Chapter Text
minseok
hi hyung
you there?
yeah
okay just to make sure you dont forget for tomorrow's flight
im not going to forget it
told you im making sure!
expecting the worst scenario thats all
talking about making sure
dinner on the first night? for what?
for the best men to bond!
it's minhyung's idea but i get where he came from
?
you do know that me and wooje were born from the same mother and has lived under the same roof for years
except for the last few years bc i need to work and he does it too
also im going with him too tomorrow
who doesnt know about the infamous choi siblings!!
anyway you know why
not everyone came from the same circle of friendship
who doesnt?
first of all
geonwoo and hyeonjun
Hyunjoon's finger freezes on his phone screen. Right, Hyeonjun will be in the wedding. Obviously, he is one of Minhyung's best men. They are best friends, one of the closest. The thing is Hyeonjun is also his ex.
They broke up a few months ago. Hyunjoon never considered the wedding to halt the break up. It didn't crossed his mind. The few things he remember about that day were tears pooling in his eyes, Hyeonjun standing too far away from his reach.
It hurt enough to remember the last time he ever saw the younger was him standing too far from him. The apartment where he lives right now used to smell like him. His scent sometimes linger around here but Hyunjoon know he needs to move. Hyunjoon shut his eyes for a second before typing a replay.
okay thats minhyung's case
i know all of your best men
well whats the matter with just a small dinner together hyung!!!
"A lot of things." Hyunjoon want to answer that, but it's not enough to explain what happened to him and Hyeonjun. Not through text. It's also been a long time since Hyunjoon met Minseok and the wedding day alongside other preparation is the only way for him to meet the younger man.
This is not about him or Hyeonjun. The least thing Hyunjoon has to do is not make it one.
okay
just for the dinner right?
you know damn well there are other things to do!
going on a pre-wedding trip for the whole week and you expect it will be you and your bed for the rest of the days?
pft
im going to be a bad host if i let my best man to do all that!
its not my first time flying to jeju
also i get it
i still have a lot to do for works tho
you're welcome!
and stop working! oh my god its my wedding trip!
i know you're a writer and to become one must mean you have to work everywhere
but not when im getting married! take a fucking rest hyung
wooje told me a lot of things about this
i just need to finish some drafts
i wont finish anything if i couldnt finish this
you look so lost these past few days hyung
is there anything you didnt tell me?
Hyunjoon can't say anything about his break up with Hyeonjun. Not to Minseok, not to anyone. Wooje know about this—duh, he is his brother. He's literally the first person Hyunjoon had to contact a few minutes after Hyeonjun stepped out from his apartment.
His parents still don't know about the break up. Living far away from home is one thing, telling them about his years of relationship going into waste because of a blew up of their pent up emotion is another one. Hyunjoon doesn't want to give his mother a heart attack through a phone call. Even though he know she will be on his side, but Hyeonjun is loved by the family and enough to make his father entrusted him to take care of their oldest son.
There are a lot of things to unpack here. Hyunjoon has been avoiding this topic for the longest time. He doesn't even talk about it with Wooje. His little brother has a lot of things to handle on his plate—he's just happy to finally be employed as a permanent employee in his office and sometimes promoting his brother's work to his colleagues.
Another thing is Hyunjoon's next project. His new book, potentially published early next year. If he can finish pile of editing from his editor. A romance book where he started to write solely because of his love towards Hyeonjun.
Yeah, he's damned as fuck. Fuck him for being a hopeless romantic. Why did he pursue his literary study very seriously back then? Sitting in a office cubicle and counting taxes for a big corporation sounds better at times like this. An author is no better than a songwriter—or a singer who really love to pour their lives into every of their songs.
Choi Hyunjoon—or under the pen name, Dawnbringer, has never wrote any of his work that is too close to his personal life. His last two books are sci-fi with pinch of romance here and there with a sprinkle of actions obviously. Not the main topic for the rest of its stories. Hyeonjun was there when Hyunjoon announced his next project will be a romance book, like a full one without any sentinels or dystopian theme surrounding it.
"Are you sure?" Hyunjoon remember Hyeonjun asked him about it. His eyes searching for further explanation from Hyunjoon's eyes. "You know, there are many sayings about you should not give a work of your life for someone," he stated, "We still don't know what the future holds for us." Hyunjoon understood—he thought he understood back then.
But then Hyunjoon was a lovesick fool. He used to be someone who thinks about any of realistic scenarios, any outcomes of his choice. Especially when it came to his works. But Hyeonjun was more than that—he always has been more than that.
"We're going to be fine, Junnie." Then Hyunjoon said with a sheepish smile on his face.
"Mmmh. I hope so." Then Hyeonjun smiled back, leaning for another long kiss on his lips.
That being said, his muse is gone now. And Hyunjoon is almost finished with his work with more editing on the way. Then he should talk about the covers and everything. He also didn't forget the time he had to brainstorm each of his new characters with Hyeonjun—because one is solely based on the charming thriving lawyer that Moon Hyeonjun always is.
Hyunjoon has to lie. It's not the first time he has lied to Minseok though. But he needs to. To make everything about the newlyweds and not himself.
no no im fine
its just works
you know the drills
i do hyung but im not the one who's a famous sci-fi romance writer
its pretty late rn ill see you tomorrow?
see you tomorrow minseok
happy wedding once again
you deserve it
thank you hyunjoon hyung❤️
That night, Hyunjoon didn't immediately go to sleep. His suitcase was still open. Clothes scattered inside, still not folded neatly yet. He still had a lot to do with his works before he has to go for a week wedding trip without being bothered by his editor.
