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Chapter Text

Lenin was proud to say he belonged to the division of the most honest holy knight platoon. He was one of the few Earth Knight candidates who had chosen to stay on after not being picked for the role of the Earth Knight by the previous 38th generation. Instead, his teacher had picked a boy who spent far more time with girls than around his candidate brothers.

When asked why he did not pick someone more compliant like Lenin, the Earth Knight could only ask helplessly, "How could I? That child is far too honest." And "The Sun Knight is a dangerous man. Who knows what monster he has chosen to replace him? Why, look at what has already happened to the little Storm Knight." And so, after much deliberation, the Earth Knight finally chose a boy who could be said to rival the Sun Knight in his younger years in womanizing.

But if Teacher could see me now, thought Lenin, he'd see how pointless his gesture had been; he'd think what a waste, to have Lenin throw all his effort away in this most unlikely of places. And maybe, just maybe, he would have chosen Lenin to be the Earth Knight after all.

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Lenin idly wondered where he'd gone wrong. That morning, he had been sent to retrieve his captain's sword from the maintenance shop. It must have been during breakfast, he thought. When he and the rest of the platoon were made to eat the breakfast cooked specially by the Earth Knight's current girlfriend. It had tasted good enough at the time and Lenin and his fellow knights found themselves asking for seconds and then thirds. If he was regretting his decision by the time he got to the swordsmith, he was really regretting it by the time he got back to the holy temple.

Kicking the nearest bathroom door open in a fashion that would have made the Blaze Knight proud, Lenin discovered that the whole bathroom was already occupied.

He would just have to find another.

And so he began his search, running around the holy temple as if his life depended on it. But everywhere he looked, it seemed to be already occupied by Earth knights.

His stomach twisted. Lenin had no choice. There was only one place he hadn't yet tried. He strode over to the Judgement complex where fewer people were likely to be found and like a miracle, he found a bathroom, completely empty.

Thanking the god of light, Lenin sat down, relieved at last.

As Lenin flushed, he took the time to glance around. No one disturbed him here and it was peacefully quiet. This bathroom was unnaturally clean too, for a men's bathroom. Everything looked hardly used. Lenin even wondered if he might have wandered into the women's bathroom by mistake

But no, he'd seen urinals as he'd come in. In fact, he almost didn't notice this bathroom as he was running past and that must be why it seemed to be barely used.

Bang! Lenin sat up with a jolt.

But the person at the door didn't pause as the door shut behind him with another bang.

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Lenin wondered if that was what he sounded like when he barged in, disturbing this silent sanctuary.

Heavy footsteps stomped over to the toilets before the man promptly threw up. Another victim of Earth's new girlfriend, I see, Lenin thought grimly. The poor fellow. He seemed to have it really bad.

Lenin got up but doubted the other man could hear him over his own vomiting. Just as he was about to go over and ask if the fellow was alright, he heard the bathroom door swing open again.

The sound of calm unhurried steps drifted in. A calm entrance that seemed to bring a hush to his surroundings.

"The gentle whisperings of the god of light bade this Sun visit his brother in his time of need."

Lenin paused. If he wasn't mistaken, that voice belonged to the one and only Sun Knight. But what was the Sun Knight doing here of all places?

The sound of vomiting continued and more words of sympathy followed. Lenin thought he understood why the Sun Knight was here. How kind and very befitting of the Sun Knight, he thought, to go around and comfort the Earth knight platoon while they were all sick. But then, Lenin thought with growing panic, was the food poisoning so bad that they needed to be healed by the Sun Knight? He wondered if he should ask when a deep low voice emanated from the next stall.

"Even the harsh god of light would not care to step into the depths of the dark recesses of the interrogation room this morning."
Lenin froze. That voice. The one that made even hardened criminals shake with fear. That voice could only belong to none other than the terrible and fearsome Judge Knight Captain.

He was so dead.

He was going to die in a bathroom stall while the Sun Knight and the Judge Knight fought it out. In a bathroom of all places.

As Lenin tried to decide whether he should risk his life and make a dash for it or hope that they wouldn't notice him, the voices continued to argue, not allowing him to think properly.

Unable to make a decision to save his life, Lenin sat there in growing anxiety. Yet, he slowly began to realize that the Sun Knight and Judge Knight weren't fighting as he'd initially thought.

In fact, once he stopped listening to the words, he began to notice that the tone in which they spoke to each other was light and conversational. If he didn't know any better, he could almost say they were flirting. With each other.

For that thought, Lenin almost slapped himself and gave himself away. There was just no way; everyone knew the Sun Knight and the Judge Knight could never get along. That would be like saying the Sun knight could get along with undead creatures or a dark elf! Still, he couldn't help a sneaking thought passing through his head. That surely Lenin had been around his captain long enough to recognize flirting when he saw it, no matter how cleverly it was disguised.

