Chapter Text
Brusha drew in a deep breath as she finally heaved herself to sit up in her bed, offhandedly reaching towards her nightstand to grab for her phone.
3:47 pm. She's been in bed all day when she had plans. She typed in her passcode and her lock screen, a photo of one of her paintings, changed to her home screen, a photo she took of Tisha the same day she got the phone.
She's immediately met with countless text messages, most of which are from Tisha. Of course they're from Tisha, nobody else texts her. Not like she's given her number out to many others.
Finally, she opens her messages app and scrolls through the messages from Tisha. A good morning, asking how she is, asking if she's awake, asking if she's busy, a photo of a new succulent Tisha must've bought today, since it's one Brusha doesn't recognize, Tisha asking when Brusha's gonna answer her back, questioning again if she's awake, spamming 'hello' over and over, and then the most recent message, sent 20 minutes ago.
'You're coming with me this evening to eat out!! You get no choice in this!! Vee, Shelly, and Brightney will be there, I'll pick you up in 3 hours, be ready by then'.
Oh great, she's being dragged out to hang out with her replacements Tisha's other girlfriends. She really doesn't want to go anywhere if anyone else is going to be there, she'd much rather spend time with Tisha one-on-one. Not like she's hangs out with her really any other way, Brusha doesn't talk to anyone but her.
Not that it matters. She doesn't like anyone else, and nobody else likes her. Which she's fine with. It doesn't weigh on her that the people she was designed to be friends with don't like her
Finally, she types a short, boring 'ok' to Tisha and tosses her phone somewhere on the bed before finally pulling herself out of bed. She needed to shower if she was going out—and re-dye her hair, it's started to grow out. She'd been putting it off for awhile since she really hasn't left her apartment in a good while, especially since it's barely starting to get warm again.
It's fine. She has the time. If Tisha wants to hang out, she'll at least make herself presentable. If she looks her best, Tisha will care more about her than those stupid replacements
Brusha wanders over to her bathroom, looking through the sink cabinet, the medicine cabinet, shelves, towel drawers, all over for her hair dye before finally finding it hiding between her shampoo and conditioner.
She stares at the box for a moment.. does it really matter if she re-dyes her hair right now? She can do it later.. it's probably better if she does it later. It doesn't matter.
She tosses the box off somewhere to get lost again like she's done the past 4 times she'd almost gone through with re-dying this month. She'll do it eventually.
She won't. Not any time soon. She'll do this over and over again, tell herself she'll do it then make every excuse she can to not do it.
She wanders out of her bathroom to her closet, staring at her clothes. Half of them are being washed 'cause she keeps getting paint on them, half of them are also covered in dry paint, and maybe 2 of her outfits that she doesn't even like are actually clean and un-painted.
She grabs a tan sweater and brown overalls, both of which are stained with both paint and paint water.
Back to the bathroom she goes, she puts her clothes on the toilet lid and opens the shower curtain, only to stare aimlessly at it.
Tisha's coming in 2 and a half hours, she doesn't need to shower just yet. She can do other things then shower when there's only 30 minutes left. She doesn't take that long.
Back out of the bathroom, she wanders to the kitchen and grabs her kettle out of a cabinet, moving to fill it, get it heated, and grab a teabag to make herself some tea.
In the meantime while she doesn't need to do anything but wait, she stares absently at the kettle, waiting for it to begin to steam out of the spout.
She stares and stares, not noticing the ring of her phone. She stares and stares, thinking about what she'll be doing later. Where are they going? All Tisha said was they're going out to eat, but not where. Will it be somewhere she actually likes eating? Or will it be somewhere one of Tisha's other girlfriend's like? Will they all choose togeether? Will Tisha pick Brusha up last with everyone else already in the car, forcing her to cram into the back seat? Is Tisha driving, or is Vee? She hopes Vee isn't driving. Vee is insufferable when she's driving, especially later at night and on saturdays. Wait, it issaturday, right? She can't remember if she's checked or not. Don't people usually go out on friday nights? Or do they go out on saturdays too? Probably, since it's still a day off work for most. But some people work on saturdays, otherwise nothing would be open. Will the place they're going to even be open? What if it's closed for saturday? Will they all be disappointed? Will they decide on somewhere else or just go back home and leave Brusha to stew in her jealousy and hatred and desperate wishes to be the only woman Tisha cares about, she doesn't need other women, she has Brusha! Why does she want more than Brusha? Is she not good enough? Is she not enough for Tisha? Is there something they can give Tisha that Brusha can't? Why should she even bother being Tisha's girlfriend if she's not enough for her? She should break up with her for Tisha's own sake, because clearly she doesn't want Brusha—
The kettle is steaming to the point it's wheezing quite loudly, and the sound starting finally startles Brusha out of her thoughts. She must've turned the heat too high.