Hyunjoon wakes up at 5 A.M. His flight is still in the afternoon and Wooje will stop by for a moment with his own suitcase before they go to the airport together. He still has a lot of time to finish his packing. Therefore that's what he's about to do.
Sending the last edit to his editor once again in the morning before going to shower. Sending the last text to his editor too to let her know he's going to be MIA for the rest of the day because of his flight and any other things involving Minseok's wedding. The shower he has is pretty relaxing, calming his nerves, swatting the idea of the possibility to cross-path with Hyeonjun at the airport or the dinner later.
When Hyunjoon step out from his bathroom, the steam is still visible to be seen. The warmth on his skin is exhilarating for his comfort. Behind the closed curtains in his room, the sun is slowly rising. The room's temperature will followed afterwards and Hyunjoon catch a sight of a notification coming from Minhyung, out of all people, in this morning.
minhyung
hey hyung
you alright?
im fine. thank you for asking
did minseok tell you anything about me last night
yeah kind of
im sorry that our wedding makes you need to work double
he told me about the nightmare of project editing
i mean well i know how authors usually works
hey its fine
this is not my first rodeo
also its your wedding day. the least thing you can do is to not think about anyone else than your happiness
i also want to know my guests well-being
im going to be fine minhyung
okay then
see you tonight hyung
you too
While Hyunjoon is brewing his coffee and cook a quick egg omelette for today's breakfast, his phone buzzes on the kitchen counter. He hasn't wear any formal clothes. Just a plain pastel t-shirt and a pair of shorts. His departure clothes are hanging in his room, inside the closet, tucked neatly because he's not going to rush anything.
Hyunjoon sips his coffee to find Wooje's contact picture staring back at him on his phone screen. He let out a soft sigh and answer the call.
"Good morning —"
"Are you dressed? You're not naked, right? Have you finished your packing? Don't tell me you're sitting in front of your laptop hyung because I swear to God I've been going to the gym lately —"
Hyunjoon closes his eyes. His little brother can be a lot sometimes. Most of the time, ever since he broke up. Well, Wooje has been protective since they moved out from the old apartment they once shared when he was still in college.
"I'm making a coffee. Do you want one?" Wooje blows a raspberry at the other line of the call. "I want a hot chocolate. I think I left some in your house, right?" at the same time, Hyunjoon find the hot chocolate that Wooje's talking about in one of his counter shelves, "Yeah, you left it because you can." Wooje shrugs, "Well, it's your house and I'm your brother. I have my own will." Hyunjoon rolls his eyes in annoyance, "Where are you? The door is unlocked. I finished everything, by the way. Including my work," Wooje hums softly to reply the statement, "Okay, I'm still in the subway. 15 minutes."
He ends up arriving around 20 minutes later. The hot chocolate sit comfortably on the counter and Hyunjoon disappeared to change his clothes. That much time for Hyunjoon to leave the kitchen and Wooje can only smiles at him sheepishly. There is no guilt behind his gaze and Hyunjoon can't do anything about it.
Hyunjoon drags his suitcase to the living room where Wooje is seated on the couch. His hot chocolate is almost finished while scrolling his phone. He look up to stare at his older brother. Hyunjoon look troubled somehow and he knows why—specifically why.
"Are you that afraid to meet him there?" Wooje starts the topic. Hyunjoon sighs and shake his head. He knows damn well Wooje is not going to buy it. "Afraid is such a strong word, dear little brother," Wooje scoffs at the sudden formality towards him, "Nervous? Yes. It's been months since the last time I saw him. He didn't update anything on Instagram too."
Wooje points out, "Is that your way to tell me you've been stalking your ex?"
And Hyunjoon's forehead frowns, "I'm an observer. You know that my editor always said to me to keep up with the current trends."
Wooje is still going with his statement. "Yeah and that includes moping around to see if your ex still cares for you," the younger let out a harsh sigh, "Hey, I know that I'm also his friend. But hyung, you're my brother. I will always be on your side." I know, Hyunjoon thinks, but that's not the problem. "It happened because both of us, you know? You shouldn't take any side in the first place," Hyunjoon tells his brother and he only scoffs in reply, "I know. But he's the one who left."
Well, fair enough. Hyunjoon doesn't have a reply for that one.
They catch a taxi which takes them to the airport. On their way, Wooje talk about his boyfriend, which is Geonwoo. Yes, the same Geonwoo who happens not to befriend with Hyeonjun yet. Another loophole because he witnessed for occasional times that Geonwoo and Hyeonjun had a talk together in the corner of a room where they usually had a quick get-together.
And it's puzzling too to believe that Hyeonjun isn't friends with Geonwoo when the said Geonwoo is also Wooje's boyfriend. Thinking about it again, maybe Minseok lied to him. Or he wasn't lying, he's just making a statement that there will always be a dinner for the best men to bond. With or without the fact he has broken up with Hyeonjun, which everyone still don't know.
"Does Geonwoo —" his question hangs in the air and still not completed yet when Wooje cut him off with a nod. "I told him — okay, not that I wanted him to know beside both of us. But he needs to know or else he's going to ask stupid things either to you or Hyeonjun hyung himself. Trust me, he's very close to Hyeonjun hyung already. Do you know him, Hyeonjun hyung, and Minhyung hyung have this close gym relationship with each other? I think it happened before both of you broke up." And Wooje spend the rest of the car drive boasting on how big his boyfriend's muscle is to Hyunjoon.
