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You were cold. Shivering, teeth chattering, down to your bones cold.
When you landed on the freezing outer rim wasteland, your squad Clone Force 99 had suggested that you stay behind with the ship. Tech in particular, had noted that despite technically being in charge of leading the team through the snowy conditions to the pick up location for the intel you had been tasked to gather, your preference for less than covering Jedi robes, an old coat and borrowed gloves would not be enough to see you through the icy conditions for the duration of the mission.
You had insisted that it would be fine, but had forgotten how much it burned to have below zero wind whipping across your barely covered face, and snow wetting through your thick boots.
All of the men had been watching you closely, but your short confirmations that you were indeed ok, in a particularly out of character snippy tone, put all four off from asking again, and they let you lead them through the full mission successfully. However, Wrecker in particular stayed close, watching you carefully.
Wrecker and yourself had grown very close during your time with the Batch, his warm friendly demeanor melding well with your not too serious take on being a Jedi and their General. Luckily, it turned out that you and Hunter made a great leadership team, Tech liked your diligent help on his projects and ship upgrades, and even Crosshair enjoyed your presence as your ability to snap back quickly at his sharp jabs kept him entertained.
But you and Wrecker had formed this different relationship. On first joining, he was nervous around you, joking you were too pretty to be their General "come on little lady you're way too pretty to be stuck with us, sure you aren't lost?". He was constantly flexing and trying to impress you with his strength, getting flustered every time he saw you in less than your full Jedi robes (which really was most of the time - you still weren't sure why most Jedi insisted on SO MANY LAYERS). You had noticed, however, behind the tough guy demeanor how kind and gentle he was with everyone he cares about. Slowly, the nervous flexing had evolved into warm kind smiles, silly training competitions, and quiet nights watching corny holodramas in one of your bunks.
A deep, understanding friendship, you were each others closest confidants now. You had divulged to him your struggles in your Jedi training, your concern that your carefree spirit would never be suitable enough for you to become one of the great Jedi masters. He had told you about how he often felt like he had to carry the physical and emotional weight of his brothers, always ensuring the mood stayed light even in the worst of times, and sometimes at the expense of him being able to share his own feelings. You had started to feel alarm bells, however, that your close bond sometimes felt like it was bordering on something…. else, beyond friendship. More than once you had a moment, a tense second, a slip of a hand, or a turn around to find yourself with faces too close. You could see in Wrecker's eyes how he felt for you, and you had started to get nervous that your growing feelings might slip out at any moment.
You had spent the last couple of months working on making sure your bond was not too intimate, keeping some distance so it would not progress to more. You didn't want to have to let Wrecker down, as you knew your duty as a Jedi had to come first despite how you felt about him. You had talked yourself into some rules about keeping a reasonable distance - no falling asleep in his bunk, trying to cycle through pairing yourself with the other clones on missions so it is not always the two of you, and keeping some space when sitting together - but your natural pull towards each other was pretty obvious regardless.
Given your close friendship, it was no surprise that he kept close all through the mission with a watchful eye on you, like a large protective shadow in the freezing air.
Now, standing just inside the ramp on the Marauder as Tech navigated the ship back up into hyperspace, hugging your arms around your body and dripping a puddle from your boots onto the floor, you cursed yourself for not just letting the boys handle what ended up being a relatively straightforward mission (for once).
"Sparks"
You glanced to your left to see Crosshair glaring, sharply like his look might go right through your skull.
"You're dripping all over the floor" He scoffed "and you haven't moved since you got back on the ship"
You glance down at the rather large puddle forming at your feet, feeling the ship jostle as you slipped into hyperspace.
"Mm" you hummed back, too focused on attempting to fully fill your lungs without gasping too loudly and ignoring the loud thumps of your heart.
"General" Tech this time, you think, was signalling your attention.
"Despite your earlier insistence that you were ok, your symptoms suggest you are entering mild hypothermia, and if you do not warm up soon, I am concerned that it will progress to a more serious case"
"Ok", you absentmindedly agreed. Properly looking up, you realised all four clones were staring at you, wrinkled concerned looks on each of their faces as you shuddered harder. You watched as Wrecker made eye contact with Tech, asking a silent question you couldn't quite decipher, which was answered with a precise nod. Wrecker immediately started to remove his belt and pop pieces of his upper body armor off, handing them off to Hunter. You could not quite pinpoint why, through the feeling of your teeth clacking together and the chill shuddering through your chest.
"Come on you dikkut, here", Crosshair was standing behind you suddenly (when did he move?), helping you slip your wet coat off your shoulders, as Tech grabbed your gloves first before ducking down to loosen your boots. Hunter moved in to unlatch your holster, gently taking your lightsabers with it.
You curled further in on yourself, as your thankfully much drier underneath layers were exposed to the air. However, your cropped sleeveless training shirt and pants were not doing much to warm you up and you continued to violently shudder.
