Work Text:
We were on top of the world
But you don't come around here anymore
denki was walking through a path that he knew like the back of his hand. the only difference with all the times he walked the same steps was, now he was walking alone. absently kicking some little rocks on his way, looking at the hill he was about to go up to.
he sighed, starting to climb the hill quickly.
the nights were slowly starting to get colder and he wouldn’t have any problem with the weather if he had left home a few hours before, but the clock on his phone was telling him it was past 3am and therefore, he should have taken a warmer jacket.
“why am i even here”, he thought while he got closer to a bench that he also knew really well.
the bench was on the top of the hill, not too far from a streetlight so he could still see the surroundings in the darkness of the night, but just below a big tree that would bring him the privacy he needed in that moment.
he sat, bringing his knees to his chest and hugging them, trying to suppress the grief that memories from the past brought him.
watching the city from the top of the hill, he focused on the tiny lights on the streets. yellow, orange and white little lights that kind of brought him into a state of trance, so he didn’t realized he had started crying until the moment he came back to reality.
he let himself cry, still looking at the city, ‘cause he knew that was what he needed the most. even if he and hitoshi broke up more than two weeks ago, because of university and his job he couldn’t let himself think about it too much; so this night was the first night he went to sleep not extremely exhausted, and that led into a lot of thoughts and feelings.
it wasn’t just that the bed felt too big, empty, with just his body lying there. it was the lack of hitoshi. his warmth, his arms holding him till he falls asleep, the same arms that were always still holding him when he woke up in the morning. it was everything about hitoshi that he missed.
the worst feeling about it came from the reason of the break-up. ‘cause actually, it was him the one who decided to end the relationship.
his last weeks had been chaos, both at class and at work. after an especially rough day they had a little fight that ended up in a big ugly argument, and as simple as that, the relationship ended.
he regretted it, obviously, but as hitoshi didn’t try to talk with him after that, he couldn’t bring himself to apologize and try to make things work again. it was not entirely his fault, ‘cause they both said regrettable things that night, but he felt that he needed to make the first move. he just couldn’t.
by the moment he got to calm down a bit, he was shivering.
…
‘Cause when I put on my jean jacket
I still think about you
Hey, where did you go?
hitoshi took his jacket and his keys and left his home, not minding the hour.
while walking on the streets, the city lights that clearly showed the empty roads made him feel even lonelier.
he walked a path he knew too well, leading him to the hill.
it was stupid going there, a place where he had so many memories that now made him feel miserable, but he missed denki so much that the spot where they used to spend so many days and nights together had an inevitable attraction effect for him.
they liked to go there when the days were warm with some food and just each other's company to spend the afternoon, sitting against the tree trunk cuddling and talking about their respective days. they also loved to go to the hill at night, to watch the city lights from above and sometimes, when the sky was clear, lie on the grass and stare at the stars.
“that’s cassiopeia”, denki said one night, pointing to the sky.
“you’re making that up”, hitoshi replied, not because he didn’t believe him but because he loved to tease him a bit.
“i swear! i looked it up, see” he pouted and tried to show him his phone, but hitoshi couldn’t see anything because he was turning towards his boyfriend, hugging him and laughing.
“don’t laught at me…”
“i’m not laughing at you. you’re just so cute”. he smiled.
denki kissed him.
he missed those moments, and those two weeks made him realize he missed the other boy not just on the better days, but on the worst days too. not selfishly talking, he missed to be capable of being there when denki was having a bad time, and the possibility of the other boy being sad and not being there to comfort him made him feel sorrowful.
he had thought about going to denki's home to apologize, but he was scared of rejection. also, at the end of the day, denki was the one who wanted to end the relationship and he had to respect that. he thought about apologizing and trying to start again as friends but again, he was terrified of rejection. what if denki didn’t even want him back as a friend?
before he could realize it, he arrived at the top of the hill. rubbing his eyes with the palm of his hand, he walked towards the bench where he had spent so many hours.
he didn’t realize someone was there until he was a few steps away from the bench, and he stopped.
he was about to turn around and run home when he realized the person who was sitting there was denki. he still wanted to run away, but something wasn’t letting him go.
the other boy was shivering and from habit, he took out his jacket and got closer, putting it covering denki’s shoulders.
big dark eyes looked at him in surprise, until the realization of who was beside him kicked.
“hitoshi” denki tried to wipe away his tears.
“i’m sorry, i should have warned you” hitoshi sat on the bench, not too close so he didn’t make the other uncomfortable, but close enough to see his puffy eyes and his sad smile.
“it’s okay, i wasn’t expecting anyone here at this time of the night”
“yeah…”
an awkward silence fell between them.
“sorr-“
“sorry”
they both cracked a small smile.
“for everything. sorry for everything” hitoshi said, looking at the grass below them.
“i’m the one who has to apologize… i… i didn’t mean the words i said. i mean, i said them and i’m so sorry, i regret everything.” denki turned his whole body so he was sitting looking directly at hitoshi. “i miss you…”
“i should apologize too. i shouldn’t have gotten so mad, and i regret it too”
at that moment denki realized the other boy was shivering, just as he was before, so he tried to give him back his jacket.
“no no no” hitoshi grabbed the jacket and tried to give it back to denki. “i’m okay, i swear”
“hitoshi you’re shivering”
“you were too”
“but it’s your jacket”
“the patches on it are yours” hitoshi looks at him with a tender smile.
when they were together, denki always told him that his jean jacket lacked a bit of colour on it, so one day when he came back home he found a package full of patches on his mailbox.
“why didn’t you give it to me like… directly?” hitoshi laughed.
“surprise effect” denki laughed back. “do you like them?”
“i love them. and i love you too”
denki got up from the bench, bringing out one of his hands for him to take it.
he didn’t hesitate.
the boy tighted his hold and started walking towards the hill slope.
“where...?”
“can we talk about all of this at home? i'm freezing” denki said before he could say anything else.
“sure”
hitoshi couldn’t help but smile.