Work Text:
Bald soukoku
Man, I wish my boyfriend- i mean best friend was here! I chuckle to myself. I'm so quirky. How could I call my best friend Atsushi my boyfriend??? We’ve only ever touched tips once and it was platonic!
Akutagawa woke up and opened his eyes in a way only he could open. He lifted his arms to yawn and stretch whilst letting out a little femboy moan. “Yo what was that?” he asked himself aloud. “I donno😂” he thought back.
Hopefully Atsushi didn't hear him. They were having a sleepover. In the same bed. Because they are in Alberta, Canada where every hotel has one bed. Obv.
Anyway, Atsushi moved around beside him and did a full 360 in the bed. “Broooooo you stole my blanket” Octagon complained to the guy with the bad haircut. Although, it's not like his was any better.
“Sybau. You're gay” Atsushi squeaked. Akutagawa held his chest in shock. ME? GAY???? I must defend this constitution… But what if I'm backing the wrong horse? No, I can't be. I'm straight as some straight object.
“Im not gay,” he continued. “But if i was, I'd shave you bald” “bald me?” “ye” Atsushi looked interested in the offer. “ I do need a break from the humiliation of this yee ass haircut.” he thinked. “Do you wanna be balded?” Akutagawa asked seductively, reaching under the blanket for his hairdressers degree. He held it up with his hands at Atusuchi. “Yor in good hands😏”
He reached back down into the bedsheets for his shaving thingeys i dont remember what they be called lwk.
While he brought them back up he blushed. Like really brightly. He may be sick. It's time he’d be true to himself… “Atsushi, I-Im…” he turned neon yellow like a banana. “Im gay and i wanna scissor” Atsushi sat w shock and fear. “No homo bro” Then they like, made out while Octagon shaved him bald. “Why do you taste like bitter, oxidized metal? Specifically copper or brass?” He questioned. “Pfftfffttt wdummmmmmm brooooo stop being weirrdddd” they made out more while he baldened. “Bro, why are my lips numb?” “And why do you keep making noises-” His eyes widened like a spooked newt. “Are you a trumpet….?”
Akutagawa stared at him. No… he should never find this out!!!!!!!! He reached under the covers and grabbed a pipe bomb that was designed to be completely silent and only kil Atsushi. A single white tear fell from his dih. “I-im sorry Atsushi.” he weakly threw the
bomb at him bc this is a twin sized bed and they be grown ass men fr 😂.
Lwk the end brotatochips.