Archive of Our Own

mourning: "the act of sorrowing."

••• 5 •••

The first time they met, it was when Tonowari and Aonung were seeking temporary shelter in the Omatikaya clan. Uturu.

Aonung was only 5-years-old, at the time. He had tagged along with his father, who went to visit an old friend of his who lived in the forest, despite being Metkayina. The said metkayina had chosen to mate with an Omatikaya, hence why he chose to live in the forest even though he was a reef Na'vi.

When Tonowari told Aonung of the forest, the metkayina boy had been eager to see the forest for himself. To see if it was as beautiful and ethereal as his father had described and told him in his stories.

In Tonowari's defense, the forest was beautiful, sure. But Aonung much preferred the reef over the forest.

While their journey to the forest was smooth sailing, their journey back home was far from it. The sea and waves were ferocious because of the storm that had suddenly hit, and when the two Metkayinas tried to wait it out, it became more and more clear as days passed by that they would have to put their journey home on hold.

The clan Tonowari's friend was in was already far from them, as the two Metkayinas had started their track out of the forest a couple of days ago. Plus, it wasn't like the two of them were already at the edge of the forest. From the cliff the two of them were at, they could see the sea, sure, but only how small it had looked due to how far they were and the crashing waves that looked concerningly deadly.

"We will have to seek shelter for some time from a clan nearby, Aonung," Tonowari had told his son, patting the young metkayina's head apologetically as he crouched to be at the same eye level with his son. "I know you miss home, but the weather insists we stay for a while longer. At least until the storm passes," he continued to say, looking quietly solemn that their plan was thwarted.

Despite the disappointment Aonung could feel at returning home later than planned, he mustered his best reassuring smile and insisted that it was fine. He was the son of the oloeyktan; the least he could do was 'act strong for his father'.

Even though his feet were getting tired of the soil in the forest. Even though his tail kept on hitting twigs and branches because it kept on swinging around, and he couldn't really control it much. Even though he dearly missed the sea and swimming in deep water.

He was sure that his father saw right through his 'strong' act, but Tonowari thankfully made no effort to point it out. As a silent show of gratitude, for the rest of their track to find a nearby clan, Tonowari carried Aonung on his back.

Aonung liked being carried on his father's back - especially while they were in the forest, considering how everything looked much prettier when he was looking at things from a higher perspective.

They had been walking for less than half an hour, when Tonowari suddenly paused in his steps.

Slowly, the oloeyktan put Aonung back on the ground. While the young Metkayina huffed, somewhat drowsy as he had fallen asleep at some point, he complied.

Only when Aonung had properly stood on the ground, a hand clutching onto one of the older metkayina's hands, did Tonowari start talking to… no one. Or at least that was what Aonung believed, until, like some kind of mysterious predator, two Omatikayas appeared from out of nowhere. (Not necessarily out of nowhere. They were just probably hiding in the shadows.

Still. How creepy.)

Tonowari explained to the Omatikayas that he needed temporary shelter until the storm passed. While the 'adults' were talking, Aonung didn't bother to be discreet about staring.

Two Omatikayas: one a woman, and the other a man. Judging from how familiar the two of them looked with each other, Aonung could only assume they were a mated pair.

The two of them exchanged looks after Tonowari had said his piece. Once they had somehow managed to communicate through their eyes alone, the woman nodded in Tonowari's direction, before she swiftly walked ahead, agile and unlike the way Aonung had been navigating his way through the forest: clumsy and stumbling every few steps.

"Neytiri will go ahead to tell the tsahik," the omatikayan man left behind supplied, gesturing for Tonowari and Aonung to follow him. Seeing that his request for a temporary shelter was partially approved, Tonowari picked up Aonung with one arm, and followed after the other man.

"Are you sure about letting me come without confirming with the tsahik and oloeyktan?" Tonowari inquired, polite and a little hesitant.

The omatikayan man paused, and then suddenly laughed.

"Oh, right. Forgot to introduce myself.

I'm Jake Sully. Oloeyktan of the Omatikaya."

It must have been a little hilarious to see both Tonowari and Aonung lit up from the familiar name.

'Jake Sully'. Toruk Makto.

In the blink of an eye, Tonowari's entire demeanour shifted. While he had been polite and level-headed before, after the revelation, he grew pretty talkative. He started asking the legendary warrior about pretty much anything the said warrior was willing to talk about, and, while Jake Sully looked pretty sheepish and mildly uncomfortable about talking about his title, he obliged.

So Aonung got to hear the tales of the Toruk Makto himself.

By the time they arrived at the Omatikaya clan's camp, Jake Sully looked like he was pretty content with not talking about Toruk Makto for the next at least 10 years. Not that Aonung could blame the omatikayan, considering Tonowari could get pretty passionate when it came to things that intrigued him.

The Omatikayas walking around the camp all looked and stared at the two reef Na'vi, mumbling and muttering amongst themselves. Aonung was pretty sure he heard someone wondering aloud about his padded tail, but the young metkayina ignored the remark, and merely clung closer to his father.

Eventually, they saw the woman from before - Neytiri - again. Except, this time around, she wasn't alone.

An older omatikayan woman was with her, and from the stern expression on her face and the way she carried herself alone, Aonung had no doubt that she was the tsahik.

Tonowari put Aonung back on the ground, and the two of them gestured 'I see you' to the tsahik and the woman from before.

While the tsahik - Aonung heard her introduce herself as 'Moat' - talked to his father, the young metkayina let himself look around, careful not to meet anyone's eyes. He couldn't help but be intimidated; he was surrounded by strangers, after all.

He had been carefully avoiding looking upwards to avoid making eye contact with anyone. It was no wonder that the first person he ended up making eye contact with was someone who seemed to be his age.

Peeking out from inside the tent behind Neytiri, was a kid.

Aonung tilted his head and stared curiously. Trying to decide whether the kid was a boy or a girl.

Granted, Aonung could only see half of the kid's face, with the way the other kid was peeking out only and not standing outside of their marui.

What Aonung was sure of, however, was that the shade of gold in the kid's eyes was really, really, captivating.

"Neteyam."

The kid jumped somewhat, surprised as they turned to look at Neytiri, who had been nearby this entire time. (The conversation between the adults was mostly between the tsahik, the oloeyktan, and his father. Perhaps it was why Neytiri had the time to notice where Aonung's attention went.)

'Neteyam' was their name.

Neytiri paid a short glance in Aonung's way, before she turned to look at the kid again and offered a hand for the kid to grab. "Come here, ma itan."

'Itan'.

Neteyam was Neytiri's son.

The omatikayan boy pursed his lips, passing Aonung another skeptical glance before he cleared his throat, stood straighter, and started walking towards Neytiri. Once he got to her side, she placed a hand on top of his head affectionately, before softly speaking.

"Neteyam," she spoke, gesturing at Aonung with her other hand before continuing, "This is Aonung."

The boy slowly nodded, before he gestured 'I see you' at the young metkayina. Reminded that he had to return the gesture, Aonung almost messed up his greeting, frantic and unexplainably nervous as he was. Perhaps his nervousness had something to do with the way Neteyam's stare felt so intense.

His fumbling caused the other boy to giggle, and while Aonung knew he heated up because he was embarrassed, he couldn't ignore the way his heart skipped a beat at the mere cheeky smile on the other boy's lips.

What was that supposed to mean, anyway? His heart skipping a beat couldn't have been something good, could it? Was his heart failing him at such a young age?

"Aonung will be staying with us until the storm subsides," Neytiri was saying, pulling Aonung out of his thoughts. Sure enough, Neteyam was attentively listening to his mother's words. "Can I trust you to make him feel at home?" She asked her son, tucking a few stray braids behind Neteyam's ear before adding as an afterthought, "He is the same age as you. You've always told me you want to spend more time with others your age and outside of taking care of your younger siblings."

Neteyam pursed his lips further, thoughtful.

Then he glanced at Aonung, furrowed his eyes, before turning to his mother and pouting, "But this is a trick!" He huffed, clearly dissatisfied as his tail suddenly actively flicked around, catching Aonung's attention, making the metkayina stare. "You're just trying to make me take care of him, too!"

Neytiri's ears pinned to her head, but before she could say anything else, Neteyam huffed once more, and started stomping away.

Aonung still stared at the way the boy's tail flicked around; as if it was lashing out in Neteyam's stead, considering the omatikayan boy's refusal of Neytiri's request had been quite polite for a 5-year-old. He did not cry and cause a ruckus. The young Metkayina thought that was pretty cool of the other boy.

Just then, he heard Neytiri sigh.

He turned to the woman, who, in turn, told him that she would talk to Neteyam later, and that perhaps Aonung should just retire to his temporary resting tent with Tonowari. On cue, Tonowari was beside Aonung, and just when the man was about to lead the two of them to their temporary marui, Aonung thought of pouty lips and glassy eyes.

He thought of how the boy must be alone, and found himself blurting out before he could really think about it: "I will go check on 'Teyam."

Both Neytiri and Tonowari looked at him in surprise.

The two older Na'vie exchanged hesitant looks, before Tonowari cleared his throat and kneeled beside his son, a hand on the boy's shoulder. "…Do you know where he went?" He asked.

Aonung turned to look in the direction where he last saw Neteyam, before turning to his father again. "In that direction," he answered, blurting out when it seemed to him that his request to look for the other boy was going to be denied, "I know where he went."

Tonowari pursed his lips, turned to Neytiri in a silent question. After a few moments of thinking on the woman's part, she gave her approval with a nod.

"Neteyam shouldn't have wondered too far," she supplied. "Stay in the camping ground. If you do not manage to find him, return to rest at your temporary tent, little one," she advised, gesturing over a tent nearby.

