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“I’ll go with you…”
The words that ruined my life. The words I said during my worst moments. I’ll regret them forever.
I had always been an outcast. I had thought I hated people. I had given up on them. I figured I could only fight to survive. Until I met them… my friends. The kids at Bofurin. They showed me hope. Umemiya, Tsubakino, Anzai, Tsugeura, Kiryu… Suo, and Nirei. I could never compare…
It was all gone. I had failed to protect my school. I had lost.
Yamato Endo’s hands were wrapped around my neck, slowly cutting off my ability to breathe. I heaved, my hands wrapped tightly around his arm, trying to pull it off of my neck. Blood was splattered everywhere from our brawl; bruises covered my raw knuckles. I was so tired, but I knew I couldn’t stop. He kept smiling down at me, a sadistic expression plastered on his face, and that was enough to make my blood fucking boil.
“All the people you love!? This school that you cherish so greatly?! They are all doomed! And it’s all because of you, Sakura!” Endo exclaimed maliciously, his bloodied, tattooed hands encircling my neck even tighter. His cruel eyes stared down at me, making me feel as though they were boring a hole through my skull.
I stopped thrashing for a moment, my glare deepening. I thought of how I had failed. I thought of how I was at Endo’s mercy. I thought of how I had failed my friends, the town I loved, and Bofurin. No, no…
If I just accepted Endo’s offer… I could end it all. I could save my friends. Each breath was torture. Each thought sent me spiraling further and further into despair. Every single fucking second I stared into Endo’s face filled my soul with more and more anger. My body felt as though it was on fire, burning with a rage so bright that even the stars would be considered bleak in comparison. This all happened because I dared to want something. Because I dared to be happy… I’m so selfish.
I harshly jerked my hands, hoping to catch Endo off guard, to do anything to stop his snake like hands from securing an even stricter grip around my neck. I gasped as he regained his grip, causing me to cough up a mix of blood and phlegm which landed square on Endo’s cheek, the red splatter barely noticeable compared to the prominent nosebleed I had previously given him. Nonetheless, his sadistic expression hardened just slightly, morphing into a slight glare.
“Is this any way to act around your elders, Sakura?! I’m offering you the opportunity of a lifetime…! A way out of hurting your friends and Bofurin forever.”
He knew he was getting to me. I could see it in the way his smirk widened as every attempt I made to escape was weaker and less passionate than the last. I hated it. I fucking hated it. But what I hated more was how this bastard was right.
I grunted, fighting the angry tears that threatened to spill down my face. He was right. About everything. That I would continue hurting my friends. That joining him could spare Bofurin the suffering caused by my failure. The combined struggle of keeping Endo from fully cutting off my respiratory system and the effort it took to keep the overwhelming emotions in check caused me to blurt out the words I would forever regret.
“I… I’ll go… I’ll go with you,” I spat out, every word laced with a unique venom that can only be described as defeat mixed with a sense of strong, bitter rage.
Endo’s hands left my throat, leaving me coughing and spitting out blood. His reaction to my words could only be described as a child psychopath finally getting the toy they had been begging for. He began to laugh, not a pleasant laugh, a harsh, cold, grating laugh.
“Oh, Sakura! This is amazing! You’ll finally live up to your potential! I’ll mold you into a fighter that could rival that selfish bastard Umemiya himself! Ahahahahhah!”
I rubbed my neck in pain as I sat up, grimacing as Endo laughed. I stared down at my broken fists as if they were to blame. My sense of pride had shattered. I would never be able to face my friends again. I dug my nails into the ground, the wet dirt clogging up my fingernails as I began to cry. A waterfall of tears cascaded down my face, hitting the ground, mixing the blood and the dirt to make a disgusting maroon color.
Staring down at the ground splattered in my own blood while crying was the most humiliating experience I’d ever had. Endo didn’t even look back. He left me to head towards the roof as I sat there, unable to move. I felt ashamed. Disgusting. Pathetic. What would my friends say if they saw me in this pathetic state?
They… they’d understand.
I shook my head. No. It didn’t matter if they understood. I had failed them. This was all my fault.
After Umemiya’s fight with Takiishi was finished, although Bofurin remained victorious, I had a promise to keep. I couldn’t stay here anymore. I had to join Endo. But Bofurin protested. Begged. Pleaded.
“Sakura you cannot join that bastard!” Tsubaki screamed, being held back by a pair of Bofurin’s kings. Nirei made similar pleas while Suo stood there, watching with a slightly hurt expression on his face, resembling a grimace. Kiryu showed genuine hurt on his expression, Tsugeura’s expression was one of betrayal and anger, while Umemiya… just stared.
That was 2 months ago.
“P-Please…! W-We’ll pay up! K-Kid, you understand, ri—”
I stopped him short with a swift punch to the face, feeling his cheek bone crack under my knucles. I let go of the man’s collar, letting his limp body hit the floor. I turned to the rest of the pathetic gang, a bored expression on my face. As my steps echo grew louder, the noise bounced off all the corners of the large warehouse. I could feel the gang shrinking with my every stride. The fear etched on their faces… sickened me.
