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“I’d prefer Hutcherson or Hemsworth, y’know?”
Phil hoped it sounded casual. He was blindingly aware that this was the first time he’d said something so unambiguously gay in front of Dan. The younger boy looked utterly shocked, as if Phil had just told him the world was going to end.
“Oh, I didn’t know you were, uh—” Dan stuttered.
Phil forced a laugh, trying to break the tension. “Yeah, pretty solidly gay here. Aside from a teenage crush on Sarah Michelle Gellar it’s just been men for me.”
Dan didn’t reply, but Phil could all but see the thoughts swirling in his head. Dan hadn’t seemed like the homophobic type, but it wasn’t like they’d discussed it before. Phil’s anxiety started to shift towards anger. Did I misjudge him?
“Is that an issue for you?” he said, voice darkening.
“No— I— uh— I just—”
“Because I generally don’t associate with homophobes.” he continued, not pausing to see the panicked look on Dan’s face. He couldn’t believe he’d spent so much time with someone so bigoted and not even noticed.
“I do too,” Dan finally blurted out. “Like men, I mean.”
Shit.
Everything clicked into place at once. What he’d read as a straight man reeling at the fact that his friend wasn’t “like him” was really a scared queer boy seeing the other side of the closet door for the first time. He knew how Dan must feel right now, the mix of terror and hope at seeing someone be so casually open about the thing he thought he had to keep hidden at all costs. He wanted to reach through the screen and wrap him up in a hug, tell him that it was okay, that he didn’t need to be scared, that everything would work itself out in the end.
All he managed to say was “Oh.”
“Sorry, I just, uh, I didn’t expect that,” Dan said, stumbling over his words.
“I’d thought it was pretty obvious given” — Phil gestured toward himself — “me.”
“I guess I just don’t know many people who are…” Dan trailed off.
“Gay?” It was clear Dan didn’t want to say it.
“Yeah.”
“It’s not a dirty word, you know.”
“I know,” Dan said quietly, seeming to shrink before the camera.
They were both silent for a moment. Phil wanted to say more, but he didn’t want to push Dan too far. Maybe it was better to just give him some space.
“Do you want to talk about something else for a bit?” he said gently.
“Maybe, yeah, sorry,” Dan was clearly relieved. “Do you want to play some Tetris, actually?”
Phil smiled. “Sounds great.”
Phil wasn’t sure what to make of Dan anymore. Since their awkward sexuality conversation he seemed to have gotten… braver, to say the least. Unfortunately, it was hard to tell if this new, confident Dan was actually flirting with him, or if he was just excited to have a gay friend. Phil would be thrilled if he was flirting, of course — Dan was funny and sweet and gorgeous — but he didn’t want to screw up their perfectly good friendship. Sometimes, though, he felt like he was losing his mind a little.
amazing_phil
Oh no, I have you beat in terms of clumsiness.
One time I spilled an entire bowl of cereal all over my bed.
danisnotonfire
i'd like to be spilled all over your bed ;)
How else was he supposed to interpret that.
He’d been resisting the urge to put Dan on the spot, to ask him point blank if he was coming on to him. At first it had been easy enough to dismiss — Phil thought the world would be a better place if more men felt comfortable platonically complimenting their friends — but it had crossed a line. It had a winky face for godssake. He had to say something.
amazing_phil
Alright mate what exactly was that supposed to mean.
He’d deleted and retyped the question half a dozen times, hoping it would sound casual rather than accusatory, like it was a joke they were both in on.
danisnotonfire
idrk, srry
just being silly
Phil sighed. He supposed the deflection shouldn’t come as a surprise. Dan was still very much in the closet — maybe even to himself — and Phil couldn’t expect him to be immediately open about this sort of thing. He would just have to be sneakier about it, he decided. All of this would be so much easier if they could just meet in person. So much nuance and tone got lost over text, and video calls were only slightly better. Unfortunately, Dan hadn’t given any indication that he was interested in meeting in person. But Phil had started concocting a plan to change that.
It took a few weeks for the eBay order to arrive, shipping all the way from the US. The two packages stared at him from the coffee table as he ate his morning cereal until he finally relented and tore them open. The larger package seemed to be almost entirely bubble wrap, which he unrolled across the floor of the lounge to reveal a boxy grey NES, two controllers, and a tangle of wires. The second package was worryingly lacking in padding, but the plastic cartridge seemed unharmed aside from a few scratches across the very 80s-looking Tetris logo.
He fiddled with adapters to get the console connected to his much younger TV, but at last the blocky graphic of Saint Basil’s Cathedral appeared on the screen. He clicked through the menu for a minute to make sure the controllers were working, then pulled out his phone and opened Discord.
amazing_phil
Hey, I don’t know if I’ve mentioned this but I actually have a NES with a copy of classic Tetris.
If you ever wanted to come give it a try.
It was only partially a lie. Really, he hadn’t said anything untrue. It wasn’t his fault if Dan thought he’d had the NES this whole time, rather than that he’d bought it specifically to lure him to York.
danisnotonfire
woah thats so cool
id love to come play sometime
That seemed… promising? Dan hadn’t shut down the idea or freaked out on him, which he’d been worried might happen. “Sometime” was a bit vaguer than he’d like though.
amazing_phil
Are you free next Sunday?
Phil hoped that wasn’t too soon, but he was tired of waiting. If he could, he would’ve told Dan to get on the next train and come visit now.
danisnotonfire
im always free lol
amazing_phil
Perfect!
I can get the train ticket if you want.
I know the student budget can be a bit tight sometimes.
Such a short ticket probably wouldn’t be too expensive, but he wanted to sidestep any obstacles that might stand between him and Dan being in his apartment.
danisnotonfire
thats ok, its not too bad
i can book it now
unless i should wait
amazing_phil
Book away!
Phil was practically vibrating with excitement. He couldn’t believe how well this had gone. Dan was going to be here. In eight days. He sat and stared at the Discord chat until Dan responded, barely wanting to breathe lest he interrupt his good luck. At last, Dan sent him a screenshot of the booking confirmation.
MCO → YRK, 11:36 A.M., 19th October