With those words, and a promise to his father that he'd returned, Aonung set off.

What was he even thinking anyway? Volunteering to look for a kid he barely knew in a place that was entirely new and almost strange to him?

He scratched his nape, confused at his own fast decision that he didn't even think through when he was made. He walked around the camp in a rough direction where he thought Neteyam had gone, and ignored the curious glances the Omatikayas threw his way. He felt a little self-conscious and a little 'scared', but he pretended to be unfazed. He was, after all, Tonowari's son: oloeyktan of the Metkayina. He should be able to do this much: to put on a strong face even though he was entirely unsure where he was going.

Instinctively, his feet took him to where there were fewer others around, and, before he knew it, he found himself standing by a river. A very shallow one; only enough to have his feet dipped in it.

Current objective momentarily forgotten, Aonung excitedly made a beeline for the river, and was just about to start splashing water all over, missing having water all around him, when he was stopped by a hand on his elbow.

Turning around with a scowl at being interrupted, the scowl was quickly replaced with a surprised pursed of lips when he realised it was Neteyam who had stopped him.

Neteyam, whose hand remained on Aonung's elbow, and was looking at the metkayina disapprovingly.

"You're not supposed to go to the river right now," Neteyam spoke, his voice stern yet much too young to be intimidating. "The water's current is going to be strong enough to wash you away," the omatikayan added on without needing much prompting.

Aonung turned his whole attention to the omatikayan.

"I am pretty good in the water, though," Aonung boasted, standing taller and internally offended when he found that the other boy was still taller than him. To make up for his shorter height, he continued to run his mouth, "I've swam through stronger currents at sea than the rivers in the forest!"

As a response, Neteyam tilted his head, the beads in his braids clinking and making Aonung momentarily lose his focus just so he could stare at the colourful beads in mild awe.

"So you are from the sea?" Neteyam asked, suddenly started walking around Aonung and so blatantly giving the metkayina a once over. Aonung could feel the other boy's curious gaze on his strakes and on his tail, but the metkayina boy did not say anything about the shameless staring.

"Reef, actually," he quipped, taking the time to also stare at the other boy's thin and long tail and the boy's arms and legs that didn't have strakes.

It was rather fascinating. Aonung couldn't fault the Omatikayas for staring, especially if it was their first time seeing a reef Na'vi.

Once Neteyam was back to standing in front of Aonung, he furrowed his eyes in genuine curiosity as he asked, "What's the difference between the reef and the sea?"

Aonung shrugged. "The sea is a wide space. All water, no land.

I live at the reef. Beside the sea." After a few seconds, he added with another dismissive shrug, "Either way, I can swim well. Everyone in my clan can."

Neteyam hummed, his tail flicking around behind him.

It reminded Aonung of a baby Metkayina's tail. While theirs wouldn't be as long as the Omatikayas, they were pretty thin compared to how padded they would be as they grew up.

"My clan can swim, somewhat," Neteyam supplied, fingers on his chin. "At least when necessary. We don't swim all the time."

"My clan does. It's the way of living, where I came from. The way of the water."

At Aonung's words, Neteyam hummed, looking like he was thinking hard.

Briefly, a moment of awkward silence stretched. Well, at least to Aonung, he felt a little awkward. He wasn't sure where their conversation was going, and Neteyam had looked pretty, being deep in his thoughts as he was. Then again, what does 'pretty' even mean?

The metkayina boy rarely cared about someone being 'pretty' or not. However, that word was all he could think about ever since he saw the boy in front of him.

Suddenly, Neteyam snapped his fingers, and successfully grabbed Aonung's attention.

"Sa'nok is right. This is not just 'babysitting'!"

Aonung furrowed his eyes and scowled. "I'm your age; you can't 'babysit' me."

Neteyam ignored Aonung's correction with a dismissive wave.

The omatikayan boy offered his hand, and when Aonung turned to him in confusion, the boy enlightened him, "Let's make a deal.

You tell me all that you've seen and known about the sea and the reef, and I'll do the same with my forest. That way, it's not 'babysitting'. It's 'intel gathering'!"

Aonung blinked at the other boy a couple of times in mild befuddlement, "… or it can just be called a 'hangout'…?"

Neteyam pursed his lips, thinking, before he shrugged. "Well, I guess that works, too.

Come on. Let's shake on it."

"Why?"

"Because that's what warriors and leaders do when they agree on something," Neteyam easily answered, wiggling his hand around to prompt the other boy to shake his hand.

Although finding the other boy slightly odd, Aonung went and shook the said boy's hand anyway.

His hand was slightly larger than the boy's, he noted. There were also tingles Aonung could feel along his palm that was in contact with Neteyam's own. It almost had him panicking. Panicking over how nice it felt to merely shake hands.

He had shaken hands with others his age, before. His peers and such. It never really felt like shaking hands with Neteyam.

"I'm Neteyam," the omatikayan boy unnecessarily introduced himself, the friendly grin on his lips catching Aonung off guard after the boy had been scowling and pressing his lips into a thin line throughout their entire exchange. Though the friendly grin quickly morphed into a rather mischievous one, that Aonung distinctly knew was something that the other boy didn't often wear on his face as the said boy quipped, "And now you will be dragged into babysitting with me!"

Initially, Aonung had no idea what the other boy had meant.

But then two other Omatikayas kids, one girl and one boy, came stumbling into them, and as Neteyam introduced the two as his younger siblings, Aonung wasn't sure whether he should laugh or groan at the sorry yet cheeky glint in Neteyam's eyes. (It caught the metkayina off guard: the way Neteyam's younger siblings had 'eyebrows', and the way they had four fingers and a thumb.

It had taken some time for Aonung to be able to adjust to seeing something so… odd.)

Suddenly, Aonung had a mild understanding of why the other boy was so against 'being his friend' as Neytiri had asked the omatikayan boy to do.

Aonung had a little sister back home, too. Her name was Tsireya, and she was the cutest and most precious sister Aonung had ever had. Cutest and precious, because, apparently, according to everyone around him, Tsireya was very well behaved for a young child.

The metkayina boy knew a thing or two about babysitting, so Neteyam could rest assured. It couldn't be that hard.

••• 10 •••

Aonung was 10-years-old when he returned to the Omatikayas clan once again.

His stay at the forest when he was 5 lasted for a little more than a week, and in that one week, Aonung had come to greatly appreciate his younger sister even more.

Kiri was an odd child. She was hard to read, and she was especially good at disappearing out of thin air, preferring solitude over company. While that should have made things easier, as they wouldn't need to worry about her running off and bothering other people, in her case, she loved wandering around too much. Worse, she loved going to places that no one could have thought of.

On the other hand, Loak hated him. Full stop.

Every time Aonung and Neteyam ran off to make good on their deal and tell each other stories, the boy would always tag along, even if Neteyam told him to 'stay at the marui'. The younger Na'vi clearly just didn't like missing out, but Aonung was still sure the boy had some kind of grudge against him. Perhaps he's annoyed that Aonung seemed to always monopolize Neteyam's attention.

Still. A deal is a deal, and Aonung really liked spending time with Neteyam. Enough that when they parted, they gave each other trinkets to remember each other by. Neteyam had given Aonung a small wooden-carved ikran, while Aonung had given the boy a small wooden-carved ilu. He wasn't the one who carved the wooden ilu, but it was his idea, so.

Loak gave him the 'stink eye' even when the metkayina boy was leaving. Rude.

The boy's 'stink eye' grew in intensity when Aonung had jokingly bid goodbye to Neteyam teasingly ("Guess I'll see you around, baby tail.") Then again, Loak had always hated it when Aonung used any kind of nicknames for Neteyam, so he ended up giving the metkayina boy a nickname of his own ("Leave 'Teyam alone already, fish lips!")

Aonung remembered Neteyam fondly snickering and shaking his head at his younger brother's antics, before mouthing a reply greeting to the metkayina boy's goodbye ("I'll see you around, reef boy.")

That was five years ago, but with the way Aonung kept on recalling the memories he shared with the other boy in those five years, it might as well have happened yesterday.

So when Tonowari asked him if he wanted to meet Neteyam again, Aonung had been eager to agree. Even when his father said their stay was going to be longer, for at most two months, Aonung insisted that he didn't mind.

8-year-old Rotxo, a friend Aonung made through his sister, started teasing him about his crush on a certain 'forest boy', while 8-year-old Tsireya tried to persuade Ronal and Tomowari to let her come with. However, Tonowari insisted that she should stay with her mother.

Both parents pretended not to have heard her when she pouted and refuted with a 'but you let Aonung come with you when he was five!'.

Aonung knew that Tonowari just didn't want to leave Ronal alone in Awa'atlu, but telling that to his sister would be unfair. So he pretended he didn't know his father's intentions, too. (While it was unfair to Tsireya, Aonung really wanted to see Neteyam again.)

When Tonowari and Aonung had arrived, the Omatikaya clan must have been informed of their arrival, because there was quite a crowd at the entrance of the camp. Aonung, 5 years older, felt a lot less self-conscious. For one, he was older, totally more mature. For two, not everyone there was a stranger.

For three, he heard the sound of fast approaching footsteps before he saw Neteyam coming, the omatikayan politely telling people to 'excuse him' as he walked through the crowd.

The smile he had on his lips this time felt much too wide not to be noticed by his father. Thankfully, Tonowari did not mention it, seeing that his son was already taking a few steps forward to meet the running Neteyam in the middle.

Aonung's cheeks hurt from smiling so hard.

