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It turns out, when you wake up from a coma, your memory can get scrambled. Even if you don’t lose it, events get confused, or reordered, and it takes you a while to pick the pieces up and put them back into something resembling the full picture.
That seemed to be the case for Shinjiro, anyway. Even after… everything. When it all came back, and he ran to the roof of the school, dropout status be damned, to get Kotone, because she was the first thing he really remembered, and then she… she…
Maybe the problem was that he just didn’t want to remember. It had been a bad way to begin.
—
Let’s try again with a good one, then. Kotone, smiling at him, her teeth stained with blood.
They were in Tartarus, the two of them and Aki and Mitsuru, leaving the rest of the juniors downstairs. Which he didn’t really want to complain about, but he was fairly sure Yukari was their best healer, and Kotone had been focusing hard on physical attacks recently. Not to mention that was Castor's role too, and Aki always took a beating, but when he brought that up to their leader she just handwaved it off.
“It’s fine. I’ve got a healer stocked, plus both Akihiko-senpai and Mitsuru-senpai have heals available, so I’m sure we’ll live. Besides, I feel better grinding these levels out with you three, and Theo has a bunch of requests I need to knock out soon.” Whatever the fuck that meant. Or who Theo even was. He still hadn’t been able to get a straight answer out of her on that.
That wasn’t the important bit, anyway. What was important was this: Kotone was fighting risky against the shadow that they accidentally let get the jump on them, spitting out a mouthful of blood as she had to pull the trigger on her evoker again and again, because this asshole was only weak to pierce and, again, Kotone had left Yukari behind. Bleeding her own health for every good hit they managed against this guy, and then taking the next beating coming her way as well. She was leaning on her hockey stick, the only sign of how much she was hurting. And she was distracted, telling Aki to stop healing her up and throw some punches, so she missed when it lunged again.
Shinjiro didn’t, though. He shoved her to the floor, and grunted as he took the hit, but that was fine. He could deal with it. She would have gone down like a pile of bricks.
His axe had cleaved through it, exploding it into whatever… ectoplasm bullshit shadows were made of, before he looked down at her, scowling. “Shiomi, stop arguing and let one of them take a look at you.”
And she had grinned. Grinned, at him, with teeth edged in red and it made his face feel hot, so he ducked down into the collar of his jacket even as she soothed, “Of course, senpai.”
He grunted, resisting the urge to turn away so he could reach down a hand to help her back to her feet. “And next time, bring Takeba.”
She hadn’t let Aki or Mitsuru heal her, really. But she hadn’t gone to Tartarus without Yukari again, if they were actually working on making progress.
In retrospect, that was probably when he was doomed.
—
“Shinji.”
“Fuck off.”
Unfortunately, Akihiko was not one to be scared off by him. Instead, he stepped the rest of the way into his room (it was so empty, he’d left it like that on purpose, and a room reflected its occupant, didn’t it?) and approached him where he was seated, head in hands at the edge of his bed. Not that he could confirm that was what was happening until his shoes appeared in front of him on the floor.
“Shinji,” Aki tried again, and his voice was too soft, too patient. Like someone talking to an animal they didn’t want to scare off. “We’re going to- We need to clean out her room. If you want to help.”
Shinjiro shut his eyes, exhaled hard through his nose. “Don’t see how my being there would help anything. I’m still sick, remember?” Which was true. Really, the doctors still wanted him at the hospital, but he was refusing to go back as long as Mitsuru continued to indulge him in this freedom.
“It might help you.” Shinji’s face twitched, and he opened his eyes and raised his head to shoot his friend a glare, hot enough that Aki’s shoulders tensed. But it wasn’t enough to send him packing. “Her memories are still there.”
Her memories. As if she still had them, and wasn’t cold and dead- “You really think I’m in any shape to be around a bunch of people?”
“I think that it’s your team, not a bunch of people.” What a joke. As if he had been there longer than a month. “And if you really aren’t, then you might at least want to step in before the crew goes through it.”
He exhaled, sharp, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Whatever.”
“Just think about it.” And Aki left, and he was alone again. Which is exactly what he deserved.
—
Another good one. Maybe even a great one, if he felt like being honest.
