Chapter Text
"You're very lucky your hair is naturally white," Jade said just as Azul checked the last item on his list. "You'd be greying at the ripe age of 24 otherwise," he smiled in that sadistic, stupid way he's been smiling ever since they were fry.
"Oh, shush. If the napkins aren't perfectly folded and distributed evenly by color I'll hear about it from that fool— that lovely lady— Miss Nightingale, I'm simply making sure I won't get a headache later," Azul waved his hand at Jade. The inauguration doesn't start until evening and the Sunshine Lands' sun sets later than in most places, but Azul was already working himself half neurotic over things that needed to be perfect before the big day really started.
"Such high standards, I have to say I'm glad I'm not the one tailing after you with a binder anymore," Jade pointedly did not look at Azul's secretary, a nice looking man, older than both of them, carrying a binder full of lists that would turn most people insane from the sheer volume of information.
Azul stopped abruptly, the poor employee almost bumped into him. "Have you come just to mock me?" He fixed his glasses, glaring daggers at Jade through his frames.
"I came because, as your dutiful, loving husband I must support you in every path you take, no?" He looked down at Azul and tilted his head innocently. "It would be such a bad look if I didn't show up for your first hotel's opening cocktail."
"Oh, but my husband is such a busy man, isn't he?" Azul sneered at him with a saccharine smile. "He doesn't have any time to meddle with land dwellers, I'm sure my invitees will understand."
Jade laughed and resumed his walk, Azul was forced to follow. He knows damn well the businessman is still bitter about his choice to go back to the Coral Sea and continue his father's work, but it was always delightful when that deep grievance resurfaced. At least he managed to find a good excuse to keep coming up regularly.
Azul almost spat out his tea in shock, instead it drove itself into his breathing pipe (such a delicate thing for their human bodies). Jade firmly patted his back until he stopped coughing and looked less like he'd drop dead from death by tea.
"What are you saying, you madman?" Azul turned to him, half folded on himself from coughing, and gave him a scathing look.
"You know one of us will have to continue the business, Azul, and you also know it can't be Floyd," he explained, folding his hands in front of his body as if this were another simple business proposal. "I need a cover life and I don't plan on entertaining a stranger for it to work— the long game has always been your area of expertise."
"Jade." Azul looked like he was going to pass out. "You want people to think we're married," Jade nodded, "even though I can already give you an alibi whenever you want?"
"Ah… but it's not as fun that way."
"Stop being ridiculous!" He set his teacup down and straightened his posture for a fleeting chance of looking composed. "Why are you asking this of me?"
"As I've said, entertaining a random person forever would get stale quite fast, it's inconvenient to put so much time and energy into someone else when I already spend all of it on you."
"Then stop putting energy into me," Azul fixed his glasses, possibly to hide his pink flush.
"I refuse." He said, leaving no room for argument. "Our cover story will be that we were simply so excited to be together that we've eloped straight out of graduation from Night Raven. It saves us both the trouble of organizing a fake wedding party and of explaining why we didn't have one."
"Do either of us look like people who would elope in a fit of passion, Jade?"
"Ah, young love, you know how it is."
Truly, the most ridiculous part was that Azul had accepted. At the age of 19 years old, Azul Ashengrotto agreed to his biggest con yet— pretending he's married to Jade Leech. It wasn't hard to convince people that they were in love, which still baffles him, but many have laughed at and mocked their fake love story, the puppy love-driven recklessness was a massive hit among his business partners, who knew the one who founded his own café at 16 would also be so impulsive?. He doesn't know what they were thinking at the time, but it worked out quite nicely for both of them, and "No, officer, Jade was home with me all night, we've just come back from a trip to visit my parents" is just his favorite thing to say.
Of course, "Ashengrotto is married to a Leech, you don't want to mess with him" is also nice, but it doesn't have the same ring to it as it used to back in the academy when the Leech twins were the biggest, baddest trouble in the whole school, standing head and shoulders taller than most other students and being so physically strong that even capable mages got cold feet. People prayed on their downfall with the same fervor they wished that Vil Schoenheit would trip on his 13cm heels.
Naturally, Azul had his own downfall and dragged the brothers down with him, but they recovered quickly. He could say his life ever since the incident had been a success— if opening a luxury hotel at 24 is anything to go by.