"Shit—" She mutters as she turns off the stove and moves the kettle to a different burner, watching as the steam starts to slow down and the wheezing began to stop. She exhales rather loudly to nobody but herself.
"Stupid.. overthinking." She growled, now grabbing the kettle and pouring the water into her cup, watching it fill and watching the tea slowly start to seep out of the crushed up leaves. She puts the now-empty kettle in the sink so it can cool down.
She wanders off to the living room with her tea after grabbing a leftover cold chicken leg she'd ordered in yesterday. After placing her cup down on the table and grabbing the TV remote, she flopped onto the couch and turned the TV on to whatever it was playing.
It was some random cheesy romance series, one in black-and-white. She didn't know those still played—who was watching this station? Clearly not her—was it Tisha? But Tisha hasn't been here in 3 weeks—has it really been that long since she's sat down and watched tv?
She tries not to think about the reason she doesn't like watching tv, doesn't acknowledge that looking at the shape makes her think of Vee. Vee's stupid arrogant face that she hates.
She's barely paying attention to the show while she eats her cold chicken. She doesn't particularly mind that it's cold, reheated chicken tastes worse than cold chicken.
She hears a few notifications chime from her phone and she reaches to grab it, somehow forgets to look at the time, and notices the messages are from Tisha.
'On the way!!'
Shit.
Did the time go by that quickly??? She bit off the top half of her chicken on accident—bone and all as she got up quickly, knocking into her coffee table, some of her tea spilled out, but she cared little to acknowledge it.
She texted a quick 'ok' in response and shuffled to the bathroom, tossing her clothes off and getting in the shower. She cared little to wait for the water to warm up and simply let the frigid temperature to cool her frame.
The shower she took was probably the quickest she's ever taken in her life, a record 8 minutes. She didn't get all of the shampoo out of her hair, and she also got some in her eyes. But she was out quick enough, haphazardly dried off and blowdried her hair while trying to get dressed at the same time.
After roughly 5 minutes of struggle, she was dressed and had mostly dry hair. She brushed it vigorously, hard enough that it hurt a little—she didn't care. She put on some makeup, spent a bit too much time perfecting it, and now she was ready to go. She looked like she hadn't just speedran getting ready in roughly 10 minutes.
By the time she was getting out of the bathroom, she could hear Tisha's voice outside of her door with—of fucking courseit was Vee.
"Tisha!" She got to the door before Tisha did with her key, shuffling out and closing it behind herself. Her apartment was a damn mess and she knew Tisha would lose her mind if she saw it.
She was nearly out of breath, but forced herself to seem presentable, casual, unbothered. "Sorry, was trying to find my keys." She stretched a little.
"Oh, well you're right on time! Come on, Brightney and Shelly are waiting for us—oh and Astro's coming along too! She was a last-minute addition" Tisha smiled as she began to lead the way out of the complex.
"Didn't you already text her that?" Vee questioned with a tilt of her boxy head, eyes focused on Tisha.
Brusha sideeyes Vee. Can she shut up?
"I did, but she hadn't read it and I don't think she saw the notification, so I wanted to be sure she knew" Tisha answered with a smile. Tisha, always so thoughtful and knowing her so well. What's the point in knowing her so well if she doesn't want her as much as she wants this fuckass square of a woman?
"Huh. Smart thinking" Vee turned forward again, but not before turning a glance at Brusha, who was behind the two of them. She was grinning. Her stupid grin.
Brusha nearly wanted to drive a screwdriver through Vee's screen.
