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Eternal lonliness

Summary:

*THERE ARE NO CHAPTERS FOR THIS STORY. I CAN ADD SOME IF ASKED THO*

An odd sound escaped his lips as he stretched yet again, even leaning back a little to really get all his muscles loosened for the day. As Satoru began cleaning himself up, washing his face, brushing his teeth and brushing his hair. He grew curious about his students. They’d been on a mission in a different region for many days now, accompanied by Nanami of course. When were they supposed to return? Satoru couldn’t remember, he had to do too many things to keep track of those three. They were in Nanami’s care so he was sure nothing was going to happen to them. Afterall Nanami was strong.
‘Not as strong as me though’ Satoru thought, his ego returning despite being barely awake. He took a deep breath, his jaw tightening slightly. He rested his palms on the sink and stared at himself in the mirror. He knew he never woke up as beautiful as he was throughout the day but today seemed different. It was like whatever he dreamt of last night wasn’t pleasant, he didn’t have a good rest because of that. Odd. he leaned forwards and raised his hands to widen one of his eyes, the soft red flesh on the inside looking more pale. Maybe he needed more iron.

Notes:

I'm focussing more on my mha fanfic, than this one. There's no relevant ships or literally anything at all in this fanfic. It's just me trying to regulate my own emotions and pushing them on Satoru lol.

Work Text:

18 December, Winter.

The light was blinding, the rays of sun hitting his sleepy eyes like daggers trying to blind him. A groan escaped his lips as he sat up and rubbed his eyes. What time was it? Early. He assumed. Otherwise the sun would have been much softer in his awakening than that. Satoru took a deep breath as he pulled the covers off his legs, the cool air rising goosebumps to the surface of his skin. His body hair standing up on end. It was winter after all. He stood up and stretched his arms up above his head, his muscles tensing slightly before relaxing yet again. His drowsy eyes followed the grain on his wooden floor to look at the wall. He remembered he had a lot to get done today, being a teacher and the strongest sorcerer of this day and age. He brushed his hair out of his face, the unbrushed locks getting tangled on his fingers. A sigh escaped his lips as he finally started moving, walking along with a faint patter of his feet against the floor. He wandered over to the door of his bedroom, fingers latching around the cold, metal door handle. His wrist turned to unlatch it so the wooden block could swing open allowing the man to exit the room. He felt another yawn coming but pushed it down as he rubbed his eyes, trying to ignore the ache in the sockets of his eyes. Satoru forced the bathroom door open, it was always a bit hard to open, probably from the way the floor was. But Satoru didn’t have the time to spend money to fix it nowadays. He stared down at the ground as he entered, the smell of soap intruding his nostrils. His eyes trailed up, meeting that messy, tired expression in the mirror. It was normal for him to look like this, his white strands of soft hair sticking up in all directions, his eyes half closed with the blue orbs a more dull gray. He flexed his fingers, listening to his knuckles crack.

An odd sound escaped his lips as he stretched yet again, even leaning back a little to really get all his muscles loosened for the day. As Satoru began cleaning himself up, washing his face, brushing his teeth and brushing his hair. He grew curious about his students. They’d been on a mission in a different region for many days now, accompanied by Nanami of course. When were they supposed to return? Satoru couldn’t remember, he had to do too many things to keep track of those three. They were in Nanami’s care so he was sure nothing was going to happen to them. Afterall Nanami was strong.

‘Not as strong as me though’ Satoru thought, his ego returning despite being barely awake. He took a deep breath, his jaw tightening slightly. He rested his palms on the sink and stared at himself in the mirror. He knew he never woke up as beautiful as he was throughout the day but today seemed different. It was like whatever he dreamt of last night wasn’t pleasant, he didn’t have a good rest because of that. Odd. he leaned forwards and raised his hands to widen one of his eyes, the soft red flesh on the inside looking more pale. Maybe he needed more iron.

He’ll make himself breakfast in a little bit, right now he needs a shower. It was his own fault for not having the time to have a shower earlier in the week, and now he felt disgusting. With a defeated sigh he pushed off the sink and closed the bathroom door, sliding his plain black shirt off his head, the chilled air hitting his skin and causing a small shock. He’ll never get used to the winter months in this house. Maybe he should move. Somewhere much warmer. With a shrug he pulled his track pants down, pausing to step out of the folded cloth on the floor. He slid the shower curtain to the side and reached his hand into the shower, turning the knob and putting the water to the exact temperature he likes. Maybe a bit hotter because of how cold it was this morning. A hesitant twitch stopped his arm from retracting back to his body, what was he doing with his life. He never asked to be the strongest, of course it was awesome but he didn’t want to only be seen as a weapon for the rest of his life. Maybe he should kill himself and let someone else carry the burden. He’ll pass onto the next life as a normal person, perceived for his personality and not his strength. It would be better, after all it’s his infinity that makes him untouchable. Even when it’s deactivated he still feels separated from the rest of humanity. There’s no stopping the coldness in his heart that is causing him to slowly rott. Suddenly Satoru’s eyes snapped open, he made a hissing sound as he yanked his hand out from under the water.