He had put in a lot of thought into what he should say to his friend after not having heard from the other boy for the last five years. He had also considered the worst outcome: the two of them being awkward with each other.

However, judging from the way Neteyam's eyes were pretty much sparkling at the sight of him, Aonung was comforted to know that that wouldn't be the case.

His arms stretched and opened for a hug, Aonung greeted, "Baby-"

He didn't even get to finish his words, considering how Neteyam pretty much threw himself at the metkayina. By luck, Aonung managed to stop the two of them from falling, wrapping his own arms around the omatikayan just as the said omatikayan pressed his face into Aonung's neck.

The first thing Aonung noticed, to his delight, was that he was definitely taller than Neteyam, now. Only by mere inches, but it was a win that he could gloat about, nonetheless.

The hug was short, as Neteyam took a step back mere seconds after that, letting his hands remain on Aonung's shoulders as he gave the metkayina a once-over. "It's good to see you again, reef boy," Neteyam finally greeted the metkayina with words, his grin somehow impossibly brighter than five years ago.

"Likewise," Aonung feigned formality, dramatically gesturing 'I see you' while Neteyam grew embarrassed for forgetting to do something as simple as a greeting. The omatikayan scrambled to return the gesture, and once he had done that, he smacked Aonung for making fun of him.

It was a pretty impressively strong smack.

Just then, Aonung saw Jake, Neytiri, and the tsahik coming from the parted crowd, followed by Kiri and Loak. Neytiri was holding onto a girl's hand, and he didn't even get to ask when Neteyam gingerly grabbed his forearm to pull him close, whispering exaggeratedly secretively, "That's my new sister: Tuktirey. We call her Tuk, and she's two."

While it was nice to be given an answer without needing to say his question, having Neteyam so close after five long years was leaving him disoriented. A lot like as if his dream had come true, and he had this voice in the back of his head that was wishing he'd never wake up.

After Aonung and Tonowari greeted the oloeyktan, the tsahik, and Neytiri, Neteyam was quick to grab the metkayina boy's hand again, and started leading him away from the crowd. "Come," he said excitedly, looking so elated that Aonung couldn't help but mirror the smile on the other boy's lips. "A lot has changed. I am well on my way to becoming a great warrior.

I have a lot to share with you, so I hope you have enough to return the favour!"

Aonung could hear a pair of footsteps following after the two of them. So he turned enough so that he could see Loak as he let Neteyam led the way to greet the 9-year-old omatikayan:

"It's good to see you, too, little brother!"

Loak scrunched his nose, scowled, and huffed before turning on his heels.

For the whole day, Neteyam talked nonstop. Aonung was a little taken aback, considering how he didn't even remember the other boy being so talkative. But it was nice to hear the boy prattling on. It was nice to simply listen to the other boy's voice.

During their first week together, they were left alone almost all the time. The only ones who 'dared' to bother them were Neteyam's siblings. Loak, in particular, always liked to make it a challenge to see who could hog Neteyam's attention longer, while Kiri had started making 'surprising the boys by showing up in unexpected places' a habit. Sometimes, Neteyam would bring Tuk along, quoting 'babysitting duties', but Aonung liked her, so he wasn't much put off.

Getting into the second week, however, other people started to get curious. A little too handy.

Aonung tried not to let it get to him so much, but for the entirety of the second week, Omatikaya kids his age started blatantly staring, and he heard them whispering amongst themselves how the metkayina boy looked 'weird'. In fact, some of them even went as far as to make fun of and ridicule him.

They whispered amongst themselves that Neteyam was too admirable and 'cool' to be hanging out with Aonung, an 'outsider' who wasn't even as capable and as 'impressive' as Neteyam. Curiosity getting the best of him, Aonung disguised his prodding in a curious and harmless observation for his friend, one day.

"It looks like being a great warrior is a pretty big deal to your clan," he had remarked, the two of them watching a couple of Omatikaya who were slightly older than them practicing with their bows and knives.

Neteyam nodded in affirmation, before he elaborated without needing further prompting from the metkayina. "When the sky people attacked, a lot of my clan wasn't prepared for the sheer power of the sky people's metal weapons. To combat metal, everyone in my clan has been relentlessly training ourselves to be stronger - regardless by using our weapons, or weapons of the sky people.

My grandmother always reminded those who use those metals to cleanse themselves after using them. Initially, she had been against even touching the sky people's weapons. But after such a huge loss, she couldn't argue that using those metal weapons for protection was effective against our enemy.

Even though the sky people had left, the loss of our clan remained to be our shadows. Never to be forgotten."

There's a saddened look on Neteyam's face, then. Aonung immediately felt guilty for asking, but before he could apologise, the omatikayan boy turned to look at him. "That's why I want to be a great warrior like my sempul. So that, if a threat stronger than the sky people or the sky people themselves returned, I can protect what I love," Neteyam said, eyes full of determination and hope that they felt infectious.

Neteyam's tail flicked around at the thought, and Aonung quietly stared, as if he was transfixed.

"I can protect my parents if anyone tries to take them away from me. I can protect my siblings. I can protect my clan," Neteyam listed, pausing for a second or two before grinning at Aonung, the corners of his eyes crinkling, "I can protect you."

It could have been something Neteyam said on a whim. Something the boy had said in the spur of the moment.

But it caused Aonung to fluster anyway.

Seeing how determined the other boy was to 'protect' him, Aonung made a mental note not to tell Neteyam about his 'friends' who were talking trash about the metkayina. He didn't want Neteyam to fight with his clan, seeing how much they mean to him. Even if those kids were rude.

He tried to make his discomfort unnoticeable, but it was hard to pretend that he didn't stumble when someone tried tripping him while he was walking with Neteyam around the camp.

Loak seemed to be aware of what was happening, but he didn't say anything about it. Regardless if it was to Aonung himself, or Neteyam. He just remained a bystander.

Towards the end of the third week, Aonung was just about to meet up with Neteyam at the river, when he heard familiar voices. One of them belonged to Neteyam, and he had sounded disappointed and angry - so the metkayina remained hidden, and took a peek.

Sure enough, those other voices belonged to the kids who had been picking on Aonung.

"Do you know how rude you are being?!" Neteyam angrily exclaimed, surprising Aonung considering how the boy was usually so kind and light-hearted. "If my father hears about this, all of you will definitely be held responsible!

I had a feeling that 'Nung was more distracted than usual. I had thought it was because he missed his home. I can't believe it was you guys pulling these childish tricks on him!"

One of the kids scoffed, and Aonung watched as the said kid fired back, sounding dissatisfied, as if she had been treated unfairly, "You spend too much time with him, Neteyam! He is just an outsider! Why are you choosing his company over ours? In fact, it's almost as if the two of you can't stand being away from each other! Like the two of you are- are together like a couple, or something!"

While Aonung could feel his face heating up at the accusation, at least he was hidden from view. Neteyam, on the other hand, turned a cute shade of purple at the girl's words.

"A- a couple?!" the omatikayan boy stammered, his eyes widened while his anger seemed to have been completely forgotten.

Mistaking Neteyam's hesitation as her winning the 'argument', the girl stood taller and pressed on. "Yes! A couple!

Do you know how weird it is for two boys to like each other? I was just trying to push him away - so that no one will say anything bad about you!"

It was a switch-up so sudden, that Aonung felt like he was getting a whiplash.

What was the girl talking about? Aonung knew of plenty of men who mated with each other, just as he knew plenty of women who chose to become mates. There was no such thing as it being 'weird'.

Somehow, out of all the things those kids had mocked Aonung for, this particular 'statement' of hers caused Aonung to feel the most unpleasant… feeling.

"It's not 'weird'!"

Neteyam's barely audible yet sure voice snapped Aonung out of his thoughts.

The girl exchanged looks with her friends, before she turned to Neteyam again. "How are you so sure it's not weird?" she asked, staring at Neteyam like she was trying to pick him apart. "Do you know anyone like that?"

Aonung, for reasons he couldn't even fathom, felt his heart racing.

Unexpectedly, Neteyam nodded, before he said something that had Aonung so shocked, he somehow lost his footing without even moving, falling right out of the place he had hidden himself and out in the open.

"I… like Aonung."

All eyes turned to Aonung - who had just conveniently fallen out of his hiding spot.

Neteyam looked genuinely mortified and embarrassed simultaneously, while the kids all were staring at Aonung like he was mold growing on their tent.

Aonung scrambled to stand, rack his brain for something to say, before he blurted:

"You guys are weirder than Neteyam!"

The kids gasped. Offended.

Somehow getting a thrill out of shutting the kids up, Aonung went to stand beside Neteyam, grabbed the boy's oddly cold and stiff hand, before declaring matter-of-factly, "And I like him too, so all of you are weirder than him and me."

He wasn't sure why it worked, but the kids broke into tears, and bolted away. (The girl who had been running her mouth was whining about how she 'just wanted Neteyam's attention'. Aonung would say she was an idiot, but, then again, her attitude and rude remarks did manage to grab the omatikayan boy's attention.)

With those girls gone, all that was left standing by the river were two awkward boys.

Two awkward boys, who were still holding hands. Courtesy to Aonung, still tightly holding onto Neteyam's hand.

Aonung only realised he was still holding onto Neteyam's hand when the omatikayan boy cleared his throat, and squeezed the metkayina's hand.

Frantically, the metkayina boy let go of Neteyam's hand, and pretty much jumped away from his friend. Once there was some distance away between the two of them, Aonung looked anywhere but at Neteyam, rubbing his nape and feeling the warmth in it. He wasn't sure how Neteyam was faring, but he could hear the other boy kicking pebbles near his feet.

