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Gorya stood with Prim in front of the door to Shasha's condo, afraid of what she might see once she entered. Part of her wished, even prayed, that Bambi wouldn't be there. Despite all the disappointments Shasha had caused her, she still believed that the girl wouldn't succumb to Bambi's games. That she was genuinely trying to change.
The door opened a crack, and a confused and slightly frightened Shasha appeared behind it. Gorya swallowed hard, already sensing what was coming. If Shasha hadn't done anything inappropriate, she would have cracked some irritating joke by now. Instead, she stands there, staring uncertainly at Gorya.
“How can I help you?” she asked, but her eyes beg to be left alone.
“Is Bambi here? I can’t reach her since yesterday.” Prim gasped worriedly.
Gorya only rolled her eyes at the girl, trying to act tough. But in reality, she couldn't stand that the girl she had a crush on was following someone who had absolutely no respect for her. And even more so, she couldn't cope with the fact that the girl she was slowly falling in love with was falling for the same tricks from Bambi.
“She’s taking a shower.” Shasha said, and her eyes were fixed on Gorya's, as if waiting for her reaction.
The shorter girl didn't give up, though. She followed Prim into the condo, ignoring Shasha. It didn't matter that inside she wanted to throw herself around the girl's neck and beg for an answer as to why she ended up here with Bambi.
This action was like a knife in the back for her. This would have hurt her with any girl Shasha brought over for the night. But this was Bambi. That made the betrayal even more unbearable.
“Shasha, did you…” Bambi started but then she realized they weren’t alone anymore.
She looked at her girlfriend with fear in her eyes and ashamed adjusted Shasha's shirt, which she had borrowed for sleeping. Shasha pursed her lips, knowing this was all a complete mess. She looked back at Gorya, hoping for some kind of reaction from her. She wanted the shorter girl to look at her, ask if she really did it, or even yell at her. Because anything is better than no reaction.
“We have to talk.” Prim said to her girlfriend and took her hand.
“We’ll wait upstairs. Come on, Gorya.” Shsha told her and reached out to take her hand
Gorya, however, pushed her hand away and went upstairs on her own, bumping into Bambi with her shoulder on the way. She could accept many things, but not something like this. She couldn't accept that Shasha would stoop to such low levels. Any glimmer of hope that the girl actually felt something for her was completely gone.
Gorya sat down in chair and took out her phone, pretending to be busy so Shasha wouldn't disturb her. However, Shasha didn't seem to mind at all. It was this kind of behavior that turned her on. She wanted to make Gorya jealous, to finally understand that she truly felt something for her.
And that worked.
“This is low behavior, even for you. Bambi has a girlfriend, did you forget?” Gorya asked and rolled her eyes again.
Shasha crossed her arms and leaned against the window, looking directly at the girl in front of her.
“We just kissed. It was short.” she replied to Gorya.
“And that says something better about you?” Gorya asked and snorted. “You could have brought someone else here. It's not like you don't have any other options, Shasha.”
The taller girl raised her eyebrows in satisfaction, knowing that Gorya was referring to herself, even though she wouldn't admit it out loud. She moved away from the window and walked over to the armchair the girl was sitting in. She placed her hand on the backrest and leaned closer to Gorya's face.
“You are jealous.” she whispered with a smile, which made Gorya's eyes widen.
“No, I’m not. I feel sorry for you two. How could you do that to Prim? Kissing is still cheating.” Gorya said furiously through her teeth. “How would you feel if I kissed Prim?!”
Shasha's face fell slightly, the satisfied smile vanished, and the scenario the other girl had presented popped into her head. How would she feel? She would be furious. And she is aware of this.
“It doesn’t mean anything to me. The kiss with Bambi.” Shasha said and sighed. “I just…I don’t know. I have no idea what to say.”
“You haven’t changed one bit.” Gorya commented, getting up from her chair to walk around Shasha's bedroom.
The sight of Bambi's clothes on the floor made her feel even worse. Even though she would like to find some explanation for Shasha, she simply cannot.
“Maybe I am not ready to change.” Shasha said and looked at the girl. “Maybe…I don’t want to loose myself by chasing after you, knowing that you won't give me a chance anyway.”
“I was clear about that since the start.” Gorya reminded her and shrugged.
Shasha shook her head and walked over to the girl. She grabbed her hand and looked into her eyes. They both tensed, unsure of what they are to each other. And it doesn't look like it will be resolved anytime soon.
“So why are you mad right now?” Shasha asked calmly. “You ended things between us, Gorya. You can’t judge me for what I do anymore.”
Gorya looked away for a moment, feeling foolish at the girl's words. She never made Shasha feel like they could be something for each other. So why is she mad about the kiss with Bambi?
“I’m mad at myself. For ever even thinking that we could…” Gorya abandoned her statement, realizing that the barrier she had built around her feelings was breaking down.
“That we could what?” Shasha asked confused.
“That we could be something more to each other!” she blurted out and pushed Shasha's hand away, moving away from her. “The night in my room…when I was holding you…never mind.”
The taller girl's mind was in a state of confusion. She has been rejected by Gorya so many times that her current words seem unreal.
“No…no. Tell me.” Shasha said with hope. “Let’s talk about everything. I want to know what you feel.”
Gorya took a deep breath and let it out slowly, closing her eyes for a moment. Maybe she really should start being honest. Both with Shasha and with herself.
“For a moment I thought we could actually try to be together.” she explained. “But you just disappointed me.”
“Gorya, I’m sorry.” Shasha said and took her hand again. “I want you, I really do. You are the only person who comes closest to knowing me completely. And I know I shouldn't have kissed Bambi. I ruined everything, I know.”
“At least you are aware of it.” Gorya said and sighed. “But I am also aware that I have deceived you. I want to apologize for that.”
Without hesitation, Shasha pulled the girl closer and hugged her tightly. Gorya, though she initially wanted to protest, snuggled into the girl's shoulder.
They both know they have feelings for each other, but neither of them can yet completely surrender to these feelings. So they remain in this state of confusion and uncertainty, hurting each other, not knowing what to do next.
Gorya moved away from Shasha a little and looked into her eyes. Could this girl give her the relationship and love she dreams of? Arguing about nonsense, experiencing new things together, surprising each other. Would that work for them?
One look into Shasha's eyes and her stupid smile was enough.
The shorter girl came closer again and kissed her lips, wrapping her arms around her neck. Shasha, in turn, immediately grabbed Gorya's waist, pulling her even closer. They stayed like that, savoring the moment, knowing their happiness would not last long. Because despite their attraction to each other, their attachment and absorption, it is not their time yet.