Work Text:
“You smoke?” the words left your lips before he realized you were beside him. Seven’s jump backwards was almost imperceptible, but of course you noticed. He’d never smelled of smoke, and you even faintly recalled him vehemently denying smoking or drinking of any kind. When you’d left the cabin to find him, this was the last thing you’d expected to see. Your eyes were still adjusting to the dark of outside but the lit end of his cigarette illuminated his face, expressionless except for the water gathering in the corners of his eyes.
“I thought you were asleep,” his reply was so matter-of-fact it forced the realization that you’d never seen him smoke because he never wanted you or anyone else to know. As easy as that was to figure out, the reasoning behind it remained a mystery. Zen was ashamed of his habit, but it didn’t stop him from talking about it with the others. This seemed beyond normal levels of secrecy. Silence hung in the air between you. It became obvious as the minutes ticked on that he would not be taking it upon himself to break that silence.
“Saeyoung… You smoke?” you dared to ask once more, using his real name in the hopes he’d remember who you were to him and how much he trusted you. It was true that you’d just spent the past few days together and he hadn’t had smoked at all for the duration, but the ease with which he took a drag and flicked off the ashes from the end of his cigarette showed it wasn’t his first time. Without even looking at you, he gave another curt, rigid reply.
“I don’t,” he shook his head, all hints of tears completely gone from his eyes. There was a finality to his tone: no discussion allowed. He took a drag as you contemplated your next move. You were used to him pushing you away, but he had been sweet earlier today and it seemed like things were changing. It was late, and your eyes were still heavy with sleep. But this wasn’t a dream, and you had to press forward.
“When did you start?” you whispered just loud enough for him to hear. You’d been asleep in the hard cabin bed when his shuffling movements woke you minutes before. You’d been sharing the bed, although just barely as he’d been so tense the whole night that neither of you really slept. You must’ve been out for only a few minutes before he accidentally woke you. Rubbing sleep from your eyes, you had initially resisted the temptation to follow him outside. But the cabin was dark and although he hadn’t been talking much, his presence made the empty space feel much warmer.
“I never started,” his sentence ended abruptly. He planned to say more, but no sound came out. He took another drag. You didn’t bother to suppress a sigh, but you did resist the temptation to say his name once more. When you’d first stepped outside, he’d had such a somber look on his face that you’d been certain you could pry. He had softened around you in some ways, but it was clear now his walls were as strong as ever. Even as you two faced an uncertain tomorrow, he couldn’t break the habit of holding back. He made sure to turn away as he exhaled the puff of smoke into the chilly autumn night. As you turned to walk away, his free arm shot out and grabbed onto yours more forcefully than either of you expected. You stood there suspended in time, each waiting for the other to make a move. Surprisingly, he caved.
“It’s the same brand he smokes,” he spoke more to the ground than to you, tossing his unfinished cigarette down and crushing it under his foot. “My- my dad. It’s the only thing I remember. The only thing I know about him. I rarely… do this. It's because of... it's for Saeran.” You couldn’t stop yourself from replying to this sudden confession.
“But… you hate him!” your exclamation was several decibels above a whisper-yell, causing the pair of you to freeze. He released his grip on your arm in an instant and cautiously looked around. Without the light of the cigarette, you were in complete darkness together. You desperately wanted to apologize for speaking too loudly and for prying into his personal life, but instead you remained quiet and listened for out-of-place noises alongside him. Satisfied that there was no one (and nothing) out there, he finally spoke.
“I do,” Seven replied after several beats. You were so relieved he hadn’t scolded you that you didn’t really comprehend what he was saying. His eyes returned to the ground as he continued, “I always have.” With that, he turned away from you and headed inside. When he didn’t hear the sound of your footsteps following his, he stopped and spared a glance backwards. Stuck pondering the meaning of his words, you snapped into action as he waved you towards himself. Running much faster than needed to bridge the gap between his lone figure and yours, the force of your hug nearly knocked him over. Rather than speaking, he put a hand in your hair and stood with you in complete silence for just few moments before taking your hand in his and turning away once more. You headed inside together, steeling yourselves for what the morning might bring.