Chapter Text
....
Silence.
I woke up in a big white room, tried to open my eyes but it hurt so bad my whole body started aching. I felt dizzy, confused, scared, angry, lonely.. After 20seconds of trying to figure out why am I here? Why am I so tired? What happened?.. who am I?
I heard a strange noise then the door opened. Was glad finally someone came into the room so I could ask them to let me go. He was quiet tall, wearing a white lab coat, his hair were grey and his eyes were full of confusion and pity. He spoke gently „I´m your doctor miss.. do you remember what happened?“
I wasn´t sure what or how to answer that.
„You were at a hospital for 3days. You tried to commit suicide. You had a panic attack when you woke up from coma and while trying to escape, you hurt a nurse..“ as he saw the guilt and worry on your face, he added „she´s fine now.. But we had to transfer you to the psychiatry, because of your mental instability. Also, we didn´t find any papers or ID that could belong to you or identify you. You´re not in any database eather, so could you please tell me your name?“
I was more shocked then he was. „sorry doc.. I-I don´t even remember what happened at the hospital, or why i ended up there. I don´t know my own freaking name!“
My heart was beating so fast at the end of my answer, I felt heat rushing in my legs through my stomack and face. The doctor ran towards me and all i felt was a needle in my arm. It kinda calmed me down and i nodded so the doc knew I´m ok. he continued. „Well, I was afraid your answer was going to be something like this. You cut both your wrists and fainted in a motel´s bathroom where you hit your head in the sink.“
I looked down on my arms, they were both wrapped in bandages. Felt the pain piercing in them as I tried to move them. „Sorry miss, but you´re a Jane Doe for now, until we can figure out who you really are. Now get some rest and I´ll come check in later.“ He left with a supporting smile.
This couldn´t be happening. This is impossible. You should know who you are! How can you forget your own name?! You surely have family and friends who are looking for you.. or maybe not. Maybe you´re a bad person and you deserved to die. You certainly have no one. Nobody is searching for you. Nobody loves you. Why did you survive? You only cause more problems. You´re phatetic. You can´t even die right.
And suddenly I felt the weight of the world on my shoulders that brought me to sleep.