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Cheng Xiaoshi, being the most extrovert of the two, is the one tasked with socialising. He doesn't mind, not really, but it's exhausting.
He's grinning at his conversation partner when he catches the conversation from behind him.
"He's so hot," one of the girls says, and her friend agrees passionately.
Some kind of gut feeling makes him believe he knows who they're talking about. Still, he takes advantage of a lull in his own conversation to look around, and sure enough, the two girls are staring at Lu Guang. Lu Guang looks in deep conversation with Qiao Ling, which relieves him. And yet...
"They look awfully close," the first girl sighs forlornly, "they must be dating."
"You don't know for sure," her friend replies hopefully, then adds, "oh. Maybe you're right."
That has Cheng Xiaoshi pausing. He glances at his friends, Qiao Ling's wide and bright grin at something she said, and Lu Guang... Lu Guang is smiling, his eyes soft in a way he rarely shows in public.
Huh. They do look like they could be dating, he muses, and something in his chest twists strangely at the thought.
But Cheng Xiaoshi knows that neither is interested in dating the other. ... Or, well, he's pretty sure of it. It's not like they ever actually talked about it.
Still, something about the whole ordeal makes him feel uneasy.
He excuses himself, planning on joining them, but changes direction at the last minute when Lu Guang leans in Qiao Ling's space to see the phone she has tilted towards him. Their shoulders brush, and he's pretty sure that they can feel each other's warmth and perfume and breath—
Yeah, no.
He shouldn't feel this way, Cheng Xiaoshi tells himself as he exits the room. It's not like Qiao Ling and Lu Guang aren't close already, he knows that. But the thought of them dating?
… It's not like he'd have anything to say in the matter, but the idea just doesn't feel right. He's Lu Guang's friend. He's the closest to him, he's his roommate and partner and coworker and—
Cheng Xiaoshi gasps as his body reminds him that he needs air. He looks around, the spike of anxiety lessening as he finds himself alone, his sudden and unwelcome panicking hidden from view. He moves faster, intent on isolating himself until he can sort out whatever his brain is doing right now.
He finds himself in a bathroom stall, locking it behind him. There, he breathes deeply, the unpleasant smell of public bathrooms making him wince. But he keeps breathing, a hand coming to rest on his chest in a futile attempt at calming his racing heart.
There's no reason for him to react this way, he tells himself as he closes his eyes. Just because some random girls made a(n untrue!!) comment on his friends' relationship doesn't
1. Make it real
And 2. Mean anything.
It's not like Lu Guang or Qiao Ling would leave him behind, even if they were to start dating. But why does the thought hurt so much?
(Stop fooling yourself, some part of him tells him. You know why it hurts. You just don't want to admit it.)
"... no," he mutters and shakes his head, "I don't."
He doesn't know. He doesn't.
(He does.)
It's not... it's not like he's been maybe hoping that somehow, he would eventually date—
"Cheng Xiaoshi?" A voice calls, jolting him out of his thoughts. "Are you there?"
... Lu Guang.
He never thought he'd feel so relieved yet so anxious at hearing his voice. But what is he doing here?
"Uh, yeah," he calls back, hoping that the other doesn't notice how his voice gets caught in his throat.
Footsteps seem to approach. "Are you alright?" Lu Guang asks, his voice soft and concerned, and right on the other side of the door.
Cheng Xiaoshi's lips twitch at the tone. "I'm fine," he hums.
Lu Guang stays silent for a moment, either judging the truthfulness of the statement or waiting for him to keep talking. Then, "you just disappeared without warning, so I thought..." he trails off.
Cheng Xiaoshi's heart jumps hard against his ribcage, the thought of Lu Guang looking out for him and being worried about him soothing the leftover panic from earlier.
I like him, he thinks, painfully honest with himself, and that thought alone unravels the whole panic bundle. I like him, and the thought of him liking someone else more than me...
"... Lu Guang," he says, and the vulnerability in his voice is obvious even to him.
"Yes?" The other answers, and that word alone sounds tense, as if Lu Guang is expecting something drastically awful like "I'm actually bleeding to death here".
