best friend. It wasn’t that big of a title, but it meant a lot to Ozo.
“If I’m being honest, not really.” Ozo’s voice was soft, he felt small. It was quite the switch up to how he usually spoke. He sat up, bringing his knees to his chest.
”Do you wanna talk about it?”
”I’m scared, kinda like you are Brandon. I shouldn’t be scared though, it’s not like I’m dealing with half as bad things as you! I have no reason to feel sad, you do. I feel guilty for even feeling sad. You have so much going on, I wanna be an anchor for you. I wanna help you so bad, but I feel like I’m so far from doing so.”
”It’s okay to be scared.. I mean, you’re sheltering me from harm and just helped me escape a cult. Ozo, you have every right to feel sad. Maybe you’re not dealing with what I’m dealing with, but that’s okay. We’re completely different people, who says we have to be the same?”
”You’re right, thanks Brandon.”
”It’s no problem, I’d do anything if it means I get to help my best friend.”
Brandon smiled, Ozo could tell he was trying to suppress a giggle.
Ozo smiled back.
Silence followed after once more, and it was the good kind this time.
Ozo didn’t feel like he wanted to explode anymore, he wanted to live in this silence for as long as he could.
”I really like spending moments like this with you, Brandon.. Getting all sentimental even if it feels cheesy..”
”I do too, but there’s one problem.”
A problem? What was Brandon talking about?
Ozo’s hand tightly squeezed the other boy’s hand.
”T-there is? What problem?”
”We won’t be able to have any more moments like this again, y’know?”
Was Brandon feeling alright?
”Brandon I don’t understand.”
”This isn’t real Ozo.”
Ozo woke up in a cold sweat. He shot up from bed, eyes desperately scanning his room. No flowers? Where was the field? Wasn’t he just with Brandon a moment ago?
Oh.
A dream.
It was all a dream, wasn’t it?
Brandon never escaped. In fact, Ozo had no idea where Brandon even was.
It’d been a week now, Brandon said he’d message Ozo when he got somewhere safe. Everyday he’d log on, check his messages with Brandon just to be disappointed. He was worried sick, he had no clue where Brandon even was. He could only hope his best friend was okay.
Maybe Brandon forgot all about Ozo, maybe he was somewhere safe already. Even if Brandon already forgot all about him, Ozo just wanted him to be safe.
Then, Ozo’s thoughts faded to some other what ifs. What if Brandon wasn’t safe? What if he was in trouble? What if he got caught and was dead?
If Brandon was dead, it was probably all Ozo’s fault.
He was the one who convinced him to run away after all. If Brandon got caught, by his probably angry father, it was Ozo’s fault. If Brandon ran into the woods and a bear or something alike ate him, it was Ozo’s fault.
He shook his head, Brandon was probably fine!
He wouldn’t let his thoughts get the best of him.
Ozo sniffled, soon tears followed. Hot, wet tears streamed down his face like bullets. He muffled his quiet cries with his blanket, hopefully his parents wouldn’t hear him.
He was pretty damn pathetic to be crying over this. He’d never seen Brandon’s face, let alone heard his voice. Yet, that random stranger became his best friend. That random stranger with his iconic yellow DC sweater meant so much to him. So much that he was crying over him.
Ozo rarely ever cried, or he tried not to at least. He wanted to appear tough, boys were supposed to be tough.
But for Brandon, he wasn’t tough.
How could he stay tough, knowing the worst could’ve happened to his best friend?
Ozo wished he could fall back asleep and dream again. That dream was nice, and it felt so real. He wanted to see Brandon, face to face. He wanted to be able to hang out with the boy, play games, stay up late, drink soda all night and eat junk food. He wanted to do so much so damn bad.
Maybe someday, Ozo thought. Someday Brandon, all their friends, and him would be free. Someday, they’d all hang out and see each other, face to face.
Ozo would face them with Brandon and he’d apologize for ignoring and distancing himself from them.