Turns out she was picked up last, and Vee is driving.
Brusha and Tisha are both sat in the back with Shelly, Brightney is in the front seat and Astro is.. Brusha hasn't actually seen Astro. She's a little curious as to where they are, but she has yet to ask.
According to Brightney—who scolded Tisha for not telling Brusha—they're going to a pretty expensive restaurant that Vee had made a reservation at 2 weeks ago. The reason Astro had been tagged along was due to an issue where their table had accidentally been double-booked, so they were upgraded to a bigger table as compensation for the mishap happening so close to their reservation date.
Brusha is indeed glad to be at least a little aware of what's happening, she just wished it wasn't coming from her replacement.
She can't help the glare she gives to Brightney despite thanking her simultaneously. She only realizes her expression when Brightney started to look a little apprehensive and turned away from her nervously.
Gods, does she have to be so rude? Can't Brusha suck up her hate for once and have a nice outing? Gods, no wonder Tisha is replacing her. She fucking sucks.
They arrive at the restaurant not long after, and it does look like a rather expensive place.. and Brusha looks like a mess. Her hair dye is faded and grown out, her makeup is half-assed, her hair is also still a little damp—fuck.
She should've just told Tisha she didn't wanna come instead of let herself be embarrassed like this, everyone else looks so much more put together. I mean—hell, Vee's in a suit which she surprisingly doesn't look aweful in. Shelly's.. in a tux and skirt? Shelly always has strange fashion options. Brightney is wearing an agruably really cute figure-fitting dress, a darker near-red pink that compliments her lighter pink lampshade with some white accent accessories, Tisha's in a long dark blue skirt that she's positively gorgeous in.. no clue what Astro's wearing, she still doesn't know where they are.
That last concern is soon addressed when they park and start getting out of the car. Astro was in Brightney's lap the entire time, curled up like some stray cat despite being twice her height.. Brusha decides not to question it.
They walk in, Brusha holding Tisha's hand and lagging behind a little bit as they all enter. It was already dark out and the lights outside the building were practically blinding, but the interior lighting was a lot dimmer and had a hue of yellow—it complimented the brown and beige theme.
..Brusha feels really underdressed for such a fancy place. A sweater and overalls? Really? To be fair, she didn't really own anything 'fancier' than this. She wished she had time to prepare for this instead of being told last-minute.
As if that'd help.
They didn't have to wait to get to their table, surprisingly. Vee apparently had them on a very specific schedule that had them at the restaurant at the exact time for their reservation. The hostess gave them all a weird look when they first entered, but eventually lead them to their table.
They were seated at a circular table, Brusha sat to the right of Tisha and the left of Vee, Tisha beside Shelly, Shelly beside Brightney, and Brightney beside Astro, then back to Vee.
Brusha wasn't particularly happy about sitting next to Vee of all people. She's a real pain in the ass.. but she's been too focused on talking to the others to harass her. Brusha can at least tune her out and pretend she's not there.
When the menus are laid out in front of them, Brusha opens hers to notice a distinct lack of prices listed. Brusha is immediately a little nervous.
She glances up, attention flicking between everyone at the table to see nobody else is reacting to it--visibly, at least. She doesn't know how to feel about that. She doesn't know what exactly she's supposed to do here. She doesn't want to order something that costs like 30$ or more, maybe she can get away with only getting an appetizer or something that seems like it'd be a cheap option.
Yeah, that'll be fine. She usually pays for herself whenever she goes out to eat with others, so she expect it to be the same tonight. Hell, even if she *wasn't* paying for herself, she doesn't want to make someone else pay a lot for her meal, especially when she doesn't really like anyone here. She doesn't want to come off as.. ungrateful.
She's been trying to work on thinking about other's feelings more, and maybe she's going a bit overboard on it. Maybe she's thinking too much about it, worrying about every little detail to the point she avoids even the tiniest thing that might upset someone.
What does it matter? Tisha finally got back with her because of her new mindfulness. That's all that really matters to her..
Even though Tisha's replacing her already.
When the hostess returns to the table with their drinks, everyone started to order. Seemed like everyone already knew what they wanted to eat--Brusha absently wonders if they've all been here before, and if so they'd probably already know the menu.