“Your hands are so cold, Shinjiro-senpai!”
He grimaced, face hot, trying to jerk them away from where she’d grabbed them. “Cut it out.”
She wasn’t looking at him, focused entirely on his hands as she started rubbing them between her own to try and force some warmth into them. “Always looking after us, but you need to take better care of yourself. You could catch a cold. Maybe I should invest in some gloves for you,” she mused.
He scowled, although he gave up on getting his hands back. “You have better things to spend your money on.”
She breathed out a laugh, head tilting slightly to the side as if she was only now considering that (and immediately deciding against it). “Not really. I’ve kind of been blowing money on this guy who’s for sure scamming me right now.”
Of course she was. He wished it was even vaguely a surprise that she was letting someone scam her. “Why?”
“Bored. Have enough spare money to do it. Want to see how stupid he thinks I am.”
He groaned. “Stupid enough to let him fleece you, apparently.”
She snorted. “I promise, I spend more weapon shopping for the rest of you guys. He’s asking for loose change, comparatively.”
He guessed that probably wasn’t inaccurate, her grades were good enough that he trusted she knew the math well- Wait, hang on, why was she the one always buying the gear? It’s not like they weren’t all reaping the spoils of Tartarus. “Do you actually buy yourself anything?”
She hummed, considering that. “I go to the arcade a lot. Cafe, sometimes, when I don’t have a shift. Oh! And the claw machine.”
He stared at her, eyes narrowing. “I think that’s part of the arcade. Besides, thought you kept giving away everything you won.”
“I do,” she agreed, “But the machine itself is fun. I don’t need a million jack frost dolls around, anyway. The look on people’s faces when they get a little doll or piggy bank or whatever is much better.” She raised his hands to her face, blowing on them before lacing her fingers with his as her face finally lifted so she could meet his eye. “Better?”
…It was. “Shut up.”
She laughed.
—
He didn’t really think much about where he was walking, so it was a bit of a surprise when he did, in fact, make it up to Kotone’s room. Clearly, the clean up crew hadn’t started working yet. Which was good, for him anyway.
He hesitated a moment before stepping inside. He didn’t… think he’d ever been inside, except towards the middle, when the typhoon hit and she’d been sick and someone needed to make sure she was eating. Which had just shown him how much everyone relied on her, because they were without her for 3 days and it felt like everyone was just spinning their gears, waiting for her to get back up and drag them all to the next thing.
He looked around her bedroom, exhaling slowly through his nose. He was expecting it to be chaotic, like everything about her, like when she studied at the dining table with textbooks strewn everywhere as she nagged the second years to join her, hassled Aki and Mitsuru into helping them with reviews. But it was clean, her study materials boxed up, trinkets on the shelf that she’d collected over the year half packed away.
It was exhausting, standing, so he leaned on the wall against her desk, looked at the chair, half pulled out as if her ghost was sitting there. His coat and one of his beanies were on the back of it; she must have raided his room when he- Fuck.
His hands balled tighter in the pockets of his coat– he couldn’t think about that right now –eyes drifting over to her desk and catching on a note she left there. He picked up the notepad, eyes lingering on the loopy scrawl of her handwriting.
‘Sorry for the mess. Tried to finish up for you all.’
The pad dropped from his hand to the floor as his whole chest seized, and he was slowly falling to the floor too, sliding down the wall as his hands gripped at his hair, and he couldn’t even breathe. Because she knew, she had known all the while, hadn’t she? She knew she was dying, and she had tried to clean up the remnants of her life so they wouldn’t have to struggle with it. Too generous with herself, even at the end.
“What the fuck are we supposed to do without you, Kotone?”
—
How about this?
Kotone was standing on Junpei’s shoulders, clearly trying to climb over the fence into the school, and he was damn glad the girl had the sense to wear shorts under her uniform skirt. “What the fuck are you two doing?”
And Iori had flinched and started to turn, making Kotone gasp and stumble and nearly fall. Would have fallen, if Shinjiro hadn’t been right there, catching her against his chest with a grunt before she smacked into the ground.