And either Lenin was getting more used to deciphering their words or the fancy speech was slowly being dropped out of their conversation. Lenin could hear the sound of water being wrung out of a handkerchief.

"Judge, are you sure you're feeling alright? Your face is really pale?"

"I'm fine." The Judge Knight coughed. "There have just been a lot of cases recently."

Lenin heard a small gasp and a stool being scooted back as someone quickly stood up.

"You are not fine. Here, rest on me."

"I'll have to pass." Judge yawned. "I have a lot to do today and need to get back soon."

"Judge, since when have I ever taken no for an answer? Here lie down, quickly."

"..."

Silence. Lenin strained his ears. Did the Sun Knight have a death wish? He'd heard that the Sun Knight platoon often worried about their captain for getting into life or death situations but didn't think he'd go so far as to provoke the Judge Knight.

But at last, he heard a sigh and then the sound of scraping stools. Could it be? The unrelenting Judge Knight actually gave in? And to the demands of the Sun Knight, his mortal enemy? The Judge Knight must be really tired. Really really tired.

But rather than let him rest, the Sun Knight seemed more intent on lecturing.

"You better eat a good meal later Judge."

"Yes."

"And not skip meals."

"Fine."

"And you have to drink lots of water."

"Mm hm."

Lenin sighed with relief. So the Sun Knight really was just being a decent fellow after all. Offering his help to everyone, even the leader of the cruel cold hearted faction. Truly a leader worthy of following. Lenin nodded his head in approval.

But Sun, still not satisfied, continued. "And then, you have to teach that Earth a lesson."

"..."

Lenin clamped his hands over his mouth before he had the chance to make any sound. To think that the Sun Knight would be brave enough to sneak in a personal request while the Judge Knight was being agreeable. The Sun Knight was really pushing his luck. But wait, had he said teach the Earth Knight a lesson? He couldn't be serious.

"I'm serious!" said Sun. "This time, he actually dared to flaunt two women at me! Two! He needs to be beaten until he can't speak anymore!"

Lenin shook his head. He brain stubbornly refused to accept what his ears were telling him. Didn't the Sun Knight and Judge Knight hate each other? And didn't his own captain and the Sun Knight get along really well? He had even seen his captain give up pursuing the women he was with, whenever the Sun Knight came calling.

"I can't do that for you Sun," said Judge. "Ahh I almost forgot. Here, you'll have to settle with this instead."

"But that Earth needs to learn his place. He doesn't--Jud-g?! Mmph--"

Lenin could distinctly hear the sound of the Sun Knight's voice being muffled. There was no imagining that. Alarmed, he leaned against the door. What were they doing out there?

And that's when he heard the sound of Sun, who was said to be the embodiment of grace and elegance -- chewing loudly and speaking with his mouth full.

"Bruebry pie chocwate?! munch munch Dey actually make em li'e these? gulp Judge yurr the bes!"

"...Sun don't speak with your mouth full."

Lenin's head spun. Did the cruel and heartless Judge Knight just give the Sun Knight chocolate? To appease the "kind and benevolent" Sun Knight's desire for revenge? ...His own captain only ever shared those kinds of snacks with women he was trying to woo.

"Cann help it, they're too gud. Munch Sure you don wan one Leshush?"

"I'm okay."

"Too bad. They're sooo gud. Omnomnom. So tashty."

"Are they really?" asked the Judge Knight cheerfully. Lenin tried to imagine the Judge Knight smiling but couldn't. "Well, since you insist!"

"Hey! My choc-lut! Gulp No fair Lesus! You don't even like sweets!"

"Pfft, what, you didn't think I'd really take one? Even though you offered?"

"Of course not! Lesus you really have become bad. Give it back! Look! It's already melting in your hand."

And now, there were sounds of something like scrambling. And the rare sound of what could only be the Judge Knight trying not to laugh. At least now they really were fighting. But over a chocolate? Lenin had a feeling if he peeked out right now, he'd see something very strange that would shatter his image of the heads of the holy temple forever.

"Sun! What are you doing!"

"Yum, you should have given it back sooner Lesus. Half of it's still melted in your hand."

"I can see that. But -- hey! Do you really have to lick it right off my hand?"

The Judge Knight gave a long exasperated sigh, as if he should be used to this by now. "Good Grisia, easy boy."

"...Lesus Judge, you did not just call me like a lowly dog. Even if it's you, I -- stop petting me!"

That sounded like Sun Knight actually swatted the Judge Knight's hand. "What, so you don't want anymore?" Judge asked playfully.