I hate the weak. I despise those who pick on others. And this gang was just that. But their fear sickened me for a different reason. Their fear was proof I was nothing better than them. I relentlessly beat the gang, knocking out multiple members with a single punch. The anger accumulated from two months of pure hell came crashing down on this gang. I fought like a wild animal, taking down hundreds of members in the span of an hour.
Ever since that day, I could do nothing but follow Endo’s orders. I beat up gangs of all sorts, my fists constantly bruised and bloodied. My only solace was the occasional thunderstorm. It was as if the sky herself was raging for me. I’d stand in the rain, head turned to the ground, silent tears dripping down my face. Those storms were the only moments where I let my emotions control my actions.
Until now.
I hated being Endo’s dog. I fucking hated it.
I had tried to give mercy to the gangs he sent me after. I had tried to spare these scumbags from my full strength. But I had given up on that today.
I beat every member within an inch of their death, leaving almost every single one of these weaklings with severe injuries. Every member looked at me with fear. Each one charged at me in vain only to be crushed like all the rest. It was pathetic. Truly. I kicked their leader’s face in one last time while looking down at the rest of the gang with a cold glare on my face as I walked away.
As I walked away, I broke down. I had lost all self-control during that fight. I wiped away my hot tears but they wouldn’t stop coming. Snot and mucus dripped down my contorted face, mixing with the blood of the gang, leaving a disgusting iron taste in my mouth. The guilt I felt in that moment was indescribable. As if the weather was mocking me, the sky shifted from a bright and sunny to dark and cloudy with a heavy rainstorm. The peace I used to find in this weather was gone. The guilt I carried during this moment caused the rain storm to feel like just another burden to carry.
While it was still storming outside, I lumbered into a convenience store, my head still spinning from my latest fight. The hot food isle was the first thought that entered my mind. I knew in my gut that I didn’t deserve the comfort of a warm meal but God… I fucking craved it. I headed over right away, grabbing all the food I could possibly carry; however, when it came time to pay, I felt a pang of guilt once again as the money I was using to pay had… been obtained unethically, to put it nicely. I winced at the thought, feeling the tears threaten to spill once again as I pulled out a few crumpled bills, amounting to 2100 yen.
The cashier seemed acutely aware of both my oddly monochrome hair and my current, worn-out state; however, she accepted my payment without question.
Sitting in a convenience store, devouring as much food as possible, while the rain poured outside, would have been a peaceful pastime if not for the guilt hanging over my head. With every bite I took, I felt the guilt rising, so much so, that, after I finished almost all the food I had eaten, I went to the bathroom to puke it all out.
I heaved, hot bile at burning the back of my throat. My stomach clenched, and after a violent spasm, a pile yellow slop to entered the toilet. I gasped for air, holding my stomach as I began to cry once again.
I could tell the cashier was beginning to become worried as I exited the bathroom, looking even more unwell. I sat at the table, beginning to nod off when the convenience store door swung open once again.
My eyes widened in shock as I saw a familiar ginger enter the store, soaked to the bone, his face bruised as slightly bloody. Akihiko Nirei. I jerked backwards in my seat, a look of shock crossing over my face. Nirei… my former friend. My body froze, my brain imagining all the horrible actions he must hold against me. I got up from my seat, trying to walk away unnoticed, but, in my daze, I stumbled on a wet floor tile, catching the boy’s attention.
When he rushed over to me, I wasn’t sure what to expect, but I certainly didn’t expect his next few actions.
Nirei wrapped his arms around me so tightly I felt as though I was being embraced by steel rods. He buried his face in my grimy Furin uniform, ugly tears falling down his round face.
“What the hell Ni—"
“SAKURA! SAKURA! Where have you been?! Th-The school—W-We missed you so much….!” Nirei interrupted, his voice cracking with every word.
I stood there frozen. They… missed me. The school. My friends. They had to know what I’d done under Endo. How could Nirei, the ever-informed nosy boy he was, hug and cry on me while being fully aware of my horrendous actions.
I pushed Nirei away, shaking my head vigorously. I pulled at my monochrome hair, staring straight at the ground.
“NO! You don’t get to miss me! You CAN’T miss me! I-I… I’ve done terrible things under Endo… y-you wouldn’t understand.”
“Shut up! SHUT UP!” Nirei shouted, catching me off guard. I looked up at my former friend, feeling the guilt hit me like a tsunami when I saw his teary face full of anguish, hurt… and most of all, worry.
“SAKURA DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD WE’VE BEEN TRYING TO FIND YOU?! SUO AND KIRYU SMILE BUT I CAN SEE THE PAIN IN THEIR EYES WHENEVER SOMEONE MENTIONS YOUR NAME! OUR CLASS FEELS EMPTY WITHOUT OUR GRADE LEADER! AND UMEMIYA… He… HE—!”
Nirei broke down once again, falling to his knees in anguish. I hesitated a moment before rushing over. My heart ached with regret and a longing for things to return to the way they once were. I sat there on the grimy convenience store floor with Nirei sobbing in my arms for what felt like an eternity.
The rest of the night was a blur fueled by overwhelming emotions, I couldn’t quite recall what happened next.
But I knew one thing for certain. I had won. The sun rose in the morning, illuminating Endo’s unconscious form that lay below my feet. It was time to return to where I belonged, Bofurin.