Junpei had started stuttering apologies, to both him and Kotone, but Shinjiro ignored him completely because whatever was happening, he knew Kotone was the instigator. She still seemed a little in shock, fingers curled into the fabric of his jacket, and she was so warm-
He cleared his throat, deposited her back on her feet. “Well?”
And that seemed to snap her out of it, because suddenly she was smirking again, eyes sparkling with her usual brand of mischief and joy, rocking back on her feet slightly to meet his eye. “Well, Aragaki-senpai, I saw a new goalie stick in one of the storage rooms and wanted to try it out.”
He was never going to understand why she insisted on using those damn hockey sticks instead of something more practical. “That doesn’t explain why you’re trying to climb the fence this late at night.”
Kotone laced her fingers together behind her back, gave him what he was sure was her best impression of a sweet, innocent smile. “I’m on the student council, senpai. Have to set a good example. Can’t be stealing during school hours, can I?”
She was on the student council? How many extracurriculars was this girl in? “Stop calling me senpai.”
Junpei finally piped back in. “Are you going to tell Kirijo-senpai?”
He scoffed, shoved his hands further into his pockets. “Why would I do that?”
Kotone beamed, her hands clapping together. “Great! Then give me a boost up, you’ll probably be more stable than Junpei.”
“Wh- Kotone, I said I was sorry-”
“Hey, I didn’t say I was helping,” Shinjiro spoke over Junpei.
“But you will.”
She was right.
—
Dimly, he knew there was going to be a funeral. A memorial. Of course there was. She had touched so many hearts, hadn’t she? Even if the world didn’t know what she had sacrificed for them, that she would have died for them, they still knew who she was. How bright she had been. He wondered if they knew she had been burning herself up to be their light.
It didn’t matter. They wouldn’t have changed a thing.
Strangely, Iori was the one who showed up to his room. Shinjiro had loosely known he wouldn’t be forgotten about, that someone would try and collect him, but he’d expected Aki. Maybe even Mitsuru. Not Junpei, who he’d mostly known to be Kotone’s backup, helping and covering for her when some wild whim took her someplace it really shouldn’t.
“Aragaki-senpai-“ Junpei cut himself off, brow furrowing as he looked at the state of him. “I- You don’t look dressed for the memorial at all, man.”
He sighed, resisting the urge to glare at him. Whatever Junpei was, Shinjiro knew he’d also been Kotone’s friend. Maybe even her best friend. “Yeah.”
That didn’t seem to be a good enough explanation, because Junpei pressed, after only a moment's hesitation, “So, you need me to step out, give you five minutes?”
He looked out the window, biting back the urge to sigh again. ”I’m not going.”
“The hell?”
“You heard me.”
He heard Junpei cross the threshold into the room, although it didn’t sound like he came that much closer. “I mean, yeah, but like- Why?”
Shinjiro grunted, not bothering to look at him. “There isn’t anything there for me.” The memorial was for students, which he wasn’t one of, really, and it’s not like she would be there.
“That’s not- Look, it sucks. I know it sucks, but- Akihiko-senpai thought-“
He couldn’t help his scowl, turning to glower at Iori. ”Akihiko thought?” The kid flinched, but he really couldn’t bring himself to care. “Tell him that if he has something to say to me-“
Junpei’s hands went up in what he assumed was meant to be a placating gesture. ”N-no, no man, senpai, I just meant- He’s worried about you. We all- He just thought maybe it would bring you some closure, or somethin’.”
The laugh that escaped him was bitter, before it turned into a cough, and then another, feeling like he was hacking up a lung. Iori was silent as he spluttered and coughed, leaning heavily on the wall to try and regain his breath as he finally regained control. “Closure.”
“Yeah- and I mean, he said you needed to decide on your own, but I thought it would be good to come and get you-“
“I don’t need closure,” Shinjiro gritted out, jaw tight. “I need-“ He needed her back. He needed her alive. He shut his eyes, taking a deep breath, before saying, “It doesn’t matter. She’s gone. Whether or not I go doesn’t change that.”
“You think I don’t know that?” Junpei’s voice got sharp, and Shinjiro’s eyes snapped back open. Whatever lightness had been on the guy’s face had completely shattered, leaving behind something angry and raw. “You think you’re the only one who lost her? Who misses her?”