Not that Hyunjoon doesn't know that kind of experience. But he still let his brother continue or else he'd get whacked out of the car. Wooje is in his smitten era and it's the best sight Hyunjoon ever seen from his brother. After seeing how he couldn't handle the first time he got asked out by Geonwoo and decided to locked himself in his out of embarrassment because he realized he was bisexual at that time.
They manage to check in on time and proceed to the security. Hyunjoon spend the whole time in the lounge only to eat and eat and eat. Wooje's presence distracts him too much that he forgot why he's at the airport in the first place. First of all, he needs to watch out his diet plan—even though he's fresh of a few months break up, he need to look good in front of a camera.
The flight from Seoul to Jeju takes only for a couple of hours. Hyunjoon take a glance at today's agenda that was given by Minseok a few days ago. It's a PDF file with what are they going to do—what he's going to do as one of Minseok's best men leading up to the wedding day. There will be dinner, rehearsals, even cake testing and it's written solely for Minseok and Hyunjoon.
He need to ask Minseok about this. "Does Hyukkyu hyung is not available at all?" he mutters and Wooje catch it, "Each of the best man has their own agenda alone with the grooms. Maybe Hyukkyu hyung get something else and you get the cake testing one." Hyunjoon sighs, he glance at Wooje. "Can I see Minhyung's agenda?" and Wooje shake his head, "I haven't seen it yet. I don't know if Minhyung hyung ever send it to me."
"Wooje, do you have something to hide from me?"
"No! No, no, no. Why would you think of me like that?"
"I don't know. There's no way Minhyung forgot about sending things like this."
Minhyung is anything except a person who forgot things. Especially when it's about his own schedule, his own wedding. Well, maybe he sometimes forget. And Hyunjoon doesn't think too much about Minhyung's best men agenda—why should he?
Arriving at Jeju airport, they immediately got picked up by the hotel car service. All courtesy from the newlyweds. Which is something to be thankful for. Hyunjoon hops on the car and let himself doze of for a few minutes.
The moment they arrive at the hotel lobby, Geonwoo is there. Probably Wooje told him about their arrival, because Hyunjoon doesn't have anyone to tell to. Looking at how Wooje clings around Geonwoo's hold as the taller twirl his brother around at the hotel lobby is both embarrassing and endearing at the same time. It's the same Wooje who didn't know how to handle a date invitation from a guy for the first time.
But, well, people grow up nonetheless. People come and go—people break their promises.
I need to stop thinking about him. Hyunjoon shake his head, calming himself down as Geonwoo now look at him.
"Hyunjoon hyung," he greets him with a handshake, "It's been a long time since the last I saw you." Hyunjoon is trying to be funny, please spare him. "Yeah, a lot of things happened," Hyunjoon manage to reply with an awkward laugh. And Geonwoo? He's trying not to pry more about the topic, "Yeah. I've heard."
"When you have Wooje as your boyfriend, obviously you will heard about it," Hyunjoon retorts back.
Wooje barks, "Hey! None of that attitude, hyungnim! I told you my reasons about it."
Hyunjoon rolls his eyes. "Oh, right. Minseok and Minhyung will be down in a minute. You need to wait for them before checking in," Geonwoo says and Hyunjoon nods in reply. "I want to check our room, hyung," Wooje turns to Geonwoo.
Right, Hyunjoon forget about the rooms arrangement. In fact, he also forgot to ask Minseok about it. Especially after he broke up with Hyeonjun. A subtle fear slowly creeps through his skin.
It's not going to happen, right? The worst scenario of them all? He doesn't recall Minseok will arrange the rooms based on his friends relationship with each other. There's no way Sanghyeok and Hyukkyu will be placed in one room. Nah, Hyukkyu will burn this place down before Sanghyeok even touch his feet in Jeju. If Minhyung put Wooje and Geonwoo in one room because they're in a relationship then it's obvious for its reason.
The thing is no one knows Hyunjoon broke up with Hyeonjun. Except for Wooje and Geonwoo, courtesy from Wooje's mouth. And probably Dohyeon from Hyunjoon's side. But Dohyeon is not one of the best men thus he won't be here until approximately 1-2 days before the wedding day.
Wooje has left him alone in the hotel lobby. It's not crowded per se, but it's still one of the hotels in Jeju—it's bound to be packed with a lot of people come and go to drop their baggage or do their check ins. Hyunjoon sits in the fluffy white long sofa, eyes lock at his phone screen. Some texts from his editor, telling him he will receive the feedback in the next few days meaning he will have some days off to not think about works.
He still bring his note in his work bag. It fills with sketches of his new works's characters, plot points. Everything he pour when there's a sudden sprinkle of idea when he's unable to open his laptop. One of the occasions is when he's in a trip like this.
Hyunjoon bought a new note whenever he start a new project. It can filled half and even made him to buy a new one because it's just a lot. His ideas, a lot of additional from him or his editor. Some were from Hyeonjun.
His eyes shut close again when he has to ask Hyeonjun if his editor has a revision regarding Hyeonjun's character in this story. He groans softly and there's an ache inside him. The void whereas he hasn't even talk with Hyeonjun for a long time. At times like this, Hyeonjun used to calm him down.
But a storm can calm itself when it has its own lightning crashing down in that small head of his, right? A few weeks before the break up, Hyeonjun has been the storm rather than Hyunjoon's lightning ground. It was too much. Hyunjoon has to control his breathing pace whenever he let his mind wander back to that night. The night where Hyeonjun stormed off from his apartment and left him behind.