For the second time, the Judge knight laughed warmly, nothing like the thunderous voice he usually used, and could barely stop to squeeze out the words: "Don't look at me like that. Pfft, maybe if you didn't make such wide puppy-like eyes every time you asked me for something.."

Lenin really didn't like where this was going. He covered his ears and began to observe the tiles at his feet. A soft white with a slight pearl cast that seemed to dimly glow without reflecting anything. Spotlessly clean like the rest of this bathroom.

And that's when the sword he was carrying clattered to the floor. All of a sudden, the bathroom was quiet again.

His mind raced. If he was lucky, they'd think it was the pipes. And oh god of light, what if they thought he was an assassin and cleaved him in two without a second thought.

Trapped in his stall, Lenin made the boldest decision of his life.

He ran.

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"Earth shield!"

Using the shield to cover his face, Lenin burst through the stall and out the door.

He didn't see anything. He didn't see anything. Not the Judge Knight sitting on the floor, fingers entangled in Sun's hair, nor the Sun Knight half sprawled on top of him.

But once the panic and feeling of being trapped wore off, Lenin forced himself to stop. Why was he running? He was a holy knight. A knight of the most honest Earth Knight platoon. He couldn't run away like a common criminal.

But by now, he was almost on the other side of the church. If there was one thing Lenin could say he was proud of, other than being part of the most honest platoon, was his sprinting speed. But this often worked against him during times he felt trapped and bolted on impulse when he would rather steady his defense as a knight should.

He surprised himself though; something like this hadn't happened since he was ten and trained himself to tough it through. It only ever happened if his life was in immediate danger. But that was ridiculous. His life wasn't in any danger.

Crap! He still had to deliver the sword. Once again, he dashed through the temple.

"Captain!"

"Lenin, you'd better be dying or worse. I gave you the sword because you said you could do it fast."

"I'm sorry Captain! I was using the bathro--"

"Oh not you too." His captain waved away his explanation. "Nevermind, spare me the details."

"Brother Earth." A gentle voice said and turned Lenin's blood cold.

His captain turned around and smiled thinly. "S-sun wh-what are you doing here?"

The Sun Knight beamed in full splendor, nothing like the child-like person he'd witnessed in the bathroom.

"This Sun was spreading the gentle teachings of the god of light wherein the dark dwells most strongly when this Sun came across a vision of his brother Earth running some great errand on behalf of the god of light no doubt and this Sun was of a mind to remind his brother to remember his greetings should he come across one of his fellow brothers and that no burden should ever be so great as to come between us."

The Sun Knight elegantly paused for air.

"W-wait Sun, I c-can't keep up. You s-saw me and I d-didn't say hi to you?"

The Sun Knight smiled and nodded.

His captain seemed to roll his eyes but covered it with a scratch of the head like he was flustered.

"W-well gee, hi Sun," his captain grated out the greeting. "I-if that's all, we sh-should really get going to practice."

Was Lenin imagining it? Did the Sun Knight's eyes just narrow? The Sun Knight continued smiling through his words.

"A moment more, Brother Earth. This Sun wondered what his dearest brother could have beheld that frightened him so that he would scurry as he did, away from the light. Repent Brother Earth, if it was not you who oversaw Sun's teachings this morning."

At this, his captain appeared confused. "Y-you must be mistaken Sun. I was with my platoon this whole day."

Sun's eyes flashed over to the sword hanging by his captain's side.

"R-really Sun, there w-were lots of p-people there who saw me. Ask Brother Bl-blaze."

The Sun Knight maintained his smile but the room somehow seemed to have gone even colder.

"W-why, is there s-something I shouldn't have seen? Wh-what were you doing Sun?"

The Sun Knight if it was possible seemed to smile even wider. "Brother Earth, this Sun must have been blinded by the brightness of the god of light so that he was unable to tell the difference between an undead creature and that of his dear brother. Please be mindful of a wandering apparition of your likeness but take care not step too rashly lest you be blinded as well. Only, call on your best friend Sun and he will hurriedly come to your aide to teach this imitation the gentleness of the god of light."

The Sun Knight very elegantly walked as he spoke, backward, until disappearing around the corner.

With Sun gone, Earth swiftly lead his platoon away. And Lenin snapped back awake.

"Captain, there's something I'd like to tell--"

"Not now Lenin."

"But Captai--"

"Hush!" In a lower tone, his captain said, "he's still there."

They all followed until they reached a courtyard where Earth felt sure they could be no nearby places to easily hide in.

Earth placed his hands on his hips.

"Okay, which one of you was spying on Sun?"

Empty looks and shrugs all around. One knight spoke up followed by another.

"How could we when we were all sick from eating that slush?"

"Yeah, I thought I was going to die, it hurt so bad."