He kinda missed them. Who was he kidding? He missed them a ton. He missed teasing Brandon about Bkinger. He missed playing obby games with Sony and Weegee. He missed speaking to Sparten. He missed everyone.
But, he was alone now. He only could blame himself for this, really. He was the one who isolated himself from everyone else, they tried hard to help him. And then, he pushed them all away. He wondered how they’d react if he sent them a message, he should really apologize.
He couldn’t, no.
He was too far gone now, they’d probably ignore him if he came crawling back. He should’ve listened to Sparten and gave up on Brandon. It’s not like Ozo would ever see him again, especially now. He probably killed Brandon.
Brandon ran away because of Ozo, to see Ozo. A week passed, and still no new message from his friend. He was probably dead.
How far can a 12 year old even make on their own? Probably not far. Ozo remembers the time he tried to run away when he was 10. He was angry at his mom for some petty reason, within a good hour he was already back home.
And he tried to run away in summer, the conditions weren’t too bad then. Compared to Brandon running away in the middle of winter, Ozo had it arguably easy.
How could he ever live with himself, knowing Brandon’s lifeless corpse could be rotting away somewhere?
In times like this, Ozo wished he had someone. A friend, anyone really. He knew his parents wouldn’t understand, he had no siblings, not very many friends at school, he was basically alone. The few friends he did have, he distanced away from.
Gosh, he really fucked it up this time.
He really, really should’ve listened to Sparten. They all begged him to give it up, let go and come to the realization Brandon was gone for good. They tried so, so hard. And yet, Ozo was too lost in his own little world to see that. Sure, maybe he was right and Brandon did come back, but it wasn’t for long.
Ozo was right back at his starting point, he felt hopeless.
It was like when Brandon first disappeared, he had no idea what to do.
It would’ve been nice if he could’ve fallen for Sparten’s Brandon impersonation. At least then, he’d probably be happy.
Ozo felt tears pricking at the edge of his eyes again, he swore he had just stopped crying. Emotions and feelings were stupid, he didn’t like them one bit. He didn’t like being so worked up over someone he never even met in person.
He buried his face in his blanket again, his tears wouldn’t do a thing. His tears weren’t gonna help Brandon.
Ozo felt hopeless and useless. There was literally nothing he could do to help. He didn’t know Brandon’s location, he didn’t know anything. If anything, Brandon was probably in some secluded area away from any form of civilization.
Each breath he took in was just a ragged gasp, one after another. He felt like someone was squeezing his lungs, and they weren’t planning to let go anytime soon. With each breath, it got harder and harder.
He felt so many different things at once, he was angry and sad. The thoughts of old memories made him happy, but still sad. He felt disgusted knowing he was completely useless in helping Brandon.
His tears distorted his vision, although there wasn’t much to see in the first place. With having his face shoved into a blanket, maybe that’s why breathing felt so difficult.
Ozo wasn’t sure he could fall back asleep. The idea about dreaming of Brandon and him was comforting, but he knew he’d wake up to the same disappointment. He wished he could dream forever, life would be easier that way.
He wished he never met Brandon in the first place.
If he knew that a friendship over some silly game would cause him this much distress, would he do it again? Ozo couldn’t tell you the answer to that. Right now he felt the worst, but all those good memories with Brandon and his other friends felt so good. Those memories brought him so much joy, even if right now everything felt hopeless.
Ozo still had some hope, even if it wasn’t a lot. Maybe Brandon was okay, maybe he was somewhere safe. Hope was all he had right now, hope was the only thing keeping Ozo from going insane. Maybe the hope was making it worse, making him think about the best when it’s highly unlikely that’s the case.
Ozo didn’t have the heart to care about that right know though.
He could only hope, so he hoped. He hoped, and wished, and prayed to whatever God was above.
At some point sleep eventually consumed Ozo once more, despite his reluctance. His dreams filled with his best friend and the last bit of hope he had.