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“Look, can you just chill out?” Yoongi crossed one leg over the other on the wooden coffee table. I scoffed.
“Chill out, Yoongi?” I threw my hands up, exasperated. “You want me to chill out?” I hissed. “You fucking hung out with him again, and you’re telling ME to chill out?”
“Jimin, it’s not a big deal. We weren’t even alone. There were like four other people.” Yoongi shrugged and how he was being so nonchalant about him cheating on me, I had no idea. I could feel my face heating up at that point.
“Yoongi,” I tried to keep my voice from wavering, but I could already feel the tears welling in my eyes. My heart clenched and unclenched, and I grabbed my shirt to try and stop in, but the panicked feeling surfaced despite my desperate efforts. “It is a big deal,” my voice was quiet.
“You’re shaking,” Yoongi’s voice sounded soft and concerned. He stood and made his way toward me. I was ready to dodge his attempts at comfort, but once his hand was on my cheek, I couldn’t. I couldn’t force my legs to move, my spine to bend away, or my arm to slap him off. My head involuntarily leaned into the touch. “It was one time. It was you I was kissing, anyway.”
“No, it was him. I saw it.” The tears spilled over at the memory.
“It was you,” Yoongi assured. “Hoseok’s lips were yours in that moment. It will always be only you.”
“That’s a really shitty excuse,” I choked out.
“I know,” Yoongi chuckled softly. “But you have to trust me. I did trust him. I knew I shouldn’t. But I did.
~~
“What the fuck was that?” I shifted the phone from one ear to the other.
“What?” Yoongi sounded tired. Sad. The whipping wind in the back indicated that he was driving.
“His arm was around you?” I lit the cigarette and inhaled. “What the fuck do you call that?”
“Are you smoking right now?” Yoongi sound panicked. “You said you quit.”
“And you said you loved me,” I spat, bitterly. “New shit has come to light.”
“I do,” Yoongi pleaded. “So fucking much.” I could hear his teeth clenching.
“You don’t,” I yelled. “Come the fuck home right now and prove to me that you do, or you’re lying.”
“I’m here,” he breathed “I’ll always be here.” I hung up at that. A few seconds later, I heard tires in the driveway, a slamming noise, the opening and closing of the front door. I took the few seconds it took him to find me to look around. Nothing was where it should be. It was messy. The painting above the couch was slightly crooked. There was a burning cigarette in between my fingers. Yoongi was across the room looking pained as ever, instead of wrapped in my arms.
“So, what?” He asked.
“Hmm?” I took a long drag.
“You want me to fucking say it?” He looked absolutely defrayed.
“Say what, Yoongi?” I looked him up and down. I still loved him, no doubt. I didn’t want him to be sad. I wanted to wipe the frow right off his face.
“I like him.” My eyes snapped right back to the cigarette. It hurt. “But not as much as I like you.”
“You can only have one.” I hardened my voice so he couldn’t hear how I was shattering on the inside.
“Don’t do this to me.” He pleaded.
“Do what?” I said curtly. “Break your heart?” I looked back to him. I could see the tears from across the room.
“It will always be you,” He was shattering too.
“I don’t believe you.” I did.
“I love you so much.”
“No you don’t.” I was sure he did.
“I can make it up to you,” he promised.
“Your word means nothing.” They meant everything. I felt like I needed to fix us. The only problem was that I didn’t know who “us” was anymore. “I’m done trying, while you run around and fuck my best friend.”
“Then I guess I’ll pack my things.” There were more tears than I had expected. Not from me. I stayed quiet. I wanted to stop him. To grab the bag from his hand and unpack it when he went to make his way out the door. But I couldn’t. I sat and watched as he took my whole world away with him in the blue duffel.
Only when he closed the door did I break down.
Only when he wasn’t looking.
Only when he was with Hoseok.
But it's fine. Life is life. It runs and we follow it. Even through thickets.