But eventually, it was her turn to order.
"Uh--could I get the mozzarella sticks?" She requested, trying to sound like she isn't mildly panicking. Why is she panicking? There's nothing to panic about. Is she really that sensitive now? Is she a *coward* or something? Can't handle the thought of looking bad in front of Tisha and the women she prefers more than Brusha?
"Of course ma'am, and for a main course?" The hostess inquired as she jotted down Brusha's order on her notepad.
Was she expected to get a main course? She wasn't planning on it, everything listed as main courses are things that are notoriously expensive.
"..just the appetizer, please." She answered almost too quickly, or maybe too slowly. At this point her internal unease greatly outweighed her rationality.
The hostess tilted her head at Brusha a little bit before quickly nodding and moving on to the next person. She was a busy woman with a job, no reason to dwell on such an insignificant detail.
Because that's what Brusha is, insignificant.
She definitely *didn't* notice Vee glance at her with an expression that Brusha hated to recognize as a mix of curiosity and concern. She didn't need a look like that from the damn TV of all toons.
Vee didn't comment, though. At least, not right away.
The hostess eventually trotted off with their orders written down, drinks handed out, and now pretty much everyone was chatting with one another. Shelly was telling Brightney and Tisha about a new dinosaur game she'd discovered, The Isle or something, she wasn't really paying attention.
That is, until she was lightly poked in the side.
"What." Brusha turned to eye Vee, who was more directly looking at her, expression too neutral--like the kind of neutral that's only brought on by something bringing down the exciteable mood.
"Why'd you only get an appetizer? You're not the one paying so I don't see why you'd worry about it?" She questions, poking Brusha a few more times, just to be a little annoying.
Brusha narrowed her eyes at Vee. "And it's your business how?" She raised a brow, tone low--quiet enough to avoid stirring drama with anyone else, but enough to make a point to Vee.
But unfortunately, that point didn't really stick.
"It *is* my business since I'm the one who set up this outing. I drove us all here, I'm paying for the food, the reservation, the everything. So I'll ask again, why are you only getting an appetizer?" She prodded further, metaphorically this time.
Brusha drew in a sharp breath, her shoulders tensed.
"The menu doesn't have prices and I don't wanna order anything over like--I dunno 25$. I don't want to feel like I'm taking advantage of someone else just because I'm not the one paying." She finally answered, her eyes focused on her glass of ice water, watching the condensation slowly trickle down the sides.
Vee stifled a giggle, the expression on her screen making that more obvious.
"Really? You of all people? You never fail to surprise me" Vee allowed herself to speak at a more natural volume--louder than previous. "I know you don't get out much, get whatever you want. Hell, you could ask me to buy the entire restaurant and I'd probably say yes"
Brusha stared at Vee, brow raised questioningly. "And why exactly why would you do that? Don't you have your own girlfriends to get expensive things for instead of me?" She inquired, one hand holding up her head as she now focused more directly on Vee.
"Well, darling. No matter your attitude, you *are* quite cute, yaknow?" Vee commented, a smirk painted on her screen.
Brusha blinks a few times and almost immediately turns away the moment she realizes what's just been said to her. Did the fans get turned off? It's a little warm in here..
"Aww did I make you blush? Come on, let me see!" Vee poked a finger at Brusha's cheek before leaning closer, tilting Brusha's head to face her again.
Brusha stared at Vee as Vee stared at her, their faces noticeably close to each other's. Brusha absolutely does NOT go completely red in the face and try to pull away, only to receive giggles from Vee that she does NOT find cute AT ALL.
Brusha decided to ignore the expressions of supressed laughter she could see from Brightney and Shelly, and especially the uncomfortably blank one from Tisha who was definitely looking at her.
"Come on, Brusha! Don't be so shy, That nothing like you! You've been so quiet and boring lately. Brighten up girl, relaaxx, this is basically one big date if you really think about it" Vee wrapped one arm around Brusha's chair and promptly pulled it flush with her own, settling her arm on Brusha's shoulders. Brusha did not move, she was too focused on not smiling at the repeated comments from Vee and the way the other girls were now hyping Vee up. Is it common for Vee to flirt with other women and be so supported by her girlfriends?