Once he open his eyes again, Hyunjoon catch a sight of Minseok rushing towards him. He's not running, but there's a wide smile plasters on his face. Hyunjoon also can see Minhyung following his fiancé from behind. Hyunjoon want to greet them normally but there won't be any normal things when Ryu Minseok is there.
"Hyunjoon hyung!" Minseok crashes to him and Hyunjoon almost topple back to the couch. Minseok is shorter than him but his strength is on par. Also, he feels stronger. Minseok giggles as he pull back for Hyunjoon to stand straight, "You made it! I thought you will jump from the plane mid-flight. Remember how dramatic you were before flying here."
"I almost did that, by the way."
"Ah, you should've done that. I believe Wooje will send me the best fancam from inside the plane."
Hyunjoon decide to ignore Minseok's existent for the next seconds. "Hi, Minhyung. How are you?" he avert his focus towards the other groom who looks more respectful towards him rather than his old friend right here. Minhyung try to hold his laughter and Minseok's eyebrows furrow seven deeper. "I'm good, hyung. How was the flight? I said hi to Wooje earlier. He looked scandalized with Geonwoo in front of their room's door," Minhyung states and Hyunjoon doesn't want to hear anything regarding his brother's sex life, "I don't need to hear any of that, Minhyung-ah."
They catch up with each other in a small talk. Hyunjoon even forget he need to check in and take a quick rest before the dinner in a few hours. Freshen up a little bit, calming himself down to realize he will definitely look at Hyeonjun in the eyes sooner than later. His throat tightens a bit, thinking of finding Hyeonjun in the midst of the crowd without having a chance to touch him.
Too far away after years of their relationship developed. Hyunjoon still think he's living in an alternate universe.
"Oh, right. We need to get you to check in," Minseok mutters. Hyunjoon nods, preparing to get his suitcase. "When is he coming though? He should be here right now," Minseok turns to Minhyung and Hyunjoon feels left out. Minhyung shrugs as he look at his phone afterwards, "He told me he landed already. The drive shouldn't be that far from the airport."
Hyunjoon chimes in, "Who are you guys talking about?"
Minhyung and Minseok turn around at the same time. It's still bewildering to witness how sync both of them are sometimes. Minseok let out a loud ah! in the amusement of getting the attention within the whole lobby floor. Hyunjoon frowns, looking at the grooms back and forth.
"Right, why did I just asked you?" Minseok looks like he just realize something important, "You're his boyfriend, duh! We're talking about Hyeonjun. He should stay in the same room as you." Hyunjoon blinks. He want to say something but there's nothing utter from the edge of his tongue. No one knows about the break up—no one knows about the break up.
Instead of correcting Minseok, Hyunjoon turns to look at Minhyung. His eyes trying to find further explanation from the said Hyeonjun's closest best friend. The one who shared blood, sweat, and tears throughout high school and middle school at the same time. The person who met Hyeonjun before than Hyunjoon.
Minhyung blinks back at him. He, too, also look confused at the reaction he gets from Hyunjoon.
Fuck. No one knows about this shit from his side?
Minhyung's voice drags him back to the reality. His head rings a lot from all of the sides inside his brain. It shouldn't be like this. Why did he allow everything to go like this?
"There he is," Hyunjoon looks up to follow where Minhyung points at. When the lobby door opens and he sees him walking into the hotel while dragging his suitcase. He's still wearing his work clothes—as formal as ever. A thriving young lawyer, one of the best on the field.
Hyunjoon realizes Hyeonjun's steps stops for a second. Taking the sight of another stranger who he used to know standing meters from where he stands. Eventually, Hyeonjun find his way to walk to where Minhyung and Minseok are. Getting dragged to another tight hug by Minhyung and a little banter with Minseok afterwards.
And there stands Choi Hyunjoon who doesn't know shit to do when he has to face his ex this early than what he expected. Hyunjoon feels like the world has stopped against his will. Everything is happening against will, to be honest. Including the break up too—especially the break up.
"Hi, hyung." Hyeonjun greets him without extending a hand. Hyunjoon knows the moment his skin has to touch with Hyeonjun, everything will break loose. "Hi," he swallows a bit, "Hyeonjunnie."
The pet name is natural, okay? This is the first time Hyunjoon ever utter his ex's name in front of the said ex himself. It's only been a few months—3 months specifically since the broke up. It's fresh! It's new! The wound is still wide open in his chest. Hyunjoon need to jump from the nearest window right now.
Minhyung senses the awkwardness and Minseok does not. So much for someone who need to distract everything from the main problem on the silver platter in front of them.
"Let's get both of you to check in, shall we? ID cards, please." Hyunjoon and Hyeonjun give their IDs to Minseok and let the groom wander. Minhyung stands awkwardly, staring at the two people in front of him back and forth. "Uh, did something happened between you two?" Minhyung decides to ask.
Hyunjoon should come clean, doesn't he? This is literally a good time to change the reservation. To let them sleep without each other. Hyunjoon feels fine to sleep on the bed alone. As if it's not what he's been doing since the break up.
As if it's not hurting him mentally and physically—but he's not going to tell Minhyung that. Not when the source of his heartbreak is literally standing in front of him.
The said heartbreak talk first before he has the chance to come clean.
"We're fine," Hyeonjun answers with a grin on his face. That fucking charming grin. He still has the urge to turn at Hyunjoon, eyes empty and not filled with love and tenderness as it used to. "Right, Hyunjoon hyung?" Hyeonjun ends with a question.
Hyunjoon presses his tongue against his cheek. Two can play this game.
It shouldn't be—but everything is a game when Moon Hyeonjun is on the opposite of the board.