"Alrighttttt now little lady, prepare yourself" you squeaked in in surprise, as Wrecker looped under your arm pits and lifted you, firstly suspending you in the air just enough to let Tech slip your boots and wet socks off, and then smoothly scooping you into a bridal carry.
"Wow hey no, ahhhh no Wrecker it's fine I…" you began to protest, as he carried you away from the ships ramp, sat himself unceremoniously cross legged on the floor, and moved his arms around you to tuck your body sideways against his chest. Your legs sat comfortably despite being draped over the side of one of his huge thighs still covered in armor, with one arm looped around your back and the other resting around your hip, keeping you locked in close. The warmth of his large chest was undeniable, and the protests died quickly on your lips as you started to relax.
"Your personal heater, at your service!", he declared.
"Really… Wrecker I'm ok, it's not necessary" you weakly tried to protest, teeth chattering. Looking amused at your quiet protests, he chuckled, wiggling to settle his back more comfortably against the wall, pulling you closer to his chest and gripping your hips tighter.
The warmth of his body through his blacks was undeniable, and you took the deepest breath you had in hours. Alarm bells should have been ringing in your head with how inappropriately close you were, but you couldn't bring yourself to care as the comfortable warmth began to spread through your body, soothing the harsh shudders of your chest.
You turned your head, tucking your face deeper into his chest, and wrapping your arms around Wrecker's body. You barely felt the light pressure as Tech wrapped an emergency blanket around your legs, tucking under your feet and around your lower half. You did feel Wrecker move slightly to bring the blanket up further, and you hugged him tighter, shuddering again and chasing the warmth.
"She needs to stay put for a couple of hours at minimum to ensure her symptoms cease", you heard Tech tell Wrecker, and you felt Wrecker's nod and confirmation, "No problem doc, I've got her".
You settled into the large clones body, your breathing slowly evening out over time.
Not sure how long had passed, but struggling to keep yourself awake you unwrapped your arms and tried to pull away slightly, considering retreating to your bunk to get some sleep. Wrecker's arms tensed slightly as you moved, keeping you locked in as he leaned down, breath warm against your ear.
"And where do you think you're going?" the warm amused rumble of his whisper making you smile, you weren't sure Wrecker had ever been able to whisper given how loud he usually was.
"I, we, should go to bed" you croaked out, looking up and startling yourself slightly as you realised how close your faces suddenly were.
"You heard Tech, a couple hours minimum, and you're not quite there yet"
Wrecker smiled, tucking the emergency blanket closer around you, dropping his voice another level as he leaned back down to your ear, "Just let me look after ya a little longer".
A light pink flush spread over your cheeks as you held his eye contact, heart beating faster. He seemed almost a little surprised at his own words, and your reaction. He continued to smile at you though, gently tucking some of your hair falling out from your loose braids back behind your ear like you were the most precious thing in the universe. Your exhausted brain tried to make a good decision - like pushing him away and getting up, retreating to your cold bunk to sleep on your own - but the solid warm chest and gentle hands holding you close were too convincing.
"Ok" you whispered back, the sound muffled like it was a secret as you pushed your face back into his chest. Much too exhausted to argue, you slipped your hands around his chest again, pushing them under the top half of his blacks to his bare back. He gasped slightly, but pulled you closer, tipping his head down to rest on top of yours.
Sleep started to overtake you, and you drifted into the warm, comfortable blackness.
Blinking yourself awake, your tired brain took a moment to remember exactly why you were so warm and comfortable. The feel of large thumbs rubbing little circles into your hip quickly reminded you what had happened, and why you were still curled up in Wrecker's lap. He must have felt you wake, as his thumbs suddenly ceased, and he loosened his tight hold on you, but did not remove either hand completely. You looked around, noticing the lights in the Maurauder were dim, and you couldn't hear the signs of anyone else moving around so figured it must be the early hours of the morning. You felt warm all over, grateful the cold chill was gone.
You looked up, turning inward, and made eye contact with Wrecker. A small hint of concern in his good eye made him look as tired as you still felt.
"Hey little lady, how you feelin'?", he asked, keeping his voice low.
"Tired, but much better Wreck", you smiled back, yawning "Has it been the full designated hours I needed to warm up for?"
"Yep, and a couple extra", he chuckled, "Tech said your body temp is back to normal, but I watched ya the whole time, wanted to make sure you were alright even once you stopped shaking"
Frowning slightly, he raised his hand and cupped the side of your face, a feather light touch of his big thumb smoothing over your jaw, "Don't scare me like that again, ok?"
Your heart started to beat faster, the flush from earlier returning to your cheeks. You involuntarily leaned into his hand, his mouth opening slightly in a silent circle of surprise at your reaction. Catching yourself, you leaned away slightly, but his hand followed your face.