Cheng Xiaoshi feels bad for making him worry because of his own silly feelings.
"You... do you like Qiao Ling?" He settles on asking, though regrets it as soon as the words leave his mouth.
But Lu Guang is suspiciously silent, and the bundle of panic is starting to knot again.
Then, "what are you on about?"
Cheng Xiaoshi huffs what he hopes sounds like a laugh, "ah, forget it. Maybe I had too much to drink."
"Cheng Xiaoshi," Lu Guang calls, deadpan, "you didn't drink anything."
Touché.
He grimaces, even though the other can't see it. He's kinda glad that he hasn't come out yet, because he's pretty sure that his face must be bright red at the moment.
When he doesn't answer, Lu Guang presses, "is something wrong? Did someone say something?"
Oh, you have no idea, Cheng Xiaoshi thinks as he drags a hand down his face. I'm just being stupidly jealous over something I have no right to be jealous of, he sighs.
"No, I'm... just being stupid," he settles on saying.
Lu Guang hums, the sound barely reaching him. "Can you come out?"
Cheng Xiaoshi bites his lip as he ponders, probably taking too long when Lu Guang continues, "or open the door, at least, so I can see you?"
Ah, Lu Guang. What am I to do? How can he refuse?
With a smile helplessly tugging at his lips, Cheng Xiaoshi opens the door. He keeps his eyes just below Lu Guang's face so he doesn't have to see the look he's being given. He doesn't think he can handle it right now.
They both stand still, Lu Guang probably gauging his state while Cheng Xiaoshi waits for the verdict.
"… what happened?" Lu Guang asks, and when Cheng Xiaoshi finally looks up, he sees pursed lips and furrowed brows.
He must be looking like shit, for Lu Guang to look at him like that.
He huffs through his nose, gaze dropping, and answers, "Nothing important. Like I said, I'm just being stupid."
Lu Guang sighs, and Cheng Xiaoshi sees his feet stepping closer, and his hands reaching up, up and out of his field of vision—
Hands settle on his cheeks, framing his face and tilting his head up. He holds for as long as he can until his eyes instinctively shift to Lu Guang's face, like magnets he can't control.
"Cheng Xiaoshi," Lu Guang says, and it's so low he barely hears it, even when they're standing so close to each other. "It must be important to you, if it makes you…" he trails off, his gray eyes flickering over his face before settling back on his, "if it has you feeling that way."
Cheng Xiaoshi feels warm. He's not sure if it comes from the closeness, the words, or the look he's being given. Maybe all of the above. Maybe something else entirely.
He doesn't know anymore.
"It's really not," he sighs, shaking his head. He feels Lu Guang's fingers over his skin as they follow the movement, and he unconsciously leans in the touch.
Lu Guang is so warm. Soft. His thumbs are rubbing soothingly against his cheeks, and Cheng Xiaoshi closes his eyes.
For a moment, it's like there's only the two of them in the whole world. The warm touch of Lu Guang's hands on his face. The warmth of his body, within reach. The rhythm of his breaths, and the faint chill of them cooling on his chin.
Cheng Xiaoshi feels himself raising his arm, unaware of his own goal until his hand settles on Lu Guang's. His fingers twitch before they wrap around the other's, removing the hand from his cheek.
He opens his eyes to stare at their joined hands.
Lu Guang's hand looks so small against his. If he wanted to, he could envelop it completely. The thought makes him smile.
It feels nice to hold Lu Guang's hand, he thinks. It's warm and…
His hold tightens for a second before he catches himself and lets go. What am I doing!? He steps back, slipping out of Lu Guang's hold and plasters a grin on his face. He clears his throat to give himself a little bit of time.
"You—" he starts, his eyes raising again, but trails off at the look on Lu Guang's face.
He looks… disappointed? Or hurt, almost. His face is barely showing anything, but Cheng Xiaoshi sees it in the way his eyes are flickering around before settling on the wall beside them.