"Yeah, we're fine." Hyunjoon adds with another smile. He hopes so. Hyunjoon really hope they're fine.
Hyeonjun is not fine. He hasn't been fine for the past few months.
Ever since the break up, Hyeonjun hasn't been fine at all. Fine is not on his dictionary of life. He threw himself into any sort of work piles since then. No one's going to stop him.
He's stupid to not let anyone know about the break up. Not his mother, not his sister, not anyone from his circle of friends. He hasn't met Wooje properly actually since the break up. Hyeonjun knows Wooje should know about the break up, he's literally Hyunjoon's little brother.
But not Minhyung. He should've, at the very least, told Minhyung about it. However, remember the part where Hyeonjun threw himself into his work life completely? Yeah, most of the time when he's like that he forgot he has friends outside the law firm. The ones where it passed the business relationship kind of friend.
And now here stands the bane of his existence. The reason why he thought he's hard to love to begin with—or even had a chance to love someone who has the same gender as him. His reason to love someone nonetheless any gender. The one who stood next to him since he was in college and up until he become a thrive young lawyer right now.
Choi Hyunjoon is everything to him. He knows the man as Hyunjoon himself whereas the others know him as the author Dawnbringer. It sounds too scary for someone who always get startled in the morning from a slight skin-to-skin touch. Hyeonjun remember the reason why Hyunjoon picked the name.
"It's one of the skin line's name." Hyeonjun fell into a short silence. "Do you mean that you picked it because of League of Legends?" Hyeonjun asked and he shouldn't be surprised when he was met by a frantic nod from the author. Hyunjoon grinned wide, like the reasoning of his taste was impeccable.
Well, it does sound badass though. Badass and stupid can coexist in the same truth.
Hyunjoon looks slightly different—slightly. He looks more tired than the last night he ever saw him in his apartment. Not that people who went through a break up should looked happy as hell. Hyeonjun is also, still, feels miserable after everything they went through, but this occurrence is not about them.
Minseok walk back to where they stands to give them their room cards. Hyeonjun hold it like it's the most important thing in his world. Not the person who stands next to him—not anymore. There's an elephant in the room that should be addressed and Hyeonjun thinks Hyunjoon will shout at him after their friends are gone.
"Okay, now both of you should rest. The dinner will start at 7 PM! Please, check your phone or else I'm going to bang on your door," Minseok reminds again. They both reply with a quick nod and Hyeonjun still gets a weird gaze from Minhyung. He should know by now—he should've known for a long time ago if Hyeonjun didn't think about anything except work itself. "We'll see you at dinner. Have a nice rest," adds Minseok while grinning from ear to ear.
The elevator ride is painfully silent. There isn't any conversation to be produced when they're going to the same floor level. No small talks, no hi how are you? Yeah, we broke up three months ago. Nothing at all. Not that Hyeonjun hope there will be one.
Their room is located at the end of the hallway. This is getting ridiculous at some point, Hyeonjun thinks. He want to jokingly point out to Hyunjoon but taking a quick glance at the older man, Hyunjoon looks really tired. Also adding the fact Hyeonjun can sense the anger seething from him, he's going to get shouted at after this.
As they enter the room with Hyeonjun holding the door open to let Hyunjoon in. Resting the suitcase against the wall next to the bathroom door. Making sure the electricity is on for the air conditioning flows to cool down the room's warmth temperature. Hyeonjun closes his eyes and inhales enough oxygen,
Here we go.
"You didn't tell Minhyung about the break up?" Hyunjoon shoot the first question as he turn around to face him. His eyes are wide with anger, chest heaves up and down. "Because — because I can't believe it, Hyeonjun. You didn't tell anyone! No one knows about this? Not from your side?" Hyunjoon adds again. Pacing back and forth in the room they're in.
Hyeonjun want to talk but then his focus is shifting to something else. Behind Hyunjoon is their bed. It's a queen size bed. Bed as in only one—there's only one bed in this room.
Fuck me and fuck my life. Hyeonjun want to scream. Minhyung and Minseok really thought they're still dating. That they're still fine to sleep on the same bed.
Do they know Hyeonjun will combust in a second when he knows if he senses Hyunjoon's presence within his reach? Hyunjoon is out of his touch. Out of his league, out of everything he can possibly get for Hyunjoon to love him back for the second time.
Hyunjoon follow where Hyeonjun's gaze at and curses under his breath. See? He's also agreeing with him. Okay, Hyeonjun to make this right. Changing the room is still not the option but the chance is never zero.
He knows what he can do though. So, he apologizes.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to leave any of my friends out of the loop. It's just —"
"What? Work?"
Hyeonjun presses his lips into a thin line and Hyunjoon scoffs in return. Hyunjoon has both of his hands on the hip. Still pacing back and forth. It's a gesture where he finds his reason to be unbelievably stupid to be heard in the first place.
This is not the first time Hyeonjun ever drag his work to be a reason for him to neglect everything else. It's the same argument they fought in Hyunjoon's apartment that led to their break up.
"I can't believe I'm having this conversation when my friend is about to get married." Hyunjoon shake his head as he chuckles. "I'm — I don't know, Hyeonjun. Are you going to cooperate with me for the next few days? Or do you want me to leave?" I didn't want to, Hyeonjun want to retort, I didn't want to leave that night. Instead of saying what he want to say, Hyeonjun says, "You can ignore me all you want. I'm not going to bother you," he swallows, throat tightens, "I haven't bothered you for months, have I, hyung?"