When the moment of silence stretched for far too long, Aonung cleared his throat, was about to speak up, when Neteyam beat him to it.

"I don't like you."

Aonung's heart skipped a beat - but it felt different.

That giddy feeling was absent.

Neteyam looked like he immediately regretted saying those words, clearing his throat before he quickly corrected himself after briefly holding eye contact with Aonung. "I mean- not in the way she had accused, anyway," he clarified, fiddling with his fingers almost anxiously.

Despite the odd absence of something in him, Aonung ignored it in favour of inquiring, "Then why did you say it?"

"Say what?"

"That you like me."

The omatikayan boy flushed. (He was still so pretty five years later.)

Neteyam shrugged, stiff, as he moved to fiddle with one of his braids instead. "I just…" he trailed off, squinting his eyes at the ground as if it had the answers for him before meeting Aonung's eyes and continuing from where he left off. "I just wanted to give her an easy and close example. You know. Someone 'weird'."

Aonung wasn't sure why the omatikayan boy had looked so fidgety.

Still, he opted to look past that, and instead focus on their current problem.

"Well, you shouldn't have made yourself an example," Aonung muttered, watching the way Neteyam furrowed his eyes in confusion, stopping with the fiddling of his braid.

"What do you mean?" the omatikayan asked.

To answer, Aonung took a step closer, reached out a hand, and cupped a side of the other boy's face. Fascinatingly, the dark blue skin of the boy was covered with blotches of purple again almost instantaneously. While he could point it out to mess with his friend, Aonung, once again, chose to address their current 'problem':

"Because you told those friends of yours that you like me, and I overheard it.

What am I supposed to do, if not to 'accept your feelings'?"

Only then did it seem to dawn on Neteyam what Aonung meant.

"I mean, you can just say you don't return my feelings…?"

"And make them think that 'boys liking boys' is weird?" Aonung countered, affectionately pinching his friend's cheek before retracting his hand, ignoring the way his palm already itched to hold onto his friend's face again. "And make them pity you for being rejected as someone as 'insignificant' as me?"

"'Nung, that's not-"

"No, this is not about me," Aonung interjected. "You know what? Maybe I'll be able to leave an impression on your clan, after all. 'Introduce' them to 'boys liking boys' whatsoever. Where I come from, it's pretty normal. It caught me off guard that it's not much of a norm in your clan.

Hey, how about this?

We pretend to 'like each other' in front of them, and I get to teach those guys a thing or two, and you get to prove your point. Win-win."

And that was how their 'arrangement' was formed.

For the next month, they pretended to be all couple-y in front of Neteyam's friends, and Aonung would say he was really enjoying himself. It never failed to amuse him whenever he saw the scandalised look on those kids' faces whenever they saw Aonung as much as brushing his knuckles against Neteyam's own and Aonung 'carressing' the omatikayan's face. Funnily enough, everyone else aside from those kids, was pretty 'chill' when they found out.

Everyone except Loak, that was.

When the 9-year-old had found out, Aonung had never seen offense written so clearly on the boy's face.

"You don't even like him!" he had shouted, his voice fuming and loud as he shoved the metkayina right into the river the three of them had been standing beside.

While Aonung fell on his bum and into the river, blinking a couple of times in disbelief at the strength of the younger boy's words, Neteyam was already holding Loak back. The 10-year-old omatikayan lightly scolded his younger brother, but all Loak did was glare at Aonung - fierce and unceasing.

The metkayina wasn't sure what was worse: the fact that he lamely fell because a 9-year-old gave him a shove, or that his own heart seemed to be trying to tell him something when it 'ached' at the younger boy's accusation.

After that, Aonung noticed Loak ignoring him even harder. Although, this time around, he was ignoring Neteyam, too.

It was odd. It was out of the ordinary.

Despite how Aonung's relationship with Loak had never been the 'best', the metkayina tried asking Neteyam about it, but Neteyam kept on changing the topic. That alone was enough to alarm Aonung, but, tried as he might, the omatikayan boy was persistent in keeping whatever it was that had happened between him and his younger brother to himself.

On the night before Aonung was to return to Awa'atlu, Tonowari having finished with whatever he had come to the forest to do, the 10-year-old metkayina decided he had to find out once and for all.

There was a celebration of some sort, that night. Neteyam had dragged him to the middle of it all, smiling so widely and brightly as he coaxed the metkayina to dance with him. It was fortunate that Neteyam had gone and given him dancing lessons just a few nights ago. Aonung would have looked like an idiot if Neteyam didn't teach him the Omatikaya's way of dancing.

When they slipped away from the celebration, Neteyam's hand was warm holding onto his, and suddenly the thought of not knowing everything about the other boy gnawed almost viciously at the metkayina boy.

It was why, when the two of them were simply lying down on the grass and looking up at the sky, Aonung sat up, and asked:

"What happened between you and Loak?"

Neteyam could fake a laugh all he wanted, but with how often Aonung had spent his days with the omatikayan boy, he could easily decide that the boy was lying when he awkwardly chuckled dismissively, "Nothing much, really… Just… Brothers fight, I guess…"

"It's not like the two of you to give each other the silent treatment for so long," Aonung pointed out, looking over his friend.

The omatikayan boy had looked beautiful under the sunlight. Although, just like how everything in the sea glowed brighter at night, Neteyam, too, looked breathtaking under the moonlight. Perhaps it's the omatikayan's sanhi, or perhaps it's the way the moonlight looked illuminating dark blue skin, but Aonung had always thought there was something so surreal about his friend at night. Like something he could only ever see in a dream.

When Neteyam sat up straight, the 'illusion' of the calm Neteyam in Aonung's head disappeared, replaced by the sight of the other boy's eyes furrowed and his lips pursed, stern and serious. So unlike all the times he had always smiled so warmly at the metkayina.

"You're overthinking it," Neteyam stubbornly insisted. "You don't have a brother. You don't know how brothers fight."

"I have a sister, though," Aonung argued, glancing at Neteyam's clenched fists before he looked up and tried meeting Neteyam's gaze. When the omatikayan so obviously was avoiding his gaze, Aonung reached out a hand and gingerly placed it over the other boy's fist before softly speaking, "I also know you, and I know Loak. Somewhat."

Aonung shouldn't have opened his mouth, that night.

Uncharacteristically angrily, Neteyam pulled his hand out of Aonung's hold, before he abruptly stood up, eyes, for the first time, narrowed at Aonung.

While Aonung scrambled to stand up, Neteyam bitingly snapped, "You don't know me, Aonung. Not well enough."

At the tone the omatikayan used, the metkayina couldn't help but be defensive. "I 'don't know you'? Really?

That's all that I've been trying to do ever since I got here. Coming here was a decision I made while thinking about you.

I've spent all my time here with you, and, somehow, I still 'don't know you'?!"

"Yes!" Neteyam snapped back, surprising Aonung even more.

It had been such a great night.

The omatikayan opened his mouth to say something, but then he closed his mouth, gritting his teeth, before he scoffed:

"Maybe Loak's right. Maybe we're both idiots.

I am an idiot. For- for agreeing to this.

To someone who looked at my siblings as if they didn't belong here."

That night, Neteyam had left Aonung without another word or explanation.

10-year-old Aonung came to the forest, greeted and welcomed with a hug and an armful of the omatikayan that had been lingering in the back of his mind for five years ever since meeting the boy.

10-year-old Aonung left the forest without as much as sparing a glance at his friend.

••• 15 •••

The thing about 'arrangement', was that it was supposed to have an 'end date'. A deadline.

10-year-old Aonung had been too much of an idiot to set an 'end date'; so now 15-year-old Aonung had to deal with the consequences.

When his father told him that Toruk Makto was going to come to Awa'atlu, seeking uturu as they were running away from an old enemy of the legendary warrior, Aonung felt a lot of things.

Disdain was a very strong one, among all the emotions he felt.

Somehow, Tonowari completely forgot the rather tense air between Aonung and Neteyam five years ago, and had this perception that his son was going to be excited to see his 'yawne'.

Aonung had tried to tell both Tsireya and Rotxo that things ended not-so-well between him and Neteyam, but because Tonowari was so insistent about how 'down bad' Aonung was for the 'forest boy', Aonung's words fell on deaf ears. In fact, Tsireya had started prattling about how she needed to make herself 'presentable' to meet her brother's 'future mate', and Aonung, for far too many times to count, seriously considered just not showing up when the Sullys would arrive.

Unfortunately, he was going to be the 'future oloeyktan', and Tonowari sternly told him: "If you are still going on about how you and Neteyam did not 'get along', then you should at least be that as allies against the same enemy: the sky people."

When Aonung resigned to his fate to an awkward and possibly torturous reunion with his 'friend', as if it wasn't enough that he 'gave in', Ronal told him to 'prepare a nice gift for his friend'.

"Perhaps a gift will be what you and that boy need to reconcile," the tsahik of Metkayina had said, pulling on Aonung's ear when the boy grumbled about how 'gifts are nonsense'.

He did end up making a gift himself.

A choker. (He knew how much Neteyam preferred chokers to other accessories. Though, he wondered if the omatikayan boy would like his choker enough to wear it around.)

When the Sullys landed on Awa'atlu's shores, it wasn't hard to spot which one of them was Neteyam.

It was even harder to take his eyes off the boy.

Considering how Tonowari was already well-acquainted with Toruk Makto, their chatter was cut short, and the oloeyktan was quick to leave his children to be in charge of helping the Sullys to settle in.