“Bastard…” He mumbled, looking at his reddened knuckles. The water was too hot. It’d been too long since Satoru felt real pain that this was a harsh shock for him. But it was only temporary as he noticed his hand only felt hot now, it didn’t sting. He clenched and unclenched his hand, watching the blood draining from his skin before returning just as fast. He took in a breath, letting out the air slowly. The feeling of his ribs and lungs expanding reminding him that he is alive. He shouldn’t think of death, as long as he’s alive there’s always going to be hope for the Jujutsu world. Only… He wished he wasn’t like this. He didn’t know what he was getting into, he was just born like this. It just wasn’t fair. Satoru wandered the streets of Tokyo, dodging civilians. But he couldn’t ignore the looks he got, assuming it was from his height. But he couldn’t be more wrong.. He pushed his rectangular sunglasses up the bridge of his nose, taking a long deep breath. His hands slid down the sides of his torso into his pockets.

Honestly this was the longest he’d gone without smiling, there truly was no reason to smile if he wasn’t with anyone of his liking. He stared at nothing as his legs carried his tall lanky body across the streets. His eyes were dull, their usual glow no longer present. Maybe it was because he wasn’t using his six eyes, but even then there was always a beautiful, subtle shimmer in his eyes. So what was the problem now? He flexed his fingers in his pockets, feeling a few of his knuckles crack from the movement as he continued walking, he’d already forgotten why he was outside. He could’ve easily just rotted in his bed for the day. Except that he had business as the strongest sorcerer of the modern age. He closed his eyes and took in a long deep breath, coming to a halt at the crosswalk. He waited for the lights to change. The crowded streets of Japan always felt claustrophobic.

He blinked open his eyes, just standing on the curb. He was honestly happy right now, but not for a good reason. He was going unnoticed, he was blending into society. He was like a regular citizen like all the other folk around him. His eyes flicked up, seeing a curse on the lamppost on the other side of the road. The lights turned green and he noticed everyone around him beginning to move along the road. Only he stayed still, staring up at the curse. He felt disgusted by these things. If they didn’t exist he wouldn’t have been dragged into this mess of a cursed world. Humans were negative all the time. They always had negative emotions whether intended or not. Jealousy, hate, disgust, fear. Everything. That’s what made them human. That’s what separated humans from other animals. At least, that’s what others thought. Satoru knew that there was no line between humans and animals. They all felt emotions. They all felt pain, joy, love, hate. All of that disgusting stuff.

Ever since Suguru died, Satoru refused to love anyone again, maybe it was the fear that they would be taken from him that stopped him. Or that there was always going to be a gap between him and those of the weaker race. His mind snapped back to reality as he heard the distorted voice of the curse calling out. Something about it seemed off. Of course, it was just a curse and nothing more but Satoru began to think there was something hidden under the surface. He closed his hands into a fist and raised his hand up towards the curse. He had to dispose of it discreetly.

“Pl…eas…e d-do…n’t le…t me d…ie…” Satoru froze. His eyes, hidden by his glasses, widening slightly at the sound of the curses’ voice. It was a low grade, that was clear. So why was it speaking? How revolting. They shouldn’t know how to speak. Satoru’s mind of course, turned colder to the curse. He didn’t care whether it was a former human or not, a curse is a curse and they all need to be destroyed. That was the way of a Jujutsu Sorcerer after all. There’s nothing left to do, kill or be killed. Satoru’s hand opened, his long fingers soon curving to look like he was grabbing an invisible force. He glared at the curse, his blue eyes shimmering as he activated a part of his cursed technique. Slowly watching the curse’s soft, sluggish body start to morph and bend. Soon it exploded, like a can imploding from the force of it's own weight. As its purple blood dripped down like rain, splattering around onto the pavement, so did the real rain. Of course it began to rain when he wasn’t prepared. Oh well, he’ll just use his infinity to stop himself from getting wet. He started walking across the street, completely ignoring the bloody massacre of a mess left behind by the now eradicated curse.

He slid his hand back into his pocket and continued walking, staring at pure nothing yet again.

20th December, Winter.