Suddenly, Cheng Xiaoshi regrets pulling away. He feels like he just widened a rift between them. The fake grin he's put on fades as Lu Guang sighs and turns around.
"I'm…" he tries, but the words just won't come out. I'm sorry, come back, he wants to say.
"It's fine if you don't want to talk about it," Lu Guang says, but it sounds way too dull. Cheng Xiaoshi's heart twists painfully in his chest. "Just don't take too long in there." Lu Guang takes a step away, then another.
There's a sense of urgency rising within Cheng Xiaoshi. Like if he doesn't move or say something right now, Lu Guang will go away and disappear for good. Leave him.
He feels like such an idiot. He keeps messing up, doesn't he?
Wait… don't leave—
"Lu Guang!" he calls, reaching out, and when the other pauses, a wave of relief washes over Cheng Xiaoshi. He takes a breath, steeling himself as he stops his hand before it can make contact. "I'm sorry," he forces out, "I… 'm sorry."
He wants to say more, but the words get stuck in his throat.
Lu Guang sighs, his shoulders noticeably drooping, but doesn't turn around. He also doesn't leave. His head turns slightly, just enough for him to see Cheng Xiaoshi. "It's fine," he says.
But it's not, Cheng Xiaoshi wants to answer.
Lu Guang tilts his head, just like he always does when he's thinking about what to say next. "Don't think too hard about it," he ends up saying, his mouth pulling into a teasing smirk, "I don't think your brain could handle it."
The teasing is so unexpected that Cheng Xiaoshi can't find in himself to be offended by it. It's an olive branch, he figures, his heart soaring, and he reaches for it with his whole being.
Except it seems that his brain has other plans, as he blurts out "Some girl said that Qiao Ling and you looked like you were dating and it upset me because I want you to like me more—"
He doesn't have the time to notice Lu Guang turning around, his eyes wide, because he continues, "—and I know it's stupid because I would have known if you were interested in her or her in you but I…" he takes a breath, his heart hammering against his ribcage as he slowly registers that he's basically confessing to his best friend. "Oh my God," he groans as he hides his face in his hands. "I'm so stupid."
Cheng Xiaoshi considers the idea of dissolving into nothingness just so he doesn't have to live through the undeniable embarrassment and pain of being rejected by his best friend slash roommate slash crush (apparently). Dissolving, because fleeing isn't an option as he is still trapped within the walls of the bathroom stall with Lu Guang in front of him.
But there's an amused tilt to Lu Guang's voice when he answers, "you are," and Cheng Xiaoshi looks up with a frown.
Lu Guang is honest-to-god smiling at his misery. (It's not directed at his misery.) He's making fun of him while he's on the verge of a breakdown! How dare!
Before he can spiral further, Lu Guang walks up to him, and now that he's closer, Cheng Xiaoshi sees that his ears are all red. And his cheeks too. Huh.
"You would have noticed if I were interested in Qiao Ling, you say."
The almost condescending tone has Cheng Xiaoshi squinting. "Well, duh," he answers. "We're living together, I'd have noticed a change of behavior," he adds, even though he's not quite so sure anymore. And what's Lu Guang aiming for with this, anyway?
Lu Guang's mouth twitches as he's obviously fighting off a smile. "Uh huh," he says, the tone clearly indicating that he doesn't believe it for a second. "And your conclusion is that I'm not interested in her, then?"
"…yeah," Cheng Xiaoshi frowns. "What, are you?"
Lu Guang almost chokes as he tries not to laugh. Rude. But his eyes are shining so bright when they lock on his, mirth, and… and— dare he say love- affection dancing in them.
It's beautiful.
(And Cheng Xiaoshi is losing track of everything. What is Lu Guang trying to say?)
"Dummy," he hums, and his face softens. "Of course I'm not interested in dating her." He tilts his head, his eyes darting away before settling back on Cheng Xiaoshi. "I see her more as a sister. A… sister-in-law, maybe," he adds, quieter, almost as a question.