He clasped a hand on Aonung's shoulder, and only then did the metkayina snap out of his thoughts. (His thoughts that consisted of how he's definitely taller than the other boy, of how Neteyam's golden eyes were still as captivating as he bitterly remembered, of how the cummerbund the other boy was wearing looked really good on him, of how strong and sure he looked, standing there and quietly watching.)

"All of you know of my son here," Tonowari proudly claimed, giving Aonung's shoulder another pat. The 15-year-old metkayina ducked his face to look at his feet, taking a moment or two before realising that was his father's signal for him to 'give Neteyam his gift'.

Aonung tried to rebel against his father through his eyes - 'In front of all these people?' - but when Tonowari was purposely acting obtuse, like he couldn't see his son, Aonung repressed a sigh and was suddenly very aware of the choker in his palm.

He hadn't realised that he had been gripping it.

The 15-year-old Metkayina walked up to Neteyam, and didn't bother - didn't dare - to look at the other boy when he handed the choker.

He could hear some people around them gasping, and he already knew he was going to hate the upcoming days.

It wasn't a 'courting gift'. Although, with the way everyone was reacting, Aonung had an inkling that, no matter what he said, most of the clan had already misunderstood, anyway.

"I made something for you, too."

Neteyam's voice was so smooth, Aonung felt like his eyes almost bulged right out of their sockets just as he felt like his neck almost snapped from how quickly he looked to meet the omatikayan's eyes. However, when Aonung, looked, Neteyam was in the middle of taking something out of his pouch.

Standing so close, Aonung couldn't help but stare.

One of Neteyam's hands holding an armband snapped Aonung out of his momentary trance.

Unsurely, Aonung was just about to reach out to grab the armband, but, to his surprise, Neteyam took a step closer, and put the armband on the metkayina's arm instead.

Aonung hated how his heart raced.

Once it was done, Neteyam took a step back, very impressive in pretending like he didn't notice the gawking looks he was receiving from the other Metkayinas around him, as he gave Aonung an expectant look.

The choker was still in Aonung's palm.

Clearing his throat, Aonung awkwardly looked at the choker Neteyam was currently wearing.

The omatikayan took off his choker himself.

The metkayina took a step closer, and he was in the middle of putting it on the omatikayan when the boy muttered, his voice loud enough for only Aonung's ear:

"I'm guessing your father put you up to giving me a 'gift'?"

Aonung's hand movement froze for a moment or two, before he proceeded to clasp the choker and took a step backward. (He made sure that his fingers did not graze the omatikayan's skin.)

The silence was enough of an answer.

When the 15-year-old Metkayina turned around to start leading the Sullys to their marui, he caught Tsireya sneaking glances at Loak, and something bitter welled up in his stomach.

For now, he pretended he didn't feel it.

Tsireya was 'suspiciously' eager to start her lessons with the Sullys, and Aonung wished he didn't know the reason for her enthusiasm.

To the surprise of no one - except for, maybe, Tsireya and Rotxo - Neteyam managed to have a grasp of everything pretty quickly. When the 15-year-old Omatikaya was asked how he was able to adapt so quickly, the omatikayan would smile, frustratingly polite that it looked fake in Aonung's eyes, as he answered, "Aonung used to talk about his life here often."

Rotxo and Tsireya ate up Neteyam's oh-so-perfect, prim, and proper attitude.

Aonung was barely able to stop himself from gagging.

He knew that the sky people had returned to Pandora a year ago. Quietly, it made him frustratingly irritated that Neteyam seemed to look like 'everything was fine'. What happened to 'wanting to protect his family, his friends, and his clan'? What was he doing here in Awa'atlu - running away like a coward and putting on acts that no one cared about.

Both Rotxo and Tsireya kept on pairing Aonung up with Neteyam, regardless if it was an ilu riding lesson or a diving lesson, and Aonung hated every second of it.

He hated that a part of him was still happy to see the other doing well. He hated that part of him that felt proud whenever Neteyam managed to master something. He hated that his gaze still lingered, just as he had ended up getting the habit of looking for the omatikayan first the moment he got to any part of Awa'atlu.

He hated that, despite how he hated seeing Neteyam act all 'polite' and 'charming', a part of him still couldn't help but be concerned and wondered whether the other boy was 'doing okay'.

All that 'acting', all that 'pretending like he had his shit together'; it must have been exhausting.

A month into the Sullys' stay at Awa'atlu, a month of Aonung dismissing questions about the 'nature' of his and Toruk Makto's firstborn's 'relationship', Neteyam finally brought the 'topic' up during one of their one-to-one lessons.

It wasn't exactly 'one-on-one'. Their siblings and Rotxo were nearby, but Tsireya had paired them up, and then went away to go to her 'favourite' student.

"How long are we going to pretend like we have something going on between us?" Neteyam had brought up, standing waist-deep in the water with Aonung. The omatikayan was rubbing an ilu's neck soothingly, while Aonung had been watching quietly on the side.

Initially, he had moved closer to see and correct the omatikayan on anything he saw fit. He wasn't sure when, but, at some point, he ended up simply staring at the omatikayan's hand instead. Couldn't help but wonder what it would feel like to hold the other boy's hand again like how he used to often do.

"My father doesn't believe a word I say," Aonung mumbled, moving closer. "Rotxo and Tsireya trust him more than me, apparently. Considering how they keep on 'pairing us together'. Acting like they're doing me a favour…" the metkayina added, muttering his last sentence under his breath.

Neteyam snorted, and mounted the ilu.

Aonung's hand settled on the omatikayan's waist, providing stability when the boy almost slipped and fell into the water. (Neither of them chose to acknowledge the tingles from their point of contact or the heat rushing to their faces.)

"Well, they're definitely doing me a favour," the omatikayan mumbled, his hands on the ilu's neck.

"How so?"

The omatikayan slotted his feet in front of the ilu's most front and small flippers, and Aonung refrained from reaching out just for the sake of touching. Especially not when Neteyam was doing it right.

"With you here with me, at least my siblings don't have to deal with you."

Aonung quietly seethed.

It was out of instinct that he grabbed Neteyam's bicep, his grip strong enough that it had Neteyam turning his attention to glare at him.

It was not helping Aonung's case that the other boy looked so good when he was annoyed.

"Have you thought like that about me this entire time?" Aonung spat, his voice levelled and quiet for only Neteyam's ears, but his message was received well enough - at least judging from the way the other boy's eyes narrowed further. Riled up over the fact that he had all of Neteyam's attention on him, Aonung added with the same deliberately accusing tone, "Was that what you thought about when you told me you liked me and got us to where we are today?"

As if Aonung's words burn, Neteyam shook Aonung's hand off his bicep, before he retorted, "We are here, today, having to pretend that we like each other, because you went on and made that stupid-"

Neteyam didn't get to finish his sentence - because he had forgotten that he had formed tsaheylu with the ilu he was on, and, at the presumably sudden burst of emotion from the omatikayan, the ilu reacted to it and launched itself away.

Rather than being dragged along with the ilu, Neteyam fell off, and Aonung, for reasons unknown to him, went and caught the other boy anyway. Even though it would have been satisfying to see the other boy soaked and to laugh at the other boy's failure.

The two of them tumbled into the water, momentarily submerged, before they resurfaced.

Neteyam's back was pressed against Aonung's chest.

The contact barely lasted, because Aonung heard a teasing holler that sounded a lot like Rotxo, and Neteyam was suddenly a good distance away in the blink of an eye.

Aonung had been caught off guard by how fast the other boy was, that all he could do was stare when Neteyam stammered out, his stern act cracking a little due to his barely noticeable shaky voice and the heat that was colouring his face:

"What annoys me the most, is probably how you ended up looking better than before and not- not ugly!"

Neteyam was gone by the time Aonung had properly processed the other boy's words.

Rotxo and Tsireya were asking him why Neteyam had stormed off. Aonung gave him the silent treatment.

During the second month, Aonung grew tired of 'watching from afar', and decided he wanted to try a different 'tactic'. (He had grown tired of staring. Staring at the way Neteyam looked so comfortable with everyone else who wasn't him. At least as comfortable as he could be while putting up an act.)

It was yet another one of those lessons: Tsireya paired him up with Neteyam, and left the two boys to sit by themselves.

The Sullys were very quick to adapt, but Tonowari insisted that they taught the forest Na'vis all they knew about 'the way of water' for at least three months.

This time around, it was a weaving lesson.

Despite how Aonung and Neteyam had kept their interactions out of lessons to the bare minimum, everyone else seemed to dub them as a 'cute couple'. Aonung wasn't so sure what was so cute about 'a couple meeting up only when they're forced to', but ignorance was bliss. Lucky for those clueless bystanders.

Neteyam was struggling with tying a knot, so Aonung took that as his chance to 'set his plan in stone'.

He scooted closer to the other boy, and casually wrapped his arms around the omatikayan, so both of his hands were able to hover over Neteyam's hands.

Truthfully, this positioning wasn't exactly recommended, as it was uncomfortable for Aonung. In the way that it was a hassle, and not in the way that he wanted to be anywhere but here.

Purposely, he kept his voice quiet, and murmured into his friend's ear.

"Try doing it again. I'll correct you along the way."

Through that interaction alone, Aonung managed to confirm a couple of things.

One: Neteyam's heartbeat had been really fast.

Two: Neteyam was warm.

Three: Neteyam had used barely any words ever since Aonung had gotten close. Only curt nods and hums. A little shaky and nervous.

Fourth: Neteyam's palms were sweating.

Fifth: Neteyam hastily excused himself the moment Aonung moved away. Purple blotches on his face and purple on the tips of his ears.

It hit Aonung then that, perhaps, Neteyam wasn't 'lying' about liking him, after all.

In the second month since the Sullys started living among the Metkayina, Aonung spent it by 'getting revenge'.

