Work Text:
Lucy was helping Drinian sort supplies. Ed, Caspian, and Eustace were nowhere to be seen.
'Has anyone seen my brother?'
'He and King Caspian went to search for young Master Scrubb.' Drinian looked up from his task. 'The boy appears to have wandered off.'
Of course he had. Eustace had been wandering off all voyage. He was thirteen, scared, and didn't understand Narnia.
Ed, who kept count of every moment Eustace struggled, was out there looking for him. He watched their cousin the way he'd once watched Peter's recovery after battle, or comforted Susan when she had nightmares after the Witch. Ed collected responsibility like other people collected debts.
'They'll find him. Don't worry, Your Majesty.'
Lucy nodded. She went back to sorting supplies, moving faster than before. Rope here, its rough hemp sliding through her fingers. Provisions there. Water casks against the hull. The knot in her stomach pulled tighter with each neat stack.
***
The sun moved lower in the sky, painting the clouds amber, and the air began to cool. The crew began preparing camp for nightfall. Still no sign of them.
Movement at the tree line. Caspian emerged from the forest. Alone.
The rope fell from her hands. Sand shifted beneath her feet.
He walked oddly, almost mechanically. The way Ed had been after Beruna, when Peter had ordered him to help bury the dead and he'd obeyed even though his sword arm was still bleeding.
Something was very wrong. She stood and walked towards him.
'Where's Ed?'
Caspian opened his mouth. Nothing came out.
'Caspian. Where's Ed?'
'Dragon.'
The word was a blow.
'What?'
'Took him.'
Caspian's hands were shaking. His expression was raw, desperate, and his usual calm composure had shattered. Lucy had never seen him like this.
'You left him?'
He flinched.
The torn blue fabric he clutched was Ed's sleeve. She'd sewn the loose button on that sleeve herself three days ago.
'Caspian—'
'Tried.' His voice broke. 'Couldn't—'
Caspian looked more broken than she'd ever seen him, and she didn't know why.
'He's alive.' Her voice was fierce now. 'He has to be alive. Dragons don't just— they wouldn't—'
'Queen Lucy.' Drinian's tone held a warning.
'No.' Lucy turned on him. 'We have to go after him. We have to—'
'We'll search at first light. A party up the mountain—'
'Dragon might—'
Caspian struggled to speak. The words didn't come.
Her hand found his arm; warm skin, trembling muscle beneath. This was how she'd once found Ed's when he'd woken screaming from a nightmare about the Witch's courtyard.
'Caspian. It's not your fault.'
He started to nod, then the movement broke. Caspian made a sound she didn't recognise and buried his face in his hands. His shoulders shook, and he crushed the blue fabric between his fingers.
Her arms went around him.
'Caspian.' Drinian, quiet now. 'Sit down.'
Caspian sat. Lucy sank down hard beside him, one arm around his shoulders. He clung to the scrap of fabric. She could see the pulled threads where the dragon's claw had caught.
Ed and Eustace were gone. And there was nothing she or anyone else could do but wait.
Time crawled past. She helped with the supplies. Spoke to the crew.
Rope here. Provisions there. Water casks against the hull.
***
'There! Look!'
Lucy's head snapped up. Drinian was pointing towards the mountain.
The dragon was descending, slowly, with Ed on its back.
Caspian dropped everything and sprinted towards them. The fabric slipped free, forgotten in the sand.
The dragon landed. Ed slid off, and Caspian crashed into him, his arms wrapping tight around him. He buried his face in Ed's hair and held on.
Lucy started towards them.
Ed's arms had come up around Caspian. He was holding on just as tightly.
She was halfway to them when Caspian stiffened, his gaze sweeping the beach. He let go, peeling himself away slowly, and stepped back three feet, no more. His face went blank. A court face. The mask he wore when he needed to be king.
His jaw was tight enough to crack teeth, and his hands were clenched into fists.
'No.' Ed's voice cracked. 'No, don't.'
He threw himself at Caspian. Caspian froze, for half a heartbeat, before he caught Ed easily.
Her brother was clinging to Caspian. Clinging. His fingers twisted in Caspian's doublet, his face buried against Caspian's shoulder.
Ed didn't ask for comfort. But he'd just begged Caspian not to let go.
'Ed?' Lucy heard her own voice as if from a distance. 'Are you—'
Caspian's arms tightened around Ed. He didn't look at her. He was focussed entirely on Ed, one hand moving into Ed's hair.
'I'm fine.' Ed's voice didn't sound like his. Too high, too tight. He was still clinging to Caspian. 'It's Eustace. The dragon is Eustace.'
'That makes sense.' Lucy took a step back. 'Ed, are you—'
'I'm fine.'
Ed trembled against Caspian's chest; Caspian traced slow circles on Ed's back. Thirty crew members stood, awkwardly, pretending not to watch.
'How did this happen?' Drinian asked.
'He took something,' Ed said, turning his head to be heard. 'Gold, I think, from a dragon's hoard. That's what does this, in the stories where I come from.'
Caspian's fingers tightened their grip. Ed held on.
'We'll camp here tonight,' Caspian said over Ed's head, 'and set a watch. Then we'll work out how to fix this.'
The crew got to work. Ed stood still in Caspian's arms.
Lucy moved forward. Caspian shifted, pulling Ed closer and angling his body to block her approach without moving his attention from Ed for a second.
Lucy stopped. Her hand, half-raised to reach for Ed, fell to her side. Caspian's expression as he focussed on her brother was tender and unguarded in a way she'd never seen. He was ignoring her, the crew, and everything that wasn't Ed.
And Ed was letting him!
Lucy stepped back. Turning away she gave orders to the crew, her voice carrying across the beach.