"Man, that stuff reeked worse than an undead creature standing next to the fat pig king on a--"

"Enough!" The Earth Knight glared.

"You dare laugh at a free meal? What, do you guys think you are the Metal knights of the cold cruel faction? If you can't eat perfectly good food without complaining, maybe you all don't need tongues. Maybe, you all don't need lunch."

"No Captain!" they said. However more than one or two silently thought: but we learned it from you Captain.

"Hmph. Obviously one of you is trying to frame me and get Sun on my case and I want to know who. Or maybe you do need lunch after all. I'll just tell Maya how much you loved her cooking today and that from now on, she can start preparing all your meals."

The knights paled.

And being the honest (but nervous) knight he was supposed to be, Lenin raised his hand.

Everyone stared.

"Uhh Lenin, something wrong with your hand?

"We haven't started practice yet. What are you stretching for?"

"I'm not stretching. Captain, it was me." Lenin was glad his voice hadn't faltered.

Everyone could only stare some more. Even his captain seemed surprised by this revelation but Lenin kept his hand raised. This, from the knight who couldn't lie to save his life.

"Okay," the Earth Knight seemed to have made up his mind. "Everyone go practice. Lenin, with me."

Lenin hung his head in shame but as one of his brothers passed by him, he gave Lenin a slap on the shoulder.

"What a guy! Taking the fall for all of us."

"Lenin, I'll help you with paperwork later so don't die okay?"

"Small bites Lenin! And chew slowly."

"Practice!" said Earth. "Or do you guys still want to join us?"

All the knights quickly scattered. And finally alone, Lenin began his apologies.

"I'm sorry Captain! I really didn't mean to spy on the Sun Knight! It was my mistake!"

His captain shook his head. "Nevermind that. What did you find out?"

"It was because I was way too slow when I went to get your sword that I-- wait what?"

"Did you see his face?" His captain placed an arm around Lenin's shoulders and smiled mischieviously. " What dirt did you get on him?"

So his captain wasn't mad. Lenin breathed a sigh of relief. He'd really underestimated how forgiving his Captain was.

"Well? Or do I really need to get my girlfriend to provide a three course meal to get you to talk?" Earth raised an eyebrow.

"The Sun Knight doesn't actually think of you as a friend.." Lenin started.

"Che, tell me something I don't already know." His captain spat on the grass.

"...And he was trying to get the Judge Knight to er, teach you a lesson."

"Figures," said Earth. "But what did you see that could have made Sun so mad? Don't leave anything out. I'll decide if it's important."

Lenin blanched.

"You're not going to believe me Captain. The Sun Knight and Judge Knight...they w-w-were..." Lenin swallowed. "Th-they...w-were...f-floor.."

"Oh this has got to be juicy. Spit it out Lenin. You've wasted enough of my time already this morning."

Lenin twisted his fingers nervously. What would be the right words to describe what they were doing? He gulped before finally, simply saying, "the Sun Knight and Judge Knight were flirting Captain."

The Earth Knight gaped at him disbelievingly. "It's true Captain." Lenin blushed furiously but didn't avoid his Captain's gaze.
Earth snorted. "Oh, you must've misheard. No way Sun likes guys. I mean come on, he's always getting jealous of my smooth skills with women."
Lenin bowed his head. His Captain didn't believe him and Lenin didn't blame him. Who would ever believe the Sun and Judge Knight were secretly rendezvousing with each other and bonding over chocolate?

But seeing the downcast look of his holy knight, Earth made an attempt to cheer him up.

"Still it's impressive you were able to spy on Sun for me. I could use someone like that." His captain nodded. "That's it Lenin. I've made up my mind. I'm promoting you to vice captain."

Lenin's head snapped back up.

"Wait Captain, I can't accept this!"

"Lenin, Lenin, it's okay." The Earth Knight patted him comfortingly on the shoulder. "After all, the only people who tell the truth are kids, drunk people and anyone who's really pissed off. You put on a very convincing front for the Earth Knights. I'm sure you'll do very well as my vice captain."

"....Captain, did you forget you have already chosen a vice captain?"

"I have?" His captain smiled in way that was anything but reassuring. "Ah, then you can be my secret vice captain and take care of all the stealth missions."

"..."

"And now that I look at you, you do kind of look like me. Except for the eyes. But even so, Sun was fooled. Maybe you could be my stunt double some time and distract Sun for me."

Was that even the correct way to use a stunt double? And didn't stunt doubles have to do all the hard work and get hurt while the lead took all the credit?

"Yup, that's a great idea Lenin. Keep up the good work."

Lenin could only watch helplessly and not say anything else for fear of making things worse.

Months later, in the middle of the night, the Earth Knight could be heard going back to his room muttering "Shit, so it was true all along? I always thought he looked too much like a girl..."