He purposely got close and personal during their lessons just for the sake of watching the way Neteyam's entire body would lock up. He purposely stared longer just for the sake of being caught. He purposely acted kind and oh-so-considerate, just for the sake of being able to do a 180 and watch the way the omatikayan would fume in disappointment.

Had Aonung not known any better, he would have thought the omatikayan was disappointed in him - but he did know better.

Neteyam was disappointed because he thought Aonung was being kind to him.

It gave Aonung a thrill, of some sort; to know that he could leave some kind of effect on the omatikayan boy, even after all these years. Almost like a 'power trip': to be able to make someone as 'put together' as Neteyam te Suli Tsyeyk'itan huffing in disappointment over something so trivial.

By the third month since the Sullys got here, Aonung got 'bored'.

Even though Neteyam was reacting to Aonung, all of his reactions were subconscious. To Aonung, he felt like it wasn't enough to be called a 'revenve'.

So he went after what the omatikayan held dear the most.

He picked on Loak. He had always wanted to anyway. The younger Na'vi was always 'getting in the way'. Annoyingly tagging along whenever Neteyam and Aonung would hang out. Infuriatingly spouting nonsense just to get Neteyam to pay attention to him. Irritatingly acting like he was Mr. Know-It-All with whatever it was he had told Neteyam that the boy was convinced that 'they're idiots'.

It worked like a charm.

Neteyam showed up almost every damn time, as if he had a tracker put into Loak.

He would 'crash the party' with that fierce gaze of his, piercing golden eyes as if looking right through him meeting Aonung's own, and, if Aonung was lucky, he would get more than 'just a glare'.

He would get a couple of warning words, or he would get Neteyam to shove at him.

It was thrilling to have all of Neteyam's attention.

Fourth month came around, and Aonung 'got bored again'.

There were no more lessons. Aonung no longer has a 'valid' reason to meet up with Neteyam.

So he used what he knew would have Neteyam running to him.

Loak had it coming, anyway. The 14-year-old boy had left him bruised, and the said boy had also been 'plotting against' him ever since they first met, anyway.

It was why, when he bluntly told Neteyam that Loak was alone at the Three Brothers Rock, he didn't even flinch when Neteyam pulled him by his necklace and fumed.

"What the fuck were you thinking?"

Neteyam's voice had been levelled. Aonung was well-acquainted with this kind of rage. It was a rage he understood through his mother. Quiet disappointment. Louder heartache.

"He had it coming," Aonung drawled, hands up in surrender while he looked down on the shorter Na'vi. "He had been acting like a skxawng ever since the day I met him," Aonung deadpanned, carefree eyes furrowing more into a grudge when he continued, "He also somehow convinced you that it was right to leave me alone without any explanation."

"That doesn't mean you can just leave him, 'Nung!"

It had felt so long ago since he heard anyone call him that.

Unexplainably upset, Aonung swatted Neteyam's hand away, and took a step closer towards the omatikayan. He towered over the boy, speaking up in almost like a snarl, "Why not? You left me without any hesitation. Without as much of an explanation, except for the bullshit that I don't 'believe' your siblings 'belong with the clan'.

You left, and you didn't even think that I'm worthy of an explanation.

So why can't I leave with no strings attached?"

To see Neteyam looked so stunned was something Aonung didn't know he needed. It was the exact scene he needed to see, so when the omatikayan dragged him by his kuru to get to the Sullys' marui, Aonung let him.

He wondered if his clan members still thought he and Neteyam made a 'cute couple'.

The only reason Aonung felt somewhat 'guilty' for leaving Loak stranded, was because his father had looked so ashamed. To make amends, somewhat, Aonung was ready to apologise, but Loak, surprisingly, attempted to take the blame. Not that it had worked, as Tonowari 'knew his son very well'.

Despite his mild 'irritation' towards Loak, Aonung found himself chasing after the omatikayan, and asking why the boy had taken the blame for him.

Loak gave him a long look.

Then, to Aonung's surprise, the 14-year-old apologised.

"I hated you when you agreed to be his 'boyfriend'. It's not my place to say anything about it, but I know Neteyam was suppressing a lot of… feelings back then. So I hated you for being one of the reasons why he's always so tired.

Tired of pretending like he was okay. Like everything was real.

It was unfair of me to treat you like that. Neteyam is his own… person.

Hope we can put the past behind us."

After saying his piece, Loak left.

Left Aonung with an ache in his chest that felt a lot like guilt and regret.

It was one thing to acknowledge it in his head that his childhood friend's feelings for him all those years ago were real. It was a whole other thing to be told of it to his face.

The fact that all he did when he found out that some of those feelings may still linger in his friend's heart was to use them to 'fluster' the other boy only made him feel worse. As he should be feeling.

Neteyam and Loak were right. Aonung was an idiot. A very 'mean' one at that.

When the friend group met up the next day, it had almost felt like everything was normal. In fact, it felt 'weirder' than normal because Loak was actually paying attention to him, rather than making a 'fed up' face and looking like he barely tolerated Aonung's presence. It 'almost' felt like normal, and it wasn't entirely normal because it was all too palpable to Aonung that Neteyam was making an effort to not to look at him.

The fourth month passed just like that.

Tsireya and Rotxo were still pushing to put the 15-year-olds together, and while it was 'tolerable' before, it was almost painful after their 'fight'.

Before, the two of them at least had this kind of 'back and forth' between them. Even though they were mostly jabs at each other, even though sometimes it ended with either one of them stomping away in anger or irritation, even though they would feel a little more pissed at each other; at least they acknowledged each other.

After the fight, Neteyam wouldn't even look at him. No matter how much Aonung tried to get a reaction or response, the omatikayan wouldn't spare even a glance.

The fourth month passed with Aonung awkwardly trying to break the ice, following after the other boy and even going as far as to pretend to 'coincidentally' bump into him. It lasted right until towards the end of the fourth month, before he decided to finally 'man up'.

It was almost funny how the world worked - because when Aonung finally had enough and mustered up his courage to end this 'cold war' once and for all, it happened while a festival was held. It was a Metkayina festival to commemorate and express their gratitude to Eywa for looking after them, but, that night, gratitude was far from what Aonung had felt. Especially not when he spotted Neteyam laughing and chatting with Rotxo, so radiant despite the flickering fire dancing around to light up the festival.

Aonung knew that those two were purely friends. Eywa, Rotxo had been pairing Aonung and Neteyam up ever since the omatikayan landed on Awa'atlu and even before the 24-year-old had met him. He knew that when Neteyam seemed to be asking Rotxo to dance, it was purely because they were just friends.

Everyone knew Aonung and Neteyam 'came together'.

Yet, as the 15-year-old Metkayina watched his best friend accept Neteyam's hand, he found himself extremely jealous.

'Jealous'.

Before he knew it, he had marched straight for the two boys, and tugged Neteyam towards him by the omatikayan's bicep - effectively breaking the two apart.

Aonung's eyes were on Rotxo, rather than Neteyam. So he got to see the way confusion coloured his best friend's face before it morphed into a more teasing look. Quick on his feet, Rotxo made up an excuse on the spot about 'needing to tend to the ilus', and left with a skip in his step and a not-so-subtle encouraging wink to the older metkayina.

See, Aonung hadn't thought properly about what he should do after reaching Neteyam. When he had plucked up the courage to 'talk', it didn't exactly come hand-in-hand with knowing what to talk about. In fact, the reason why he was standing here, holding onto Neteyam's bicep, wasn't even an action he actively decided on. He was jealous, and his body reacted according to that feeling before his brain could catch up.

'Lucky' for him, Neteyam seemed to know what he was doing. In fact, the only sign he made that showed that he was mildly irritated was the way he sighed and turned to Aonung, tail flicking sharply and subtly hitting the metkayina's thigh.

While Aonung automatically scowled at being hit, Neteyam shook Aonung's hand off his bicep, if only because he 'wanted' to hold hands with the metkayina.

"You just have to show up while people are around," Neteyam muttered through a painfully looking fake smile. "Bear with me for a while. Your father is watching."

They did end up spending the rest of the night together. Just the two of them.

At some point, the forced and fake smile on Neteyam's lips morphed into a quiet kind of smile. The kind of smile that wasn't so radiant, but it was equally precious and blinding anyway. Soft. Sincere and genuine.

Aonung managed to catch sight of glimpses of it, and suddenly he was reminded of the old times when this kind of smile from the omatikayan boy used to be reserved for him.

The two of them, accompanied by the lively ambiance of the festival and the generally jovial vibe of the festival, ended up enjoying themselves - just like how they used to. They danced, they ate, they exchanged stories with each other without the usual 'venom' lingering in their tone, and, most of all, they enjoyed each other's company. Enough so that Aonung ended up blurting out a challenge on 'who could run faster now that they were on an island instead of in a forest', and Neteyam went along with it.

(It was always nice to be reciprocated.)

When they got to the finishing line, the festival was far behind them, the loud voices and laughter almost muted.

With the ambiance gone, so did Neteyam's smile.

The omatikayan looked as if he had noticed this, too, clearing his throat and suddenly standing so stiff. As if Aonung was a stranger.

The thought hit Aonung like the strongest of waves crashing into the shore.

To make matters worse, Neteyam cleared his throat, and muttered an excuse to leave that was barely audible to Aonung's ears, and tried to leave.

Aonung didn't allow it.

His hand shot out to grab Neteyam's wrist, and when his eyes met the omatikayan's, Aonung forced himself to say anything.

"I like you, 'Teyam."

There it was. (The truth. It was his truth all along, for all these years.)