“I-“
“We all loved her!” Junpei wasn’t giving him any room to speak, fists clenched at his side. “We all want her back! But the rest of us aren’t pretending we’re the only one hurting!”
That made something snap inside him, like an old rubber band that had been pushed far past its breaking point long ago. “I know that!” He was loud, too loud, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. “I know she wasn’t mine! The rest of you got so much time with her, could be there with her-“ His eyes stung as he cut himself off, his voice cracking slightly. He didn’t get a year; he got a month. One month of her giving him every pinch of time she was able to spare, and him handing her back what little scraps of himself he still had. He hadn’t deserved it. Hadn’t deserved her. But she had given that to him anyway, and selfishly he wanted more. More time, more memories, more everything. But it was too late for that. Dimly, Junpei was blurring at the edges, his eyes stinging like hell, so he blinked hard before continuing, ignoring how rough his voice came out. “It doesn’t fucking matter. Get out of my room and go join the others. I hope you get something out of the damn thing.”
He didn’t leave. Instead, Iori looked at him, with that stupid look on his face, before he finally said, quiet enough to barely be heard over the pounding in his head. “She wouldn’t want this for you.”
Shinjiro let his eyes slide closed, waited for Junpei to get tired of his shit. Waited for his footsteps to leave. Only after he heard the door click shut behind retreating footsteps did he finally reply to the dead air. “Believe me. I know.”
—
He came in late, too late, Mitsuru would have his head if she knew he was back ten minutes after the Dark Hour started. He shut the front door behind him, quiet as could be, prepared to trudge up to his room, before he heard a quiet call of, “Senpai?”
Fuck.
He turned from the stairs to see Kotone, painted green by the moonlight that could reach her from her seat at the dining table. “Thought I told you not to call me that.”
She didn’t respond right away, and it was too dark to see her face from this far away, so with a sigh he crossed the room. She was in a t-shirt and some kind of pajama shorts, but more importantly her hair was down, falling messily over her shoulders. That, somehow, felt more intimate than the hour, or the pajamas. He really wanted to reach out and card his fingers through-
“You’re staring.”
He startled, before scowling down at her. “Shut up.”
Clearly, the expression wasn’t as intimidating as it should have been, because from this distance he could see her smirk back up at him. “What are you thinking about?”
Her. ”Nothing.” He thought about her more than he should. “I said shut up. Why are you even still awake?”
Her smirk only deepened. ”I mean, other than the fact that I’m usually awake this late?”
“You aren’t usually downstairs.”
Her expression softened, almost faltered. She hummed, patted the chair next to her. He hesitated before pulling it out, careful to be quiet and not disturb anyone else. It wasn’t until he was settled next to her that she answered. “Just couldn’t sleep, I think. I was studying, but then the lights all went out, since, y’know. So I decided to come down here for a bit. It’s nice, usually.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.” Kotone leaned forward, propping her head up with her hand. “Kind of like everyone’s here with me, in their normal spots. But, not tonight.”
There was that flicker of something sad again, behind her eyes. He kind of wished he could pull it out of her in a ribbon, make whatever was plaguing her disappear. But the real world didn’t work like that. So instead, he gave her a faint smile. “Well, I’m here.”
And that made her smile, a real one, leaning in to nudge him slightly with her shoulder. “Yeah, you are.”
—
Mitsuru was the one to find him after the memorial. She at least had the decency to knock. “Shinjiro?”
He grunted from where he laid on his bed, eyes fixed on the ceiling. He was exhausted. Too angry, and too empty, and somewhere in the back of his mind, too weak still from having been in a coma. Didn’t have the energy for it. Was this how Kotone had felt, at the end? He didn’t know how she could have stood it. She never could sit still.
He should have known something was wrong when she didn’t run to him.
The door opened, and he heard Mitsuru coming closer, the drag of chair legs being pulled from the desk and to the side of his bed. And it was quiet, he could tell she was watching him but she seemed to want him to speak first. Or maybe she didn’t want to speak at all, just wanted to be there, but that felt weirdly sentimental for her. Maybe it wasn’t, anymore.