Why does he always want to annoy the fuck out of Hyunjoon? It's in the blood. He thinks everything is a game—he thinks he can win Hyunjoon back. Hyeonjun curses mentally, he shouldn't say that. He really should to tell Minhyung about this or else Hyunjoon will go mad when the wedding is near.
Hyunjoon excuses himself to take a quick shower and Hyeonjun rushes to go to the balcony. There's a balcony in the room, which is nice. The room is spacious for only two people. It's practically a semi-en suite, but not that big to call it one.
Hyeonjun is trying to ignore that Hyunjoon is taking a shower in the bathroom. He might be going crazy to think he has the right to be jealous at a water coming from the bathroom's shower. To think they're the ones who can be able to touch Hyunjoon's skin now and not him. Never him—not any more.
"Fuck, I'm going crazy." He is indeed crazy since the break up. Hyeonjun was very smart to drown himself with his own works to forget that ever happened or to think if there's someone named Choi Hyunjoon walking around Seoul who's now not bounded in any relationship with another man or woman. The thought of Hyunjoon dating someone other than him really gets Hyeonjun's mind going everywhere other than his rational ones.
Hyeonjun mutter another curses when he can't find a pack of his cigarette in his pocket. Hyunjoon hates smokers. Hyeonjun didn't know a thing about smoking when he's with Hyunjoon. No, he's not implying the reason why he smoke was solely because of Hyunjoon.
He made a lot of stupid choices in the past few months. Two of them were leaving Hyunjoon in the apartment and let his mind spiral to grab a cigarette for the first time.
Hyeonjun is still leaning against the balcony railing when the sound of bathroom door closes from inside the room. He doesn't dare to turn around. Hyeonjun plan to walk back into the room after Hyunjoon disappear or let him in. He can't even stand in the same space with Hyunjoon, he's not ready for any of this.
Breaking up with Hyunjoon is never on his list but here he is. Facing the consequence of what he did that night.
Hyeonjun buried his head deeper on his arms on the railing. His mind wander around to any possibilities where he lives happily ever after with Hyunjoon. He really didn't know what happened in that night. Why did he leave? Why did Hyunjoon took out his anger at him? What exactly caused all of this? Was it really his fault to begin with?
"Hyeonjun." Hyunjoon's voice drags him back to reality with a startle. He turns around to find Hyunjoon wearing a more casual clothes and not a formal one like before. "You can use the bathroom. I'm going to go somewhere to work," Hyeonjun swallows and nod, "Suit yourself. I'll tell you when we can change rooms."
"Right. Okay."
"Okay."
Hyeonjun can't even utter any words again before Hyunjoon closes the room's door. Leaving him behind as what he did after they broke up. Hyeonjun want to cry, but he can't look like a heartbroken child at his friend's dinner tonight. He need to remember this is for Minhyung and Minseok and not to mend something has broken in the first place.
He enters the bathroom immediately after unpacking things. Making sure the clothes he need to wear after showering and for the dinner later is neatly placed on the bed. The bed where he will be sleeping together with Hyunjoon later. And for the rest of the week.
It's not going to happen if Hyunjoon requested to change the room. Yep, he's so going to make that happen. If anything Hyeonjun ever learned after mapping the constellation throughout their relationship together—to what he know about Hyunjoon is that he's going to do what he needs to do for the sake of his sanity. He will do anything to make that happen and it includes getting rid of Hyeonjun's presence in his life as much as he can.
Hyeonjun let the water drops on his skin. Resting his palm on the bathroom wall, his mind wanders back to the night they broke up. It was a big fight where both of their piled emotions blew up. It was inevitable, Hyeonjun must say, but at least it's still can be fixed.
It's his fault, he knows that. But he believes Hyunjoon was also took a part for the blame. In the end, their relationship involved both of them. They made it work, they broke it too.
Hyeonjun turns off the shower. The steam is not enough to get all the things in his head to go away. It hasn't been gone for months and the reason he was being like this went outside for work. It's always work, work, work between them.
It gets a light scoff from Hyeonjun's lips. "I'm not the only one who's a fucking workaholic," he mutters to himself as he spread the toothpaste on his toothbrush. Brushing his teeth, Hyeonjun starts his monologue. "He's also too focused on his work! Like, I know the new project is very important to him. His first full romance novel and it's based on our relationship. There's a embodiment of my character in the novel. He told me he will make sure I'm taking part into the project too, because it means so much for both of us. What the hell did I get in the end? He rarely talk about the plot anymore with me. I don't even know what he's writing. If it's important for us just like what he said, then why did he leave me out of the loop?"
The question will always hang in the air. Hyunjoon is no different than him. He, too, always throw himself into his works without telling Hyeonjun about what he's going through. Beating himself alone with all the expectations everyone have with him as a big name author.
Hyeonjun always make sure Hyunjoon is not going to be in this journey alone. Before being boyfriends, they started as friends. Hyeonjun made sure Hyunjoon was comfortable with his presence. He just want his Hyunjoon hyung to go back to what he used to be—the always nagging at him with everything he thought it's better to do than what Hyeonjun believed in a loving way obviously.
No, his intention was not to change what Hyunjoon is. He's incredible without any changes. Hyeonjun just want Hyunjoon to know his limits sometimes. That he's not a robot writing who need to meet everyone's expectations and it's not only to his readers, but his editor, his friends—his boyfriend.
Hyeonjun let out a low sigh and finished his brushing his teeth. He feels a little bit more fresh. His skin is not as warmth as before. Probably because of the cold shower he got and the room's temperature is now slowly becomes cooler.
