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but the thing that terrifies him most is just how easy it is to lose control. just how easy it is to forget for a brief moment; to float a few centimetres away from the surface of the earth, or find himself staring when he shouldn’t be. to find himself reciprocating a smile. to find his heart alive and well, working in his chest. it’s the scariest thing in the world to jungkook - the notion of losing control. the concept of the unknown, the uncontrollable. and jimin takes that fear and injects it into his veins, setting his nerves alight.
it’s just that he buries it in eye smiles and full-body laughs. in a melodic voice sculpted with the shape of upturned lips. he buries it in soft gazes and gentle touches and habitual reactions to the things people say. he buries it so far beneath everything jungkook has never been immune to that when jungkook realises he’s lost control it’s already so far past too late.
when jungkook realises his eyes have mellowed and he’s suddenly not thinking about where he’s looking anymore, the ink has already begun to seep into the lines on his skin. it sinks down, down, so deep down that when he searches for it, he can pretend he can’t see it anymore.
but it’s there. it’s fermenting. it’s present, it’s alive, and it’s sucking the life out of him. jimin is sucking the life out of him, so that he can use it in his fucking smile and electric touches. jimin is draining him until there’s nothing left of the jungkook that used to be there. until there’s nothing left but a tether to a man he’s trying so hard to ignore.
jungkook hates him. he hates him. how dare jimin do something like this to him? does he think this is some kind of fucking game? this is jungkook’s life on the line. this is everything he’s ever worked for, and jimin thinks it’s okay to play around with that? jimin thinks it’s okay to remove everything that makes him jeon jungkook and replace it with these disgusting– these unnatural, just plain foul ideas and feelings. how dare he.
jungkook will not lose control.
jungkook will not let this beat him.
he will not, ever, bend to jimin’s wishes and wants. he will not let jimin get to his heart. he will keep it locked up and far away from anyone’s prying eyes and dowsing fingers, watching carefully until they give up and forget that it even exists. jeon jungkook will not let anyone see the look he gives as jimin blinks himself awake in the morning. he will not soften at the sound of park jimin’s tinkling laugh. he will not ever let park jimin into his heart, tearing it out of his own chest and placing it in an iron box, burying, burying, burying it miles underground. jeon jungkook will seal every valve he can find within himself, ignoring the ink under his skin until it is poison in his bloodstream. he will be taken to the grave with withering black veins and when someone asks why his skin is tainted grey he will look at them curiously and say “i’m sorry,”
“i don’t know what you’re talking about.”