Maybe she does see the appeal in them—maybe she was too quick to judge. Would she ever admit that, though? No. Probably not.
"I'm definitely glad Tisha wanted to invite ya, you look 10 times better in something other than a t-shirt and pants. Hell, I'd love to see you in a dress like Brightney's.. or a suit like mine, but you'd look stunning in either" Vee continued her comments, pulling Brusha in until she was leaning against her side
Brusha had her hand over her mouth, but the slight squint to her eyes gave away the smile she was desperately trying to hide. She couldn't help it—she's never really been complimented like this. She's used to people talking about her art, not her.
Her saving grace approached in the form of the hostess bringing out their plates. Everyone else got much more in comparison to Brusha—and Vee. She didn't order anything, being a robot and all.
"Hey, darling! Mind if I get another menu for a moment? I might wanna order some more" Vee inquired with the hostess, who quickly nodded and skittered off.
"Brusha! You can have some of my chicken!" Shelly offered, already taking one of the spare small plates and putting a few of her.. dinosaur shaped chicken? On it? Brusha didn't know a restaurant like this would sell dino nuggets. She decides not to think about it too much.
"You can have some of my chicken alfredo too!" Brightney soon offered, also not waiting for any confirmation before providing a portion of her own meal.
"Oh-uh—thank you.." Brusha didn't really know how to respond to any of this. She's not used to people sharing their food with her. Tisha sure as hell doesn't like sharing.
Shortly after, the hostess returns with the menu. She ordered what Brightney had, considering she really liked the small portion the lamp shared.
So now, she's waiting for her actual meal, taking small bites of her mozzarella sticks in the meantime.
Brusha continued to listen to the 3 women chatter on about this and that.
Vee talked about the mods she plans to get for both herself and her car, cause apparently she wants to physically match her car.
Brightney talked about how Astro has been less attentive during their bookclub meetings—cause apparently they still do that—meanwhile Astro looked like she was trying to pretend like he isn't there while Brightney side-eyes her.
Brusha had to admit, she giggled a little bit at Astro slowly turning her head away when Brightney turned to stare at him..
Shelly eventually started talking about her work, how she had a young woman recognize her from the show and they took pictures, and apparently those pictures got posted and got a lot of attention.
Brusha isn't sure how to feel about that. It felt risky to be known so widely to be out of gardenview, god knows what might happen if the wrong people realize they're just.. out walking around in society.
Vee doesn't seem to share this sentiment, as she was quick to congratulate her on it—very specifically, might she add. Though she guesses it's reasonable to praise Shelly for it, she's always had issues in the past with never being truly recognized, and now she's finally getting the attention she should've had as a main character.
She tries not to think about it too much. It's none of her business.
Not long after, Brusha's plate finally arrives and she started eating. The table has set into casual chatter. Sharing things they've done or discovered recently, talking about others—A LOT of talking about others, actually. Any time Astro talks it's 90% about Blot.. which, fair. They're dating, Brusha's like that too a little, when she's not with Tisha. But god, does he have to mention Blot every single time they speak?
"Shelly, random question. I didn't see dinosaur nuggets on the menu, how'd you get those?" Brusha finally spoke up, gesturing towards the ammonite.
"Oh! I've been here a lot and Vee made like an agreement to pay extra if the cooks will make dino nuggets for me!!" Shelly explained rather simply. The explanation didn't make sense to Brusha. Why pay more for something you can buy for like 7$ at the store and make at home?
"Is that not a waste of money? They're not even 10 dollars at walmart." Brusha inquired, tilting her head, her tone flat. Brusha only realized after she said it that it kind of sounded rude.
"I know!! But I LOVEEEE the way they make chicken tenders here, and Vee knows I like dinosaurs.. I didn't even ask her to do it! She just requested it for me on her own!" Shelly responded, seemingly unbothered by the vaguely impolite tone Brusha asked with. Brusha's at least glad she didn't seem bothered by her question.
"Mhm, can confirm! Whatever makes my women happy is what makes me happy!" Vee butted in, her tail slowly coiling around Brusha's waist.