Wearing a plain t-shirt and pair of shorts, Hyeonjun plan to go for a quick smoke at the balcony. No one is going to catch his sight smoking, right? Yeah, he need to keep it that way. Or else, someone is going to snitch him to his mother. Worse, his sister.
Or Hyunjoon. Not that he should think about Hyeonjun in the first place.
In the middle of treasure hunt of finding his cigarette pack, a doorbell rings through the room. Hyeonjun frowns, it's too early for Hyunjoon to go back to their room. It's only been, what, 15 minutes? 20 tops? Hyeonjun forget his treasure hunt to open the door. He expects Hyunjoon to stand in front of him but he forgot that he has a brother who is also one of Minhyung's best men.
"Hey there." Wooje is standing in front of him holding two cans of coffees. Hyeonjun blinks, he hasn't seen him for months. "Can we talk?" Wooje asks.
Hyeonjun feels like his heart drops inside. "Sure," he croaks out, "Come in."
Wooje still has his wide grin on his face. It's a ticking time bomb. Hyeonjun knows which one of Wooje's grin that is genuine and which one's not. This one is a i'm-gonna-make-this-murder-very-quick-before-my-brother-finds-out-your-dead-body grin.
Closing the door behind him, Hyeonjun curses mentally. There goes the chance he can get a quick smoke. Wooje's presence worsen everything because this is the earliest time he'd expected to get interrogated by someone from Hyunjoon's side. Let alone his own younger brother.
Wooje turns to him and points at the queen size bed in the room. The grin is still there on his face. A teasing one this time. Hyeonjun can only let out an awkward laugh, rubbing the back of his neck.
"There is really only one bed, huh? What could go wrong, hyung?"
"I think you should just proceed to the murder attempt right now."
"Aw, where's the fun in that? I think I should see how you really feel about my brother first. Then, we move to my murder attempt towards you."
Wooje puts a coffee can on the desk in the room. The clanking sound is too loud, it echoes through the place. "Coffee?" he offers to him and Hyeonjun shakes his head, "Thanks, but not now." Wooje shrugs and sips his opened one, "Does anyone know about the break up? At least our circle?" Hyeonjun opens his mouth and then close it at the same time.
They fall into an uncomfortable silence. Wooje is staring back at him intensely, wishing the worst scenario in his head is not happening right now. The thing is, it's literally happening. It happened already with the fact that Minhyung still put him and Hyunjoon in the same room.
Wooje laughs out loud. Eyes widens in disbelief. He turns around for a second, trying to process the information that is enough to get. Hyeonjun runs a palm on his face.
"Are you fucking serious right now, hyung? None of them?" Hyeonjun shakes his head, "Not even my family." Wooje looks so scandalized right now. "What's even the plan in your head right now, hyung? Are you ashamed to tell people about your current status? It's pretty fun to be single, you know. After years in a relationship." Hyeonjun shoots him a glare, "You don't get to say shits about my life, Wooje."
Wooje scoffs, "It's pretty clear for me after you walked out from his apartment that easy."
It's Hyeonjun's turn to barks, "You weren't there! You didn't even know what happened between us! It's not only my fault!" his lower lips trembles, "It's not my fault."
He doesn't expect for Wooje's face to softens at the statement. Hyeonjun knows how protective Wooje is towards Hyunjoon. The feeling is mutual between the brothers. This is also not the first time Hyeonjun has been in the same position, his relationship with Hyunjoon is not always smooth—it's not perfect, but it's everything he has dreamed of.
Thus, Wooje speaks again. "I'm going to put aside how I'm very mad at you for leaving him to say this," he inhales slowly and look at Hyeonjun in the eyes, "I know you still love him. And I know he loves you too. It's pretty tiring to see him getting even worse on managing his works and how he sees his occupation. I'm not saying you're the only one who can get him out of his black hole, I'm saying you're the only one he needs."
Hyeonjun's breath hitches. The last thing Wooje to do at this situation is to lie to him. Especially when it comes to what Hyunjoon really feels about him. The break up was messy, there were a lot of things unsaid from both of them, and it has been bugging Hyeonjun for the longest time.
Hyeonjun doesn't let the information sways him though. He saw with his own eyes how Hyunjoon acts around him. The only correct word to describes the older's feelings towards him is loathes. Hyunjoon loathes him.
"He did kind of the opposite to show how he's still in love with me."
"Duh, you know him. He's not going to show what he truly feels unless someone realizes what he did was wrong."
Hyeonjun want to say something to defend himself and stops when Wooje raises his hand at him. "I know, I know about what you guys argued. Even though it's only from his perspective, I know it's both of your faults. Because there was no way that both of you agreed to break up after years of relationship and let everything fell off like that?" Hyeonjun shrugs, "It happened pretty much like that, Wooje. Not everything has to be a romance novel like Dawnbringer writes." Wooje raises his eyebrow, "Really? Are you going to quote my brother's passage of line from one of his novels at me?" Hyeonjun sighs. He's shaking his head frantically, "I don't know! I don't know, okay? He hates me! He doesn't even want to look at me in the eyes. He went mad after we got into this room and he doesn't want to talk about the break up. I hurt him as much as he's hurting me. We're not —" good for each other.
He doesn't want to say that. The last thing Hyeonjun want to admit is he's not going to be any good for Hyunjoon's life. Because it's not true. They went through a lot of fights together and made up in the end, continuing their lives as what they tended to do.