Eventually, he did break the silence. “Is Iori alright?”
She sighed, and he heard the shift as she settled more into her chair. “He’s… upset.” Shinjiro grunted in response, eyes sliding shut, but then Mitsuru asked, “Are you alright?”
He huffed, reaching up to pull his beanie further down. “I don’t need to go back to the hospital, if that’s what you’re asking.”
“No need to worry, I’ve already set up a check-up for you-“
“What.”
“-But, we both know that wasn’t what I was asking.”
He folded his arms over his chest, mouth twitching in a deeper frown. “Not the kind of thing you’d usually ask me.”
“I know.” And then it was quiet again, like she was waiting for him to speak. As if giving him enough time would make things make sense again. Make him whole enough to speak. Instead, they stayed there in silence, the only sound their breathing and the occasional thud or raised voice from elsewhere in the dorms.
—
Barely a fragment, this one.
He couldn’t see her face, could barely remember her name, but he could hear her talking, just idly about what she’d been up to since she last visited. She had just finished telling him she was glad she had more time for volleyball, these days, but just didn’t have the energy for it anymore. Would probably have to quit the team this week.
“I think it’ll be over soon, for real.” She sounded sad, and he almost felt her hand squeezing his. “I was hoping you’d be awake for Valentine’s Day, but… this is okay, too. Just like Christmas Eve, right?”
He needed to wake up. If he knew nothing else, he knew that. But instead, he sunk back into darkness.
—
“I know this doesn’t mean much, now, but I am glad she had you.” How long had it been since they started sitting in silence? The room didn’t feel any darker, so it couldn’t have been hours. “She seemed… lighter, when you were around. And so did you.”
He really didn’t know how to respond to that. It was hard to believe he’d made Kotone’s life better at all, with how much time he spent pushing her away. He’d told himself he was doing it for her. Now he just wished he hadn’t waited until he thought he was about to die. “Shockingly emotionally open of you, Kirijo.”
“Yes.” He opened an eye, finally, to see her staring off into space, the look in her eyes almost wistful. “I suppose we can thank Kotone for that.”
He wasn’t surprised to hear that. Sometimes it seemed like every good change in the world could be attributed to her; too stubborn to back down, too kind to let anyone suffer alone. “She was like that.”
“She was magnificent.” Mitsuru sighed, and her eyes drifted to him before he had a chance to close them again. “It was… Very difficult, after October. When my father…” She trailed off, mouth tightening as pain flashed behind her eyes, before beginning again, “After Ikutsuki’s betrayal was revealed, I think we all felt untethered. She saved us all, in her way. Long before we knew the end was coming.”
That made sense, too, but it just hurt more. He grunted, his arm falling over his face. “Then why the fuck did she have to be the one to die? It could have been anyone else. It should-” He cut himself off before voicing the same thought that had been echoing this whole time. That it should have been him.
Mitsuru was silent for a while. He almost thought she wouldn’t speak again, because what the fuck can you say to that? When she did, though, her voice was soft, almost like it wasn’t really for him. “I think we both know she never would have had it any other way.”
—
She was sitting on the swings next to him, watching Koromaru as he ran around the shrine’s playground. Really, he wasn’t sure why they were at the swings instead of their normal bench- Well. Yes he did. He was helpless against the smile on her face as she had dragged him over here instead.
“I have something for you.” Kotone’s eyes finally darted back over to him as she spoke up, giving him another one of those megawatt smiles. Was she even aware of how bright they were? Surely not, or she wouldn’t waste them on him.
“You’ve already given me enough.” His thumb ran over the edge of the pocket watch she had returned to him, secure inside his pocket. He should move it to his chest pocket, really. It’d be safer there. That wasn’t the only thing she’d given him, but it was best not to dwell on that, not when he knew what was coming.
She rolled her eyes playfully. “Okay, but I made them for you.” She reached into her bag, pulled out a small tupperware. “Fuuka wanted to try something new, so we made cupcakes.”
He had heard about Fuuka’s attempts at the cooking club. Not to mention seen her efforts back at the dorm. “Should I be worried?”
Kotone laughed. “I made them, not her. They’ll be edible.”