Brusha tried not to shutter at the unexpected feeling. She decides to pretend like she's not a little red again. Seems like Vee really can't keep her hands to herself tonight.. or her tail. Or her words.
Speaking of..
"Though, just because you're not my woman doesn't mean I would mind getting you what you want, even if it takes a little effort.." Vee leaned into Brusha, her hand landing just below Brusha's arm on her side.
Brusha slowly turned her head away from Vee, yet again trying to hide the redness in her face.
"Oh come oonnnn Brusha! Let me see that gorgeous face of yours!" Vee shifted to partially face her body towards the shorter toon, leaning in to teasingly try to look at Brusha, who just covered her entire face with her hands.
Vee couldn't help the laughter she let out at the sight. Of all things she expected out of the night, it was not a flustered Brusha!
Both Brightney and Shelly were giggling as well, even Astro let out a quick snort before focusing on their food—and probably his phone, considering she keeps glancing down under the table—and still, Tisha is oddly silent.. but nobody seems too focused on it.
"What, Tisha never hit on you before you two started dating? Maybe I should invite you out more often just to tease you!" Vee started poking Brusha in the cheek with her tail again—or more accurately, on her hand.
Finally, Brusha places a hand on Vee's screen and starts pushing her away, saying something about wanting to eat, and finally the TV relents and leans back in her own seat. But she does not let Brusha scoot her chair back to where it'd been, and they stay pulled up together.
Brusha doesn't particularly mind how this night has gone—for once, she felt happy around people she thought she hated.
"Bye Vee, night." Brusha waved to the taller woman as she and the other 2 entered their own home, and Tisha started the car up again.
The night was relaxing, and Brusha had no problem admitting that. She had fun for once, she even finally gave her number to more than just Tisha, so maybe she can talk to the others a bit more.
The car ride was rather silent for awhile, the quiet sound of Vee's personal playlist the only thing that kept it from being deafening—until Tisha turned that off. They were left in only the rumble of tires on asphalt.
As they got further and further from Vee's house, the tension became more apparent. Apparent in the tight grip Tisha had on the wheel, the way she'd speed up just a bit too much when there was nobody in front of them, the multiple red lights they ran.
"..er—tish—" Brusha looked towards the other, but she was given no time to finish.
"Don't." Tisha growled, not even bothering to look at Brusha when she snapped at her. Brusha's words died in her throat before they got the chance to be spoken.
"..sorry." Brusha murmured, looking away, out of the window at the black sky and vibrant LED street signs and lights, the people walking and chatting, other cars going by.
Brusha doesn't understand why Tisha is so upset—did something happen during the night that Brusha was unaware of?
She wanted to try again, to press Tisha on why she was mad at her—is she mad at her? Why would she be mad at her? Brusha didn't do anything.
Maybe she did something and didn't realize it? Surely that had to be it? Surely it wasn't because Brusha enjoyed the night. Surely..
Brusha forced herself to stop thinking about it. Overthinking wasn't going to do her any good in this situation—but if she doesn't think about it, she can't think of a solution.. but really, she already knows the solution. Apologize for something she doesn't know she did. Like she's apparently started doing a lot, recently.
Finally, they pull into Brusha's apartment complex and Tisha parks rather lopsided—both the front and back end of the car are over either white line of the parking space, the tire is nearly up on the curb.
Brusha didn't even wait to get out and scramble to the driver's side and open the door for Tisha. She has to be curtious.
Tisha didn't look at her, didn't praise her like she always made a point to when Brusha did something she deemed "correct". Brusha frowns.
Brusha walks behind Tisha as they walk up the stairs—they would've taken the elevator, but that's been broken since Brusha moved in.
The silence was unbearably uncomfortable. Brusha wanted to go lay down and pretend to not exist for the next 3 weeks.
She watches Tisha take out the spare key she'd given her and unlock the door to Brusha's apartment, they both enter. Brusha stands there a little awkwardly, expecting Tisha to just leave, but that doesn't happen.
Brusha draws in a slow breath.
"..Tisha.. what did I do that you're mad at me?" She questions, trying to look Tisha in the eyes, but all she's met with is a cold stare.