Azul halted his steps abruptly, turned on his heels and all but strutted a few feet back, Jade watched in confusion as he did so. "These aren't folded right," he muttered, crossing his arms. "Do you see now the importance of being thorough, Jade?"
"You use the most minute details to justify your anxiety and your nagging," Jade snickered. He picked up the handkerchiefs himself and folded them to Azul's tastes, muscle memory kicking in from years of being a vice housewarden, bordering on personal assistant. "You think too much."
Azul huffed, but stared intently at his fake husband's handiwork before placing the napkin back where it belonged, the fondness threatening to bite his ribs felt like a hot stoker. "You should be grateful that at least one of us thinks at all. On a completely unrelated note: how's your brother?"
The eel's eye twitched. "Floyd is doing great. He should be here when the party starts, don't you worry," sometimes it's frustrating that this man can read him like a book.
"I wasn't worried about his attendance," he lied. "If his mood helps him then he'll show up," he turned again and kept an even keener eye for mistakes and discrepancies in his decor. Jade almost found enough energy to pity his employees. He did enjoy Azul's micromanaging nature to an extent— rather, he enjoyed it when he was perfect and catered everything just right for the man's tastes while everyone else got the wrong end of that sharp tongue.
"You should be nicer to your brother-in-law."
"Spare me."
"What's in it for me?" He'd asked, eyebrows almost touching from that deep frown.
"Me."
"Be serious."
"I am. You want to live on land, I'm going back home," Azul flinched minutely at the reminder. "If we're supposed to be married, I'll have more reasons to come up and be your live-in assistant."
"You've taken to the secretary role like a clownfish to anemones, huh?" His face betrayed his scepticism. "Let's not forget how convenient it would be for you to not need a second house up here."
"And how convenient it would be for you to have someone to cook your meals a couple days of the week, or invest in your businesses, no questions asked," the mention of the good old thaumark made Azul perk up just slightly. "Not to mention the added protection. You want to put your roots on land where no one knows your deals and your reputation yet, but when they do… you'll be grateful to have Floyd and I to drag certain unpleasant personalities under the current." Jade acted as if this was just obvious, as if the only other option was to lose their support.
Azul crossed his arms indignantly and, as a challenge, said: "I want a contract."
"I agree."
"What?" Jade? Agreeing to sign a contract with Azul? Impossible. How serious is he about this?
"Let's make a contract. I won't give you a blank collateral or my magic, nor any of my physical talents, no matter how minor or seemingly useless to me, but we can discuss the terms," he leaned against the counter.
Azul tapped his foot and bit his bottom lip. "I'm going to buy a house and you're helping with the mortgage."
"That's hardly fair, is it?"
"It's extremely fair, actually, you're going to call that house your home and use it to stay on land for your business," he almost spat out, not bitter at all, "so you're going to contribute financially, you're the one who benefits most, anyway."
"Am I?" Jade looked terribly amused now.
"So you're saying you're giving me a contract where I benefit more than you?"
"Your accusations wound me." He lamented with a fake frown and that stupid hand on his chest.
"And our goods must be completely separated, I keep the house when you decide to end the charade," Azul waved his hand around as if they were arguing over what to have for dinner and not their future together. It was easier to think in hypotheticals.
"I'm sure I can actually take it from you after my, ah, financial contributions," he grinned from ear to ear, just to watch his dear friend correct him.
"It'll be in our legally sound contract. Don't forget my father's a divorce lawyer."
"Oh my, you trust me so little?" Jade laughed. "No affair clauses?"
Azul raised an eyebrow, that caught him off guard, but he doesn't have to let it show. "I'll have you know I'm very benevolent, I wouldn't clip your wings," he said mockingly, but that little tinge of something deeper gave Jade the freedom to say what he wanted.
"Clip my wings? You have a fertile imagination, dear Azul," Jade approached by just a few steps and watched his friend, and recently fake fiance, debate whether or not to back off by the same amount. "I want one."
"What? Why?" He looks bewildered!
"It would be terrible if anyone saw you tangled with another and knew that the Leech in charge can't even keep his high school sweetheart loyal," Jade raised his hand to wrap Azul's curly strand on his finger and tug. "And I don't want you to be with anyone."
Azul slapped his hand away and straightened his jacket purely for show and self soothing. "You're the one with a fertile imagination, I don't have the time for romantic entanglements now, I'll have even less in the future."
"Good!" Jade beamed and backed out until the octomer didn't feel suffocated by him anymore.
What. The. Hell.