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Baby It's Cold Outside

Summary:

In which Anders decides that it's freezing and tries to cope using various methods, much to Fenris' chagrin. Plot blatantly ripped from an episode of Star Trek Enterprise I watched the other day. No shame. Rated teen for naughty words and uh, cuddling I guess.

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

Work Text:

"So. Fenris. Care to explain this?" Anders was wearing a robe and cat slippers and holding a mug of coffee and he was currently standing in the hall examining the thermostat.

"Explain what?" Fenris was on the couch with his phone. He was wearing a hoodie and sweatpants and didn't bother looking up at his roommate.

Anders gestured to the yellow post-it note that was attached to thermostat. "This nice little note here," he said. "The one that helpfully says 'Don't Fucking Touch'."

"Oh yes. That. Well, don't fucking touch." Fenris was still looking at his phone.

"Why not? It's freezing! I think it snowed overnight. Did it snow overnight?"

"Yes."

"Then why is the thermostat set so low?"

Fenris sat up and looked over at Anders. "Because we're saving money. Heat is expensive."

"But..."

"Quit whining and put a sweater on. I can't believe I'm the one from the North and I'm not the one who's complaining."

Anders grumbled and walked into the living room where he stood in front of the frosty window and stared out it, dismayed, at the wintery scene outside. He shivered and then took a sip of coffee. "Can't we compromise and turn the heat up by like, two degrees?"

"No." Fenris was back on his phone.

"You're so stubborn. You know that?"

"And you're still whining."

"You know, it's not just the two of us in this apartment. I bet Ser Pounce-a-Lot is going to freeze."

"Your cat has fur and is not going to freeze."

"But..."

"Have you been talking to that Justice guy online again? You're always extra moody when you do that."

Anders was grumbling again but didn't say anything as he headed into the kitchen to put his mug in the sink. Afterwards he headed to his room and when he emerged a few moments later he was bundled up in a thick sweater (it had the Linux penguin and the words "Live free or die" on it, which always made Fenris roll his eyes) and he'd wrapped himself up in a blanket that was covered in some sort of cat design. He sat himself on the couch next to Fenris and made a dramatic show of how thoroughly uncomfortable he was, which Fenris blatantly ignored. Once Anders realized he wasn't getting any attention, he turned on the TV and decided to browse Netflix instead. A few minutes later, though, he was shivering again. "Aren't you cold?"

"Yes," Fenris replied. "But unlike you, I don't feel the need to bitch about it."

Anders sighed. "Okay, fine, you win, we'll keep the heat down. Maker's breath." He went back to grumpily browsing Netflix, and he hardly noticed when Fenris stood, walked over to the kitchen, and then walked back with a bottle of wine. Anders glanced over at him. "You know it's nine in the morning," he said.

"How kind of you to point that out." Fenris uncorked the bottle and took a sip. "Because I'm feeling generous, allow me to let you in on a little secret. Drinking is one of the better ways to stay warm."

Anders was skeptical. "Is that so?"

Fenris took another sip and then handed the bottle over to Anders. "Try for yourself."

Anders quirked an eyebrow. "Are you really sharing something with me? That's so sweet! I'm all a-tingle."

"Shut up and take it already," said Fenris.

So Anders took the bottle and took a drink. "I'm not warming up," he said a moment later.

"You have to give it a few minutes." Fenris stood and went to the kitchen and retrieved another bottle of wine for himself before settling himself back down on the couch.

So they both drank. And drank a little more. In relative silence, at first, but eventually they started ribbing each other. "I can't believe you've got it this fucking cold in here," Anders slurred, "and like... like you expect me to roll with it."

"And I can't believe you're still bitching," said Fenris.

"Listen," said Anders. "Listen. I'm not bitching. Not anymore. Do you see this blanket? This is... listen. Are you listening?"

Fenris finished off his bottle. "What?"

"Do you see this blanket?" Anders pressed. "It's warm. You can make it as cold as you want. But. I'll... I'm going to stay warm." He put his own bottle down and wrapped himself up tighter in the blanket.

Fenris had to try extra hard to focus on his roommate. "Where did you get that blanket anyway?"

"Hawke gave it to me. Both of them did. They love me."

"Maybe they just wanted you to shut up about being cold," said Fenris.

"Okay. Listen, asshat. I already told you, I'm not fucking... I'm not fucking cold," said Anders. He held up a finger. "You're not going to win-- hey!"

Anders was cut off by Fenris suddenly yanking the blanket from him and wrapping himself up in it. "Mm. You're right, this is warm," said Fenris.

"Give that back," said Anders.

Fenris burrowed deeper into the blanket.

Anders reached over to grab it and Fenris pulled away, but Anders still managed to grab a corner and the result was a brief but fierce tug-of-war over a blanket with cats all over it. Finally Fenris managed to wrest it away completely and he sat with it on the corner of the couch and glared at Anders.

"Wait," said Anders suddenly. "How about... we share it."

Fenris blinked at him uncomprehendingly. "Share it?"

"Yeah. Like you did with the wine. Look, we can each use half." He reached forward to grab at the blanket again, and Fenris instinctively pulled away, but Anders was undeterred and he managed to sit himself nearly on top of Fenris and then claim half of the blanket. "There," he said lazily once he was satisfied, and he yawned.

Fenris had a death stare locked on Anders, who was now mere inches from him, but he said nothing. He had to admit that the arrangement was actually satisfyingly... warm. "Very well," he said after a moment of fuzzy pondering. "We'll share it."

Anders yawned again. His head brushed against Fenris' shoulder, and Fenris would have flinched, but his senses were dulled from the cold and from the wine. "You were right," Anders said.

"Hmm?"

"About the wine. That did help. I'm warm now."

"You aren't... falling asleep, are you?" Fenris asked, suddenly concerned about the fact that he was about to be trapped here with Anders of all people.

"No," said Anders, but that was the last thing he said before he did, in fact, fall asleep with his head on Fenris' shoulder.

Fenris sat there awkwardly, very tempted to shove Anders off of him and forget that this whole thing had occurred, but... but he was warm. And the rest of the apartment was cold.

So he stayed put, and watched Netflix. Quietly. So as not to wake, well... Ser Pounce-a-Lot, of course. Yes. Of course.

Notes:

I'm always up for asks/prompts :D

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