"You're asking me what you did? That's something you're supposed to know." Tisha crossed her arms as she spoke, as if expecting Brusha to be a mind-reader and figure everything out herself.
Brusha stares. Is she kidding? She has to be kidding. Though, her expression makes it very clear she is not kidding.
"..I don't know what you expect from me. I don't know what I did, can you not just tell me?" Brusha prompts, trying to keep her expression and voice as neutral as she can. She's been working on being nicer.
"Well if you're that incapable of understanding what you've done, maybe I'm wasting my time on you." Tisha retorted, barely giving Brusha a chance to think.
…
Is she serious?
"What?? What the fuck are you on about????" Brusha can't help the irritation boiling in her. What the fuck does she mean wasting her time?
Tisha grew an expression of exasperation as she made a multitude of odd hand gestures and half-baked attempts at a sentence.
"You're just selfish, ok!? I don't know why I ever convinced myself you deserved a second chance! You're just a selfish piece of shit who only thinks about herself!" Tisha spat, taking a few steps closer—meanwhile, Brusha stepped back.
"Are you fucking kidding me?! Tisha, I've been TRYING to work on my 'issues' that you say I have, and just because I don't magically become an amazing person overnight, I'm selfish???" Brusha challenged, though each step back she took made her look more and more like a scared, cornered animal.
"Well maybe you should've tried harder! I'm done waiting and waiting for you to improve and you barely put in any effort!" Brusha truly hadn't a clue what this woman was spouting. It was Tisha who had drilled it into Brusha that if she couldn't act better, they wouldn't get back together.
Brusha remembers that day to an uncomfortably vivid degree—she remembers how utterly desperate she was. She'd been living alone, practically isolated for months at that point and she was pretty much going crazy. Then abruptly, Tisha came to her apartment.. Brusha forces herself to stop thinking about it.
"Then I might as well stop fucking trying if you think I'm such a lost cause!" Finally, Brusha let herself raise her voice.. but even still, she felt cornered. Cornered like a dog on the end of it's chain, cowering and snarling in a desperate attempt to scare away the bigger, scarier predator.
"Oh, oh yeah REAL fucking mature, Brusha! Just like I said! SELFISH!" Tisha made a point to shout louder than Brusha, raise her voice higher. If she can't be taller than her, she'll be louder.
Brusha's slow retreat is forced to a halt when her leg hits the end of her coffee table—she really is cornered now.
And a cornered animal will bite.
"FINE THEN! I'LL BE SELFISH!" Brusha shoved Tisha nearly to the ground—just to force some distance—then grabbed her by the wrist, her grip tight enough to hurt. She yanked the shorter toon towards the door, Tisha's key still stuck in the keyhole.
"FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU FUCK YOU! I HOPE YOU GET RUN OVER, BITCH!" Brusha shoved Tisha out of the door and slammed the door as hard as her arm would let her, locking the door quickly after and leaning heavily against it.
For a moment, there was nothing but silence that followed.. at least, until Tisha started yelling every swear she could possibly think of while she walked away from the door—well, first she yanked the spare key out of the keyhole and threw it at the door.
Brusha just.. stood there for a moment.
What did she just do?
She fucked it all up again, that's what she did. Because apparently, that's the only thing she knows how to do anymore.
Fuck everything up.
Maybe Tisha was right—she is selfish. A selfish piece of undeserving shit.
Brusha sluggishly wanders towards her bed—she'd planned to shower again before going to bed, but she doesn't feel like doing that anymore.
She doesn't feel like doing anything. She doesn't feel like painting, which is certainly a first.
She flopped into her unmade sheets face-first and lays there aimlessly.
Tisha is right. Brusha's nothing but a selfish prick who fucks up everything good she has. She doesn't deserve Tisha—she never has and never will.
But honestly, what is she without Tisha? She's a mediocre artist, not that great of a person, nobody really gives a fuck about her.
Nobody would care if she killed herself. She knows that—maybe she should, get it over with. Spare everyone else the annoyance of her existence.
Nobody has ever cared, have they? Everyone only sees her as some rude painter who's nothing significant to them, only a passing moment in their lives.
Nobody will mourn her.