You sighed, and closed your eyes, forgetting yourself slightly and pressing your hands to his muscled chest. The warm feeling of his big hands on you were delicious, gentle and so tempting. With the last several months of keeping your distance, this quiet closeness felt hard to believe, and you could suddenly acutely feel every point your bodies were connected. You kept your eyes shut, drinking in the feel of him against you, entertaining the fantasy of what you could be if you were allowed to be this close all the time. You stayed like this - his hand on your face, your eyes squeezed shut - for what felt like an eternity, until you had to break the spell. In the quiet silence of the night time, it was time to be honest.
"Wrecker" you whispered quietly, opening your eyes to look into his, his expression amazed, like you were not real and if he blinked you might disappear. His hand resting on your hip skimmed up to your back, gently pulling you closer. He moved slowly, almost like he was trying not to spook you or break the moment, as the hand continued skimming over your body, down your arms and along your side. Your eyes fluttered as the touch of his fingers shot tingles through you.
"You know I…. we haven't talked about…. well this… us" you paused. "And we… I…. can't", you looked down and away from his face, "I… I'm sorry".
His hand stilled at your waist and he squeezed, pressing gently into you, an anchoring weight.
Bottom lip wobbling, you felt the tears threatening to fall "I keep ignoring it because I can't talk about it and… I well…. I don't want to lead you on or give you the wrong idea."
"Sweetheart", Wrecker whispered, tipping your face back up to look at him. His expression was hard to read, but his eyes stayed locked on to yours, his thumb moving to catch the small tear which had escaped down your cheek.
"I know we can't", He sighed deeply, like the weight of the words were sitting heavy in his chest, "I would never want you to betray your values, kriff, have to leave the Order - no, never, not for someone like me. I just like having ya around, even though I know we can never be… anything like that."
He paused, taking in the tears now streaming down your face, "I'm not so good at expressin' this stuff but, you just…. you make my days brighter and I want you near me all the time. My brothers keep telling me you feel the same, and I should tell ya how I feel - but I would never want to make you uncomfortable around me or nothin'. I'm happy just being around you, whatever that means."
You heart ached, tears running down your cheeks, but Wrecker just smiled, a hint of sadness lingering in his gaze. You shifted, kicking the emergency blanket off from around you, lifting up and kneeling in his lap. He watched as you reached for his face, pausing to run your fingers around, paying extra attention to his scars. He closed his eyes as a tear rolled down his cheek, matching yours.
A wave of emotion overcame you at this sight of this big, strong, kind man crying for you. You knew you couldn't be more, but wanted to give him something, anything that communicated that you did care and this was not because of him. Steadying yourself with a deep breath, you tipped your face forward until you were forehead to forehead, pausing with your mouth ghosting over his, your breaths mingling in an almost nonexistent kiss. He gasped, his eyes shooting open and you stared at each other for a beat. Shifting, you slid your hands over behind his head, wrapping around his neck and pulling him into a hug.
"Wreck, you really are the sweetest, kindest, man I've ever known", you spoke quietly, directly into his good ear, "You make me feel so safe - it is not, and will never be, because you are not good enough"
He crushed you against him tighter, like if he let go you might disappear.
"We can keep being friends, right?", he asked quietly. You had never heard him sound so unsure of himself.
"Of course" you confirmed, "I wouldn't want it any other way"
You felt a fraction of the heavy mood shift, the emotional weight of your confessions lifting slightly for both of you, with the joyful promise of continued friendship. You knew that the close friendship probably also was not advised, but you couldn't bring yourself to separate yourself from him any further.
You kept holding onto each other, and he started whispering promises into your ear - to keep spending all your time together even if it annoys Crosshair, to always share his favorite snacks, and not to watch the next episode of your favorite holodrama without you. You whispered back your promises - to always help him carry heavy loads physical or emotional, to always remember to say good morning to Lula, and to always keep racing him to see who can do more pushups in 2 minutes when you train together even though he always wins. If anyone had walked by you must have looked a strange sight - a messy haired Jedi with bare feet, her arms wrapped around a huge clone, half his armor still on, sitting on the floor and whispering silly promises back and forth.
You weren't sure how long you knelt like that, holding each other, but eventually, Wrecker's grip loosened and you pulled back, enough to look into his face again, your eyes still puffy from crying.
"Time for bed now?", you questioned, standing, and he nodded, yawning, grabbing your outstretched hand to lift him off the floor with a groan. You turned towards the refresher, considering washing the tear tracks off your face before climbing into your bunk, but a hand on your wrist stopped you.
"Sparks", Wrecker bent down, twirling you around to face him again, and crushing you into a signature Wrecker hug, not that you were complaining. You laughed, almost too loudly, hoping you hadn't woken up any of the others.
"Just….. give me one more minute, ok?" he chuckled into your hair, pressing a barely there kiss to the top of your head "Just in case - want to make sure you're really warmed up enough"
You sighed into his chest, hugging him back around the middle. One more moment before you broke the spell of the unexpected night was surely ok, just this once.
"Alright, one more minute", you said.
"Just in case".