Neteyam's golden eyes widened, and when Aonung noticed the ache in them, the metkayina interjected before his friend could deny his feelings, "I've always liked you. I just… it took me so long to figure it out. It-

It almost cost me you."

The hardened gaze of the omatikayan boy wavered. Aonung noticed the hopeful glint in those eyes. The 'fear'. The skepticism. The guilt.

Aonung continued, "I don't want to believe that I've completely lost you yet." He gathered both of Neteyam's hands in his, and when the other boy let him, hope, too, coloured his eyes. "I've messed up a couple of times. I didn't listen, and you- you were… figuring things out.

But now I'm here to listen and stay. To hear what bothered you all these years and why you said what you did.

You didn't have to tell me anything, but. I just.

I want us to be like we used to be, again. Except, this time, no more arrangement.

It's real, and I want it with you."

Neteyam stared.

Aonung kept on almost desperately holding onto Neteyam's hands, waiting in anticipation for the omatikayan's answer.

Just when Aonung was about to resign himself to heartbreak, Neteyam broke the silence with a voice that was all too quiet.

"I was afraid that you'd make fun of me for liking you."

The metkayina gave his friend's hands an apologetic squeeze. To Neteyam, he probably had assumed Aonung was simply trying to comfort him.

To Aonung, he knew the truth. He knew that, a month ago, he had purposely played with Neteyam's heart, even if no one but he knew.

Neteyam adjusted his hands so he could hold onto Aonung's hands, too, and the metkayina suppressed the urge to pull the other to an abrupt embrace. He didn't want to 'scare' the other boy away.

"Loak had been against that arrangement as soon as he found out. He… he knew about my feelings for you, and he was upset that I 'let it happen'.

He started saying things that would persuade me to break off the arrangement. About how you took some time to 'adjust' to seeing his eyebrows and his extra finger. I knew that you didn't mean any harm to it, but Loak's words were… getting to me.

Then you said that you 'know me well', and that… that made my blood boil.

How could you say that you 'know' me, when you can't even see what I feel for you? When you can't even see what's right in front of you?

I regretted it the moment you left, but the damage was done."

Aonung gingerly took his hands out of Neteyam's, in favour of wiping away the tears that had slipped and tracked their way down the omatikayan's cheeks.

The forest Na'vi's voice became noticeably hoarse, as if he was trying to stop himself from crying, when he continued talking, "I had prepared myself for the worst. I thought you wouldn't even look at me.

But you did. And you gave me a really beautiful gift, too.

I never dared to wear it.

Your reluctance was obvious, so I figured that there was nothing left for me to fix. I thought we would just… tolerate each other until it's time for one of us to leave again.

But you make it hard to keep things 'under control'."

Neteyam sniffled, lightly swatting Aonung's hands away from his face to wipe his own tears away. In the meantime, Aonung listened and kept his hands to himself, and waited with bated breath for what the other boy was going to say next.

After his face was clear of tears and after clearing his throat, Neteyam didn't fiddle with his hands nor did he do anything that spelled out 'hesitation' when he admitted:

"I still like you, too."

During the fifth month after the Sullys' arrival, everything felt like a dream come true.

Aonung wore the armband Neteyam gave him often, just as the omatikayan wore the choker Aonung had given him as frequently as he could. (Neteyam insisted that while he truly appreciated Aonung's gift, he still wanted to show off the choker he made himself, inspired by the Omatikaya warriors of the past.)

Tsireya and Rotxo didn't even have to do anything to get the two boys to meet up anymore - because they were always together.

When the tulkuns returned, Tsireya had eagerly dragged Loak with her to meet her spirit sister.

Her older brother did the same, but with Neteyam.

Aonung's spirit brother seemed to like Neteyam. They got along well, and, aside from the many times his spirit brother slipped in a teasing remark or observation here and there about how close the two boys were to each other, Aonung enjoyed himself.

He couldn't remember the last time it felt so easy to simply be there in the moment. To smile for no reason except because of how content and full his heart was.

Even when Tsireya, Loak, Neteyam, and he got lectured and scolded for merely watching as Loak formed tsaheylu with an outcast, Aonung, while he did feel a tad 'inconvenienced', it all turned out to be a good day when Neteyam asked if he would like to come with him on a night flight.

Did Aonung scream for fear of his life when he was up in the air, sitting behind Neteyam as the omatikayan had his ikran fly and did tricks in the air?

Yes.

Did Aonung also take the night flight as his chance to hold tight onto Neteyam and bury his smile in the crook of the omatikayan's neck?

Absolutely.

Things had been going so well, Aonung, for a very brief, very delusional moment, wondered if this moment in time would stretch forever if Neteyam was his mate.

It had been a thought that hit him hm while he was catching fish with Loak. It had hit him so hard, he accidentally dropped a basket of fish he was holding, and winced when it landed on one of his toes.

Loak, overhearing him, snickered and called him a 'skxawng'.

So Aonung bit back by addressing something that had been nagging him ever since the Sullys landed on their shores.

"What's up with you and your brother?"

It was a little funny how both Neteyam and Loak grew rigid whenever they were asked a question that they didn't want to answer.

"Nothing," Loak answered, stiff and rigid. "Why you asked?"

"Because there's something a little tense between you guys. Like you guys fought, or something."

"We're fine," Loak answered decisively. "Don't you see us talking every day?"

Aonung pursed his lips.

"Maybe Neteyam's right," he suddenly said, catching Loak off guard. Once Loak was properly looking at him, Aonung added, "Maybe I can't understand how brothers fight, because I don't have a brother."

Loak blinked a couple of times, before he scoffed and, probably was about to say something along the lines of 'of course my brother is right', when Aonung continued talking, "But I do know what it looks like when something's 'amiss' with Neteyam. And, from the looks of it, something looks like it doesn't really fit between you guys."

He recalled Loak's words when the omatikayan had spoken up for him, made a guess.

"Let me guess: you're jealous of Neteyam."

Loak scowled.

"Never in my 14 years of living have I ever been jealous of my brother for 'dating' you," the 14-year-old deadpanned matter-of-factly.

It was Aonung's turn to scowl.

"'Dating me' is not that bad," the metkayina grumbled.

The omatikayan's intentional deflection of topic was enough of a confirmation, regardless.

He wished he had prodded further.

He wished he had done something. He wished he had at least 'stayed true to his words' when he reassured Neteyam after the omatikayan admitted to him that he felt like Loak didn't see him as a brother he could rely on.

"He'll come around, eventually," Aonung had told Neteyam, wrapping an arm around the forest Na'vi's shoulder and soothingly rubbing his palm along the omatikayan's arm.

He wished he had at least managed to help Neteyam with the one thing the boy confided him in.

When they all went after Loak, when they all went to help get the tracker off Payakan, Aonung had thought that he couldn't wait to return to Awa'atlu. He thought about bringing Neteyam to that one spot he found while he was diving by himself some nights ago. (He had been looking for spots where the two of them could have a quiet time to themselves. He wanted to surprise the other boy, and, at the same time, spend more time with the other boy.

It was a simple wish.)

But then Aonung noticed that the Sullys returned with empty and sorrowful eyes.

But then Aonung noticed Neteyam wasn't walking by himself.

But then Aonung noticed Neteyam was being carried by Jake Sully.

But then Aonung noticed the tear marks on their faces.

But then Aonung made eye contact with Loak.

But then Loak broke into tears, fell down to his knees in front of Aonung, and choked out, "I'm sorry."

'I'm sorry'.

Those two words, the way Loak's voice had trembled, the sob that escaped the boy's throat a moment after. They played themselves again and again in the metkayina's head.

When he got the chance to look at Neteyam's face, motionless yet peaceful, he brushed his knuckles along the boy's cheek.

When he got the chance to feel the omatikayan's braid under his fingertips, he took it. Feel the other boy's hair. Suppressed a snicker when he realised that, despite the number of times he taught Neteyam how to take care of his hair now that he was living at the reef, the forest Na'vi clearly hadn't fully gotten the hang of it.

When he got the chance to caress his yawne, he took it. He traced his friend's features: eyes, nose, lips.

Lips he never got to kiss.

Loak's voice rang loudly in his ears. Haunting him.

Even when he's awake. Even when he's asleep.

The 14-year-old omatikayan's words were loud in his head. Even years later.

"He wanted to go home, Aonung.

It was the only thing he had ever asked for."

••• 20 •••

It never got easy.

He wandered through forests. Sometimes, when he dared, he would go back to those parts of the forests he usually went to.

Just to remind himself of the past.

The more years passed, the longer he spent his time wandering through the forests.

He lost his mother. Rotxo, too.

He didn't know how Neteyam did it. He didn't know how Neteyam was able to keep up an act for so long.

He didn't want to believe it. Yet his yawne's absence remained loud - unable to be ignored.

It felt like the man was always there. Lurking like a shadow.

Lurking just like how the boy had been lurking in the back of his mind.

During his stays in the forest, sometimes he would bump into other clans. Other wandering forest Na'vi.

They would ask what he was doing there, and Aonung's answer would remain the same.

"Living in the past."

It was always a great conversation starter. Sometimes these strangers would laugh, thinking he had cracked a joke and was just reminiscing. Sometimes these strangers would make their confusion apparent, and ask what he meant by his words.

Most of the time, Aonung would not answer truthfully. Other times, he talked about it.

"My yawne was a forest Na'vi," Aonung would say, he and the strangers he met sitting around a campfire. "He loved the forest. It's only natural, having grown up here and all.

Forests aren't that appealing to me. I'm a reef Na'vi. I grew up at the reef.

It's a shame that the one thing I find most beautiful in the forest is no longer here."

