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Hello. I think this is a stupid idea, but my therapist told me it would help more than hallucinating you. So.
This is so stupid. I have been staring at this page for half an hour. I have no idea what to say to you that I haven’t already told the you that exists in my head. God, I’m a head case.
More than anything, I miss you. It's been so long since then, but I think about you every day. I don't think you will ever leave my mind. I like to imagine a world in which I could’ve cured you. Probably more often than is healthy. I wonder what would have happened had I been in the room with you that night. Well. I know I would have ignored the DNR, at least. Even if it made you hate me. I know it’s selfish, but with you, for the first time in my life, I felt like I had a chance at a happy future. Half of these past six years have been dedicated to simply imagining that. What it could have been like to grow old with you. To buy a house. Get married. Adopt a couple of kids. I would’ve helped pay for your surgeries. We could’ve gone to the movies together. Maybe we would have celebrated our anniversary in New York. Maybe we would have moved to California together.
This isn’t helping. Goodnight.