Wooje then utters, "Hate is such a strong word for a hopeless romantic like him to feel about you. Hating you is the last thing he let himself to feel. I'm sure he prefer to jump off a plane rather than thinking there's a possibility of him hating you after spending years he had to make sure that he was easy to loved by you and deserved to be in every important moments in your life, Hyeonjun hyung." Hyeonjun sits on the edge of the bed, face on his hands. "He's going to change the room," he tells Wooje as he looks up to the younger, "It's over. There's nothing to fix." Wooje shrugs his shoulders, "Is there nothing to fix or you just don't want to risk everything to get him back?"
Hyeonjun is famous to do everything to get Hyunjoon's attention. The sole reason why he could date Hyunjoon in the first place was because the embarrassing things he did only to make Hyunjoon laugh. To make Hyunjoon look at him. To let him know if he's indeed in love with the rookie author back then.
"You know, hyung," Wooje joins him to sit on the edge of the bed, "The last thing I want to see is seeing my favorite people hurting each other. Even when they don't want to in the first place. That they do love each other first and foremost. However, they're too stupid to resolve things like a functional adults. Very common to happen in big cities, by the way." Hyeonjun shakes his head, he find himself chuckling. "Dating Geonwoo really open your eyes to others relationship, huh?" Wooje shrugs, chugging down his coffee can again, "I'm just smart to find stupid people in the midst of the crowd." He give Hyeonjun's shoulder a light pat, "I'll see you at dinner, hyung."
There's a squeeze on his shoulder and Hyeonjun's shoulder relaxes. After Wooje left, Hyeonjun stares at the coffee can on the desk. Sill unopened, still reserve for him. His mind wanders to the cigarette pack in his pocket.
It's still not too late—Hyeonjun listens to the small voice in his head. Is it, though? He closes his eyes. The universe is putting them together in a room. It's literally a sliver platter serves in front of them, specifically in front of him.
It goes back to whether one of them want to take the chance again. Hyeonjun is fine with going back to square one. To try and love Hyunjoon properly from the start. For his defense, it's what he's capable to do for the last few years.
Hyeonjun put his cigarette pack on the desk and open the coffee can. He sits at the balcony as he sips the coffee. Scrolling through his list of contacts to find Minhyung's number. He should be holding his phone right now, but Hyeonjun is trying something.
minhyung
hey
you there?
yo
i just got back to my room
some of my family are here already
gotta greet each one of them
felt
can i ask you something
sure
did hyunjoon hyung ask to change rooms?
no?
minseok hasnt told me anything
yet
why?
why do you ask that?
no i just
the room is pretty spacious for both of us
junnie its sponsored by us
we're the ones who asked both of you to come
the least thing we could do is to give a spacious bedroom for couples
Hyeonjun winces at the reply. Again, Minhyung doesn't know about the break up. But then again, Hyeonjun feels guilty. Because he, too, still want to be a couple with Hyunjoon.
can we change rooms tho?
technically no because the rooms were booked since
what
5-6 months ago?
ah figured
that long
well yeah i asked you about the rooms beforehand
remember?
i dont
classic
but theres that
okay maybe i can tell hyunjoon hyung about this
thank you minhyung
anytime man
also if you have anything to say or to tell me
about hyunjoon hyung
you know im here right?
Now I just feel like a bad friend. Minhyung was there when Hyeonjun started courting Hyunjoon. Even though he was embarrassing as hell trying to get the author's attention, Minhyung was still there. He even helped Hyeonjun throughout of it because he knew Hyunjoon before than him.
Hyeonjun is now staring at Hyunjoon's contact. He didn't block him neither do Hyunjoon. Never flashed in his mind the possibility of him blocking Hyunjoon's contact. Or his social medias.
Even without his social medias, Hyeonjun can still find him everywhere. In any book stores, through his colleagues conversation. Even on the internet when people discuss about his works. Hyunjoon is everywhere except next to him and it stings even more everyday.
The last text he received from Hyunjoon was a few days after the break up.
hyunjoon hyung<3
you left your favorite shirt
He didn't reply to the text. He didn't only leave his favorite shirt that night.
Hyeonjun is sitting at the balcony right now. Might as hell throw himself from it. This is on par for him as walking on a straight line between mountains. He can go back to smoking cigarette and try other ways to separate himself from Hyunjoon.
It's not going to be his first time leaving Hyunjoon. And he's sure Hyunjoon is not going to have a problem with that.
A blazing storm is happening inside Hyunjoon's mind and the only person who can brings sunshine has left him alone in this room.
Seriously, fuck it. Hyeonjun types on his phone and put it down on the table immediately.
hyunjoon hyung<3
asked minhyung earlier about changing rooms but its unavailable
do you still want to stay in this room?
Hyeonjun feels his chest heaving up and down slowly. It's nervewracking—it's like the first time he ever sent a text to Hyunjoon's number. Maybe history do repeat itself in a most ridiculous way. It doesn't take long for him to get a reply from Hyunjoon.
The buzz from his phone on the desk is enough to tell. Hyeonjun closes his eyes, praying under his breath for himself to not fuck this up for the second time.
oh thank you
i was busy working earlier
sure
okay
just dont talk about what happened
not in front of me
i dont want to talk about it
Hyeonjun's heart sinks to the deepest part of his gut. Slowly, Hyeonjun reminds himself, you have the rest of the week before the wedding. Everything is going to be fine. Is it, though? Hyeonjun feels helpless.
But when does he ever put himself first before Hyunjoon?
yeah of course
cool
thank you hyeonjun
anytime hyung
"I'm so fucking screwed," Hyeonjun mutter to himself, "I'm so fucked."