Two days later, like always, Satoru’s days repeated. Wake up, teach, fight curses, sleep. Repeat. It’s not fun. Most people think being able to see curses and even defeat them is cool and should be something shared with the world. But it’s not. It’s a burden, a life of living hell that the sorcerers of the Jujutsu world need to live through for their entire lives. It’s painful, tiring work and requires more than just a few cool fighting skills. You need to train and hone your technique. You need to control it and build a connection with it. It’s not like you’re able to suddenly be perfect at something you’ve never done before. Only, Satoru was. He was always perfect. He has to be perfect. For his students, his comrades and everyone in Japan. He was stuck with this everlasting curse. He’ll be reborn again and again just to be a weapon for the use of the higher-ups. A puppet to be stringed along by metal chains. Until those chains break form the rust built up of thousands of years. He’s trapped in this world. Over and over. And over. And over again. Until Satoru becomes nothing more than just a bag of flesh thrown into the worst situations for the good of the world. He felt like a walking human experiment.

“If Satoru can’t do it then nobody can” … That thought ran through his mind and sent chills down his spine like he just stepped into pure ice water.

He wasn’t supposed to be like this. He was a human, a mortal with a soul. He’ll die one day just like everyone else. He always knew it would happen, but he was growing impatient. He knew if he died then the burden would be passed onto someone else. Someone so young and vulnerable… he couldn’t do that to someone. He doesn’t want anyone to experience this pain the same way he has. Never again. He’ll find a way to stop the cycle. He always finds ways to stop stuff. Whether using his technique or not. He always finds a way. He’s Satoru Gojo afterall.

“Gojo-Sensei!” The voice of his student snapped him out of his episode, his head turning to face towards the doorway. Being able to see that familiar pink mess of a hair on top of his beloved student. And behind him was the forever grumpy look of a certain black haired boy. A boy he raised after murdering his own father. How sad. Satoru smiled at the two of them, standing up from his chair and stretching like a cat, his throat making a minor sound of discomfort as he felt his bones grinding and bending. Some of his knuckles even cracked. How long was he sitting there for? Probably long enough to make his ass sweaty. He looked at his students and noticed the look in Yuuji’s eyes. He raised an eyebrow with his smile turning into a smirk. He knew what his students wanted.

“Alright. Let’s get going.” He said, looking down in playful defeat. He always treated his students to something after a long day.

“So where’s Nobara?” Satoru asked, taking a lick from his ice cream, using his lips to protect his sensitive teeth he took a half-bite out of the vanilla flavor. He looked at Yuuji then glanced over at Megumi, eyebrow raised in curiosity. It’s not often these two are left behind by that girl but it’s also uncommon for them to hangout after school hours anyway. So, Satoru couldn’t help but feel a little curious about why she wasn’t here.

“Well she’s out.” Yuuji responded, opening the treat he received from his teacher.

“Out where?” “

With some friends…”

“Aren’t you two her only friends?”

“She’s on a date with Maki.” Megumi cut the two of them off, looking up from his phone, eyes narrowing at the other two. His main focus was on Yuuji though, who was currently shoving an entire onigiri into his mouth. It wasn’t working all that well. Satoru looked between the two of them and sighed. He hoped these two could enjoy their youth while they could. It’s not everyday you meet someone this close. Honestly the two of them reminded Satoru of him and Suguru. This thought, a small thought that wasn’t a big deal put a smile on his face. Megumi saw this smile, and with a roll of his eyes spoke up again.

“Speaking of which, I have to go. Inumaki and Panda said they needed my help.” He said, turning his phone around to show the other two dunces the messages. For proof. He grabbed Yuuji’s hand, pulled him closer and planted a kiss on his cheek.

“I’ll see you two later.” and with that he walked off. Yuuji’s face was bright red, his fingers gently caressing the area over his cheek where Megumi had kissed. It was like he was startled but it was clear the two were dating. You almost could never separate the two young boys. Satoru chuckled slightly, taking a nibble out of the cone of his ice cream. Teenagers were so easy to read, it was clear how flustered Yuuji was just by that small gesture of love and Satoru found it hilarious.

“What are you laughing at?!” Yuuji huffed, his face color flattening but it was still, incredibly, obvious that he was indeed flustered. There’s no changing it anyway. He crossed his arms and looked away from his white haired teacher. He didn’t admit it but Satoru could just tell. There were always signs but this just confirmed the suspicions.

“It’s okay Yuuji, I support you.” Satoru smiled, a warm father-like smile that showed his teeth. Yuuji instantly relaxed at the sight, letting out a sigh of relief. Was he scared his own teacher would be disgusted? Heavens no. Satoru loved his students like they were his own blood and nothing could ever change that.

“Say, Megumi’s birthday is coming around soon. While we’re out, do you wanna get him a gift?” Yuuji looked up at Satoru, eyes locking onto Satoru’s face. He nodded and gave Satoru a wide smile. This is what Satoru wanted. He wanted his students to smile even if they’re struggling in their lives. “Alright then, let’s have a look around.”