"I'm sorry for your loss," an older forest Na'vi he encountered had once solemnly murmured, a grim expression on his face, mirroring Aonung's own. "What was his name?"

Aonung never managed to say his name.

Once, a group of forest Na'vi bumped into him. They were a lively bunch. They reminded him of his own group of friends five years ago.

One of them reminded Aonung too much of his yawne. Kind, yet stern.

"I know it's not my place to speak, but… You look like you've been through a lot.

You look lost. He wouldn't have wanted to see you like this."

The group of friends left shortly after Aonung had snapped.

"How would you know what he wanted?" The metkayina snapped, baring his teeth and ears pinned to his head. He stood up from his crouch, and looked down on the forest Na'vi in front of him with misplaced anger. "You're right. You have no right to speak.

You haven't lost your other half. You don't understand it. The loss. The pain.

The hollow."

For a long time after that, Aonung couldn't bring himself to connect with Eywa.

A quiet 'rebellion'. A quiet refusal.

Angry that his yawne was taken away from him so soon before anything could even start. Angry that everyone else seemed to have been able to move on.

Angry at himself for even thinking about how 'lucky' the others who were able to 'move on' were.

He didn't want to forget. He couldn't forget.

Reliving through memories through the Tree of Voices and the Tree of Souls was a different experience than reliving through memories through the Cove of the Ancestors. He felt closer to his yawne when he's in the forest.

He spent days connected to the spirit realm.

Whenever he set up camp, he made sure there was a Tree of Voices nearby. As if sleeping near it would allow him to hear his yawne better. As if sleeping near it would allow him a miracle.

But he was not the 'chosen one'. He was not Jake Sully, and he was not Kiri.

He was Aonung te Tsika'u Tonowari'itan.

After the tulkuns and Na'vi fought back against the Mangkwan and the sky people, Aonung's acting broke.

He wasn't strong enough. He wasn't strong enough to continue to be there for Loak the way Neteyam was for the younger omatikayan. He wasn't strong enough to be there for his people.

He was not the future oloeyktan his clan hoped for him to be.

He mourned. He grieved. He weeped.

He told his father that he needed to 'find his other half', and all that his father asked was a question with a heartachingly understanding and soft voice:

"Where do you want to go, Aonung?"

To his other half.

"To the forest," Aonung had said instead. "To see how he is doing."

A few days after that, the metkayina boy, for the first time, headed to the forest by himself.

It was an arduous journey, but it helped him.

It helped him be both in touch with reality and sink further into his reality.

His reality where his yawne was still with him. His reality where no one had died. His reality where Loak didn't insist on going back to save the human boy. His reality where the recombinant wasn't there to shoot his yawne.

His reality where he had been there to save his yawne.

When he was 18, Tsireya tried to get him to 'open up'. She told him that it may help with lessening the pain he had kept to himself this entire time.

Aonung did not want to forget the pain. He did not want to forget his yawne.

So when he was 19, he stayed in the forest for four months, rather than his usual two months.

Tsireya never asked him to open up again.

It didn't matter.

When Aonung was 20-years-old, he stayed in the forest for half a year.

••• 25 •••

"Why has our oloeyktan not taken a mate?"

When 10-year-old Pril was asked that question by one of her friends, she pressed her lips close and shut tightly.

When she was 7-years-old, the sky people had attacked.

Her father died in battle.

Aonung became oloeyktan.

Growing up, Pril had always noticed that her brother was never walking along the same shore she walked on. Her brother was there, yet he was not.

As she grew older, her brother's visits to the forest grew longer.

"He is visiting an old friend, Pril," Tsireya had answered when the youngest child asked what their brother was doing at the forest he so frequently visited.

The smile on Tsireya's lips was much too strained for her to be telling the entire truth. But 5-year-old Pril knew that her sister, the tsahik, was no liar.

"He and my brother used to hang out at the forest when they were little," Loak, a forest Na'vi and Tsireya's mate, would answer when 6-year-old Pril asked him what her brother was doing at the forest. "There's this river that they liked to spend their time together at. My bet? He's probably going to that very river as we're speaking," the omatikayan added, softly grinning as he patted Pril's head.

"Were they really close?" Pril had asked, watching the way Loak faltered, a saddened look crossing his face for a moment or two before he replaced it with a melancholic expression.

"They were very close."

"I was there when they first became friends," Jake Sully answered, his tone wistful when 7-year-old Pril asked him the very same question. "They got along the moment they met. You should have seen your brother, then. He couldn't take his eyes off my son.

I've never been a love expert, but I've always thought it was comforting to know my son has someone like Aonung that he could rely on."

Pril had asked why Jake had used the word 'love', but she didn't get to have an answer, as Tsireya was already calling for her to come home so they could eat dinner together.

"My oldest brother never stopped thinking about Aonung in the years after he met him," Kiri had answered, when 8-year-old Pril asked her why Aonung liked to go to the forest so much. "In a twisted way, perhaps this was fate's way of playing a cruel joke. To have your brother go through what mine went through."

Kiri has always been a little different. She was the child of Eywa and an avatar, yet she spoke of the Great Mother in both awe and a type of resentment that Pril could never put to words.

"They were good for each other," was Tuk's simple answer when 9-year-old Pril asked the omatikayan about why Aonung visited the forest so often. "If I'm being honest, all I remember clearly about when it comes to the past is being tied up all the time," she continued, shrugging nonchalantly as she poked at a small creature on the sand, fleeing into its shell at the disturbance.

With the creature having retreated, Tuk turned her attention to properly look at Pril. "Which is why I'm infinitely stronger and less helpless than I was all those years ago. For one, I'm confident enough to challenge my oldest brother to a bow match, if he were still here," she quipped, acting cool like she usually would.

"Why do you think that they're good for each other?" Pril had asked.

Tuk's answer had Pril thinking to herself for a really long time.

"They just are, Pril. You can see it from the way they look at each other and keep staring at each other alone."

At the beginning of the year she was going to turn 10-years-old, Pril asked Neytiri what she thought about Aonung's visits to the forest for the past three years, considering how the 25-year-old metkayina was already an oloeyktan, and yet still insisted on visiting the forest annually.

When Neytiri gave her answer, Pril found herself trying her best to listen.

It wasn't the first time her questions were answered, but, at the grief-stricken look on Neytiri's face, Pril couldn't help but wanted to listen. To the tremble in the woman's voice. To the emotions lacing her words.

"I do not fault him for his insistence," Neytiri had said, kneeling in front of Pril and staring at the young metkayina like she was her pride and joy. She cupped Pril's face as lovingly as a mother would, before she softly whispered, "I would be devastated, if my husband were to leave my side, too."

For the rest of the night, Neytiri was reserved, and she sang her firstborn's songcord during the next eclipse.

"It's not that he has not taken a mate," 10-year-old Pril spoke, her voice loud and clear as her group of friends paused their chatters to curiously look at her.

Her friends furrowed their eyes in confusion, and exchanged looks with each other before one of them questioned, "Then what?"

"Eywa deemed that his mate was to return to the spirit realm," Pril said simply.

The group of friends slowly nodded in understanding, processing Pril's words, before another one of them asked, "Do we know his mate well?"

Once again, Pril's answer was simple. "No."

"Then how do we know that they are good for each other?" The same person followed up, the question genuinely out of curiosity and not out of doubt.

Pril thought of all that she knew about the Sully's first child. The one who died too early. Too young.

The one she had heard so many stories about, yet never quite able to have a face to those heroic and colourful stories and tales.

She thought of all the answers she had gotten over the years, and gave her answer:

"Anyone with the eyes to see saw how well they were together."

No one denied her words, that night.

When she returned home to her marui, Aonung was already there.

They were the only two left living in their family's marui. Tsireya had lived in her own marui with her mate.

Tonowari and Ronal lie with their ancestors.

"You're back late, ma tsmuke," The 25-year-old metkayina greeted, a gentle smile on his lips as he beckoned for his sister to sit with him so they could have dinner together.

"Sorry, brother," Pril apologised, sitting beside her brother so that their knees occasionally brushed against each other. Providing physical contact to her brother who rarely initiated any with anyone anymore.

"Were you with your friends?"

"Yes."

"What did you guys talk about?"

"We talked about your mate."

The smile on Aonung's lips was the only thing that did not falter.

A pause, the silence stretching for another moment or two, before a question was uttered by a quiet voice, "What did you say about him?"

Pril dug into her portion of dinner, talking between mouthfuls. "That he's great, and that he is worthy of you."

The young girl was already halfway through finishing her dinner when she realised she hadn't gotten a reply to her words.

Turning to look at her brother, she felt incredibly alarmed at the way he was looking at her.

Saddened. Proud. Solemn. Relief.

Grieving.

The oloeyktan reached out a hand, and gently tucked a stray strand of hair of his sister's behind his ear, before he murmured, his voice barely louder than a whisper, "If there's anyone who is not worthy of him, it is me.

He was… he was everything I needed, Pril."

The young Metkayina had never heard her brother sound so longing and heartaching.

"What is his name?" Pril asked, putting down her dinner quietly in favour of grasping a hand on her brother's forearm, hoping to comfort him with something so simple.

Aonung laughed, soft and as if it was a secret shared between him and someone beloved to him, before he spoke with reverence and warmth that squeezed at Pril's heart.

"Neteyam te Suli Tsyeyk'itan.

That is my beloved's name."

"The five stages – denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance – are often talked about as if they happen in order, moving from one stage to the other. You might hear people say things like ‘Oh I’ve moved on from denial and now I think I’m entering the angry stage’. But this isn’t often the case."