“Not the highest endorsement.”
She swung to the side so she could bump him in retribution, but she was grinning as she took off the lid. “I can’t compete with the dorm’s resident chef, can I? You want one or not, senpai?”
He did. “Seriously, Kotone, don’t call me that.” He grabbed one of the pair, inclining his head to indicate she should have the other before he took a bite. Frosting melted on his tongue, tender and moist banana flavored cake. Not too sweet, either. It was good. Really good.
…Wait, it was really good. He swallowed, before interrogating her, “The fuck- You can cook?”
She looked at him, head tilted quizzically to the side as she covered her mouth with her free hand to speak to him, slightly muffled by the mouth full of cake. ”Well, yeah. I mean, this is baking, obviously, but I can cook too.”
He exhaled a sharp laugh, eyes narrowed as he looked at her. “The whole time, you could cook.”
She swallowed, confusion scrawled across her features. “…Yeah?”
“Why were you so insistent on having me cook, then?”
Her nose scrunched. “I seem to remember you starting it. And I offered to help! Multiple times!”
“Well-” Yes, she had, now that the shock wore off. And he hadn’t let her, because he was trying to do something nice for her. “Whatever.” Now she was clearly trying not to laugh at him, and he felt his whole face go hot. “Doesn’t matter. Why now?”
“You deserved a nice thank you gift. For everything.” Her heels pressed into the ground as she pushed back, before letting herself drift back to neutral, adding on, “You’re much sweeter than you pretend to be, you know.”
He could feel his blush darkening, bad enough she’d probably be able to see it with the moon this bright, so he ducked his head down slightly as if to hide in his coat, grumbling a quick, “Shut up.” Kotone just laughed, swinging closer to him as she managed to slip her arm into his to link them together. Pulling him along with her, just like she always did. Like he wouldn’t follow her into hell if she asked.
—
So he hadn’t gone to the memorial. Didn’t even bother heading that way after it was over, and everyone left him alone with his thoughts. He wasn’t really a student, didn’t have memories of her from school anyway. That was for the people who spent the year with her.
Instead, he waited for it to get dark before he shuffled downstairs. He knew he should probably get some sleep, but truly, fuck that. He’d slept enough. Missed enough. He had the energy still to make a little trip. Or, he did until he saw Aki, staring into space from his normal spot on the couch in the lounge.
Shinjiro froze, his hands burrowed further into his coat pockets as he tried to figure out if he should go back up- but he needed to do this. So he squared his shoulders and finished trudging down the stairs, crossing to the front door without sparing his friend a glance. Pretended he didn’t hear the telltale shuffle of someone getting up as he opened the door to leave the building.
He walked in silence for a bit, taking the same path the two of them always took when Koro needed a walk. This part he remembered well, still, since it was nearly a ritual; Kotone always walking just slightly ahead, ponytail bouncing as she talked about whatever she’d been up to. He lifted his head, looked up at the trees overhead. It was almost cherry blossom season. She would have loved this. Probably try to drag him to some viewing or festival or something.
He would have gone.
Right now, though, the pinks starting to appear on the trees were cast a cold white in the darkness. This time of night there really wasn’t any color left in the world. Felt appropriate, all things considered.
It wasn’t until he was about halfway to his destination that he finally spoke up. “Why are you following me.”
Now Aki sped up, just enough that instead of trailing him they were walking side by side. “Someone has to make sure you don’t collapse somewhere.”
Shinjiro grunted. “I can still kick your ass, y’know.”
Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Aki grin. “Try me.”
On another night, he might. But he was tired, and cold, and somewhere deep down he was glad he didn’t have to do this completely alone. So he sighed, rolling his eyes. “Fine.”
The rest of the walk was silent, Aki for once mercifully seeming to understand he didn’t want a conversation tonight. Eventually, they made it to the shrine, and Shinjiro went to sit on their bench, sighing as he slumped into the seat. Aki went to sit next to him, pausing when he shook his head at his friend.
“Give me a minute.”
Aki’s brow furrowed, but he nodded. Stepped back, giving him one last glance before turning away to walk up towards the shrine proper. Letting him have the space for what he came here for.