Behind her, Caspian spoke to Ed quietly and continuously. She couldn't make out the words, and didn't try to. His grip on Ed hadn't loosened.
'Your Majesties.’ Drinian. ‘What if the creature—'
'He's not a creature.' Several of the crew turned at the sharpness in her voice. 'He's a boy, who's frightened, and who needs help.'
Her brother clinging to Caspian in front of the entire crew. Caspian blocking her from reaching him. Something had shifted between them, and she didn't know what.
***
The crew began making camp. The area rang with the sound of canvas snapping in the wind, of stakes being driven into sand.
Ed and Caspian moved together, unlike the careful distance they usually maintained. Caspian helped set up tents; Ed gathered wood a foot or so away. When Ed swayed slightly, Caspian was there to steady him. And Ed didn't pull away.
Lucy watched them, the wind pulling at her hair; she tasted salt on her lips. Ed never let anyone see him broken. He'd rather bleed than show weakness. His first instinct after trauma was always to retreat. Yet he leant into Caspian's touch.
Some of the crew glanced their way. But no-one stared or whispered. Instead they continued with their tasks.
At the forest edge, the dragon waited. Ed turned towards it, with Caspian following. Caspian's hand took Ed's as they walked. Lucy watched Ed's shoulders straighten.
***
Night fell. The crew ate around the fire, then settled into their tents.
Ed took his portion but barely touched it. He sat by the fire, Caspian beside him close enough that their shoulders touched. Caspian murmured something. Ed shook his head, didn't lift his gaze from the flames.
Ed had stared into the flames like this before. After Beruna. After the Witch.
Caspian touched Ed's cheek, slowly. Gently. Peter had touched Ed's face once, after a nightmare. Checking for fever. Caspian's thumb traced Ed's cheekbone. Not checking. Just... touching. Gentle, deliberate, his whole attention focussed on Ed. Ed turned his face into the touch and leant into Caspian's palm. His eyes closed.
The gesture was so intimate Lucy looked away. That wasn't how you comforted a friend. That was how you touched someone you loved. Someone you were in love with.
The crew already knew. How long had they known?
She walked to her own tent and crawled into her bedroll. The canvas still held the day's warmth, but the night air was creeping in, cool against her skin.
Outside, their voices drifted in. Indistinct murmurs. Then footsteps and the rustle of canvas. Two people; one tent.
Lucy closed her eyes. How on earth had she missed this, and how long had this been happening? Long enough for Ed to beg Caspian not to let go in front of thirty witnesses.
Sleep was a long time coming.
***
The next morning, Lucy woke early. The camp was still quiet and the sun was just beginning to rise, painting the sky pale gold.
Ed and Caspian emerged from Ed's tent together. Not touching, but close. Speaking quietly.
Some of the crew, who were already awake, nodded to both kings. No one stared or whispered.
It was as if it had always been this way.
Ed saw her and smiled slightly. Not the careful mask he put on when people asked if he was all right. Not the brittle smile he used to deflect. A real one.
She smiled back.
Caspian said something to Ed, who nodded. They separated: Caspian heading towards Drinian, Ed towards the forest edge.
Lucy joined him there.
'How are you?'
'Better.' Ed met her eyes. Really looked at her, not past her shoulder at something else. 'Thank you. For last night. For— for not making it difficult.'
'How long?'
Ed didn't pretend not to understand; his expression shifted. Not closing off, but considering.
'Since I met him, more or less.'
'And then we went back.' The words settled between them. 'And you've carried this alone the whole time.'
'Yes.’
'Ed—'
'Don't.' His voice was quiet. 'Don't say it; I know.'
'You know?'
'That it can't last. That we'll probably have to leave. How I'm setting myself up for—'
'I was going to say I'm glad you have him.'
Ed turned to look at her.
'I spent a year watching you go through the motions. You were here, but you weren't... you weren't yourself. And now you are. You're more alive than you've been since we came back from Narnia.'
'It will hurt,' Ed said. 'When we leave. When I have to—' His throat worked. 'It'll hurt worse than last time.'
'I know.'
'But for him, I'd do it again, every time. For as long as Aslan keeps bringing us back.' Edmund met her eyes. 'I love him, Lu. And whatever time we get, it's worth it.'
Lucy nodded. Because what else could she say? It was his choice. His pain. His love.
'Does Peter know?'
'No. And he can't. Not yet. Maybe not ever.'
'All right.'
'Lu—'
'I won't tell him. This is yours.' She touched his arm. 'But Ed, when it gets bad – when we go back and you can't – you can talk to me. You won't have to carry it alone.’
'Thank you.' He pulled her into a brief, fierce hug. 'For understanding.'
'You needed him. He needed you. That's enough.'
Ed's expression softened, and he paused before answering.
'Yes.'
They stood together. Watching Eustace sleep. The dragon's breathing deep and even.
'We'll fix this. We'll find a way to turn him back.'
'I know.'
Her cousin, trapped in this terrible form. Lucy didn't know how they'd fix it, or if it was even possible. But they would try, because there was no alternative. And in the end, it was out of their hands. All they could do was love and support each other, and accept what they couldn't control.
She had to accept Ed had chosen this, knew what it would cost him, and that it was his choice to make, not hers.
Eustace stirred, and opened his eyes. Those green, desperate, human eyes.
'Good morning, Eustace.'
The dragon's head lowered in greeting.
Ed knelt, his hand on Eustace's scales. His voice dropped, meant only for the dragon. 'We're going to help you. I promise. We'll find a way.'
Ed, collecting responsibility. Ed, making promises. The dragon made that small, whimpering sound.
Her brother and their cousin. Both in pain. Both needing help. And Ed? Ed had Caspian to help him carry it. For whatever time they had left.