Cheng Xiaoshi blinks at that. Sister-in-law? But she doesn't have— hold on. His eyes widen, and his mouth opens as he's trying to find words to say. "You—" he tries, but nothing else comes, not when he's faced with Lu Guang's questioning gaze. Then, finally, "…me?"
Lu Guang's eyes curl up as he shrugs. Then nods when Cheng Xiaoshi keeps gaping like a fish. "It's you I'm interested in, Xiaoshi."
Cheng Xiaoshi must be dreaming, right? "For real?" he asks, and startles when Lu Guang reaches for one of his hands. He looks down at their now joined hands, wonder painted on his face.
Then he yelps when Lu Guang pinches him. "Hey!" he frowns, offended. "What was that for?"
"Just wanted you to know you weren't dreaming," he answers, his face glowing with amusement as his thumb rubs soothingly over the abused skin.
And, well. It sure doesn't seem like he's dreaming.
(Or if he is, he doesn't want to wake up.)
A laugh bubbles out of him, relieved and happy. He twines his fingers with Lu Guang's and squeezes.
They stay like that for a moment, neither pulling away.
"You good?" Lu Guang asks after a few seconds. His voice is barely above a whisper, as if talking any louder would shatter the moment.
Cheng Xiaoshi's smile widens so much he feels the pull in his cheeks. "I'm good," he nods, and uses his hold on Lu Guang's hand to pull him closer.
Lu Guang's eyes widen as he stumbles, his free hand finding anchor on Cheng Xiaoshi's shoulder.
Cheng Xiaoshi meets his eyes, his grin turning mischievous as he tilts his head. "I just want…" he trails off, his gaze shifting to the other's lips for a second. "Can I…?"
Lu Guang fights off another smile. He can see it in the way his lips shift. His heart pounds in his chest, as he realises that he just asked for permission to kiss Lu Guang and that he's going to kiss him because if all that hasn't been a dream, then Lu Guang is definitely going to agree.
Lu Guang licks his lips, his hand twitching on Cheng Xiaoshi's chest. Then he nods, the barest tilt of his head.
It's like someone set fireworks in his stomach, the way his breath hitches as their faces lean closer. They're centimeters apart, he can feel Lu Guang's warm breath on his face, and just a second more—
The door bursts open, startling them as they both stumble backwards.
If looks could kill, Cheng Xiaoshi is pretty sure that the dude who just entered would be dead. How dare he interrupt his life-altering moment?? (Not that said guy has any idea of what he stepped into, unmistakably drunk off his ass if the way he staggers into the nearest stall is any indication.)
Nevertheless, Lu Guang turns away, his ears red as he clears his throat. Cheng Xiaoshi can't hide the disappointment of it all, shoulders drooping as he sighs. They were that close!!
"Let's go back," Lu Guang says, and takes a step towards to door. He turns back when he notices that Cheng Xiaoshi isn't following. "Are you coming?"
Cheng Xiaoshi looks at him, trying his best to convey with his eyes that he'd rather not. Please can we pick up where we left off?
Lu Guang's eyes dart to the stall where the drunk guy is seemingly struggling with something (he'd rather not try and see just what that guy is doing) before settling back on Cheng Xiaoshi. His lips purse and he shakes his head.
Cheng Xiaoshi whines as he crosses the few steps separating him from Lu Guang. "Lu Gua~ang, come on!" he grabs Lu Guang's wrists and looks at him pleadingly. "Don't just leave me hanging?"
Lu Guang leans back, his cheeks flaming. He looks away, his shoulders rising as if trying to hide himself into them. "Just… Let's go home first."
"We're ditching?!" Cheng Xiaoshi perks up. He grins when Lu Guang sends him a startled look. "Lu Guang, you're so full of surprises today~"
"Wait, I never said—" he tries to defend himself, but Cheng Xiaoshi isn't hearing it.
He drags Lu Guang out of the bathroom and towards the exit, letting go of one of his wrists to send Qiao Ling a text letting her know they're going home. He feels Lu Guang wrap his hand around his, and his heart skips a beat.
Oh, he can't wait to go home and get his well-deserved kiss.