It was hard, figuring out where to begin. Conversation was always easier when she was around. Eventually, he closed his eyes, clearing his throat before beginning, voice quiet, “Hey, Kotone.”
No response. He didn’t know why he half expected to hear her.
“Everyone really misses you.” He exhaled, before admitting, voice coming out rougher than expected, “I miss you.”
The wind kicked up slightly, ruffling the ends of his hair and making him pull his coat tighter around himself.
“I know,” he agreed. “You’d want us to move on. Look to the future. I just-“ His throat felt tight, almost like he was choking on something. “I wish we had more time.”
In his pocket, his thumb worked over the face of his pocketwatch again. Felt the jagged edge of broken glass just barely pressing into his skin, not enough to bite. With a sigh, he pulled his thumb away.
“ ‘M sorry I took so long to wake up. That it took me that long to reach you.”
Shinjiro could almost imagine her next to him, rolling her eyes at his apology.
“Yeah, I know. You’re too stubborn to have let me slip away. You probably never doubted that I’d make it.” Despite the situation, a short laugh slipped out as he rubbed at his temple. “You always did see something in me that I didn’t get. I mean, why me, when you could have-”
Because he saw her too.
He swallowed, hard. “Thank you. For the second chance. Even if I don’t know what I should do with it.” Or how long he really had. Not as long as she would have wanted, that’s for sure. “I- I think I’ll try and do what I think you would have wanted for me.”
Live.
“I’ll do my best. And- I’ll watch over them all, right? As long as I can. I guess it’s-” He coughed slightly, the chilled air getting to him, but for the first time in a very long time it didn’t consume him completely. “It’s my turn now.” A small, sad smile pulled at his face after a moment. “You know, I never would have made you promise that if I’d known how it would turn out.”
I love you.
“I love you, too.” He opened his eyes.
Akihiko was bowing at the shrine, and then he turned back to look at him. Shinjiro sighed, lifted his hand in a half wave, which was all the invitation he needed to come back over. “You look cold.”
Shinjiro scoffed, shrugging. “Still kinda chilly out.”
Aki snorted, taking a seat on the bench. Leaving Kotone’s open, as if he somehow knew it was hers. Probably did, actually. They’d been friends, too. “You alright?”
He took a deep breath in, letting it out slowly as he considered. “Nah.”
“Makes sense.”
He tilted his face up to the moon, letting the pale light wash over him. “She left a lot of things behind.”
His friend hummed, almost sighing. “I don’t think she’d be able to get her loose ends tied up if she’d had a million more years. She never had enough time.”
Shinjiro grunted in response, because what else was there to say? The two of them sat there, with the ghost of yet another dead girl between them, as the night deepened. If the Dark Hour still existed, it would be on them soon. But they had nothing but time now, didn’t they?
Somewhere in the past, Kotone was laughing at her own story. Kotone was looking at the stars, pointing at a constellation she recognized. Kotone was shivering, tucked in against his side. She was fuming over Aki asking her not to fight. She was talking to him about the movie marathon she’d dragged him to. She was hanging from the horizontal bars from her knees, making a face at him. She was letting him put a watch on her wrist, so she could keep track of time, because she deserved all the time in the world-
“Do you think it ever stops hurting?”
There was silence, before finally Aki responded, “No.” Shinjiro glanced over to see him shift, leaning slightly back on the bench as he looked up at the stars. “But we learn to live with it.”
That sounded true. And that sucked, a lot. But as he closed his eyes, imagining Kotone curled up next to him on the bench as she pointed out something across the way… He figured for her, this was an ache he could learn to carry.
—
This was the end, or maybe the beginning.
He was holding the girl who made him want to live again in his arms, and she was more tired than he had ever seen her. Which made sense, because she was always giving her entire self to those around her. But even as exhausted as she was, she was smiling, red eyes bright as she fell into his arms.
But she was so tired, had been leaning on Aigis before he showed up, and it looked like she couldn’t even keep her eyes open, and their friends were clearly running up the stairs, so they only had this last moment.
So he kissed her on the head, and he whispered, “I’m glad I met you.”
And her eyes closed, and she fell asleep smiling.