Chapter Text
JANUARY 2020
“Don’t you dare think about going up there to find him Ryu! I mean it!”. Akutagawa’s mother yelled, shifting in the doorway for the search party to shine their light on him. He squinted, not saying anything. Atsushi had been missing up in the mountains for a week. There was very little chance that he was alive by now, Akutagawa thought. He swallowed, pushing the thought to the back of his mind as much as he could.
As the search party dispersed and his mother began her rambling to herself upstairs, Akutagawa pulled on his boots as tight as he could. The last thing he wanted to worry about was tripping over and breaking his ankle up in that mountain. Akutagawa was just about to leave when...
“Ryu?” Gin, his little sister spoke quietly from the doorway leading to the living room. “Mom says the kids should stay inside whilst the adults go out looking for Atsushi.” Despite his little sister’s quiet voice, he could tell that she was worried.
Akutagawa huffed and opened the door, stepping outside. “I’m just going out for a walk. I won’t be gone for long.”
-
Akutagawa was running. Merciless rain bore down his back and slithered its way into his hair. His hands were shaking as he held his flashlight tight, his knuckles turning a porcelain white with his grasp. The light from it could only shine so far, but it was enough for him as he forced himself through the trees with as much force as he could muster.
“Atsushi!” He cried out for his friend. However, in his blind urgency to find him, he lost his footing and tripped.
“Atsushi!” Male voices calloused with authority echoed around him. Nothing like Akutagawa’s own voice. He knew that he wouldn’t be the only person looking for Atsushi, however, the gravity of the situation dawned on him. Akutagawa scrambled back up, beginning to run again.
He shined the light in every direction, calling out for his friend as he had been doing. His voice was hoarse and panicked, thick with worry. The trek up the mountain had been stressful. He could hear the voices of the search party around him, and he had to continuously hide from them whilst conducting his own mission to find his friend.
After what had felt like hours, Akutagawa finally found him. He had a substantial head wound, and his eyes were devoid of any soul behind them. Akutagawa’s eyes widened, he wanted to scream, but all he could do was pant as he stared at the lifeless body of his best friend. Atsushi’s lips were slightly parted, but blue. Akutagawa checked for any signs of heat radiating from the boy’s body.
He pressed his hand to Atsushi’s cheek. His corpse was cold to the touch.
Akutagawa felt like he was about to throw up, bile crawled its way up his throat, but he quickly swallowed it down. He stared at the corpse for what felt like an eternity. Then suddenly, he backed away from the body slowly. Who was he meant to tell? Could he even speak? He gradually began his descent from the mountain. His eyes were wide and his breathing was ragged. Every memory of him and Atsushi flooded his mind. Was he crying? Or was it the rain? He couldn’t tell anymore.
Once he had finally arrived home, he was greeted by his mother at the door, pulling him into a tight embrace. “Don’t you ever run off like that again! I was worried sick!”. She rambled. Gin was stood in the doorway, staring quietly. Akutagawa was unable to reply, all he could do was hum in response, and hope that she didn’t hear the way his throat crackled.
-
JULY 2020
The air was thick, and the relentless sun did not let up. Every now and then, there would be a cool breeze. It wasn’t enough to reverse the humidity in the air that the hours of heat had done, but it was just enough to leave Atsushi feeling lightly refreshed. The boys stopped outside of a convenience store. Atsushi entered, beaming brightly as he explained his wants to the owner. He left the store with a slightly deflated expression, returning with two bottles of Papicco for the two of them.
Akutagawa snapped off his share, taking a generous gulp of the drink as Atsushi half-heartedly complained about the sign above their heads.
“So, not only do they not have ice cream, but they also can’t seem to spell!” He flicked his gaze upwards. “Ice-Cold Ice Creem.” He huffed. His eyes bore holes into the sign as if it has personally offended him. “I mean, who even spells it like that anyway? Surely it drives people away.”, he trailed off.
Akutagawa nursed the bottle in his hand, now nearly empty. “That damn Mr. Natsume. Making us run in this heat.” He quietly complained. He stared straight ahead.
The scorching heat made his vision go off, as if he was staring at the grass ahead with an open flame in front of him. The grass seemed to stretch into the forest, and he tried to focus his vision on that, but the same effect took place. Akutagawa shook his head and looked down at his bottle. Sweat beaded down his forehead, every crevice of his body stuck to each other.
Atsushi let out an exasperated sigh. “Why does he have to torture us like that?”
Akutagawa stayed still. A small beat passed. The raven-haired boy decided to stare straight forward, leaning back slightly. “Jinko. You really must work on your pronunciation.” Atsushi stared back at him with a grin, humming. “Try again. It’s torture. Rhymes with scorcher.”
Atsushi waved him off. “Right, right. Torture. Torture...got it.” The younger man sucked the last of the liquid from his bottle and continued to stare at his friend. Akutagawa sensed this and decided to change the topic.
“Jinko. Can you really not remember anything from that week you went missing up in the mountains? Surely you must remember something. It’s been six months”. Akutagawa asked, turning his gaze to the large peaks of earth that oversaw the whole of Kubitachi.
Atsushi sighed, as if Akutagawa had asked the most mundane question. “Nope. Not really, I just remember waking up in the hospital and well…There you were.”. Atsushi smiled, although Akutagawa could sense that there was a weight behind it. Something unspoken.
Akutagawa coughed into his hand, “Atsushi. There’s something that’s been on my mind for a while. Well, ever since you came back from the mountain.”
Atsushi giggled, “What, did you miss me too much? Seriously man, it’s okay for you to admit that you missed me!”. Atsushi’s giggles were interrupted by a hand shovelled into his hair, tousling it and almost making him choke on his Papicco. “Oh! Or are you about to profess your undying love for me?”.
“Shut up.” Akutagawa huffed in his usual, gruff tone. Atsushi sucked the last few drops out of the bottle and grinned at his friend. A couple of moments of silence passed. Akutagawa’s bottle of Papicco now lay neglected in his hands, the rest of the drink pouring out onto the hot concrete as ants surrounded the liquid. Sweat beaded down Akutagawa’s neck, he couldn’t tell if it was with anxiety, or from the heat anymore.
The sun began to hide away. The cicadas stopped their usual song and dance, everything around the pair seemed to still. His dark eyes glanced away, “You…Are not, the real Atsushi. Are you?”.
The silence was deafening. Akutagawa swallowed, daring to look over at Atsushi. “Impossible.” The white-haired boy gasped out, disappointment and shock lacing his voice. “How could you tell? I thought I was a perfect copy.” He sounded breathless. Akutagawa watched the right side of Atsushi’s face begin to morph into a bundle of tendrils; horror etched its way onto Akutagawa’s face. What was this thing? Was he going to die? The tendrils began to expand to Akutagawa’s face, all he could do was sit there. Suddenly, he was pulled into a tight embrace by his…Best friend? He didn’t know anymore.
“I’m begging you, please don’t tell a soul...” Atsushi trailed off. “For the first time- I was living as a human being…I got to enjoy school, friends, Chazuke…” Akutagawa’s breathing began to pick up, he was practically wheezing with panic now. “I know my body, and personality is just borrowed. But I really love you.” Atsushi croaked, his grip tightening at the back of Akutagawa’s shirt.
…
“Please. I don’t want to kill you.”
Akutagawa still couldn’t get his breathing back to normal, as he began to think deeper.
All he could think was that although Atsushi was dead, Atsushi was right here, in front of him. A selfish part of him needed this. Even if this Atushi was just a fake, it was better than having no Atsushi at all.
Akutagawa blinked away his tears and eventually huffed out, “Okay, Atsushi. It’s nice to meet you.”